the works of the architect

Aguidao, aguidao!

2011-11-30T12:29:00.002+08:00

Tacloban has been quite uneventful. I have no friends and experience the longest days ever. But it's okay, my mom bakes me cookies, and although the social disconnect's quite saddening, I get by. I can't even read books. I don't have space for new series so it's such a struggle thinking of what to do. It's just me and myself. Can't seem to rediscover myself because I realized I am not that interesting when sick. I can't even sing. I can, but after a few notes my body tries to want to puke. It's disgusting really. The battle is against my throat, my tummy, my tongue. I don't know. All these things, when irked, lead to vomiting.

This phase has convinced me of how human I am. Now I know I'm not extraterrestrial. Now I know my parents are real and that they're not secret agents pretending to live a normal life. Now I know how hard it is to feel pain constantly. Physical pain is much worse than any other pain. It really is. Sure other pains affect you probably longer, but when physical pain lingers, it's a struggle every moment. Time dilates for you. It's not "it too shall pass" but "please let's get this over with" every single time. Mind you, it's not that easy. I have never seen wellness and normality as something to cherish. Never really desired wellness. It was just taken for granted. Now I'm not trying to be inspirational here. Just being real. Surely, you don't want to be sick for a year of your young life. Never really thought that in a snap of a finger, the jumpy, lively, energetic I would have to lie down in bed for most of the day.

I can feel my bones crackle. I don't know if that's the healing process, but sometimes I feel muscular jerks from my back. Like it's healing or trying to heal. The jerks don't hurt, so it's probably good for me. I hope. I hope the spasms are a way of the body to combat these abscesses. And I hope they're successful.

Just a quick log of my drugs:
Streptomycin (8/40 shots)
Rifampicin + Isoniazid (2 months out of a year by Dec 6)
Pyrazinamide (Oct 6-Dec 6, yey it's near!)
Ethambutol (2 months out of 3 by Dec 6)
Dexamethasone (Nov 8 until Dec 7)

Daily Routine

2011-09-06T13:56:00.004+08:00

I usually wake up at around lunch or a little after lunch. The latest recently was 2:30.
And that's because, during the night before, I would not have something to look forward to: no play to rehearse, no song I will need to prepare, no party to celebrate, no book or series that I am so engrossed with to read or watch.

I've probably wasted two weeks' worth of my parents' money on groceries and meals. My bed reeks of fatigue, from supporting my tiredness and laziness most of the day. And my body, slim and sloppy, is so exhausted from the inactivity: my muscles are worn out, my bones are aching from the diversity of fetal positions I have learned to learn in the past two weeks, and my toes have nails longer than my hair. I am so worn out that it feels like I have been trapped on a deserted island, helplessly struggling with my day.

Allow me to narrate my day:
I wake up to shower and to eat my brunch.
I go back to my room.
I brush my teeth, and either play with my phone, read and watch something from the Internet, try to fix my desk or pretend to lengthen my list of to-do's.
Maybe, I call the laundry shop.
I eat dinner, and then drink some milk and nutritious foods I've convinced myself to prioritize.
I brush and wash up.
I browse the Internet some more, before calling my parents and falling asleep.

That's basically it. It's a long list of things that I do, yes, but it always involves being in my room, or in the vicinity.

Get me out of my box.

Lost

2011-09-03T03:47:00.003+08:00

It had never occurred that finally being done with school and actually doing nothing puts me in a box, until I realized that shooting home videos of myself screams boredom. Ironically and sadly, being free to do anything I want drains me. Every single day of insignificant eventfulness wears out the youth in me. Probably since the day I had finished with Rizal X (a professional play I had busied myself with for the past three months) until now I cannot remember a single moment of significant activity (except for the mascot-making, which counts as negligible when it comes to progressing my life as a scientist)--a timespan I can cross off my life calendar were I given the chance.

My life sucks. I can't even contribute to society. It's like being a kid again, playing board games, reading fairy tales, running around sweaty and not caring at all, except that now, there's a scarcity of verbs. I never thought that choosing to veer off from the scientific track for a bit could take forever, and now I'm running out of ideas.

Making long checklists of things to do and organizing with my planner were never this difficult. No wait, I take it back. I'm not running out of ideas. I'm running out of realized ideas: it's actually the profusion that holds me back. Too many arrows, can't find the right path.

FIND ME A DAMN JOB. SOMETHING. GIVE ME ANYTHING. And yes, I'm choosy, so if that's joining performing arts groups without getting monetary compensation, then I'm not going for it.

Backlog

2011-02-06T22:12:00.002+08:00

It conquers me.
The pain,
Flows through my alveoli

It takes my soul.
My spunk, my appetite.
Gone with every momentary headache

It wants me to hide
From the rest of the world.
My left lung burdened
By the heaviness in my heart
Or from my heart--

As it is inflammed
With B cells and T cells and antibodies

That's why there wasn't a lot in my urine.

It conquers me. And I am defeated.

Perilous Proclivities

2010-11-23T23:12:00.001+08:00

There are three things I learned from tonight's turn of events:

that childishness begets happiness. But along with it are immaturity and the danger of losing control of emotion. A child's happiness is as shallow as a pond, and as he ages it deepens into an ocean. But childish instances of the mature occur from time to time, and such times incur momentary happiness that will later on become guilt by virtue of playful actions. A child can be so impish that he can do anything out of impulse.

that cautious action may come from grave sadness. Prudence is dismissed once someone becomes mired down with the hypnotic happiness. And consequences start to fall on him like Tetris bricks--quick and to a certain degree, uncontrollable.

that getting used to certain personalities too much garners the risk of fitting in other different personalities to the ones one is so used to. It's like there is a particular premise to which he patterns what he perceives so his perception is affected by the preconceived notion, just like words that have all the letters in between the first and last jumbled, yet a reader still understands. But, heed must be taken because what may be fitting for one may be repulsive for another.

Tonight's turn of events has been an essential wake-up call for someone so insouciant when it comes to inflicting physical pain, someone so lured in with the rewards of happiness, someone too lax with his relationships with friends he's in good terms with.

Hello, is this what they call sembreak?

2010-10-31T09:59:00.002+08:00

Time is running out and there still are a lot of to-do's on my list: books, films, series, ice skating, tennis, Snow World, letters and mice cages.

But when you put them side by side with what I've accomplished--EK, Anvaya, Risk, the integrins experiment, badminton, Pisay revisits--you'd notice that the happier to-do's have already been done.

In 8 days, I hope to accomplish at least half of what are left. So help me God.

BACK

2010-10-22T10:24:00.001+08:00

I am back, for realz. Tumblr gives me shit. Blogspot gives me the quietude.

Heartbreaker

2010-09-13T01:55:00.004+08:00

I can't believe I'm having a hard time forgetting. I can't believe you, out of all people, act so unladylike and so childlike. Do not be so Katy Perry-ish because nobody likes that, and every relationship's goal is to last long. Why do you have to switch so quickly, without ever feeling so guilty? And I can sing "Addicted" and "Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes off" all day long.

And although you are a girl who's at her peak, you do not deserve the right to say "It was nothing" and think straight because we both knew there existed something. Do you not see the pattern you have been leaving? You sound so undecided and yet so impulsive. Get rid of that urge to be in a relationship because although nobody has a right to keep you from doing what you like, trust me, that is not what you ultimately like. And although you told me of your willingness to wait, I now understand that there is nothing to wait. There is a problem with you. You have been evidently immature in this aspect, and I think you need to grow up some more.

And although you feel so sure at times, I'm sure you're blinded by something else. Don't be easily infatuated. Enough said.

I just hope there never was, because it really is a challenge to move on, and apparently, you have moved on to other people. In a span of what?

Conclusion by assumption

2010-08-08T14:41:00.004+08:00

A liar is not incapable of telling the truth
As is a fool to complex things
Although unbelievably so,
The wolf can cry too.

We must never assume and deduce from something unfounded
And biased and we must never turn to our attachments and emotions
More so against--
In time of thinking, or in time of fabricating

I once watched a film entitled Shattered Glass
Wherein, for a story to be believable it has to be written so believably
And in detail you dwell
For as the reader is toured around the wordplay
The credibility is not qualified, but is disregarded

And although it seems unfair,
Others seem not to care
For what sparks the interest is the trust
That that someone's profile conflicts
With what he really is

Well, maybe for you
But two things irreconcilable do not
Defy the possibility that the two may be both
And not either or

And in time all will be well,
Because a sinner is capable of doing good
As is a joker to crying and hurting
Or the innocent being imprisoned
Or the school dropouts from inventing

And the veracity matters not to people,
Because it is the human interest that is sparked

The Lord is our Weighing Scale and The Man is a Great Pretender

Some things just must not be taken too literally.
And some things should just be left untouched by others
Especially when others know NOTHING

MOVED

2009-10-05T00:22:00.003+08:00

After 137 posts, and some drafts left unposted,

I have decided to join the bandwagon.

MOVED.

Halfway through and retracting

2009-03-29T10:30:00.004+08:00

Second year is coming to a close, and because of too much hard work built upon feeble ground, I will be exerting more strenuous effort just to dig out my buried hard work for next year to be successful. Burning out is never an issue for me, knowing that pushing my body to its limits garners no harmful side effects; but beyond that, you'll see me walking like a french fry wasted in the open for an entire day.

About my Banaue trip, did I say twenty-thousand words? I meant two hundred and sixty-one. Due to molecular microbiology and the 50 series, I can only recount a few (or at least put down):

Going back uphill with a 5-kilo backpack and only half a liter of plastic-reeking water will only render you tired, and thus you will have to rest more often than going down with the same load, taking gravity into the picture. It just so happened that at five hundred soul-slicing footsteps near our goal we had to rest. To our side was the wooden shed with benches and a table. A handful of local tribesmen were listening to the radio while eating nga-nga, as if waiting for something. Our co-tirees were frazzled, sprawled against the seemingly softest wooden seats, when suddenly a raging local attacked one of the handful at the rest station with an itak, or whatever that sharp blade was called. We were all pulsating dramatically fast, and in an instant, blood spurted out the cut of the poor guy's left arm. The end of the blade even got cut, swirled upward, and thank God it landed on the ground and not on somebody else's face. Afraid and weary, we just wanted to get to our goal as fast as we could. Right back up, Joseph, Joy and I discussed what just happened, and we concluded it could only have been due to either porter fight or love life. We are more inclined to believe it's love life because the attacker looked really pissed off.

Nothing much happened on the way to the bus station, except we top-loaded on a jeepney (Joy, pray that your family won't read this) and sang songs non-stop with our newfound friends (NFF's).

Watch out

2009-03-10T02:19:00.004+08:00

For an upcoming entry on my Banaue trip. Were it not for my weary wrists, mosquito-bitten feet, aching calves and lactic acid-filled kneecaps, my lab report on selective and differential media, my Geography critique paper, my General Plan of Action, and my Chem problem set, I would've exhorted myself to endure a twenty thousand-word account of my adventures.

Spoiler: I saw a tribesman commit an attempted murder just about three feet away from where I was paralyzed out of shock.

Chess and Idol

2009-02-26T23:18:00.005+08:00

It's been such a blessing to meet and shake hands with the chess super grandmaster Mark Paragua last Wednesday.

When I first heard his name, I was scratching my head for any tidbit of him stored in one of my lobes, but alas, I had none. So I was not even a quarter amazed by his presence. What I heard though was that he is godlike in the world of chess, along the ranks of Eugene Torre (he's the only grandmaster I know thanks to Hekasi 4).

Tables were arranged adjacent to each other and suddenly twenty students, including I, were playing with him simultaneously. It was like one of those quick dating games, wherein ladies are seated and guys rotate from one lady to another for some matchmakings. He was moving from player to player, one move per table. Then next! One move. Next!

Initially I was only hoping I would last ten moves because I'd learned he was too great. In the terms of the RPG world, there was imba, and I was to be pwned. But when our professor told us that he'd give bonus points to anyone who reaches thirty moves, I aimed that. And not too quickly enough I'd reached the thirty, there was equality between our non-pawn pieces the entire time. Soon enough, I was the only one playing with him that came from the PE amateur class; I was playing together with the varsity players, which means that our game lasted too long a time that I'd garnered more than forty moves. In the end, I did fifty-four moves, he fifty-five. I had the most bonus points and couldn't believe it. The entire game we had the same condition in terms of the non-pawn pieces, with him leading by only a pawn. If you're wondering how I survived that long, it would be because he and I were left with only pawns and a king during the endgame. I was amazed with myself, to be honest, because he was super grandmaster, and I ate all his pieces, even the queen (haha! after he ate mine).

He deserves praise with the one-move per player rounds, and Eppendorf! He moved from player to player for more than three hours (my game lasted that long). After our game, we shook hands and I asked for his autograph, which he gladly gave. From now on, I shall frame our game! The entire game was recorded in a yellow sheet and he autographed it!

Speaking of autographs, Paul Yap didn't sign my Bipolar CD, he only signed the package, grrr! For more autographs, I want Megan Joy Corkrey's. Please vote for her. Thank you very much.

*
I reflected on Ezekiel 6. I thank God for reminding me that He hates sin so much that sinners may die so ruthlessly: In the book, those who worship idols will be slain in front of their idols and their bones will be scattered around their worship altars.

Numbers

2009-02-21T23:05:00.004+08:00

11:47 post meridiem
120, 81, and 109 pages read for three books
150 unread feeds
546 images captured by my phone
49995 needed
40 per cent accomplished
21 continuous hours spent awake
1 notebook needed
35 teeth unwashed
36 white keys left dusty
25 black keys left untouched
10:13 of first Corinthians
4 days of restless rest
3 albums a week

Starstruck

2009-02-15T13:23:00.003+08:00

Unplanned and spontaneous, my going to the UP Fair yesterday (Feb. 14) was worth the 75 pesos. If I hadn't met Joreb while waiting for Joseph to get his ride, if Joseph hadn't known that he'd be picked up at the Physics pavilion, if I hadn't thought of getting to the CASAA shed, if I had overtaken the girl who also waited for the Philcoa jeepney, if I hadn't spotted a fat guy grumbling across the street and if I hadn't talked to him and agreed to go to the fair, I wouldn't have seen Polyap!!!

I didn't know Up Dharma Down was going to perform, and so I planned to boringly rub my eyes until Joreb and his friend Aaron got tired of watching the boring bands. Luckily, I got thirsty. And good thing I didn't choose the Fab drink! I went to the Rodic's stall to purchase water and poof! Paul Yap was there! If I didn't already have his autograph, I would've asked for it! Next time I meet him and the rest of the Up Dharma Down gang, I'd be bringing a camera, I swear!

I gained 7 pounds

2009-02-08T19:49:00.002+08:00

7 pounds is the only predictable movie that I've ever liked. You take it as it is, although the plot is quite confusing at times. I admit it: At first I didn't know if it was a flashback or not, or what, but towards the latter half I perfectly nailed my predictions. And although I'd predicted most of what was gonna happen towards the end--partly due to the first scene--I almost burst out into tears, but too bad I was seated with my dad and my cousins, who I guess was too shy too, that I could not even dare. :))

I don't need a doctor to tell me that there's something wrong with me

2009-02-07T20:35:00.002+08:00

There are a lot of things I want to blog about: all the sleepless nights and the longest 6-hour sleep God has allowed me to savor, the radicals introduced into my laptop by Seal and Oasis and the rest of the 30 gigs of pure unadulterated rips that put my computer into a coma (in the words of the microbiologist: in its stationary phase), the MBB 110 exam and the spot-the-difference bonus it had, "Changeling" and "Slumdog Millionaire," the soon-to-be-mine laser color printer, the soon-to-be-mine-in-my-dreams Sony VAIO I've been salivating for ever since my visit (and revisits) to Cyberzone, the 320-gig external hard drive (or the 1-terabyte Time Capsule I've been wanting for almost a year now), and my inexplicable fascination for clocks.

I can't believe it's almost 9--just 4 more hours and I'll have been awake for 24 hours (again!). These days, getting 3 hours of sleep is sufficient to keep me up the next day. Six hours to me is heaven! The MBB lab exam was not what I expected, though. I dehydrated my tear ducts for this and what do I get? FUN! :) It must have been because I expected it to be too brutally hard like the lec exam that I think 90% of the class guessed entirely (not rhizoid, not serrated). Good thing my guessing skills were at a hype. Who would have thought that the primers used for vector cloning and sequencing were primers from the VECTOR?!!! HAHAHA! I am so unworthy! Thank you dear pen for spontaneously composing that well thought-of 10%!!! Well anyway, I hope God won't test my pride again this time by giving me false hopes that lead to disastrously LOW results.
*
Seal and Danny Gokey have repetitively subwoofed my room. American Idol is the only show I get to watch, amid the sleep-deprivation crisis I'm facing right now. I'll try to make a prediction. These are my favorites, and I'm sure one of them will win it this time: Danny Gokey, Adam Lambert, Megan Corkrey, Frankie Jordan (which I think is already eliminated), and Jamar Roger.
*
If ever I give up on molecular biology, I now have my contingency: I'll try to run a website similar to RottenTomatoes because lately, I've been able to watch awesome films, such as "Changeling" and "Slumdog Millionaire." I highly recommend both.
*
Can somebody help me out with financial management? 'Cause I can't manage my finances! :)) I want a lot of things, and when somebody wants a lot of things, he has to have effective control over his finances. Plus, I seem to have--imaginably speaking--"LOST" something which I never even got to keep. Next time, I won't handle with other people's money anymore, impeach me now! I know you're not to blame, but I am not either.
*
I love clocks! I want to start collecting clocks! Clocks fascinate me! Somebody give me clocks, not the cheapo ones but the non-cheapo ones! So I can start timing my sleep.
*
Please tell Doctor Brigadour to remove me from his files as I won't be needing of his assistance anymore. Thank you very much!

Sta. Lucia East Mall

2009-02-01T23:55:00.002+08:00

The last time I went there was when I was about 8.

My only memory of it was the humongous "Worlds of Fun" that served as a mini-theme park inside the mall. Uniformed teenagers flock the queues, moms chase children, dads sit around, and a pigeonhole receives tens of pesos for yellow tickets.

The reason we went to Sta. Lucia East Mall, even though it was planets away, was because it had the only cinema in the Philippines that was screening "Changeling" last Saturday. We had planned of watching it in Gateway but lo and behold, the Thursday flick-change disallowed us to actually watch it in convenience.

But driving to Sta. Lucia East Mall--Lenny did the driving, we did the nothing--was not a bit regretting or reprehending because the movie was worth sitting the two-point-three-three-three-three-three hours.

The plot was brilliant, and even more awesome because the events were based on a true story. Interspersed were themes on LAPD dominion, crime and corruption, female weaknesses and abuse of such, mother-child relationships, single parenting, seeking justice, etc.

It allows you to think and feel, two of the major criteria for my movie favorites.

"Changeling" is by Clint Eastwood and it stars Angelina Jolie. Please watch it!! Rip it from online and I bet you won't regret two-point-three-three-three-three hours of it. It's no crapola.

Resolution

2009-01-25T23:01:00.002+08:00

I know it's too late for a resolution. But this one's too good to be missed out.

Dare me to do anything, and I'd say yes. Nah, just kidding. But I did get to watch "Yes Man!" My mom hates Jim Carrey so much that she'd hate him even more when she gets to watch this film. I, on the other hand, am content my dad and I got to have a few laughs.

Back to my resolution. Ahh! Wait, I just realized tomorrow's going to be Chinese New Year, and so I guess it really isn't too late for a resolution (I know we can make resolutions anytime but I like to do it contemporary, and that's what our new year culture gives).

I won't beat around the bush any longer, and I'll end with this:

I'll try to help everyone I know--and some who I don't--as much as I can with their own pesky, little predicaments.

The world is fickle. The mind is fickle. The people fickle. But God isn't.

Double helix

2009-01-18T15:05:00.003+08:00

Lives intertwine like a fractal from up above
Flowing and climbing and expanding and deepening
Coming and going and coming and going
The Lord has giveth and the Lord has taketh away
And then through the serendipity of deja vu
The Lord has giveth what He has taketh away
Or what I might have throweth away

Conspiring against delusional Pribnow boxes
Evading the easy deamination of cytosine to uracil
Like the methylation of thymine
The helix constituents meet and repel
A magnet of its own dilemma--
Or delirium or insanity like a mutagenic influx

Attracting and repelling in a cycle of eternal
Or never-ending replication, forced or unforced
The fallacies of life, enjoyed and unenjoyed

Forever shortening, shortening, shortening
Preserving the important fragments
In an auto-splicing delinquency
Of realities unfolding beyond the imaginations of children
Toying around like bees around their hive

In forever steadfast stone

Written within us all
Not in our blood
But with our codes

We are mere codes, fulfilling and dreaming and tearing apart
Nucleases ripping us in diamond fashion
To our own little perfections

You will never wish for snow ever again

2009-01-11T13:47:00.006+08:00

I cannot imagine why I only heard of this until now. Now, when I complain of having to deal with sleepless nights memorizing the polygonal structures of nucleic acids--where the nitrogens are located or how they are numbered in the different purines and pyrimidines--or why I am encumbered in doing all the stuff that the younger I was fond of or who Lawrence of Arabia is and what he has to do with microbes in a crossword puzzle. I have witnessed sufferings of losing a loved one, of enduring three hours of worthless clips reeling in front of me so my money would not be wasted, of children reeking with sewage smell touching the hands--but unfortunately, not the lives--of passersby. I might have felt the excruciating disappointment of a boy discombobulated by a test that would determine his grade. I might have inherited the curse of my dad reading and reading and reading and preparing only to find out he is a percent away from being a lawyer (Yes, my dad took the bar twice!). I remember Job talking back to the Almighty, having the courage and the strength to question the Lord in His intimidating presence, after he was stripped of almost everything. Yet I was shocked to have heard of Elie Wiesel's account of the annihilation of the Jews by the Nazis in Night, and even more shocked that I have learned of this only now--no thanks to school.

I was never interested in history, it, being full of facts: names, dates, places, etc. History can never be fully learned as it's continuing by the littlest fraction of the nanosecond (what's littler than yoctosecond?) at almost everywhere inhabited on earth. But I have to blame all the makers of the curriculum since I was nursery up to now because they hadn't included--or emphasized, if I wasn't listening too well--the Nazis in World History. The first time I must have heard about them was in Sound of Music when it was all about gladness and joy and mirth and singing and favorite things. And now, we've met again. Only this time, the Nazis are more morbid.

Jews living in Sighet were transported to hell-like camps, where morbidity rates were almost a hundred percent. They were forcefully hanged, burned, beaten to death, starved, exhausted. Elie Wiesel, a survivor of such atrocities, narrates: how Jews, even the infants, were lined up to their deaths like they were stacked on a conveyor belt leading to a furnace; how some had to dig up their own graves; how a hungry man stealthily and quickly ran toward a pot of boiling soup as though he were a greedy leprechaun who has seen a pot of gold only to be shot, face flat on the soup. They also abode to "Survival of the Fittest": sons betrayed fathers only to selfishly survive, the healthier ones battered the sicklies for a morsel of bread, the wide-awake train passengers attempted to throw out corpses and even those who were sleeping so they'd have adequate space on board. One lesson that I will never forget is how man, intelligent as he is, improvises: not given any food or water, a guy tried crunching snow so as not to be dehydrated. Several others followed suit. And to think I don't even like cold water.

Let this be a lesson to people who'd love to spend tens of thousands just to throw snowballs. Knowing that deprived people resort to snow for food as though it is manna coming down from heaven, never again will I see snow as something miraculous, as something to be wished for. I'd rather have my brocolli.

Miscalculations

2009-01-02T12:51:00.002+08:00

It is my hobby to list lots of tasks to do whenever I get to have school breaks. So when I was packing my bags again for another taste of my lola's pochero (and the smell of the television rotting from Disney and Nick marathons of Avatar, The Fairly Odd Parents, Cory in the House, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody--oddly, I still don't watch Hannah Montana), instead of listing down the clothes that I will be bringing, I took my Sharpie and tried to make a long list of things to do over the break. But when I was rummaging for my Sharpie in my knapsack, I saw that neatly folded white paper with Sharpie writings that I had done before the sem break. So I just added a few more to-reads and to-learns.

I arrived the 21st of December, unexcited and indifferent. Everything went well with what I had in mind until after I have slept and I lazed off the entire morning doing nothing but snoring. I only had 13 days to do all the tasks that I have listed. Two columns of square brackets filled the entire page until no more additional tasks could be filled in.

Only 2 days were given to me to do my first task of getting a license. The Land Transportation Office only gave out licenses from 8/9/? - 4/5 PM so I had to queue up in that 2 days given me because the office wouldn't be reopening till January, when I wouldn't be there anymore.

The first task: FAILED. I scrapped the entire two mornings sleeping. I must have been exhausted since the start of the sem since Mushi spanking or poking me in my sleep wasn't able to wake me up. The first day, I procrastinated. The second day, I was too caught up in Alan Weisman's The World Without Us (or was it Carolyn Abraham's Possessing Genius?--not sure which) that I totally forgot that I had planned to get a license.

The good thing about listing tasks is tracking your progress. Inking an "X" between those square brackets was very fulfilling. So I brought with me an entire library: Alan Weisman, Carolyn Abraham, Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers, Plato's The Republic, Boyer's Biochemistry, Madigan and Martinko's Brock Biology of Microorganisms, and Bauman's Understanding Microbiology. The last two books are both thicker than a ream of bond paper, and a dozen times heavier.

So I did well with the to-reads; I finished Weisman, Abraham and Gladwell. But I never read an entire paragraph from either Microbiology textbook. And I never even unpacked my Boyer. Phew, what a waste of Newtons or ham and cheese croissants or chocolate madeleine's, whichever supplied the ATP's needed for that!

One other task was to finish a jigsaw puzzle. I slept 3 AM for that "Scream" cross Sesame Street jigsaw puzzle only to wake up to a disassembled Ernie and Bert--and the rest of the puzzle pieces too.

I never really got the hang of it. The hang of listing things and religiously ticking off the done one's. Perhaps just the doing part. A decade and a half of listing things, scribbling down in Sharpies--or Pilots when I was younger--things to do, planning things in organizers, whatever. I just never really finished an entire list of to-do's, and it's breaking my heart. *heartbroken*

Hope sparks in 2009 as I will not be miscalculating anymore, and will be finishing them all.
*background sound to Mortal Kombat's echoing narration during fatality, brutality, or babality tweaks*

Game and Crab -- 2 of my favorites in the world

2008-12-20T00:47:00.006+08:00

Instead of going to a bar in Quezon Avenue, we went to Game Crab Boardgame Cafe along Katipunan. People celebrate their entry to adulthood in such craziness as drinking alcohol until vomiting, grand parties that require decency, formal balls, shabu-shabu experimentations and--I was pinching myself while trying to articulate this--adult bars or watching R18 films.

I've convinced myself a dozen times ago to experience the heaven that's Game Crab. But I've never convinced anyone else. So when asked what to do for my birthday, I quickly said, "Game Crab!" It's a cafe that serves not only good food but entertainment through the boardgames. I've never heard of anything like it. So the mechanics is that you go there, you buy food, you pick a boardgame, you play, then play some more until you have to go, then go when you have to.

The hourly rate of 45 per head is cheap as compared to the lifetime poverty from purchasing these boardgames. Boardgames usually cost in grands, and they can go from a thousand to sixteen. The Cashflow boardgame costs 15999 in Toy Kingdom (This is one of the reasons the creators of Rich Dad, Poor Dad get rich). Nobody in their right underwear will be purchasing this unless they have a consistent influx of money, money, money. So, for those who are financially challenged, Game Crab Cafe provides the piracy, although more legally than film piracy. Arr!

What's more is that they provide you time to learn from their very friendly staff who are praiseworthily omniscient. You can also switch games anytime you want. Their games list consists of the classics as well as the unheard of. Although I have to admit, they still need to add more boardgames because I felt they lacked several.

We played Quelf and Acquire. We attempted Marvel Superheroes and Cranium WOW, but because we were six and only four can play Marvel Superheroes, and because Cranium WOW was very much like Quelf, we never really finished.

Quelf's objective is to reach the finish, like Snakes and Ladders. Simple? Not quite. Color-coded steps require you to act, sing, write, lose your dignity, answer trivia questions, and implement rules. The cards are Showbiz, Scatterbrainz, Stunts, Roolz and Trivia. Showbiz requires you to sing, act or dance. Scatterbrainz lets you choose a category. Each player, taking turns, has to say something in that category in ten seconds. Stunts makes you do some stuff. Roolz allows you to implement self rules or group rules. In Trivia, you have to answer questions. Penalties are implemented; these come in the form of going back spaces.

In Acquire, you have to be the richest by the end of the game. A grid with cells labeled maps out a place where you can found companies. Each company has stocks which you can purchase. The goal is to enlarge a company, in terms of land area, so that when two companies collide, the bigger company eats up the smaller company. It's too hard to verbalize. But anyhow, it's strategic, and I have to say, it's a dodecillion times better than Monopoly. That's how good it is.

Game Crab is a misnomer. They don't serve crab. Awww!

The beauty of being eighteen is freedom. No limits, no restrictions, no "Hey you need to show proof that you're over thirteen!" before watching an R13 movie. The freer I am, the younger I feel. The logical conclusion here is I am younger.

Of seventeen and zero

2008-12-13T21:38:00.004+08:00

This is one of the incidences that deserve a post amid business.

The Lord has truly blessed me with an eventful and diverse eighteen years of living.

The first thing I thought of this morning as I woke up was how to set the bounds of an iterated integral. I am thankful for the math exam, even though I may have committed a lot of mistakes. I am thankful because without it, the only thing I would have thought of was how many greetings I will have received by the end of today, which is quite dumb. Good thing I got to my senses, and I let Jesus sign a resolution.

To be frank, I don't want to be an adult. Adulthood is filled with predicaments way beyond the capacities of an unprepared child. Read: I know nothing about ripening. When people teased me this morning, I told them I was born tonight at about 5-6 (says my birth certificate) so that I wasn't eighteen yet.

But thanks to Ria's statement "Di mo naman maeevade e," I welcomed an epiphany. Welcomed, but dismissed abruptly. I still don't want to be eighteen. I'm not excited with adult stuff like registration, night clubs, R18 films, and alcohol (These are all enumerated by friends). I may be two hundred sixteen months old, but I am younger at heart. The only thing I'm excited about being eighteen is that I can join TV game shows.

Thank God for life. Consider me seventeen still.

Moved

2008-11-15T11:59:00.003+08:00

I now live 7 minutes away from UP Diliman. Although my new home is situated along an alley that's so slum-like and puppy-infested, I haven't seen any dangerous men lurking in the streets so I hope it's safe. I haven't gotten the hang of this new home thing, but I do hope before November ends, I will have been able to reconstruct my study habits.

Mikael, Greggy and Andrew are my roomies. They all snore (although Greggy hasn't moved in yet); I'm the only one who doesn't snore in my sleep.

The best thing I like about this is I can get to my 7 AM class on time even if I wake up past six. Hopefully, I will not abuse the fact that I won't get late even if I wake up thirty minutes before my sched.

JKLM

2008-10-26T00:09:00.002+08:00

Joji Klarisse Liwag Mendoza. Kahit na bibihira kang bumisita rito, babatiin pa rin kita.

Maligayang kaarawan, kapatid.

Alam kong kung ikaw ako, lalagyan mo ng larawan 'to.

Pero ako ako, kaya naman simple lang 'to.

Pagpalain ka nawa ng Diyos.

Umuwi ka na.

PS. Dito lang kita pwedeng batiin. Pupunta kasi ako sa malayong lugar bukas, kaya magpapaka-ascetic ako.

Bipolar

2008-10-25T00:33:00.003+08:00

Battered shoulders. Green wrist. Ten photographs. Irksome throat.

All worth it.

Up dharma Down has never got and will never get trite, even with the signature effects.

Because my companions ditched me, I had gone to the "Bipolar" album launch alone--proof of my undying, ever-enduring love for the band.

Even though I only saw fragments of Armi, Polyap, Los, and Ean at a time, the sounds more than compensated for the lack of vision.

Armi has gotten slimmer and hotter with her hair. If only we reek the same generations, I would've wooed you.

Come signing time, I shoved them their two albums, but was too timid to speak phrases. It somehow was intimidating, like in the presence of idols. Ahhh, if I were to see God face-to-face, I wouldn't be able to breathe.

But tada, nice nice. Polyap, why didn't you sign my CD? You were the only one who signed once on "Bipolar." Good thing the face you drew is awesome!

Up dharma Down, thank you for the music.

Blessed. Clockwork. Delayed breathing. All year round. Taya. Unspoken definites. The cold is warmth. Two. Sana. Return, saturn, return. Every first second. Furnace. Silid. Sugarcoats & heartbeats.

*

Yesterday, I bought four books, amounting to grands: The world without us, Possessing genius, The forensic casebook: the science of crime scene investigation, and Runaways Vol. 1.

This sem break, I will be brushing up the shelves and my neurons with the aforementioned books, plus Mark Lynas' Six degrees.

Any form of Chemistry, flee from me. You will not haunt me this sem break. You will not. If you try to phenylpropanalamine me with the generic meds, I will burn you to the very last drop and I swear I will slack off in school.

*

If only desperate losers stopped from being so desperate, the world will be a better place to live in.

"Taya" is my favorite track so far.

Bliss beyond words

2008-10-20T00:32:00.003+08:00

I tried to contain all the emotion, the restlessness stirring within me, what with the fine weather contradicting the quite expected maladies of The Router. But no, alas, I have no evidence whatsoever--no pictures, no memorabilia, no name tag, no souvenir. Just the memory of a thousand friendships, waiting to entangle themselves onto one another, as a labyrinthine connect-the-dots sheet.

I cannot impart upon you any bit of happiness or joy or gladness or excitement because I'm no Matt Parkman. But what I can tell you is that I'm ready to have a kid. And not just ready, I'm excited. It is the beauty of humanity, the perpetuation of its own species, as Mr. Mamaril had told us.

But what gave me the gladness similar to unwrapping a heap of presents during Christmas was the unwrapping of anonymity. The disclosure of closeness, unexpectedly hidden within.

I met a lot of kids. At the Institute for Foundational Learning, I befriended a lot, most of them actually. Kids ranging from 4 to 19 (perhaps?). And it was an easy task, with them approaching you like ants that have smelled cookie crumbles. There were a dozen "Kuya Ben! Kuya Ben!"s And I was looking around and below for the kiddie high-pitched sources.

Ahh, why are kids so happy and joyful? While some people get so impatient and stubborn and bitchy sometimes.

The first kid to approach me was Joven (although technically, it was I who approached him), around 7 or 8 (for so many kids, I only remembered a few ages). I was busy setting up the signs. He narrated about his friend, Ben ________ whom he recalled because of my name tag.

The face-painting made me face a lot of kids, sadly, I cannot enumerate all. I face-painted the green team with Jhing Talan, and the kids LOOOOOVED the face paint. The first creature I drew was a lion, and it looked more like a puppy to me. And some wanted butterflies, the most desired creature of all. Followed closely by the flower. And some vines. These days, kids have gone more earthy.

Three kids that I remembered from that face-painting were Heather, Nico and Jeremiah.

Heather. The plump, cheerful little girl, wanted anything. On her nose, her cheeks, her forehead. Anywhere on her face. Green paint all over her face, and she wasn't even on the green team. Later that day, she went kite-flying with me. I was so ecstatic to help everyone. She got her frame busted. The barbecue-looking stick dropped onto a ground of harvest leftovers. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack, except the needle looked much like hay, only harder and denser. But still, we didn't find it. So we had to improvise and put a balloon stick instead, only to find out that it was so flexible that it increased its crash-landing statistics to about five-fold.

Nico. Aww, the kid who never stopped smiling. If only he had perfect teeth, he would have been part of Colgate's "Brush brush brush!" He was part of the orange team, the team with pink paint on (sorry Michael King, no time for mixing colors there). He wanted a green mustache and beard and a green eye-patch. Arrr!!! If only the party hats were pirate hats instead of animals.

And Jeremiah, the bashful. We had to play funny bones, ear to mouth, most of the time. And still a fraction of the time I didn't understand what he had said. He was the sweaty kid. He wasn't at all fat, but he had sweat like he was in the middle of a sun-washed cornfield. He had to line up a dozen times just so his snazaroo didn't wear off. If only the mess hall had outdoor air. This kid got so attached to me that I had to carry him behind my back the entire Treasure Hunt. He was always so serene even when our tribe was figuring out the clues. And the moment we arrived at the clue location, we had to leave so suddenly because by the time we arrived, they'd figured out the clue.

At the fields, we flew kites. There, I sat in the middle, and then came Debbie. Deborah/Debra Grace was the cutest. But the most violent. She was sort of conio. We had an exchange of
"They made away." "Who made away to you?" "Them *points at Pito*"

And later on: "The sky is so taas." "Debbie, why is the kitten bigger than the dinosaur?" "Because Barney's a kid." "Debbie, why is Barney purple?" "Debbie, which do you prefer, Barney or the kitten?" "Barney AND the kitten." "Debbie, do you like your hat?" To which she angrily throws off her hat. And then she rests her butt on me. Later on she kills me, scratching my ears and my neck, like a cat fighting for life. My ears bled. I pretended to be dead. To which she laughed. And laughed some more. Giggled like a teenage girl fan. Then she butt-jumped on my belly as though I was her personal trampoline. And I pretended to be dead more than a dozen times. Again and again and again. And she was not at all satisfied.

It was hard to bid our goodbyes. Debbie never wanted to let me stand. And when I was finally able to stand. She tricked Irish into carrying her, like an infant. But it was a trap! She never wanted to go down. Never. Until, she was forced by the authorities. She was such a strong girl for such a young age; she never showed tears.

Arnel was the same as my age. He had wanted to befriend me, like his brother because he knew another Ben whom he was very dearly close. He taught me several handshakes. Those stuff best friends usually do. The last word I heard from him was "ingat" after the handshakes he taught me. He must have been used to saying goodbyes as he was very composed.

I wish I had that composure. Even though I only got to spend hours with them, I will forever treasure the fun times. It's all in my head. And when I get old, I will recall the day.

This day marks my calendar

2008-10-13T13:45:00.002+08:00

And it marks my age too. Tried and disliked. Never gonna happen again. Perhaps.

I have three finals left, but my sembreak has started

2008-10-08T13:25:00.002+08:00

I will not rant about my exam grades. I will not rant about them. I will not. I will not rant about me getting that low grade in the last Physics exam, nor will I rant about the "supposedly unoable" Chem grade (Hello Doc Q and Ma'am De Guzman, you've made our 31 miserably fun!) I do not wish to remember, nor will I rant about my Math tentative grade.

I will not rant, because ranting doesn't do anything to change that hell-of-a-dumbbell stupidity I exhibited during the past few months. I did not give my all, and I haven't done anything I can be proud of this nearly over semester. (Well, except in that one-unit subject that acts as if it's five units).

Ranting does no good. It only welcomes negative energies. Negative energies I HATE I HATE I HATE. I HATE I HATE I HATE THIS SUPPOSEDLY RELATIVELY EASIER SEM.

*calms down*

I am calm. Thank you stupidity and laziness for making this sem very memorable. Thank you for shoving this memory deep in the cortices of my brain and gluing it in like a post-it rammed along the flap of my printer.

They say "Sometimes you need to feel downs in order for you to strive to go up."
I say "I DON'T NEED A DOZEN DOWNS FOR ME TO REALIZE I'M ACTING TOO LAZILY."

*calms down again*

On a more serious, less aggressive note.
I need to make the list of things to do this sem break. I have to read "Runaways," "Physics of the Impossible," "Six Degrees" and "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Not Slacking Off."

Seriously.
I also need to soak myself in comics as I had the inexplicable urge to buy gatchillion comic books.
And movies. I need to watch a million films, any suggestions?

I hate HEROES for making me wait a looooooooooong time before watching the next episode.

I love the women of Heroes for being so hot. Is it just me or does Hayden Panettiere really look a little bit like Maja Salvador?

Ali Larter, marry me.

The Beggar

2008-09-12T01:01:00.002+08:00

The sulky footsteps drew nearer
As drumbeats on crescendo
Motionless--behind a road post,
Like a fool who banged himself unconscious,
Having enough of the daily
Yearnings for mercy.

The face:
Still and fixed. Yet deeply piercing
Like a spear through the heart.
Silent. But speaks itself
In a language anyone understands
But everyone ignores
As shadows passing through.

The emptiness personified.
___________________
(Nothing everyone shares,
Everything to no one)
Outstretched to reach for freedom
From behind prison bars

Had he the jacket of Al Jarreau,
He could have passed for a
Performer on Broadway,
Or the striped shirts of convicts,
He would have passed for a
Pantomime-teller.

Back with equilibrium--
No motion, no action, no reaction.
No torque--
Comes the dismal stare
Of Africa
Brought to the streets of Manila
Like scattered chesspieces Sicilian
Waiting for a radical change in position.

No. Not now.
Not when shadows move
Past him without stopping. Unending
A heart hardened and
A pitiful blind passerby...

Thank God for Revision History

2008-08-30T19:00:00.003+08:00

The night was done, the early dawn
The roosters seemed to oversleep
But so did I, and then I lazed
For sure I'd finish anyway
But then again, I had to start
The question was, when to
But nonetheless I managed still
To flip some pages and collect my thoughts
His thoughts, your thoughts, some guy's thoughts
I wrote them all down in Google Docs
And just in time I finished all
I ran to tell I'm done and call
The lousy loser to speed up
And then I previewed before publishing
Alas 'twas gone, all sweat and heat
The page now was staring, blank
To say "haha, you see, you see"
But cramming was not the subject
Of Ruffles, ridges, fridges, cringes
I shit, I fucked, I swore all I could.
I was the worst, I myself got eep
I asked "why, o why?"
The deadline was nearing, an hour left
And there was more to be done
The page was blank, was blank, was blank
If I repeated, I'm done for
Never gonna beat that clock
I wondered how to retrieve
I clicked, I hovered, I "help"ed
But to no avail.
Luck was taking its toll on me
So I was angry, mad and sad
Until I clicked and clicked some more
And then after a minute or more
Thank God for Revision History.

Poverty

2008-08-18T04:40:00.005+08:00

It's 4:44 on my bedroom clock. The only sign of human life around my neighborhood is my bedroom: the loud crackling of chips, the bedroom light turned on. The rooster is awake and so am I. But the disparity is I've been so since twelve hours ago (and still not feeling sleepy), but it has had its nightly rest. The bag of chips is left unmoved as of now, lying on the bed with a heap of art stuff: catalog envelopes, par avion envelopes, cartolinas, tissue papers, shears, colored cardboards, and what are left of sketches cut out into collage components. Forgive me for the term, but they seem to be having an orgy; for the current state of my bed-top is as foul and disgusting, if not worse, as the word "orgy" implies.

Fortunately, I have another bed, the one where my brother used to sleep. The current state of this other bed is less lousy, more welcoming, but nonetheless equally uncomfortable. I will not disclose to you what is on top of it, but I will disclose to you that if you had been my guest, you would not dare lie on it. Between the two beds is a desktop you cannot lay something on because of the pile of scattered papers wrung on top. Okay, "wrung" is for trash, and those on top of it aren't, but they're sort of trashy because they are so disorganized.

I can't believe what the long weekend does to people. First, it makes you the pretentious planner who lists things to do over the weekend. Then, you procrastinate and pretend you were the lead guitarist of Nirvana (Star Powers rock!!! Rock on!!!). And then, it converts you into this movie addict, who watches a dozen of films consecutively on Youtube, until right in the middle of a clip Youtube removes the video, thereby letting you destroy the deep sleeps of your neighbor through your ungodly shout right in the middle of the night (I swear, you'd shout too if you were in my shoes.). And so I predict that the last phase of the weekend will be devoted to cramming.

And to recount my days, I'll tell you four things:

One. Keep complaining until it dawns on you that your whining doesn't change anything.
Two. Stay up until three to study. Then wake up to study again, only to be clueless on an exam.
Three. What a great epiphany I've experienced last Saturday!! While I was making up for missed PE sessions, I learned that to create strikes and spares, you'd have to target the floor, not the pins. Translated to the language of life, you mustn't think of your consequences more than you think of your actions. Or, you mustn't care for the future more than you should of the present.
Four. Michael Phelps is not as awesome as I am. Hahaha. And because I will be attending a swimming party this Friday, I just realized I have nothing categorized as swimwear but trunks. GMO! And I don't wear trunks in public, because time will stop and people will stare at me. So I have to purchase board shorts. And God only knows how impoverished I am (Ok, I'll shut up before mental images of Africa start flickering). But I really, really, really have to buy board shorts (and a DSLR, and books, and a new laptop) or else people will realize how scrawny and kiddish I am with the trunks.

Do me a favor. Win the lotto for me. Ok, I shall now sleep. Time: 5:22. The sun is rising.

Praise be to the Almighty

2008-06-27T21:54:00.003+08:00

If there is one line that struck me in "Get Smart," it would be "Oh, my Lord." It was said by the Chief during the butt-dragging-through-the-train-rails scene. It showed how utter reliance on the Lord is inevitable during desperate times beyond human control.

Every single day, millions of people cry out to the Lord out of desperation. But much fewer cry out to the Lord in gratitude undeniably due Him. Thanks be to God for everything. For love. For peace. For joy. For things beyond our knowledge. For things within our grasp. For dreams left unfulfilled. For ambitions turned into realities. For forgiving every time we sin. For welcoming prodigal sons and daughters.

I am a prodigal son. I've had my unfair share of weaknesses, failures, and unworthinesses. But like the most famous prodigal son, when I come back, my Father will shower me with blessings far more gratifying than any of the stray-aways while lost. He will rejoice to see me again. He will hold a banquet especially for my coming back. He will celebrate my arrival.

But I am where I am, and where I am right now is not where I should be. My Father awaits for me in worry.

Lord, help me see the bigger picture.

Until I become McArthur, I will be truly downcast.

I shall return.

Because the heavens are angry and I'm stuck in my cube

2008-06-22T12:56:00.004+08:00

Mushi (nobody calls her Gia at all. Perhaps when she's a little older?), my little niece, is currently in Baguio. The last time I saw her (or at least the last time I remember I saw her) she was princessy. But now, she has turned into a monster!! RARRR!! She's a little leaner and taller, and the brat that she is, spits on fishes she sees on aquariums and zen gardens. But still, she wears those princessy outfits, so think about a runaway princess. Or a rebel princess. Or whatever. Anyway, imagine being a little girl, not even a year old, talking gibberish, and wearing clothes fit for a princess. I mean, I'd rather she wear Sesame Street, Disney, or even Teletubbies than she wear a Keira Knightley or an Angelina Jolie on Red Carpets or Awards nights. I really think they're spoiling her. Oh well, at least she's still lovable and cute.

So if she's a princess, does that make me a prince? Haha.

Look how misleading my blog can get

2008-06-20T03:04:00.005+08:00

I clicked on my tracker to get a little feel of knowing something that others would not (although sharing it right now defeats the point), like the top secrets of Central Intelligence Agency agents or like surveillance cams on top of cashiers or like forensic scientists doing DNA tests plus fingerprinting, which by the way I have done just last summer, or just like having the fulfilling feeling of knowing something that others do not.

So as you can see (this time you may feel as if you're part of the highly kept-secret investigation), thousands of people google the weirdest searches ever, and almost ninety-nine percent of them gets fooled and clicks my blog. I guess only 1 out of the twenty found Google's popping out of my blog address useful.
And in statistics, this data set of sample size twenty could have been more precise and accurate and useful and reliable if the tracker had used stratified random sampling or clustered sampling or multistage sampling or whatever sampling such that whatever is not simple random.

I feel the need to explain the following keywords: archi stuff, Taco Bell architecture, "ask you a favor"/"One favor though," "Tim Andrew Torres Alabang," "Pangalan canal," "bansa ko mahal ko poem," "agimath," "swirly bitz," and "joji mendoza."

First off, swirly bitz. I did a senseless poem on "swirly bitz" which I gave to Muy mi amiga (ok, I should stop trying Spanish right now because I have no background whatsoever). It's also found somewhere within this blog, but if you haven't read it before, I suggest you don't try finding it because it has out-"Jabberwocky"-ed "Jabberwocky."

"Tim Andrew Torres Alabang" What the heck, Heck Tate? I've heard of Andrew Torreses in other countries but in Alabang? Never. So Tim is my friend. Andrew Torres is my best friend. And Alabang is where my brother lives when he stays in the Metro. See the connection? Haha.

"ask you a favor"/"one favor though" is one of my poems found in this blog. It is addressed to only one person when my emo-ness was optimally consuming me in my dreams, versus another poem, "to someones," which is directed to a lot of people. "to someones" is a million times better than "Can I ask you one favor though?"

So the archi stuff is a duhuh. The header says it all. Should I start changing it now? I only used archi stuff simply because when I started this blog I found inspiration in a wristwatch my dad gave me, on which was engraved the word "arkitekt." Plus the fact that the Architect's works are an amazement we should all say kudos to. I wonder if the Architect made blueprints of the stars, planets, bacteriophages and amino acid sequences, or if He did it without them.

Taco Bell Architecture is TBA. It is something we should all be wide-eyed at. Yehes, Taco Bell Architecture. The architecture of Taco Bell, of all the other fastfood chains. I really can't stop myself from laughing, why would someone want to search the architecture of Taco Bell? Is it that good? Because if it is, I'd probably blame my ignorance on the wonderful food they've got there.

JOJI MENDOZA is the celeb here. She's been searched thrice in a span of 11 days, probably by different people with different IP addresses. And I don't know why someone searching for Joji Mendoza is directed to my blog when her name isn't flashed a million times. Oh yeah, I remember. I made some poem entitled "isang tula para kay joji mendoza" in response to her "tula para kay ben lopez" (don't really remember the titles, haha). Moreover, she was a groupmate of mine in our Math proj during senior year, and our boardgame was entitled "Agimath" Yipee.

Two key phrases I cannot explain: "bansa ko mahal ko poem" and "pangalan canal"

What the Heck Tate is a pangalan canal? Hahaha.

And to close this post, I can say "architect guy drier" is the weirdest search ever. Pangalan canal comes in second because it still is somehow comprehensible, as opposed to an "architect guy drier," which I'm sure has a lame reason behind it. Maybe, the architect, a male, wants to be dry after hours of painstakingly sweaty work. Or maybe, there is a guy drier branded "architect," in which guys are dumped in like a dishwasher-drier.

One thing's for sure here though. My blog needs a makeover. Not the gay ones you see on TV but an organized and simpler and less misleading makeover (that I will never be able to do as Chemistry does not and will not permit me to do so).

So little time, so much to do

2008-06-04T04:07:00.004+08:00

I'd like to spend my days with you
And if that day is not enough

Ok, enough. That song kind of stuck for a while years ago.
It' s funny how I'm not sleepy at this time of day (4:11 AM) at this time of life. I really should start sticking post-its on my laptop screen that scream: IT'S OVER. SUMMER'S OVER!!! So why the heck are you still bumming around like there's no tomorrow (or there is tomorrow)?

Summer for me was fun. I played a lot of games, watched a couple of films, listened to a dozen CDs. I never really went outdoors, so I was fulfilling my niche as the very attentive listener that I am to the COUCH!

Couch says "Hey Potato."
Ben says "Hey Couch."
Couch winks.
Ben says "We're meant to be."

Then Couch and I were together the entire summer left. I told her to listen to those bedtime stories I had wanted to finish, but we both got tired of Plato that we never got to Brunelleschi. I never even flicked that Musicophilia cover.

I told Couch I'm gonna make her cookies, so I did. With the help of Mrs. Fields (hahaha). I was mashed enough to not give her the avocados that Chef made for me. Mmm, the avocados are mine!

Well anyway we just watched and played. Watched Kyuu-kun deduce those out-of-this-world yet realistic mysteries. Played Cluedo a dozen gazillion battalion times!

And now I am turning into the worst student you could ever imagine. I never even bothered to open any textbook this summer (i.e., the gap between summer classes and 1st sem classes). But anyhow, my sleep deficiency shall take its toll when I grab the cookies downstairs and I start wobbling like the wirings of my iPod. I am in no position to make these gibberish glitterish! Hahaha, I need to take a break.

So now Couch is whispering, "Now that you're enrolled you're telling me that you need a break."
And then I say, "Shut up."

Then Couch says, "Oh my gawsh, I can't believe you're dumping me."
Then I say, "It's over, so kiss my ass goodbye."

Forgive me Couch, but I really have to end this. We are OVER.

Bakit ngayon ko lang nadiscover ang OneRepublic?

2008-05-26T01:57:00.000+08:00

For such a great band, tsktsktsk.

I want

2008-05-26T01:34:00.003+08:00

I want to have a DSLR
I want a new non-heating, non-hanging, super fast laptop
I want to have a library
I want to move to Katips
I want to own a forensics lab
I want to have books, lots of books: textbooks (who doesn't want textbooks?), novels, books books
I want new games for my DS
I want wii
I want to own a resto, a bookstore, and a grocery

I want time
I want food, glorious food, where the dogs of society howl!
I want every single volume of Detective School Q manga
I want an unlimited supply of strawberry yogurt
I want a garden of strawberries
I want to learn to play the sax
I want a lot

It is but natural to want. I am selfish. I care about what I have and what I get.
I care more about what I want to have than what I already have.
Why would I want something I already have? I cannot re-possess something I already have.
It is one-time: when you've got it, you've got it.

I want peace, not world peace, but peace in itself.
Peace out.

The Comeback

2008-05-18T02:28:00.005+08:00

Last Thursday was my rain-pattered last lab exam of Bio 12. I was walking along Katipunan, with feet lifted slightly sideward instead of the usual upward because my pants would stain when soaked. Then as I occasionally examined my pants for mud-slops, I saw a lean tall man stop and stare at me. I stopped too and was shocked at what I saw. The last time I saw this man was more than two years ago, and I remember quite well the "bacterioFUDGE," the avant-garde and Marcel DuChamp, the tripartite statue, his BILLBOARD (oo nga, commercial model pala siya) and the endless but non-sleepless historical accounts of arts framed in kaleidoscopic micro-slides that clicked with every slide-change. The girl he was with must have been confused when I approached them and both of us were open-mouthed. But what made my mouth open wider was the fact that the teacher I had more than a couple of years ago remembered my first name! He was only doing a sort-of OJT in Pisay as an art educator, not an official Pisay faculty member, but a million times better than the official teacher (okay, exagg).

"Wow, anlaki mo na. Len, this is Ben, my student from Pisay. He was second year then," Sir Manuel says. (Man_uel Ca_rre_on yung pangalan niya, underscores included to avoid Google from popping me up when his name's Googled)

I don't actually know if I heard it right but Len was the name I can recall. It was really flattering that he remembered me out of all the students he had from various schools, such as Miriam/Poveda (not sure which), Ateneo, etc. I mean, if I were he, I would have forgotten my more-than-two-years-ago students. Add to it the fact that he went to the US for quite a long time.

I was like, "Wow, you remember"
And he was like "Of course"

And then our conversation led to my course: M--(I almost forgot that I was talking to an arts teacher), Molecular Biology and Biotech po

Sir: Ahh, MBB (Wow, I was surprised at how he knew that the term was MBB)
Di ka naman oblation?

Me (sa kaloob-looban ko, nagtataka ako bat niya naman tatanungin yun, pero anyway, sinagot ko rin): Oblation po.

So I fairly deduced that he graduated from UP, most prolly Fine Arts? :))

And then he was like, Kumusta ka na??
And I was like, May exam po.
And he was like, O nagmamadali ka ba?
And I was like, Medyo po.
And he was like, Ok, kung gusto niyo akong bisitahin andyan lang ako sa Ateneo High school
And I was like, Bakit ka naman namin bibisitahin? (but only in my head LOL)

So the exam went like STR. Computations galore for the Simpson's Diversity Index, Morisita's Index of Dispersion, blabla. Good thing, they gave out the formulas.
Tas, dahil di naman nagbabasa nito ang mga bio friends ko, allow me to brag. :)) Paminsan-minsan lang to, kaya itataga ko na sa blog na ito. ANG TAAS KO SA LAST BIO LAB EXAM. WOOHOO. :)) 58/60 O diba? Hightech talaga sa chamba Ben!!! Sige na, pagbigyan niyo na ako, meron naman akong mababa e.

MY VERY FIRST TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE.

But then, after the exam, I had my very first traumatic experience. Jack and I shared the same traumatic fate as we rode the Katips jeep. We were seated near the front as the jeepney was almost filled. (You know how Filipino culture works: passengers want to sit as nearer the exit as possible so that they would not have to hold and pass the grimy fares of the new incomers or they'd not have to say "Bayad daw po"; so if you get in a bit late and there are a lot of passengers already, chances are, you'd have to sit near the driver).

Anyhow, the ride went on as any ride should. But when we got to Shuster, there was this weird sound that kept on repeating: abruptly interrupted clinks as though someone wanted the jeepney to halt. And murmurs from someone are heard, although vaguely. But the jeepney never stopped. I myself was never sure if the person murmuring loudly but vaguely had wanted to get off. But when we got past Mercury Drug, along Berkeley Residences (the SM-owned condo being built), everyone was alarmed when the guy beside me KICKED the guy in front of him as though they were fighting over something. Everyone thought they knew each other, but this assumption was dismissed the moment the guy who got kicked shouted "Mama tulungan niyo ako, mga snatcher 'tong mga 'to." The jeepney had a world of its own. The driver immediately stopped. The guy next to me stood up and kicked some more. The guy from my other side immediately stood up and dove from the window ledge onto the outside world, escaping the possible threats of being stuck and held up. A guy near the exit exits. The kicked victim fights back. Another guy says out loud "Ang lakas mo mambintang a." Then four guys, later to be known as the snatchers, get off the jeepney, getting hold of nothing save embarrassment.

The events happened so quickly that the only thing that I had done was to stand up and try to get to the front seats as Jack and I were trapped. Imagine FOUR MUSCULADOS blocking the exit. Imagine if they all had knives pocketed and threatened us all to give up our phones and valuables and still slit some of us. Imagine the adrenaline I must have wasted but still not being able to move much. I was essentially TRAPPED. And if the FOUR SNATCHERS hadn't on them bits of halos, they would've exposed knives. That brief moment, about a second or so, I thought of a lot of things: getting to the headlines (JEEPNEY MASSACRE AND ROBBERY), my family and the worries and tears I'd have inflicted them, my phone and my money, my ID :)), "Is this the end for me?", and "what about the exam tomorrow?" This last one was quite funny and I was laughing when I recounted the events that took place. For some weird reason, I still had in me the interest in Bio. :))

Anyhow, so you might ask what happened? Well, the four snatchers got down before anybody with photographic memory remembered them. The guy who exited re-entered. There were some who got off and never got back. Nobody's phone got stolen.

The reason why the guy got kicked was because he was telling the passenger beside him to take heed because there were snatchers around. The guy who got kicked narrated to the ones left behind that the moment he got in the jeepney, the guy beside him, felt his pockets, and he was quick enough to ask the "feeler" why he was feeling his pockets. (Sa kaloob-looban ko, napaka-unprofessional naman ng snatcher, nafefeel ng sinasnatchan niya yung kamay niya).

Apparently, the four snatchers badly looked at him in the face, and all must have wanted him killed and shut off because he was a lousy kiss-up. Anyhow, the guy beside me got pissed at him warning everyone of snatchers (the murmurs were warnings pala) so the snatcher beside me kicked him on the crotch. (ayayay, nanghihina ako sa nangyari). Thanks to Mr Someone who got kicked, not a single phone got snatched.

My sincerest gratitude to Mr SOMEONE who sacrificed and got kicked. If it weren't for you, w880i might have been gone forever.

PS If you were wondering what Jack did the entire commotion, I'd gladly say he was calm, too calm that he didn't move a single twitch. :)) He just sat in front of me, did nothing, never showed even the slightest movements. It must have been more traumatic for him than for me. =)) Poor Jack.

BIOLOGY

Okay, best part is, IT'S DONE!!! :)) No more Pandocia, or even Peziza, Acanthaster, Clonorchis, gynecophoric canals, Apocynaceae, Sepia, Loligo, Lobophyton, Metridium, Pocillopora, Cassiopeia, Galaxaura, Turbellaria, Digenea, Sarcomastigophora, and lots more. Although I'll miss the nautilus. :))

Discipline

2008-04-09T19:19:00.003+08:00

The next post will be in another four weeks, I guess.

I am both frantic and anxious at what Friday may bring. I haven't sat a total of seven hours a day for just one subject. I don't know if this summer class will be a good thing or not, but what I do know is there is no turning back. I just pray that all will be well with Bio because I don't want to suddenly blurt out "I should've chosen trumpets instead."

When I was choosing which subject to take this summer, I immediately thought of the hardest one because logically if you zoom in and isolate X from a group of variables you'd be focused on solving for X. And then the rest of the variables will be focused on a little later on. That was exactly what I did. I chose Bio over Math, over Chem, over Physics, over my top priority for the summer: Trumpets. :)) [maybe next year? Haha.]

Bio entails a lot of effort and time. And focusing on it is what I need. I am claiming that I will never be distracted by things such as multiply, stepmania (which btw is very addictive and fun), my nintendo ds (Haha, I will only get distracted by this if someone buys me a new cartridge :D), dancefreaks/dancemaniax (and people who influence me to go dancefreaking haha), ym and the comforts of being a sloth.

And on another note, after months of quiet, uncomplaining waiting, they announced my discipler. Yipee. Kuya Benjie Gonzales (Pisay 03).

On another note, my room is at its messiest condition since McDonald's was created. I will have to clean it sooner than summer classes start lest I will be the Marcel Duchamp of our generation.

On yet another note, TACO BELL is the best evah!!! =))

Lampayatot

2008-04-06T20:12:00.004+08:00

Because I seldom talk about food but Taco Bell, here are non-Taco Bell eat-outs.

Here, I experience Italy.

Yesterday, I went to Ongpin. I really missed Eng Bee Tin, but even there, I never had the chance to buy hopia. Instead, I bought lasagna. Italian food in Chinatown. MMMMMMMMMM.

Last night, I ate out. At gateway. BUT NOT AT TACO BELL!!! It was very tempting: seeing Taco Bell but not eating there. I passed BOTH Taco Bells. But because a former classmate of mine was paying for our dinner, I had to eat at the very surprising Pizza Hut (his choice). Surprising because I had been assuming all the while that we were going to eat at some fine-dining resto considering that he worked at the congress. :)) Anyhow, waiting at Taco Bell for the other person whom I ate out with (there were three of us) was the hardest temptation I ever faced. It was really tempting to smell Taco Bell food but not being able to eat. It was really tempting (and detestable) to see the scrumptious Mexican food and the yellow wrappings but just be able to see them. And to top these all off, my tummy was grumbling already for we had to wait a million decades before the other guy arrived.

While waiting, the congress-person talked about the rice shortage issue the country is facing. And he told me, that there really is no shortage; we aren't endangered for the current rice produce. He told me that it has been publicized so so that the government officials will be given money (budget for the rice shortage will be given to them so they had to announce the nonexistent shortage). He told me that the government officials will be getting commission from the money tendered for the rice thing. It really is sad that the people's money go to the "government." Tsktsktsk, I don't know if he was making it all up or if it was the truth that he was saying. But what I do know is it was bad. Grrrr, but I was hungry then so I had to think about food much more than I had to about the government.

I was partly hoping that we were gonna eat at Taco Bell because we waited there. But no, for some reason, we switched fastfoods and landed on Pizza Hut. Hahaha, I really hate it when people invite me for dinner because I cannot decide which food to eat.

But I never regretted the congress-person's choice. Because the best part was it was a free dinner. :)) Italian food again, but who cares. I had the shrimp pasta thing (I didn't care what it was called as I was so hungry). And the dessert was heaven. It was called "I-dunno-again-but-who-cares-it-tasted-good." I binged on caramelized ice cream with banana and some cake toppings. And I consumed 90% of the dessert and the rest was consumed by the other two. Hahahahahaha, what's better than a free dinner??

NOTHING. :)) kidding. By the end of summer, I will have gained at least ten kilos. :)) Hopefully.

Horton is the best Seuss ever (no spoilers)

2008-03-31T22:25:00.003+08:00

Today, the PubLit Team of my org went to Trinoma to have funfunfun.

Kuya Kito suggested that we watch Horton hears a who, although he had watched it already. After watching, we realized why he didn't care, while choosing which movie to watch, that he had watched it already. That's how great the movie is.

When I watched it, I somehow related the elephant to Jesus Christ. I can't really talk that much because I really recommend the movie. Promise. If I were to rate it like the ratings at the back of books, I'd say "Awesome" or even "Incredible" or "The best ever" :))

Waah. I can't say much. Point is, when you watch it, think about the Christian pov. And you'll get what I mean.

Horton hears a who is the deepest animated film I've ever seen. It isn't just for kids.

WATCH IT. I've never received any negative comments about it from people who watched it.

Mukha ba akong bayaran?

2008-03-29T21:48:00.002+08:00

Today, I spent at least 5000 on miscellaneous, unnecessary stuff.

To celebrate my Math53 grade (woohoo!), I spent a lot. :))
Andrew invited me to go with him to Trinoma as he wanted to buy a gift for someone whose name I must not disclose for surprise's sake. When I got there, I told him I wanted to buy a leather case for my iPod. So I bought one for a thousand bucks, and I also bought a DS cartridge worth 2500, SUPER MARIO BROS. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Love love love mario.
Because we passed by a CD store, I also bought Herbie Hancock's Grammy award winner for best album of the year: River: the joni letters.

I love the album, really Grammy-worthy.

On my way home, I took the mrt and got off at Cubao. As I was crossing the bridge from Farmer's to Gateway, there was this guy, a thirtysomething big man, who asked me what time it was. Then I told him, 3:20 po. Then he asked me if I was going to Padi's Point (at Araneta Coliseum), I said NO! (I was caught off-guard by his question and so my adrenaline got to my nerves).

Then he asked if I could go with him:

big guy: Pwede mo ba akong samahan? Babayaran kita.

NO!

I told him in an in-your-face tone. Then ran as fast as I could without turning back.

What the hell? Who would've thought that the big guy was gay? EEEEEEEEEEEEEW, to think that he looked very masculine. He didn't cross-dress nor did he show any signs of being effeminate.

When I thought about it, nainsulto ako. Mukha ba akong callboy na bayaran? :(

101st post: One hundred one

2008-03-26T20:50:00.003+08:00

At last, my first year in college is over. It ended today, when my adrenaline was at its maximum, as my English professor said, "Pass your papers."

My last day as a freshman was quite boring. It started out with me not finishing a round of Sushi Go Round, then later on finding out I was stuck in the slowest Katipunan jeepney ever. What made me restless was the fact that I was running a bit late for this last exam and the jeepney turned right at Romvlo. A signboard flashed to me the one-way scheme effective today. Thank God I arrived on time and finished the exam.

Praise God.

Oh yeah, I can feel the summer heat already

2008-03-25T09:31:00.003+08:00

Summer's very near for me. It's just an exam away. What made me decide not to take the Bio11 exam was the fact that the lab part's included. All the while I had wanted to take the exam (in the hopes of getting a higher grade), I thought that only the lec part was included since the final exam is written. But no! I also realized that my grades are non-summa standing anymore, which means that I won't be graduating summa cum laude unless some miracle happens and I get a 1.0x come every sem. But who cares? When you're force-fed every day with bio and chem and add a little math memorization, you wouldn't care much about your grades. You'd just want to get away from them all.

Although part of me wants to go back in time so I could take the Chem exam (takers had shown positive feedback), I still am grateful that my summer is nearly over. And I don't have to study for the exam (an English exam isn't study-worthy!). I'm done with my essay for English! So yehey for me, because I can spend an entire day doing nothing very scholastic. Hahaha.

I really can feel the summer heat!! Although I'm sure it won't last more than two weeks because by then I would be thinking about Bio again. :)) But what's important is NOW. And NOW, I have nothing to do. WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOO!!

I need to have this

2008-03-08T22:31:00.007+08:00

I am a fan of Jon Mclaughlin (I got this image from http://www.trappedinhell.com).

So, if you were wondering why I made it this long, it was because of him. :))

I am a big fan of Jon McLaughlin. Ever since I heard him sing and play the piano, I had wanted to be like him, a great singer-songwriter-pianist. Oh and btw, he was the one who sang "So Close" in Enchanted, which put him on Oscar's.

Now, I am taking the step a little closer, by starting with the HAIR. :))
You see, his hair and mine have a great similarity: the curls, the length. Only his is trimmed well, and browner.

So, if I ever get the chance to have my hair done, it should look something like this.

Google Jon Mclaughlin to learn more about him, and to see lots of pictures of his hair.

laughtrip with manong pedicabista

2008-03-02T19:30:00.004+08:00

I was in the middle of doing my chem 26 results and discussions report (rdr) when I started to crave for Taco Bell (again). So I called them, asking when they will be having a deli service. But, to my dismay, they don't and won't have plans of opening up a deli service. Anyhow, it was about six and I was really craving that I didn't think twice in getting to Gateway and sacrificing my RDR (yeah, I'll be bludgeoning myself again to avoid narcolepsy from getting in) for two grilled stuft beef burritos and one crunchwrap supreme (awww, loooooooove those two)!!!

Taco Bell really should deliver. It distracts me from my school work.

It was raining when I got down the LRT on my way home, and so I decided to pedicab :))

And so, I got into the pedicab, and I was really bothered by my RDR not getting finished yet, told the driver:

ako: GSIS kanan po, pangalawang gate.
siya: saan?
a: GSIS kanan po, pangalawang gate *more slowly*
s: Deretso?
a(nagpipigil tumawa): Kanan po, pangalawang gate.
s: Pang-ilang gate?
a: Pangalawang gate po.

*tatapyasin ko na tenga mo. =)) joooke.

maya-maya, tumigil siya sa pagitan ng first at second gate. sa gate 1.5 na never namang binubuksan, at technically hindi talaga gate kasi di naman makakadaan doon yung mga sasakyan.

tas dumeretso din siya later on, finding out na ongapala, di pa dito.

*tawatawatawatawatawa secretly*

Grabe, dadalhin na talaga kita sa EENT next time.

Truth be told

2008-02-25T00:34:00.004+08:00

Here are a few things I may have to accept so that I'll be able to fix them:

I am totally lost in Chem.
In Pisay, I always topped Chem long exams, almost always a 99 percentile rank. Way back then, I always understood what I was taught, even the more trivial ones. That was when I always studied everything. But NOW is heck a lot different. Very different. It just defeats one of the very reasons why I chose MBB over Intarmed (seeing that BS MBB has a lot of Chem in its curriculum). I don't know why, but it seems my procrastination works only for Bio and Math and English. Chem seems to be a lot different, with all its useless schizmidt and all its flabs in point systems. If before it was my favorite Science, out of the three (Bio, chem and physics), now, it has become my worst ever.

I am so disappointed with my grades.
Why can't I just be the GC Ben I used to be? I think it would be a lot easier for me if I were. But the thing is, I am so much distracted with such momentary entertainment tidbits as Mario, the internet, Pinikpikan, Jon McLaughlin, friends, tv, etc. Right now, I should be finishing my formal report in Chem, and yet I'm doing this note-to-self thing. I always am disappointed with my grades, and my resolutions always tell me to do better next sem, but I seem to be going perpendicularly.

The hair stays long.
Dearly beloved fans, I'm sorry if a great number of you voted for the shorter hair. Yeah, the bangs get to my nerves because I get little allergic manifestations along the span of my forehead, but people just love the curls. :)) And besides, I'm trying to be a Jon McLaughlin. :))

I want to be a pianist-singer-songwriter.
When I hear great artists such as Alicia Keys, John Legend, Jon McLaughlin, Norah Jones, and the like, I remember my dream of becoming a pianist and a singer. I just wish that I get time for the thing, like how the Nike surfer woman ambassador does law during the day and surf during her breaks. I really need time management skills. :))

Wake me up.
Wake me up.

I want to read and read and do music and learn the saxophone and the piano and compose songs and worship the Lord through them. Books, CD's, piano, songs, life.

I am a complete failure

2008-02-24T13:59:00.002+08:00

Lord, help.

There really is something wrong with my phone

2008-02-16T12:09:00.003+08:00

Or is there something wrong with Smart? Or Globe? Or both?

Why do people I send text messages to receive them late? Like fifteen minutes late, or even more? Is it with the signal interferences? In this modernized world, wherein busy lives are influenced by long-distance communication, nobody can't afford to waste precious time in between SMSes. What if your life depended on one text message?? Say you were kidnapped, and you wanted to message an SOS to someone, and you desperately needed help ASAP because the kidnapper would be transferring you elsewhere, you couldn't afford to lose time, right? This one's extreme (but still probable). Anyhow, if you wanted to meet someone, and say you were waiting already for almost an hour, as the person you were waiting for received the message about the meeting place an hour late, it's a grrr, right? I've already tested the networks on their punctualities, like sending an SMS to a nearby friend, and asking him if he received it already seconds after sending. And results say he received it on time. So what does it differ when it comes to longer distances? Yeah, sure: waves do travel faster for shorter distances, but the radios already proved that it's just a matter of seconds.

The point is, why can't they just send it on time? They can do it real-time when it comes to calls, they can also do it in texts.

I envy you who have a crumpler

2008-01-27T18:57:00.000+08:00

You who can spare thousands of bucks on richly texturized
and colorfully pleasing fabric
You who can enjoy the compartmentalization and the protection
amid the compactness and the style
You who can dash around and stash around
the lightweight burgundies of drudgery

You who can carry with you The Chumpy, The HooJah,
The Lanyard, The Hee-Goer and The Western Lawn
You who have the opportunity to sway with the wind
without having to bend your backs
You who have the fashion for living eruditely
while simultaneously elegantly

I envy you who have the time and the fortune
to have what you want
and not be punished for doing so later on

Weird struggles

2008-01-27T18:38:00.000+08:00

Life has been a little bit depressing and stressful these days (thus the lack of updates). I have never had sleep that lasted for more than 3 hours (half of my usual sleeping length), thanks to the alternating drudgeries of Bio lab plates and long exams. In school, I get quick dozes during Math 53 class, and it sucks because I sit in the middle-front. So whenever my teacher sits down she's directly in front of me. I am utterly ashamed when I bow my head every once in a while. She just goes on with her lectures and drawings, and I gain my consciousness back the moment I see my notes with jagged curves and curly operands. And so goes on my struggles, one of the hardest ones I have ever undertaken. It really is a boo-hoo that the only class I manage to sleep is Math class when it's the only class that I'm in the middle-front. I mean, I could easily sleep during Bio lab because it's the main cause of all my miseries and sleeplessnesses (and I'm not exactly in the middle-front), but no-no, all the phyllotaxy and leaf morphology rubbish keep me awake.

In three words, let me describe college: STRESSFUL AND LONELY. It makes me want to turn back time, during high school when I really had a lot of fun.

PS. I love you. =)) Kidding. PS. My wallet is getting thinner and thinner. :(( I'm broke. Un-broke me. :))

walang kwenta ang heroes vol 2

2007-12-08T16:19:00.000+08:00

bano ang plot

hindi isang panaginip

2007-11-20T21:26:00.000+08:00

isang panaginip

hindi ko alam
hindi na ata magbabago pa ang desisyon ko
hindi ko na uulitin yung paulit-ulit
hindi na ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon
hindi na kita pahihirapan pa
hindi na kata pahihirapan pa
hindi na tayo magkaibigan
hindi na kita kilala
hindi mo na ako papansinin
hindi ko na ikaw papansinin

marami sila
tatsulok ang pakikitungo mo
isang nakakataas dalawang nakakababa

hindi na kita paiiyakin pa
hindi na kita pangingitiin pa
hindi na kita sasakalin
hindi na kita kakausapin
dededmahin kita
dedma

hanap nang hanap
nariyan lang pala
tingin nang tingin
malapit lang pala

hindi na tapos na
akoy makakahinga

at giginhawa ang buong mundo

WORLD PEACE

I now am decided

2007-10-27T21:03:00.000+08:00

...what I will do after college. I will go to Med school, after which I shall go to Doctorate studies. A long time ago, I told my parents that if I couldn't decide which postgrad studies to take, I shall have to take both. Now I am decided, yet I chose to take both.

After countless questions left unanswered and months of dormant thinking, it was only now that I realized, without pondering too much, which postgrad degree to take first. My ultimate goal is to cure lots of people. And in preparation for my medical research I shall have to undergo Medicine first. In med, I will be able to cure patients one at a time, but in PhD, I may be able to cure lots of patients at a time: one time big time! So I will treat med school as a stepping stone to PhDing. Hopefully, through my medschool experience and the rigorous research, the world can be a better place and a lot more disease-free. Ahaha.

Now I know how to answer people asking me why I chose MBB over Intarmed (besides the fact that I hadn't been interviewed). Had I chosen Intarmed, I wouldn't have been able to come across this realization, and I wouldn't have envisioned myself being able to help more people. So yehey, another cause for celebration!!!

Why? O why?

2007-10-24T20:12:00.000+08:00

Sleazy sloth, get out!! Walk out the door! Just turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome anymore.

Ben, eto lang sasabihin ko sayo. Kung may gusto ka, di yun pupunta sayo!! Nakakaasar nang wala kang ginagawa. Masyado kang nasisilaw sa mga bagay-bagay na di naman kasingimportante ng kelangan mong gawin. Parang awa mo na, alang-alang sa mga nagpapaaral sayo, galingan mo na.

Yan ang napapala ng taong di nagseseryoso.

2007 hits

2007-10-21T21:31:00.001+08:00

Sem

2007-10-21T14:16:00.000+08:00

While everyone else read the last book of the HP series, is reading Night and will read The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank (I couldn't think of any other book since Ray2 keeps on blabbering about these books), I on the other hand hasn't read a single novel since summer. The last time I called myself a bookworm was years ago and the last book I've read must have been a million little pieces. And even though Madam Carmelita Ramirez told us to report on novels (ours was The Bamboo Dancers), I relied on the book analysis at the end of the book and on my groupmates, who suggested that I don't waste time in reading the book because all I'd ever need was the book analysis at the end of the book.

SO, while the whole world is reading a lot of novels, I on the contrary am stuck with Campbell and Reece. Yes, the bio-duo who'll be eternally remembered for their lovely take on life and its study. I was able to grab the latest edition (seventh) of the textbook we all call "BIOLOGY" (ahahaha), and I'm confident enough that they'll be no more edition additions for the said book because dearest Campbell is now under a gravestone. Uhuh, 55 chapters of fun and 1231 pages of self-fulfillment!!! not to mention the very high tech Compact Disk (come on!!) included. Ahahaha, how sad and boring. Yes, that's me and my sem~~break~~. Some blockmate of mine told me to read it, and being stupid enough, I agreed.

On another headline, New sarisari store opens at Ben's flat. Hahaha. My "chef" as some of my blockmates call her had the crazy idea of opening a sarisari store here at the condo since our building's sarisaris closed already. My mom, who was ~~gullible~~
serious enough, bought stuff. I was surprised when I came home and they were stacking the goods already. We had our buena mano just yesternight when some party dude bought junk food.

On another headline, Ben becomes a working student. My dad emphasized that I was a business owner and not employed. There's the sarisari store, and I have this Globe autoload thing. I say whateber. What about my sembreak?? What about my trip to the moon? What about the sand and the starfish and the slimy fish in the sea? What about hanging out? Ahh, that's why I have my dearest chef to watch the store.

PS. The post title comes from the phrase sem break when people have their sems broken and people get to have a break. I am fortunate enough to remove the break from the sembreak.

Someone (except Andrew, who shall be thinking of another thing/s to buy) buy me a Nintendo DS cartridge (preferably SuperMario).

And, Rayray will be planning out my 17th birthday party which will not coincide with the surprise party I'll be getting from another friend. This means that I'll be getting two very well organized parties from two different people at two different times. Thank you in advance. :))

a post that's partly mandatory

2007-10-19T18:58:00.000+08:00

My first sem in college has passed already. From the looks of it, I flunked. My goals were mere hopes and dreams that weren't really considered. The color-coded post-its don't really work, as well as the "Times for play" chart, the "study time" chart (which I barely reread), and similar "props" so my mom thought I studied hardly. The whole sem was a cycle of study-eat-sleep-study-take test-pass-eat-study-get awed-stay stuck. Anyway, point is, I flunked.

I have a very grave predicament. Very grave. :))

87

2007-09-23T23:02:00.000+08:00

87.
at first it may seem prime. but it is not.
at first it may seem enticing. but it is not.
at first it may seem lacking. but it is not.

87 is not less than one hundred.
It actually is better with a little squiggle more.

It is symmetric.
With two lines and two circles.

It is exotic.
With the eccentricity of the number three.

It is grand.
With four little keys do sol fa si.

It is blabber.
Blabber like the butts of five hens.

It is living.
Like the century's peak the sixties.

It is recurrent.
Seventy-eight more than nine.

It is essential.
Like zero is to time.

It is like any other number.
But is as distinct and special as red is from green.

It is the prodigious numeration of my love for thee.
With two less than thy bodily exeunt.

87. to count the lines herein.
As fools say, wise do.

to my one and only

2007-09-15T20:49:00.000+08:00

my dream started with waking up,
with waking up into reality

and i brushed my teeth
and i bathed
and saw the suit lying on the bed
and i sacked the suit and put on my pajamas
and went to church
and we were married

she was the prettiest woman
and i was the handsomest man
and we were meant to be
and i said will you be with me for the rest of my life?
and she killed me and there goes the rest of my life
(just kidding)
and she said ...

and i woke up into my fantasies
and here i am again.

bugto

2007-09-04T22:44:00.000+08:00

Mahirap pala ang maging only child. Kung sa katotohanan ay may kuya ako, sa ngayon, parang only child na lang ako. May sarili na nga kasi siyang pamilya e. At ngayon, nararanasan ko ang mga nararanasan ng mga orphans. Yung orphans na wala sa orphanage. Kasi, ayun nga, mag-isa lang ako ngayong kolehiyo. Walang magulang. Walang kuya. Wala nang dormdorm. Kaya, challenge. hightech diba?

Kung kayo may mga kapatid, mapabunso, ate, kuya, o katwin (fraternal/dizygotic o identical/monozygotic), maswerte kayo. Lubus-lubusin niyo na ang pagkakaron ng kapatid. Dahil mahirap talaga ang maging mag-isa. Oo, maraming nagsasabi na maganda to, kasi training for independence daw. Pero opportunity cost naman nito ang paghaharden ng puso dahil sa pangangailangan. Kelangang hindi sila mamiss. Kelangang hindi mahomesick. Kelangang goal-oriented. Ganoon ang buhay estudyanteng mag-isa.

Kung may mga bagay na hindi niyo magustuhan sa kapatid niyo, intindihin niyo. At matuwa kayo dahil nagigi kayong saksi sa mga kilos niya. Ako mismo, ayaw na ayaw ang paninigarilyo ng kuya ko. Bad breath na nga, dilaw pang ngipin, ugat ng lung disorders, pangit na balat, at lahat ng negatibo. Pero at least noon, nakikita ko yun. Ngayon, malay ko ba, parang wala na akong alam tungkol sa kanya. Alam niyo naman siguro ang pakiramdam ng may kasama sa bahay na pwede mong mapagkatiwalaan ukol sa mga bagay-bagay diba? Ako hindi e. :)) Hindi kasi ako nagkaron ng pagkakataon na makilala ko yung kuya ko e. Onganaman, 4-year gap. Pag nagbubuddy bonding kami ni kuya jeremy na halos 5 years na ang gap namin ay naiisip ko ang kuya kong di ko nakilala nang gaano. Parang mas kilala ko pa si Kuya Jeremy na dalawang buwan pa lang ang nakalilipas nang makilala ko siya. Nakakasakit isipin na hindi ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon. E dadalawa lang kami. Nakakalungkot diba? Kaya, naging only child na nga lang ako ngayon. Pero mas madalas akong maging orphan kaysa maging only child. Kahit yung mga magulang ko, madalang kong makapiling.

Paano ko mapapakita sa kanila ang pagmamahal at pasasalamat ko kung hindi ako mabigyan ng pagkakataon. Ng ENOUGH na pagkakataon. wala lang. Mabuti kayo. Kayang kaya niyo.

Kaya, wag magpakalonely. Kumain din ng sinabawang gulay para masustansya.

Ngayon, lunod na lunod na ako sa Legendre, proteasomal pathway, Ubiquitin tags, xenotransplantation, logarithms, Ozymandias, at the indolence of the Filipinos. Not to mention (nge, minention ko rin) my own problems, struggles, weariness, lack of control and discipline, and love. :)) kidding.

Kaya kung hirap kayong pag-isipan kung anong regalo ipapaFedex niyo sakin, madali lang. Pagkakataon. Pagkakataon na maranasan ang mga nadeprive sakin na normally mararanasan ko dapat.

Ayuk!!! :))

senselessoninlawyerika

2007-09-02T22:05:00.000+08:00

a wise man once said, "nahihirapan na ako." i agree. nahihirapan na ako.

Hg

2007-08-05T11:38:00.000+08:00

I remember how my dad got this head-lump when we three boys played army

I remember how my mom played nintendo 64 and dance dance revo with me and my brother

I remember how my dad lashed us with his leather belts

I remember how my mom spanked us until we bled

I remember how they cried

I remember how irony had been personified

I remember very well

snatched

2007-07-14T18:48:00.000+08:00

fans, pasensya na talaga. di natiis ng isa kong fan. nasnatch niya yung phone ko na naglalaman ng vain pics ko. nooooooooooo. kaya, wala na akong phone. wala na yung number ko. pero wag niyong burahin yun. kasi, pwede niyong maging txtm8 yung snatcher thru it. joke. pero anyway, para macontact niyo ako, gamitin ang telepathy. and surely, macocontact niyo ako. yehey. thanks fans. mag-ingat din kayo. kasi ako?? di ko talaga naramdaman yung pagsnatch.

I need brainsuction

2007-07-10T02:59:00.000+08:00

It's three in the morning and I'm still awake. Chem 16 is fun without the tests. It is rather difficult to study for a test in which memory is a big factor. How do they expect us to memorize the chronology of the procedure plus the equations plus the moles plus the observations plus extra questions found at the end of each experiment??

My dad says I talk like a zombie over the phone. Let me tell him he sounds like a cool dad. Like. Hahaha.

DO NOT EVER STUDY FOR CHEM THE NIGHT BEFORE!!! or you'll end up waking up past three. Because you can't equate 6 hours of study time with 9 working hours [3 experiments times 3 hours per experiment]. Ahhh, somebody please lobotomize me.

are you ascorbic?? are you acidic??

2007-07-07T20:03:00.000+08:00

So, nanggaling ako sa ER nung wednesday dahil 40 ang aking temp. and my nose bled. inaaway pa ako ng med resident dahil kinakalikot ko raw ilong ko, when in truth, HINDI!!! awayin ko siya. how many times do i have to tell them my nose bled because of my body heat??? akala niyo kakalikutin ko ilong ko hanggang dumugo to? HINDI.

anyway, ayoooooown. dapat maging ascorbic and acidic na kayo para masaya.

isa-isa kong hinawaan ang aking blockmates. nauna si ria, bess, jerico. tas si pat.

kamon.
susunod ka na, dundundun. sana matigil na itong hawaan. di ko na kaya. aww.

-

nasabi ko na bang mahal ko ang mbb?? dahil masaya ang mga stereoisomers na nonsuperimposable enantiomers. alam mo ba na hindi nagmamatter ang acidic environment sa cell acidity at alam mo ba na ang zwitterionic form ng cell ay amphoteric dahil pwede siyang maging base o acid?? grabe, very enlightening at confusing at the same time magturo yung mbb prof namin. i love her. kamon. pati siya nacoconfuse minsan sa sinasabi niya. at alam mo ba na hindi amino acid ang proline?? instead, isa siyang imino acid (since NH2+ ang kanyang imino group) o diba?? masaya ang mbb.

-

isa kang nganga kapag meron kang areca nut, ikmo (betel leaf), tsaka optional apog (lime).
magpakanganga ka na. yeh.

why do some people rant about classical music when more than half of the world has to study?

2007-06-18T20:44:00.000+08:00

Freshie Spitz at importanteng mensahe kasunod nito

2007-06-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

hay. ayan na. sa wakas. nakapagsalita na rin ako. Akala ko nga mapupunit na chest ko the night before dahil sa lakas at bilis ng lubdubs ng puso ko e. Kabadong kabado ako nun. Pero dahil tapos na, ayan. OK na. Ngayon ko lang hinarap ang libo-libong tao. At hullor, ispitch. :)) anyway, salamat at tapos na siya. buti na lang college of ssp at eng at sci lang yun. at di buong up freshie. suri, nakakakaba talaga. at buti di ako natapilok o kaya namula o kaya nabulol.

ipopost ko na rin.

Even before the UPCAT results arrived, I knew that I had to study at the University of the Philippines. For me, UP weighed more than any other university I applied for. Eventually, the results came and the decision boiled down to UP versus ADMU. Both enticed me with free-tuition scholarships: one bragging about a free air-conditioned dorm room to accompany my stay, and the other, boasting simplicity—a statue of a naked man looking at the heavens to welcome me each day. It wasn’t really an easy decision, so why did I choose UP?

Coming from Philippine Science High School, I had to take a science or a math course. My courses for both universities were very much related: Biology at the ADMU and Molecular Biology and Biotechnology here at the UP. The critical difference was that I preferred Petri dishes and microbes over taxonomic balderdash, so my decision was fixed.
The fact that UP is a montage of all sorts of people supported my decision. I can meet a nerd, a jock, an artist, a revolutionary, an activist and a sophist. It would give me great pleasure to befriend someone who doesn’t agree with my ideology, and I would be equally thankful to find someone very much like me. Anyone can belong to UP. Part of the thrill in going to UP is searching for my interests and figuring out what hidden passions I have. Many different organizations are in UP: academic-based orgs such as the UP Samahan sa Agham-Pampulitika or UP SAPUL and the UP Pre-Medical Society; athletic orgs such as the Laya Football Club and the UP Association of Karate or UPAK; cultural and artistic orgs such as the UP Repertory Company and the three Philippine choirs who made it to the Euro Grand Prix for Choral Singing: the UP Madrigal Singers, the UP Singing Ambassadors, and the UP Concert Chorus; faith-based orgs such as Youth for Christ UP and the UP Muslim Students’ Association; and even geographic-based and ethnicity-based orgs such as the UP Sidlangan for Leyte, Samar and Biliran-based students.
Aside from offering remarkable education, UP can indeed give me various choices to shape well my roundedness. Like at the Dampa, which is both a marketplace and a restaurant where people choose the kind of meat and the cooking method, knowledge won’t be spoon-fed; I just have to select the things to learn based on my hunger and palate because it is I who know very well what I like. UP can guide me in finding out who I am and who I need to be in order to meet my necessities and my inclinations.
But aside from the academics and the freedom to choose, the true essence of being at the UP is being an Iskolar ng Bayan. The University of the Philippines was not called the University of the Philippines just because it is in the Philippines. It was called so because it is the only national university in the country and Filipino taxpayers partly subsidize the education of UP students. Therefore, every Iskolar ng Bayan should not take studying at UP for granted. The most significant word of the phrase Iskolar ng Bayan is bayan; thus each scholar should give back to the country, not due to indebtedness, but because of the duty to serve the country and the Filipino taxpayers, without whom the UP education would not have been possible. An Iskolar ng Bayan should be grateful enough for the blessings he received, and so he should have loyalty to the university and to the country, have integrity through all endeavors, and have respect to fellow students and countrymen. After getting the academic excellence UP instills in its students, a UP scholar should share and use what he learned for the betterment of the society because UP does not train its students to apply what they learn only for selfish benefits or greed. An Iskolar ng Bayan is independent yet conforms to the ethical and moral norms. The true mark of an Iskolar ng Bayan is not his intelligence or his expertise in a particular field, but rather his versatility and his adaptability to hardships and life situations from which he has to decide what is best for our nation. Some mistakes may be inevitable, but those mistakes will be the fire that hardens the pot to its perfection.
As we voyage through college, we must remember that the ultimate purpose of our education is for the nation, that we should give back the excellence the University of the Philippines will have nurtured in us. When the time comes, through our own efforts, we shall be subsidizing a new generation of Iskolars ng Bayan. And surely, if the cycle goes on, we will be helping the country develop exceptionally.

Yeah, I opted for the statue of a naked man looking at the heavens. Fellow freshmen, let’s make the best out of that naked man for the Philippines.

woohoo. tapos na rin. yeh. after ng spitz, nagkaron ng protest. yeh. at least maagang lumabas yung tunay na kulay. haha. tungkol siya sa tuition increase and a whole heck more.

AT ETO ANG PINAKAMADUGO: yeh. bloody.
naaasar ako sa notion na kinakahiya ang pagkafreshy. grrr. sobra. naiinis ako tuwing naririnig ko ang aking mga kaibigan na nagsasabing Wag mong ilabas yung mapa; mahahalata tayo!! o kaya naman, pag sasabihin kong Dun tayo sa palma. sasabihin naman nilang AS ano ba!! para di magmukhang freshie. Baket?? me pinagkaiba ba ang palma sa AS?? e sa gusto kong tawaging palma ang palma hall. mabuti na yun, cinocommemorate si palma. kesa namang AS, sino ba yun?? hahah. pero seriously, INIS NA INIS NA INIS NA INIS ako sa freshies na kinakahiya ang pagkafreshie nila. E ano naman kung freshie?? FRESHIE AKO AT PROUD AKO DUN!!! PROUD AKONG MAGTANONG KUNG DI KO ALAM! PROUD AKONG MAGTANONG KUNG MAGKANO ANG DYIP! PROUD AKONG SUMAKAY NG IKOT TAS BUMABA, TAS SUMAKAY ULI!!! PROUD AKONG BUMABA LAMPAS SA CP GARCIA, TAS MAGLAKAD PATUNGONG CP GARCIA! PROUD AKONG TANUNGIN SA GUARD KUNG MAGKANO YUNG ID STRAP!! PROUD AKONG SUMIGAW AT MAGMUKHANG TANGA SA PAGGALAW NG KAMAY NANG DI NAKAKASABAY. PROUD AKONG TINGNAN YUNG MAPA PAMINSAN-MINSAN, KESA NAMAN TSUMAMBA KUNG SAN PUPUNTA!!! AT ANO NAMAN, KUNG FRESHIE AKO?? hindi ba dumadaan ang lahat ng college students sa pagiging freshie?? kaya sa susunod na mahiya ka sa balat mo, mag-isip ka. KASI FRESHIE KA TALAGA!! AT YUN ANG TOTOO. WAG MAGPAKAHIPOKRITO!!

:(

2007-06-02T16:54:00.000+08:00

please don't ask why

This Post Is Not Senseless.

2007-05-27T11:31:00.000+08:00

Do NOT ever mix Milo Cereals and Chocolait together. Although Milo Cereals and Chocolait taste well when they are standalone, they suck when they're together, much like my mouth and my thoughts.

BENLO

2007-05-22T00:36:00.000+08:00

watch out... for the upcoming new trend of the century. the BENLO.

while walking past Bench with someone whose name I choose not to disclose, I remembered that Bench's etymology came from the creator's first name and his last name's first two letters (BEN CHan). now I'm going to say in your face to mr. BENCH for I'm gonna have to launch the BENLO, which obviously comes from BEN LOpez. :)) anyway, the BENLO is a new clothing line that is not only cheap but profitable for me. It comes in sackcloth, tissuecloth, papercloth, ruffled-testpapercloth, scratch-papercloth and termite-infested-bookcloth. Not only does BENLO appeal to the eye (and to the skin), it also gives you the best comfort and fit. It comes in all sizes (XS, S, M, L, XL, F, 1, 2, 3, etc etc.). This BENLO will strip the fame for BENCH, HUMAN, PENSHOPPE, and most especially will rip the jeans for LEVI's, Gas, Celio, Springfield, Burberry, and will strikethrough the acronyms CK, AK, DKNY, A|X, RL, and will prolly outwit Jack Spade, Lacoste, Gucci, and a whole lot more.

The Benlo gets five stars from all fashion critiques you can grab. Surely, experts like LV, Timberland, and Ralph Lauren (I'm so sorry close friend of mine) will back off.

Two co-clothing lines will be on-the-go too: DEVIL AND KASHISHMISH, both of which will also be run by me. Devil is all about being emo and gothic + style. It gives a whole new sense of fashion for the rebels and more importantly creates innovations and voids the ambiguity of the color black. Kashishmish on the other hand is for the females. A new indated clothing company, Kashishmish will innovate the use of walkytalkies and micro-plant them onto Kashishmish so that you can talk with fellow Kashishmish wearers.

The BENLO is not a ripoff of BENCH, as the DEVIL is not a ripoff of HUMAN and the KASHISHMISH is not a ripoff of KASHIECA. =))

***

ahahaha. sorry lang bangag. naalala ko lang kasi e. ganyan ang nagagawa kapag naglalakad ka sa mall nang walang pera. me kasama ka nga, wala rin namang wawarts :)) sabi nga ng WHAM, use your head. ((:

an excerpt of an eventful today

2007-05-18T17:52:00.000+08:00

sa mall...

*habang naglulunch*
G to B: di kami mayaman!!!

*later*
G points at Forever21 (*ui. astig sale*): halika, pakita ko sayo yung skirt na sinasabi ko.
B (*ui. ang galing. mura. mga 299.*): sige.

saleslady to G: hi! kunin mo na yung skirt mo? *apparently, nareserve na ata ni G yung skirt. uhum. at close sila ng saleslady*
G pointing at B: ililibre niya po ako...
B *shrugs*: ok.

*tas punta kami dun sa skirt niya*
saleslady: isa na lang po yung sa size niyo
G: maiksi ba to?
B: ok lang.
G: ui. isa na lang o. sayang. kunin ko na?
B: kukunin mo?
G: libre mo ako?
B: ok lang. ate, magkano po?
saleslady: one-two
G: one-two. *at alam niya na pala beforehand na 1200 yung skirt na yun.*

singit: ok lang pala to sa mga hindi mayayaman. yung 1-2 na skirt.

B *nanlaki mga mata*: HUH? SERYOSO KA?
G: huh? edi hati tayo.
B: hah? seryoso ka? nagpapalibre ka ng 1200? seryoso ka? *di pa rin makapaniwalang me nagpapalibre ng 1-2 na skirt. *

*labas sa store*
B *di pa rin makapaniwala*: seryoso ka? one-two para sa skirt?

tas sermon-sermon sa pagigi niyang magastos. :))

haha. ansaya makipagtalo sayo G. dahil hindi ka nananalo. Xp JUUUUUUUUUKE

Alone

2007-05-15T20:14:00.000+08:00

The ticktocks of my bedroom clock intensified with every tick. The room was dark save the yellow photon mosaic, patched on the webbed ceiling by none other than the biggest lamppost I have ever seen. Although the light patches disturbed the darkness, only the outlines of an empty bed, a shut laptop, scattered coins, a Swiss knife being my laptop's safe, six functional keys and a broken one could be seen. The sight really wasn't much if all your possessions were stacked on a desktop. To think it over, a guest wouldn't notice any traces of desolation. But, as the ticktocks of my bedroom clock intensified with every tick, the lubdubs of my heartbeat intensified with every pump. It suddenly dawned on me that the empty bed across mine is empty (Yeah, you read that right). Then, every single lobe of my brain complained to me.

Let me take you to each one of them.

On one lobe read "THE BED". The bed. The bed next to mine was empty. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago because my brother slept there. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago because my brother slept there until I knew I was going to be an uncle. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago because my brother slept there until I knew I was going to be an uncle, and he finally transferred to a new house near Bamboo-the-singer's residence.

On another lobe read "MY HOME". My home. I never really knew what adventure I embarked on when I left home exactly four years ago. I never imagined "this" happening. But as of now, I was worried about my mom. My mom was all alone in our humble abode because Peter Pan was with Wendy in Alabang, my dad left home for work and the elections, and I am stuck with Manila for the shooting. My mom was all alone this recent Mother's Day. My mom was all alone when she handled our village's fiesta last Sunday. My mom was all alone when the only family she could call was me. My mom has been all alone when she sleeps.

On another read "DAD". Dad. My dad gets a retainer's fee for being our town's congressman's lawyer. The recent elections surely gave my dad a hard time and weeks away from home. I'm certain my dad considers 24/7 a cliché. Going back to the retainer's fee, which I think won't be enough for kicking my bro's butt away from home and my bro's upcoming wedding and my bro's child and my bro's house bills and my bro's..., I am disturbed by the fact that we may be literally asking for alms in due time. And, my mom just called to inform me that the congressman's wife, who's running for congresswoman and whom dad supports, is behind by 700 in one of the municipalities. If she loses, we're off. We're gonna be off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz. Seriously. I don't want my dad's being away from home 24/7 to be a waste.

On another read "HEY BRO". Ugh. I love my brother. But he's gone, and I have to accept the fact that the empty bed beside mine is gonna be empty for the rest of my stay (well, except for irregular visits). And earlier today, I witnessed something my brother and I never had, the brotherhood of another brotherhood (Ok, zip it). My brotherhood with my biological brother was not the best you could ever had. But it was still a brotherhood. Ok, I'll shut up before anything odd happens.

On another lobe read "PISAY-UP". Uhuh. Uhuh. Uhuh-uhuh-uhuh. I am entering college but instead of the usual pack of lobes that think about college life, I'm gonna be stuck with one. Just one lobe. A lone lobe. The Pisay shooting will finally resume, after a three-week hiatus. *sigh* And to think, I achieved nothing. nil. zero. zilch. I hope UP would not be squeezing my only lobe left for it.

On another read "BUH-BYE. I WON'T BE SEEING YOU EVER AGAIN (exaggerated, or maybe not)." Buh-bye. To ones of people leaving the country. But it actually boils down to leaving me. First goes Joji. Anj. Then Jannel. Kuya Mike. Then someone-else-whose-name-I-must-not-mention-for-
reasons-I-know-not-of. You're all leaving. This lobe was reactivated when that someone-else-whose-name-I-must-not-mention-for-
reasons-I-know-not-of told me he/she'll be leaving tomorrow for somewhere-not-in-the-Philippines. Anyhow, my point is, although I wanna tell the world how I'll miss them, I can't compose myself for such things as these. Leaping to higher leaps, I'll be going to Africa with Joji come some time in the future. Hopefully, we are gonna hold medical missions, love the children, love Africa, and love the world. If you wanna join the fun/love/showcase of love/labor/whateber you wanna call it, then tell us.

On another read "INSOMNIA". During non-class days, I get insomniac. I try to sleep but it takes me about seven dozen methods to counteract insomnia before I get to sleep. Every night, I try the sheep-counting thing, the count-to-forever thing, the milk-before-bedtime thing, the yoga-meditation thing, the thing, you name it. I just can't and it breaks my heart because during those times, I never forget to remember every single person I miss. I miss you.

On another read "MY DEAR COUNTRY". I am saddened when I am reminded of how poorly informed I am about our country. The time will come when I'll show the Philippines my love and support and care.

On another read "ME, MYSELF, AND I". I am alone. period. That's the whole point of this post. And I've had enough with friends calling me "emo" and "drama". My hairstyle doesn't seem to agree with any of them. Anyway, I can't blame them, because I have to express how I feel--alone. Yes, I am alone. And, don't ever try to joke me or bitch me about this, because I'm serious. I don't want to be alone. That's why I spend trillions of centavos on gimmicks, libres, overtime, ym time, dates, and a whole lot more. Nobody wants to be alone. But I am. But you won't fully comprehend, so this is useless. Anyway, if ever you find me weird or over-the-top, it's because I'm alone. I really am, so don't piss me off about it.

So, as the ticktocks of my bedroom clock intensified with every tick, I am reminded of how alone I am. Lord, help.

six weird things / mahal ko ang UP

2007-05-12T20:31:00.000+08:00

got tagged by tsitsil and raix. but the thing is, i wanna bend the rules a little. i'm taking the test but not following the directions. the only thing i hate about stuff like these is that the test becomes a virus, infecting more and more as each takes the test. so i'm gonna have to pass the test to these lucky people: ________________, ______________, ________________, ________________, ________________, and _______________. Hope you enjoy them mr. and mrs. blanks!!! because these are really really weird.

ONE
I loved Coke a long time ago! But now, I can't tolerate any softdrinks flooding my digestive tract. blech!! hate the taste.

DALAWA
Nagkaron ako ng nakakatakot na bangungot ngayong fourth year. Pero hindi to sa dorm. Sa bahay to sa Maynila. Ang kakaiba sa bangungot na ito ay parang gising ako. Kalahating gising, kalahating tulog. Alam kong natutulog ako, nakikita ko yung paligid. Nakikita ko yung kabinet sa tapat ng kama. Yung kisame ay kita ko rin. Pero hindi ako makagalaw. At parang hindi rin ako makahinga. Matagal-tagal ding ganito yung nangyari. Nakatingin lang ako sa paligid. Pero alam kong natutulog ako. At pinipilit kong galawin yung kamay ko. Yung ulo ko. Yung katawan ko. Pero ang bigat. Sobrang hindi ko siya magalaw. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko nun. Para akong tinali sa kama. Mabigat. Masikip. Tapos, muntik na akong maiyak. Sa totoo lang, sa loob-loob ko umiiyak na ako. Sumisigaw. Para ba naman akong nakulong diba? Tapos, sobrang desperado na ako at di ko malaman ang gagawin ko. Kaya sumisigaw na ako kay Jesus. Sinisigaw ko yung pangalan Niya. Maraming beses. Gising ako nun. Sigurado ako. Nararamdaman ko e. Pero di ko lang talaga magalaw yung katawan ko. Tapos sigaw ako nang sigaw. Hanggang dun lang yung maalala ko. Naiiyak na ako nun e. Pero pagkagising ko (kasi tulog dapat ako nun), naalala ko yung nangyari. At totoo yun alam ko. Nakarinig na rin ako ng mga kwentong katulad nito kina muy at pito. Pero nung third year pa yun. At noon natatakot talaga akong mangyari sakin yung mga nangyari na rin sa kanila. Pero nangyari rin sakin. Buti na lang, nalagpasan ko rin yun.

TULO
Ha Tacloban han bata pa ako, mahilig ako magkaturog ha kama hit akon nanay nan tatay.
Mayda passage ha butnga hit amon kwarto hit akon kuya nan hit kwarto han akon nanay ngan tatay. Kausa, ginbalhin daw ako balik ngadto hit akon tinuod na kama, matapos ako magkaturog ha ira. Pero, kinabuwasan, nakadto na liwat ako han ira kama. Hit akon paghinumdom, ginyaknan ak nira na naglalakat ako hin nakaturog. Amo, talagsa dire ko nasasabtan na naglilinakat na ngayan ako kay dire man ako nagmamata hit akon pagkiwa.

IKAUPAT
Dile ko kahibalo kun ano gyud ang akong isulat kay dile man gyud ko makahimo ug akong buot ipasabot amo iba-iba an mga yayaknon na nadinhe.

GOH
Tset nang sah sih goh lak tsit poy kaw tsap.

LIU
Ui ur san se wu liu tsih pah tsui shi. Wo te mingtzeh shi lee ming-an.

/

mahal ko ang up. sobra. basta. kung ngayon pa lang naeenjoy ko na siya e pano pa kaya sa parating na apat na taon. kaya melat sa mga hindi nag-up. MEH!! :)) juke. me pangit din sa up. sistema at organisasyon. hahaha. pero pake ko ba, kung iisipin mo rin naman na libu-libo hinahandle nila e mapagbibigyan mo na yung nakataas na kilay, yung "hindi ko alam," yung pasigaw na "That's life. I'm sorry, you have to go back at the end of the line!!!" yung pagpapatayo-upo-tayo-upo nila, at yung tanong ka nang tanong tas eventually di mo rin alam gagawin mo.

pero mahal ko ang up. ngayon pa lang, nararamdaman ko nang ang up ay ang aking tahanan. yeh

masaya ang up. meh Xp

U-Na-I-Ba-E-Ra-Sa-I-Da-A-Da-Na-Ga-Pa-I-La-I-Pa-I-Na-A-Sa

meh. Xp

***
excerpts from "Miss Airlines"

Suriname Airlines: "Here at Sooooooooooooooooooriname Airlines, we are very apologetic. Sooooooooooooooooripo. Sooooooooooooooooooooorilang. Sooooooooooooooooorinah-m."
"The Soooooooooooooriname Airlines know very well your identity. It is our specialty. We know your firstname. your middle name. your soooooooooooooooooooooooooriname."

Tokyo Airlines: "Gay kami, Gay sila, GAY-SIYA!!!"

Ethiopia: *screech*

Borat: "Here at Kazakhstan we value your health, kasi ayaw namin kayong MAZAKHTAN"

*tawatawatawa*

PAL: "MABUHAY!!" shucks. nakalimutan ko na
*babagsak na yung eroplano* "Happy fiesta!!"

ok. bano yung pagkakwento ko. pero magaling talaga yung masscomm. kung gano ako kabano magkwento ng jokes ganun sila kagaling magdeliver nito. ansakit na ng tiyan ko nun. hahahahaha. sobrang galing nila.

2007-05-11T00:35:00.000+08:00

i am 93% boyie //very narcissistic

2007-05-09T20:48:00.000+08:00

:)) at sino me sabing 1% ng pagiging babae ang bawat linya sa baba??
pathetic naman to. tagged by rob. tagging *dundundun*

Take this quiz and find out how girly you are. (GUYS TOO) Put x's beside each thing that's true. Each x that you put is one percent. Have fun!!

[ ] My fingernails/toenails are almost always done. //haha, ang galing. niremind mo ako.
[X] During the summer the only shoes i wear are flip flops //they're not even shoes. pero sige, dahil madalas naman ako sa bahay.
[ ] My favorite toys as a child were barbies //hahaha. guys should take this?
[ ] My favorite colour is pink or purple //whateber. pwede talaga to sa guys pramis. :))
[ ] I did Gymnastics. //kasama ba yung required nung first year? o gymnastics nga ba yun?
[ ] I love skirts. // oo, 1% ng pagkababae to. *sarcastic*
[ ] Hollister is one of my favorite places to shop //hollister? huwat?
[ ] Tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear. //tight? bakit?
[ ] I love chocolate //mahal ko ang nutella. pero hindi ko mahal ang chocolate in general.
[x] I've never had a real job. // ngek. :)) real job?? pag bata ka pa pala, madadagdagan ka ng pagkababae
TOTAL: 2
//at sino me sabing magcomment for every line? wag na nga

[ ] My hair is almost always straightened
[ ] I have at least 8 myspace pictures
[ ] I usually go shopping once a week
[X] I love to hang out at the mall with friends //duh. girly na ako. woohoo. pathetic test. gruff.
[ ] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace or earings.
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon.
[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan.
[ ] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes.
[ ] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach.
[ ] I change my icon weekly.
[ ] I wear a shower cap.
TOTAL: 1

[x] I dont shop at Hot Topic. // I don't shop at Hot Topic.
[ ] My cell phone might as well become a part of me.
[ ] I wear mascara everyday.
[ ] I've been or am on a diet. //siguro kelangan ko nun. para tumaba.
[ ] Bathing suits are adorable.
[ ] I dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat. // bwahahahaha. whateber.
[ ] Big sunglasses are hott. //walang temperature ang mga sunglasses samin.
[ ] I have gotten my nails done before.
[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels.

TOTAL: 1

[ ] All I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys! //hahahaha. whateber agen.
[ ] I love to have girls do my hair.
[ ] I give and recieve hugs from all my friends
[ ] I hate bugs.
[ ] Carnivals are so fun! //Carnivores are so fun!
[ ] Summer is THE best season. //THE ba talaga?
[ ] My swimsuit has 2 pieces //:)) isa para sa pwet at sa harap?! juke. =))
[ ] I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor. //yeah right. bwahahaha. ambanu nung test.
[ ] Musicians are so hot. //i agree. kaya nga musician na rin ako e. JUKE.
[ ] You write me a poem and tell me I'm beautiful and I'm all yours. //tell me I'm beautiful and i'll punch you right in the nose!
TOTAL: 0

[x] I am self-conscious. //dotdotdot
[ ] I cry often.
[ ] My car smells like vanilla or cherry. //i don't have a car.
[ ] My dishes get washed more than once a week. //i don't have dishes.
[ ] I dont do sports. //I do sports. I just don't do them every so often.
[ ] I HATE to run.
[ ] I squeal when I am surprised or angry. //*squeak* *squeak*
[ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack. //I'll eat you as a snack.
[ ] I love romance novels. //I love you.
[ ] Drew Barrymore is so cute. //I am so cute.
TOTAL: 1

[ ] I dance a lot.// rhymes with sir lancelot
[ ] usually spend an hour or over to get ready to leave my house.
[ ] I only have like 5 billion hair products. //bwahahaha. i bet wala akong kilalang babae na may ganito.
[ ] I love to get dressed up. //di uso ang costume party samin, kahit halloween.
[ ] Every part of my outfit needs to match. //match what?
[ ] I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends. //I talk on the phone ...to ronald mcdonald.
[ ] I would love to have a photo shoot. //hahahaha. kahit vain ako, i wouldn't LOVE this.
[ ] I apply lip stuff 50 times a day. //50 times? seryoso ka? gano kakapal na mga labi niyo niyan?
[ ] I wish I were a model. //m m. model ng alipunga. hahahaha. juke.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I wish I could meet Paris Hilton. //diba mas gustong mameet ng guys si paris?
[ ] I have been something that was semi. //semi-kalbo hair? m m
[ ] I own Uggs. //Ughs
[ ] Hip Hop is the best music. //:)) pochero ka. whateber to you.
[ ] I pop my collar.
[ ] I like to be the center of attention.
[ ] Guys with Mohawks are crazy. //Craziness doesn't depend on hairdo
[ ] Horses are beautiful.
[ ] I'd rather not pay attention in school. // ngyengkngyengkngyengk
[ ] Cats are adorable. //for ma'am beltran.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I write my own music // ngek. 2 kanta pa lang nagagawa ko. nakakatamad e.
[ ] I would love to visit Hawaii. // i would love people to visit me.
[ ] Valentine's day is so cute! //yeh. i agree. NOT.
[ ] White is better than black.
[ ] I wouldn't be caught dead in all black. //dundundun
[ ] My closet is STOCK FULL of clothes.
[ ] Hate the grunge look.
[ ] I love to read magazines.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I love to gossip.
[ ] I had Lisa Frank folders/posters/notebooks as a kid. //hahahahahhaa..
[ ] I love Celine Dion. //I love myself
[ ] My bubble baths are 1-2hrs long. //my bubble baths are nonexistent
[ ] My wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned. //does that mean, it needs me? what?
[ ] My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other.
[ ] I like little kids. //I like myself
[ ] Diet drinks are the best. //I am the best.
[ ] I'm all about being vegetarian. //I'm all about being loved and idolized and supported.
[ ] I refuse to eat at McDonalds. //I refuse you to eat me.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I check my myspace everyday.
[x] I love life! // especially MY life.
[ ] I have a lot of jewlery! //yeh. and i'm rich too. :)) so sucky.
[ ] My screen name(s) have x's in them. //yeh. xxsuperbenlo07xx
[ ] Either one of my myspace names has/had "<3"'s //i am not less than 3.
[x] I would never want to be the opposite sex. // :)) you suck.
[ ] It's not what he/she said it's the way he/she said it. //it's actually what I said.
[ ] I have more than 3 pillows on my bed.// I have pillows for a bed. hahaha. keddeng.
TOTAL: 2

Now, dahil walang kwenta tong survey na to. I'm tagging people na may kwenta. That would be VINNA, JAKI, MICH, SHAYNE, CECILE and LUIGI

pulitika pulitiko

2007-05-09T13:06:00.000+08:00

Malapit na ang eleksyon. sa HEROES. hahahaha. kidding. Pero may aaminin ako sa inyo. Wala akong kilala sa mga tatakbong senatoriables bukod kay Pichay, Zubiri, Villar, Angara, Montano, at Gomez. Sa hindi naman senatoriables, tatatlo lang, at yun yung nakikita ko sa neighborhood namin. Si Cita Astals, si Ali Atienza, at si Fred Lim. Anyway, balik sa senatoriables. Astig diba? Isa-isahin natin. Si Pichay for obvious reasons. Si Zubiri, ayy oo, narinig kong siya yung may makapal na makeup sa mga posters. Si Villar, somehow naalala ko siya dahil may nakita akong poster niya. Si Angara naman, yun yung jingle na paulit-ulit na kinakanta ng kuya ko sa kotse. Yung kinanta ni Sarah Geronimo. Si Montano at si Gomez, nakita ko sa mga blog ng tao. Pero, sila lang ang kilala ko. Bakit?? Unang-una, wala kaming cable, so hindi ko talaga binubuksan ang tv namin dito sa Maynila unless magddbd. Pangalawa, buong araw akong nakaharap sa computer, online o kaya nanonood ng heroes, o kaya nagphophotoshop, o kaya nakikinig ng musika. Pangatlo, hindi ako lumalabas unless shooting, may kailangan bilhin, may kailangan gawin, UP purposes. Kapag shooting, madalas umagang-umaga (mga six) ang calltime so nagtataxi ako. At kapag nasa taxi either nakapikit mga mata ko o nakatutok sa metro. So basically di ko rin napapansin yung nasa labas ng kotse bukod sa kalsada. Kapag naman hindi shooting, either LRT, MRT at jeep ang sinasakyan ko. Sa LRT walang makikitang posters. Sa MRT naman, wala rin akong makita. Sa jeep, kinakausap ko lang yung kasama ko so oblivious sakin ang outside world ng jeep. So wala talaga akong alam sa mga pulitiko. Pang-apat, ang totoo'y hindi ko na inaalam. Bakit? Ayokong sabihin na wala akong pakialam sa bansa natin kasi meron. Pero kahit mahal ko ang bansa natin, di ko inaalam yung mga kandidato. Ni hindi nga ako nakanood ng Isang Tanong e. At isa pa, bobo rin pala ako sa geography. Akala ko nga magkalapit lang yung Batangas at Cabite e. :)) oo na, 2.5 hours pa raw ang distansya. whateber. Anyway, ang point ko tila'y wala akong pakialam sa bansa natin dahil hindi ko kilala ang mga kandidato. Pero isa pang rason kung bakit, e di naman ako boboto. Pero kung boboto ako, siguro pinakinggan ko na lahat ng sinasabi nila. Pero nagbibingibingihan talaga ako. Kasi wala namang diperensya sa kung aalamin ko yung kandidato o hindi e. Buti sana kung nakakaimpluwensya ako ng boto diba? Pero duh, sino namang makikinig sa menor de edad na ang best friend ay laptop? Sino naman ang makikinig sa taganood lang ng HEROES, sino namang makikinig sa hindi nanonood ng news? Sino ang makikinig sa katulad kong nagrereklamo, hindi sa pulitika o sa sistema, kundi sa paghihiwalay samin ng kuya ko. Diba? Pero maraming tao diyan na katulad ko. Siguro may mga iilan ding boboto na katulad ko. Na walang pake. Na walang alam sa geography. Na walang alam sa mga balita. Na naiirita sa mga lintik na jingle ng mga kandidatong hindi nilulugar at isinasaoras yung pagtugtog. Isipin mo, natutulog ka, tas ang alarm clock mo ay ang nakaloop na jingle ng mga dumadaan na mga sasakyan dahil malapit sa highway yung tinitirhan mo. At, ang mas nakakairita ay kapag nasa simbahan ka tapos nagmimisa, tapos hindi sila titigil kahit yung mga nasa labas na ng simbahan ay nakatitig sa kanila. Pero hanggang dun lang ang alam ko, siguro kayo, mas may alam. Wala kasi akong pake e. Pero mahal ko ang bansa. Maniniwala ba kayo dun?! Mahal daw ang Pilipinas pero walang pake. :))

Kaya eto, dahil alam kong maraming tao ang nagrereklamo sa mga pulitiko nowadays, ipropromote ko na ang aking sarili. VOTE BEN, dahil wala akong pake. pero dahil mahal ko ang Pilipinas. hahahaa. lahat naman tayo mahal ang bansa diba? Pati mga pulitiko. Lahat sila mahal ang bansa. Duh. Ako rin. mahal ko rin ang Pilipinas. Kaya iboto niyo rin ako. Woohoo.

extro:

wala talaga akong alam sa mga pulitiko. partly dahil hindi ako boboto. partly dahil choice kong wag alamin. doingks. sayang lang sa GB ng utak ko yan. partly dahil hindi naman ako makakatulong.
sana maintindihan niyong wala rin akong napapanood sa tv namin. kaya wala talaga akong alam.
pero eto seryoso, mahal ko ang Pilipinas. duh. lahat naman e. well, except sa mga iilan na talagang nag-iisip na hindi na uunlad pa ang bansa. at siyempre, may pake ako. duh. pano ko mamahalin ang bansa kung wala akong pake.

i <3 musika

2007-05-08T04:05:00.000+08:00

ang nasa kanan ng pahinang ito na napailalim sa salitang "musika" ay resulta ng pagmamatiyaga ng alipin kong si andrew. siya ang nakahanap niyan sa pahina rin ng isa pang kaibigan niyang nagngangalang jaja. lubos kong pinasasalamatan ang aking masipag at masunuring alipin na si andrew torres. salamat alipin. =)) just keddeng. :)) juke. anubanamanyan. salamat andrew dahil ipinakilala mo sakin ang imeem. pinagpaguran ko yung pag-uupload dahil hindi talaga siya user-friendly. ok. :)) at nagpapasalamat din ako ke jaja, na hindi nakakakilala sakin pero kilala ko. :))

at ang pinakamamahal kong mga panatiko. oo, alam ko, di niyo ako matiis. ((: kaya kung gusto niyong manggaya saming mga kewl ex-kalbew dewdes, just click over the address bar and key in "panatiko ako ni ben" then press Shift+HOME then press backspace. then key in http://imeem.com and yehbah enter.

just don't forget to give credit to my trustworthy alipin andrew paner torres. thankyou. thankyou fans. salamat nang marami. for upcoming gigs, just tag sa tagboard sa baba o kaya comment by clicking the "# blacked out" at the end of the post.

and don't forget to tell your poor friends how unfortunate they are to have not visited my site and not have known the fame and greatness of the IDOL BEN. bwahahahahaha. juke.

-_-

2007-05-07T00:17:00.000+08:00

sometimes, the effort really matters.

wake up. reality to.

isang araw sa alabang. hahahhahhaha. juke

2007-05-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

isang araw. kanina. nagpunta ako sa alabang. birthday kasi ng kuya ko kahapon e. e kaso ngayon yung celebration niya. kaya ayun. nagpunta ako dun. at andami kong nagawa ulit.

ngayon lang uli ako nakapanood ng boxing. actually, ngayon lang uli ako nag-tv nang lampas isang oras. mayweather vs. de la hoya. whateber. hindi ako agree sa fraction ng panel of judges. split desish daw e. pangit. akala ko talaga mananalo si de la hoya. whateber to them. panalo siya para sakin tsaka sa isang part ng panel. maganda pa naman asawa niya. hahahah. juke lang. pero seryoso, dapat siya yung nanalo.

ngayon lang uli ako nakapaglaro ng playstation. hahahahaha. ngayon ko lang uli nalaro yung tony hawk. at oo, bano na ako. hahahaha. talo pa ako ng bro-in-law ko. hahaha. e 10 years old pa lang yun. pero anyway, magaling ako dun dati. kaya magaling pa rin ako. hahahhaa. juke. anlabu.

binilhan ko ngapala ng regalo yung kuya ko. shirt. at di kasya. kaya akin na lang. hahahaha. juke.. pero totoo, binilhan ko siya. kaso di kasya. hahahaha

eto pa, nasira yung lalagyan ng sigarilyo ng kuya ko. buti nga. hahahaha. juke.

eto pa, sa simbahan malapit sa alabang town center ako nagsimba. hahaha. nakatulog ako bago nagstart. hahaha. buti na lang, nagising ako nung magstastart na yung misa.
hahahhaha. juke

eto pa, hahahahahhaa. juke.

thisisme

2007-05-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

my mind is crumpled
my eyes ruptured
my ears are deafened
my nose smells rotten
my lips are drooling

my neck is tingling
my arms are squished
my chest is pressed
my back is scratched
my tummy flattened

my thighs are clipped
my knees are bent
my legs are pinching
my feet are tense
my toes are wringing

my hands are spoiled
my fingers crossed
my palms slapped
my wrists pained
my arms crabbed

my heart is scorched
my heart is scorched
yet my heart is burning
a little burn is what matters
my heart is burning

para sa mga bugwit na nakatira sa bubong namin/ breaking news/ super astig/ Na

2007-05-03T21:22:00.000+08:00

*squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak*

*squeak**squeak**squeak*

*squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak*

in laymen's terms:

wag naman kayong magwrestling!! nakakatakot minsan e. alam niyo yun, lagpas semento yung soundwaves. aba'y nakakagulat naman ata yun. pero dahil mabait kami't walang kasya saming housemates sa bubong, iniaalay na namin ang bubong. para sa mga bugwit na katulad niyo. hahahahahahahahaha.

***

breaking news: i feel so alone. lalu na't matagal ding nawala yung shooting. at di ko na nakakasalamuha ang 10+ people.

***

super astig yung kantang layag ng up dharma down. wala lang. super astig din pala ng heroes. kaso pangit pag nahuhuli ka. hindi astig yung pang-uuto. pramis.

***

SODIUM ANNOUNCEMENT:

psst. sodium. sodium. sodium. me naisip na reunion. out-of-town ata. hihihi. sana matuloy kasi namimiss ko na kayo. yihee. kilig. hahahahaha.

fact

2007-04-28T22:16:00.000+08:00

premise: maniwala ka, hindi ko talaga ginusto na magpost ng ganyang title. pero yan kasi pinakaapt. alam mo yun, ayoko ng opposites kasi di ko naman iniintend. pero apt nga kasi. :))

facts:

1. may pamangkin na ako
2. ikakasal na kuya ko
3. mamumulubi na kami uli
4. lalaki kuya ko, so kami gagastos sa panganganak at pagpapakasal
5. may bahay na ang kuya ko sa alabang
6. lumipat na ng bahay yung kuya ko
7. mag-isa na lang ako dito sa bahay
8. mga magulang ko rin pala gagastos sa bills ng bahay nila sa alabang
9. walang ref sa alabang
10.kakabili lang ng kama para sa alabang
11.may posibilidad na maging caesarian yung magiging asawa ng kuya ko
12.mahal yun
13.hindi ko kinuha yung DOST. sayang, panagdag din pala dapat yun sa panggastos.
14.baka (still hoping) hindi ko maranasan yung naranasan ng kuya ko nung freshman siya. yung bibilhan ng damit dahil walang uniform.
15.baka (still hoping din) hindi na rin ako mabigyan ng bagong phone kahit pinagtiisan ko ng apat na taon tong phone ko.
16.hindi ko alam kung maiinis ako o matutuwa dahil sa kuya ko. ewan ko. sabay-sabay kasi e. nakakainis na nakakatuwa.
17.nagtatampo ako. lahat na lang sa kuya ko. lahat ng attention, gastos, etc. parang di na ako pamilya. gerr. exaggerated i think. pero that's how i feel.

fiction

2007-04-27T23:03:00.000+08:00

the story does not start with a spark. it starts with a snap. but the story does not start up until the end. but i guess i shouldn't have spoiled it for you. poor you. i bet YOU won't be reading this yourself. because that's who you are. someone who doesn't read stuff from my hands. you don't receive stuff i give. but i shouldn't care. you don't care about me. you don't. you're so busy holding stuff from someone else. someONE. but i guess that's your curse. not to be dealt with by shallow minds like mine. i bet you don't even type my url in the address bar. i don't care. i know for a fact that you don't have a single ounce of concern for me. the thing is, i don't just give a bit. i give a lot. but heck, you care not. so should i care not too?? can't you see me? you know what, you fail to notice what i do because you are so self-centered. strike that through. it should be someone-else-centered. you know what?? you care so much about that someone else that you forget to care for yourself (and add me on the list). am i just a stranger to you? someone you just pass by and forget at the end of the day? you're such a hypocrite. putting on the fake smiles? the pinching thoughts hidden beneath your face? why can't you show some heart? have i been that unworthy? because i don't think so. you haven't even written my name on a sheet of paper, have you? i don't care. i know that that someONE is the ONE who deserves. no, really i don't. i would care more about you destroying me behind my back. am i that unimportant? can't you just throw them straight at my face? you know what, you are so detestable. but what's more detestable about you is that you are indifferent. indifferent about being detestable. indifferent when it comes to stuff about me.

congrats. to me. not to you. i have gotten this far, and you haven't. i bet you don't even spend a single neuron to think about how i've been. what more for material things. like a peso. am i not even worth a single peso? who do you think you are? your orbit clashes mine but you don't notice. you are always busy reflecting the sun's rays. should i stop caring now? should i? tell me! oh yeah, i forgot, you won't read this. so who's to tell me? gack.

so it ends with this. it ends with a start. the start of indifference. okay. in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, *snap*

WTF NA LANG PALA AKO

2007-04-19T02:32:00.000+08:00

ano ako?? porn?? thanksalot

sigarilyo ule

2007-04-16T22:16:00.000+08:00

NAKAKAINIS. SOBRA!!!! nakakainis ang sigarilyo
nakakairita. ano ba kasi nagagawa nito??
inis na inis na inis ako sa sigarilyo. bakit ba nag-gaganun ang mga tao?? kelangan ba??

ano makukuha niyo?? putek, tas pag kakausapin mo yung mga taong naninigarilyo ipapagtanggol pa nila yung sigarilyo. the heck with cigarettes. nakakainis. ano gagawin ko?? mismong kuya at tatay at lolo at mga pinsan ko naninigarilyo. badtrip.

sobrang nakakairita, nakakairita. alam naman ng mga taong pinapatay nila yung mga sarili nila pag naninigarilyo sila diba?? nakakainis. sinasabi ko sa inyong KASALANAN ang manigarilyo. ang point nito, sinisira niya ang katawan mo. at, ang katawan mo ay temple ng HOLY SPIRIT kaya masamang sinisira mo ito. pangalawa, parang long-term suicide na rin siya. cigarette = suicide. suicide = murder. murder = sin. by transitivity, CIGARETTE = SIN. mahirap bang maintindihan to?? nakakainis kayo. nakakainis. LECHE YANG NAKADISKUBRE NG SIGARILYO NA YAN. oo, LECHE KA!!!

kaya, WAG NA WAG KAYONG MAGPAKITA SAKING NANINIGARILYO, or better yet, WAG KAYONG MANIGARILYO!!! pag talaga. grrrr. sasapakin ko kayo, pag nakita ko kayong nanigarilyo. seryoso ako. grrrr.

naniniwala ako

2007-04-06T11:46:00.000+08:00

pero naniniwala ako sa mga panaginip. naniniwala akong may ibig sabihin ang mga panaginip. kaninang umaga, bago ako nagising, nanaginip ako. sobrang vivid:

may suot akong sapatos. kaso, yung sapatos sa kana't kaliwa ay hindi magkapair. hindi ko maalala kung aling sapatos ang nasa aling paa. pero sure akong magkaiba sila. parehong black. pero, yung isa umiilaw ng pulang ilaw. yung isa naman, umiilaw ng bluish white na ilaw. mas kapansin-pansin yung may pulang ilaw. tapos, hinanap ko yung mga kapares ng dalawang magkaibang sapatos na suot ko. nanghalungkat ako ng mga boxes. search search. kakaiba yung mga shoeboxes sa panaginip ko. hindi sila yung regular na rectangular prisms. may medyo irregular na cylinder na kahong hindi naman talaga oval yung base. bukas. walang laman. basta, ayun. ang nakakatawa ay converse yung brand ng box. e wala naman talaga akong converse na sapatos sa totoong buhay. tapos, isa pang box. hindi rin rectangular. pagkabukas ko, waw, board game. :)) ang galeng. may deck of cards sa taas. tapos, sa wakas, nagising na rin ako.

ang unang pumasok sa utak ko pagkagising ko for some reason ay COMPATIBILITY. ang sapatos na iyon ay magkaiba. naisip kong iapply sa friendship. :)) kasi naman. basta. ang magkaibigan--hindi kailangang magkapareho ng interests, ng ayaw, ng outlook sa buhay, ng perception. pwedeng tahakin ng kanang sapatos ang ibang daan kesa sa kaliwang sapatos. pero, ang mangyayari, hindi sila pwedeng magkahiwalay nang sobra-sobra. merong limits, unless napakagaling magsplit ng paa yung taga-suot; unless si mr. fantastic ang may suot ng sapatos. iimpluwensyahan ng isa ang isa pa. maaari silang magtalo ukol sa kung aling direksyon ang tatahakin. pero, hindi tatagal ay magiging isa lang ang direksyon nila. sabay silang tutungo sa isang direksyon. ang dalawang sapatos ay di kinakailangang magkapareho. ang silbi ng sapatos ay ang pagdala tungo sa isang path. dadalhin ng isang sapatos ang kabilang sapatos. magsasama sila. sa putik, sa semento, sa ulan, sa ice-skating rink, sa sand, sa tae, sa gravel, at sa kung anu-ano pang textures na maiisip mo. one after another, o pwede ring sabay (sa piko). hahaha. ang sapatos, kahit magkaiba, pag iisa ang direksyon, COMPATIBLE pa rin. diba?? agree ka ba? oo, IKAW!!! bwahahahahaha.

ayun, naniniwala ako. naniniwala akong may ibig sabihin ang mga panaginip. naniniwala akong kahit magkaiba ang ating hilig, COMPATIBLE tayo, kaibigan, yeh. bow.

hindi ako naniniwala

2007-04-05T12:22:00.000+08:00

hindi ako naniniwala sa mga psych tests na mga yan. hindi ako naniniwala sa numerology, o sa mga tickle tests, o kaya yung mga personality tests. naiirita lang ako lalu pag lumalabas na yung results tas tunog-nagmamarunong yung resulta. tulad na lamang ng "what your name means". ang pointless pointless nun. kasi, ang gagawin mo, itytype mo yung full name mo, tapos, may lalabas na results based dun sa name mo (sa number of letters, vowels, etc.).

inuulit ko, hindi ako naniniwala sa mga ganito. hullo?? papaniwalaan mo ba yung irrational conclusions na ginagawa ng mga astrologists, numerologists, o kaya palm readers?? e san ba nila binase yung conclusions nila?? sa pangalan?? sa mga linya ng kamay?? sa mga tala?!! ang stupid nun. so presumptuous. haha. duh!! bakit mo mas papaniwalaan yung mga test-test na mga yan kesa sa sarili mo? diba? e ni hindi mo nga pinili yung pangalan mo, yung kamay mo!! siyempre yung personality mo, in a sense, di mo rin pinili. parang preset na yun e. pero, still, hindi magdedepend sa kamay mo, o sa mga letra ng pangalan mo, yung personality mo.

duh!! kaya naman, di rin ako naniniwala sa FLAMES o kaya sa love compatibility tests. huh?? ang galing talaga no?? pati chemistry namemeasure na sa pangalan? hullo?? bakit?? siguro naman alam nating lahat na ambabaw babaw ng basis. pangalan?? o kaya naman birthdate? angkorni. tas natatawa akong andaming paniwalang-paniwala sa mga ganun. siguro, ginagawa lang natin siya for fun. oo, kasama yun. pero, huh?? anong makukuha natin. ang sinasabi ko lang, hindi dapat mas paniwalaan yung mga tests na yan. dapat, mas paniwalaan niyo yung mga sarili niyo. hindi por que't yun na yung result e gagayahin mo na. huh? mas malabo to. ano yun? para mag-fit in sa pangalan mo?? hahaha. walang ibang mas nakakaalam ng kung ano ka. duhuh. kaya, hindi ako naniniwala sa mga psych test psych test. bow.

maraming bagay ang nangyayari

2007-03-28T21:07:00.000+08:00

oo na, naisip kong magsulat tungkol sa grad, o sa pisay, o sa grad ball, o sa 07, o sa clearance, o sa str, atbp., pero hindi niyo mababasa rito yun. nakakatamad e. besides, ano pa ba ang pwedeng maisulat?? mga "mamimiss ko kayo"? o kaya mga "sa wakas wala nang econ"?!

ngek. eto na lang.
maraming bagay ang nangyayari ngayon.
tulad na lamang ng hostage taking ng kabataan, o kaya naman yung sabay-sabay na pagbagsak ng pickup-sticks sa isang kindergarten, o kaya naman yung mabilis na metastasis sa mga may lung cancer, o kaya naman yung paninigarilyo ng kuya ko.
e pake ko ba? hindi ko pasan ang mundo. kaya naman, magkwekwento na lang ako sa kung ano ang meron sa akin.

edi ayun. masasabi kong nabawasan yung OP'ing. wala lang. pero di pa rin mamamatay yang mga sabi-sabi nila. mas kilala natin ang sarili natin kesa sa pagkakakilala ng ibang tao. kaya itigil na ang siraan ng phone. oo, alam natin na di tayo kuntento sa mga selepono natin, pero sana pahalagaan din natin sila. ano ba? cheap na nga sila, sisirain pa. :))

at eto pa. grad gift?? dad, sana nababasa mo to. :)) gusto ko nun. pramis.

eto pa. mundo. tumigil ka na nga sa kaka-impress sakin. alam kong ginagawa mo yan sa lahat. pero mas may impressive pa sayo, tanggapin mo na yun. :))

ayoko na nga. currently feeling excited for college. and the shooting. :))

tungkol naman sa aprika. sana less hunger para sa mga gutom.
at sa pilipinas. sana tamang daan ang tahakin mo.
at sa djibouti. sana mas maraming tao ang makaalam na may ganun pala sa mundo.

PRAISEFEST

2007-03-16T14:47:00.000+08:00

PRAISEFEST 2007

THIRST QUENCHER:

is He in you??

march.22.2007.thurs.4-8pm.pshs.open.field.

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

- John 4:23-24

unti-unti

2007-03-15T19:54:00.000+08:00

unti-unti nang naglalaho ang mga salita
unti-unti nang namamatay ang blog na ito
di ko akalain na hanggang 506 lang ang kaya nito sa sitemeter (as of now)
unti-unti nang nawawalan ng saysay ang existence nito
unti-unti nang nakakatamad magtype nang magtype
di ko akalain na 19 days nang walang nagtatag
at yung huling tag pa ay "dumaan ako"
e kung patayin ko na kaya to nang tuluyan
wala naman masyadong nagtatag e
yung mga mismong ineexpect kong magtatag, yun pa yung hindi

unti-unti akong nalulumbay sa palapit na katapusan
unti-unti akong mabubuhay nang panibago
nananawagan ako sa mga matapat na mga bisita ng site na ito, magtag naman kayo
nananawagan ako sa mga hindi tapat, maging tapat naman kayo, at magtag na rin kayo
hahahah. pathetic. konti na lang. patapos na. ayan. hahaha. mabuhay ka nga.

to someones

2007-02-03T09:24:00.000+08:00

be glad that i don't miss you

it means that i'm always with you

be glad that i often fight with you

it means that i still spend time with you

be glad that i don't appreciate you

it means that i'm used to what you do

be glad that at times, i want you to shoo

it means that i want you not to follow the bad i do

be glad that i move away from you

it means that i want to save hurt from you

be glad that i don't sing with you

it means that i'm listening to you

be glad that i sometimes give you a boo

it means that i like fixing you

be glad that i am possessive too

it means that i fail not to see your value

be glad that i treat you the way i do

it means that i care for you

creepy

2007-01-21T17:07:00.000+08:00

this is weird. i sang a song for whatever unknown reason, and as i finished, the radio played the same old song. it could not have been classified weird had the radio played novelty songs that are constantly repeated 70254 times each day. but lo and behold, the song i sang was a has-been famous only a million days ago. and no, it was never called a classic. in fact, i never questioned myself why i sang that stupid song, when i rarely sing boy-band songs. (yeah, this is one reason why i don't want to mention the title of the song. the other is i totally forgot the song as i typed).

believe me, it was weird. for one, i never really liked the long-dead song. and two, it played on the radio as soon as i finished. of all the thousands of song-choices, i sang the song right before the radio played it. of all the thousands of song-choices, the radio played it right after i sang it. and, it may not have been coincidental, just like what you would have thought if Boom Tarat-Tarat was the song, but it came to me as a sign.

recently, i felt that my voice decayed (yeahba, earthened). my fingers land on other keys when playing the piano. the bongos hate my hands. i'm not as good with doing second voice as i used to be. i can't reach the high note of MARIA. and i rarely remember the proper breathing when singing. and now, i suck with the piano. i feel more sucky-sucky with music. music, be with me again. argh.

this recently was actually just today. and as i flew down the stairs after practicing for himig and the west side story, i sang this boy-band song. this boy-band song, which i never really liked. but sang it, inserting yaddahs and blahs in between lines of unknown lyrics. but, i sang it, never liked it (and never will). but, after i sang, the radio played it for me, as if telling me either of the following: that music will never leave me, or that the radio played the song better than my rendition (having the in-your-face attitude).

with crossed fingers, i take the former. gack, music, be with me.

117

2007-01-20T17:34:00.000+08:00

I
there are more than a thousand ways to strip the heading
but only two matter to me--

one is the general telephony
wherein help begets help
one is the more general history
wherein words conspire for a lot:

II
soloes and fleeing--
three

that's how it feels when the world commended
a man hid under the tree
a fish carved into the heart
a song left undone

III
soloes and fleeing--
three
three
two made it so

117
one hundred and seventeen
odd? prime?
one hundred and seventeen

PASKO!!!

2006-12-25T01:25:00.000+08:00

alam mo ba kung san nanggaling yung word na pasko??!! e yung CHRISTmas understandable pa. pero pasko??

uhm. unang-una, anangelo muna. salamat sa mga bumati, ansaya nun, batian. woohoo!!! at eto, may ikwekwento ako. at maswerte kayo kung nabati ko kayo ng maligayang pasko!! lalung lalu na yung mga naka2 to 3 messages from me (boblaks talaga yung phone ko e). hello, ano ba naman? nagkaproblema sa sending. tapos, habang chineck ko pa yung sa contacts ko biglang nag-lowbat. tas, sending. at aba buti na lang nakapagcharge ako agad. *kasi mahirap mag-navigate sa phone pag nag-sesend.* tapos, ang galing, diba pag nagchacharge gumagalaw yung bars sa bat? yung akin, astig, gumagalaw din yung sa signal. so sabay silang gumagalaw, parang christmas decor. hahaha. grabe talaga, fluctuating yung signal. andaming balakid. so ayun, kapag may natanggap kayo, you're very very lucky, fan. pero pag wala, surinalang, (chineck ko lahat ng posibleng macheck sa phonebook ko ah). may pa-defer-defer pang nalalaman yung phone ko ah. ayun, so kung binasa mo to, MALIGAYANG CHRISTMAS!!!! woohoo Xp ayun, kung pwede ko lang sabihin ke santa e, oo na, mag-aapat na taon na sakin yung phone ko, kaya medyo hanging hanging na siya. pero still, nag-susurvive, kaya mahal ko yan. hahaha. pero, sabi nga sa cat, no excuses!!! kaya ano ba?? on to the more important matter!!

ayan. we all know na eto ang birthday ni Christ. kaya kung kaya nating manorpresa ng mga kaklase tuwing kaarawan nila, kaya rin nating mapasaya si Lord, diba??? so ayun, let's just make this day so PERFECT. aha. kasi mahal ko si KRISTO, sobra. woohoo.

let me just take this opportunity to thank my ever loyal bestest best friend. hahaha. andrew. grabe, parang sinama na rin kita sa tacloban. sobra-sobrang salamat. at pasensya ka na kung medyo bangag ako nung kinausap mo ako. nagsesend ako nun ng greetings, kaya medyo bangag-oti. hahaha. pero, salamat talaga. :)

ps, hindi ko rin alam kung ano yung etymology ng pasko. kaya kung alam niyo, inform me.

once again, MALIGAYANG CHRISTMAS!!! soli deo gloria. God bless!!

can i ask you one favor though?!

2006-12-23T01:38:00.000+08:00

can i ask you one favor though...
after all you've asked yes or no
you contemplate on whether life is any better
and hey, can i ask you one favor instead…
can you plan up the events that have all gone ahead??
can i ask you one favor though...
after you've answered with a no and a no
you fly by as if nothing had happened
but hey, let me ask you one favor please...
can you visit my dreams and give me a kiss??
can i ask you one favor though...
you've said that you won't and yet you don't know
that when the time is set, you just can't stop
so ui, can i ask you one favor woohoo…
can you at least shush and move the do??
can i ask you one favor though…
you’ve been very good to me and to everything oh
and though you’re that strong i know you’re badly hurt
because duh, can i ask you one favor above…
can you lend me your love so i can show you all love??
can i ask you one favor though…
you’ve shown me three sides: the good, the bad, the no-no
such that i doubt you instead of your whirling my head
whereas psstch, can i ask you one favor (oh, boo!)…
can you give me a bit of you so i can outlive you??

Reliving the past

2006-12-11T12:13:00.000+08:00

…or rather, living the now.

***
Return to the ~~tribe~~ roots

121190
Getting back to Tacloban was not rediscovery for me. It was neo-discovery. I just realized how blind and indifferent I was to my very own family tree.

While my mom and I were waiting at the airport, she was quickly scribbling some digits while I was reading a pocketbook. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied “recounting our expenses….” What? She was writing way too fast. Ako naman, I was shocked. Seriously, I never knew my mom could manage time in split seconds. If I were in her shoes, it would have taken me thirty seconds to remember my expenses for the past two days, and another thirty to remember their prices, and a minute or two to list them, and perhaps another minute to add them all up. But, my mom?? She was multi-tasking: for this split-second she simultaneously remembered the expenses and wrote down their respective prices (without listing the labels), and for that split-second she added them all up like a human calc. Migosh, I was really shocked. I knew her course was accounting, but rapid accounting?? And later that day, my dad would say numbers, and my mom would respond, as if she did not even think, with numbers. Mom was mentalling math?? I was really shocked with her abilities and my unknowing of her abilities. Maybe that was why she was disappointed with my econ grade (there’s a connection between econ and accounting, right?). I wanted to tell her there was such a thing as recessive genes. Perhaps, econ-intelligence is recessive and my dad was not really that good in econ. Haha.

Anyway, due to the typhoon, there were hours without electricity. And, it was damn hot!!! So, Mom and Dad suggested that I visit my grandparents this night. We brought pasalubong. Just some stuff. Well, the important thing is my grandparents. I learned a lot from them that night. They told me their history, and no, it was not very long. Just their academic achievements and more pressure for me. Lolo spoke well again after months of mumbling malarkey. This time, I noticed the authority and power within his regained voice (amid his old age). Dad told my grandpappy about my upcoming graduation. And Lolo responded by bragging about his college life. I do notice my Lolo digesting crosswords daily but I only knew just now that he was cum laude (I dared not ask whether summa or magna, baka mawindang ako lalu) for BOTH his BS E(??) (pre-law course) and his LLB(law)!! What!! More pressure for me, yey!!! He continued with Skolar din ako nun!! Uhm, he just paid for his first semester and the rest was miscellaneous payments. And my mom, goes: he just took his DOST scholarship exam. I wanted to blurt out: Don’t expect too much mom, I’m not so sure with that weird exam.
It suddenly came to me that my granddad became councilor of Tacloban (the people loved him) for a time, and I remember those LOPEZ-stickers posted almost everywhere. My Lolo lived a very meaningful life.
Anyway, to protect myself from more pressure, I bade goodbye.

And, when we reached our car, mom told me about my great-Lolo Paquito (mom’s granddad) who also took law and lived till his nineties. Great-grandpup, as mom told me, read the newspaper by the age of ninety, WITHOUT glasses. WHOA! Really?? All I knew was that he chomped veggies for all of his life. He was a great lawyer too, like my dad and my granddad. No sooner was my mom’s story interrupted than my dad exclaimed FLAT!! Haha. What the hell? So we had to wait for a few minutes. I stared blankly at the candle, the car, and the very clear stars; they all stared back at me by doing what they did: the candle burned in the wind, the car stood where it was, and the stars twinkled. And we had to wait…

“Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.” Mt. 7:17 (NIV)

***
Quote of the day::

“When you’re rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else, even those you love.”
- Mitch Albom, for one more day

para sa nangyari kanina

2006-12-03T21:01:00.000+08:00

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
pwede naman sana sa bahay diba?
at kung habulan ang pakay mo,
e baka hinga mo ang habulin ko.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
karumal-dumal ang nangyari kanina.
alam mo bang kasalanan mo rin yun?
pero di kita masisi dahil dun.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
eh nasan na ang iyong minamahal na ina?
baka naman bahay mo iyon?
nakakahiya naman, labas-pasok kami noon.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
paumanhin naman o. kami'y kahiya-hiya
sabi nga nila: tingin sa kaliwa't kanan;
eh kung magkaharangan muli tayo sa daan??

sa tsuper na ngayon ko lang din nakita,
wag kang mag-alala, tama ang iyong ginawa
pero hindi nga lang lahat: iniwan mo siya
siya na may hawak ng pera

sa tsuper na ngayon ko lang din nakita,
halatang ikaw ay nataranta, oo, halata
dahil bigla kang sumugod nang makasakay
si mamang alam kung san ang pakay

sa kaibigang kilalang-kilala,
ang tangkad mo talaga,
kahit na alam kong madali kang mapikon
(aminin)tandaa'y ako'y nandito't naroon

sa kaibigang apektado't tarantang-taranta,
sana nga, nagkapalit tayo nun, sana nga,
sana ang tsinelas ko nun ang suot mo't
gayun din, sa iyo yung aking suot

singit: sa baklang wala dun sa eksena,
sobrang nakakatawa ka, oo, sobra
ampanget mo kaya, mas maganda kang flat-chested, natural
haay! ako'y nababaliw sa katatawa sa gilid mong liberal

singit ule: sa baklang wala dun sa eksena,
bat ka retokada? ikaw ba'y mayaman sa pera?
haha. mukha ka talagang empanada.
(sorry, masama nga ang manlait, alam ko yun ah)

sa itay na dati ko pa nakilala,
pasensya't kami'y nambulabog, pasensya
salamat sa pagiging matalino
at sa pagtanggap sa kahit kanino

sa itay na dati ko pa nakilala,
salamat sa libre mo, ok lang ba?
grabe, kung di kami nalate, kung hindi po
maaring "nadagdagan" namin ang iyong pamasko

sa Itay na aking minamahal nang sobra,
sobrang nararamdaman talaga kita,
salamat Tay a, kahit na ako'y nagkasala
salamat Tay a, salamat Tay a.