Truth be told

Here are a few things I may have to accept so that I'll be able to fix them:

I am totally lost in Chem.
In Pisay, I always topped Chem long exams, almost always a 99 percentile rank. Way back then, I always understood what I was taught, even the more trivial ones. That was when I always studied everything. But NOW is heck a lot different. Very different. It just defeats one of the very reasons why I chose MBB over Intarmed (seeing that BS MBB has a lot of Chem in its curriculum). I don't know why, but it seems my procrastination works only for Bio and Math and English. Chem seems to be a lot different, with all its useless schizmidt and all its flabs in point systems. If before it was my favorite Science, out of the three (Bio, chem and physics), now, it has become my worst ever.

I am so disappointed with my grades.
Why can't I just be the GC Ben I used to be? I think it would be a lot easier for me if I were. But the thing is, I am so much distracted with such momentary entertainment tidbits as Mario, the internet, Pinikpikan, Jon McLaughlin, friends, tv, etc. Right now, I should be finishing my formal report in Chem, and yet I'm doing this note-to-self thing. I always am disappointed with my grades, and my resolutions always tell me to do better next sem, but I seem to be going perpendicularly.

The hair stays long.
Dearly beloved fans, I'm sorry if a great number of you voted for the shorter hair. Yeah, the bangs get to my nerves because I get little allergic manifestations along the span of my forehead, but people just love the curls. :)) And besides, I'm trying to be a Jon McLaughlin. :))

I want to be a pianist-singer-songwriter.
When I hear great artists such as Alicia Keys, John Legend, Jon McLaughlin, Norah Jones, and the like, I remember my dream of becoming a pianist and a singer. I just wish that I get time for the thing, like how the Nike surfer woman ambassador does law during the day and surf during her breaks. I really need time management skills. :))

Wake me up.
Wake me up.

I want to read and read and do music and learn the saxophone and the piano and compose songs and worship the Lord through them. Books, CD's, piano, songs, life.

I am a complete failure

Lord, help.

There really is something wrong with my phone

Or is there something wrong with Smart? Or Globe? Or both?

Why do people I send text messages to receive them late? Like fifteen minutes late, or even more? Is it with the signal interferences? In this modernized world, wherein busy lives are influenced by long-distance communication, nobody can't afford to waste precious time in between SMSes. What if your life depended on one text message?? Say you were kidnapped, and you wanted to message an SOS to someone, and you desperately needed help ASAP because the kidnapper would be transferring you elsewhere, you couldn't afford to lose time, right? This one's extreme (but still probable). Anyhow, if you wanted to meet someone, and say you were waiting already for almost an hour, as the person you were waiting for received the message about the meeting place an hour late, it's a grrr, right? I've already tested the networks on their punctualities, like sending an SMS to a nearby friend, and asking him if he received it already seconds after sending. And results say he received it on time. So what does it differ when it comes to longer distances? Yeah, sure: waves do travel faster for shorter distances, but the radios already proved that it's just a matter of seconds.

The point is, why can't they just send it on time? They can do it real-time when it comes to calls, they can also do it in texts.

I envy you who have a crumpler

You who can spare thousands of bucks on richly texturized
and colorfully pleasing fabric
You who can enjoy the compartmentalization and the protection
amid the compactness and the style
You who can dash around and stash around
the lightweight burgundies of drudgery

You who can carry with you The Chumpy, The HooJah,
The Lanyard, The Hee-Goer and The Western Lawn
You who have the opportunity to sway with the wind
without having to bend your backs
You who have the fashion for living eruditely
while simultaneously elegantly

I envy you who have the time and the fortune
to have what you want
and not be punished for doing so later on

Weird struggles

Life has been a little bit depressing and stressful these days (thus the lack of updates). I have never had sleep that lasted for more than 3 hours (half of my usual sleeping length), thanks to the alternating drudgeries of Bio lab plates and long exams. In school, I get quick dozes during Math 53 class, and it sucks because I sit in the middle-front. So whenever my teacher sits down she's directly in front of me. I am utterly ashamed when I bow my head every once in a while. She just goes on with her lectures and drawings, and I gain my consciousness back the moment I see my notes with jagged curves and curly operands. And so goes on my struggles, one of the hardest ones I have ever undertaken. It really is a boo-hoo that the only class I manage to sleep is Math class when it's the only class that I'm in the middle-front. I mean, I could easily sleep during Bio lab because it's the main cause of all my miseries and sleeplessnesses (and I'm not exactly in the middle-front), but no-no, all the phyllotaxy and leaf morphology rubbish keep me awake.

In three words, let me describe college: STRESSFUL AND LONELY. It makes me want to turn back time, during high school when I really had a lot of fun.

PS. I love you. =)) Kidding. PS. My wallet is getting thinner and thinner. :(( I'm broke. Un-broke me. :))

walang kwenta ang heroes vol 2

bano ang plot

hindi isang panaginip

isang panaginip

hindi ko alam
hindi na ata magbabago pa ang desisyon ko
hindi ko na uulitin yung paulit-ulit
hindi na ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon
hindi na kita pahihirapan pa
hindi na kata pahihirapan pa
hindi na tayo magkaibigan
hindi na kita kilala
hindi mo na ako papansinin
hindi ko na ikaw papansinin

marami sila
tatsulok ang pakikitungo mo
isang nakakataas dalawang nakakababa

hindi na kita paiiyakin pa
hindi na kita pangingitiin pa
hindi na kita sasakalin
hindi na kita kakausapin
dededmahin kita
dedma

hanap nang hanap
nariyan lang pala
tingin nang tingin
malapit lang pala

hindi na tapos na
akoy makakahinga

at giginhawa ang buong mundo

WORLD PEACE

I now am decided

...what I will do after college. I will go to Med school, after which I shall go to Doctorate studies. A long time ago, I told my parents that if I couldn't decide which postgrad studies to take, I shall have to take both. Now I am decided, yet I chose to take both.

After countless questions left unanswered and months of dormant thinking, it was only now that I realized, without pondering too much, which postgrad degree to take first. My ultimate goal is to cure lots of people. And in preparation for my medical research I shall have to undergo Medicine first. In med, I will be able to cure patients one at a time, but in PhD, I may be able to cure lots of patients at a time: one time big time! So I will treat med school as a stepping stone to PhDing. Hopefully, through my medschool experience and the rigorous research, the world can be a better place and a lot more disease-free. Ahaha.

Now I know how to answer people asking me why I chose MBB over Intarmed (besides the fact that I hadn't been interviewed). Had I chosen Intarmed, I wouldn't have been able to come across this realization, and I wouldn't have envisioned myself being able to help more people. So yehey, another cause for celebration!!!

Why? O why?

Sleazy sloth, get out!! Walk out the door! Just turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome anymore.

Ben, eto lang sasabihin ko sayo. Kung may gusto ka, di yun pupunta sayo!! Nakakaasar nang wala kang ginagawa. Masyado kang nasisilaw sa mga bagay-bagay na di naman kasingimportante ng kelangan mong gawin. Parang awa mo na, alang-alang sa mga nagpapaaral sayo, galingan mo na.

Yan ang napapala ng taong di nagseseryoso.

2007 hits

Sem

While everyone else read the last book of the HP series, is reading Night and will read The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank (I couldn't think of any other book since Ray2 keeps on blabbering about these books), I on the other hand hasn't read a single novel since summer. The last time I called myself a bookworm was years ago and the last book I've read must have been a million little pieces. And even though Madam Carmelita Ramirez told us to report on novels (ours was The Bamboo Dancers), I relied on the book analysis at the end of the book and on my groupmates, who suggested that I don't waste time in reading the book because all I'd ever need was the book analysis at the end of the book.

SO, while the whole world is reading a lot of novels, I on the contrary am stuck with Campbell and Reece. Yes, the bio-duo who'll be eternally remembered for their lovely take on life and its study. I was able to grab the latest edition (seventh) of the textbook we all call "BIOLOGY" (ahahaha), and I'm confident enough that they'll be no more edition additions for the said book because dearest Campbell is now under a gravestone. Uhuh, 55 chapters of fun and 1231 pages of self-fulfillment!!! not to mention the very high tech Compact Disk (come on!!) included. Ahahaha, how sad and boring. Yes, that's me and my sembreak. Some blockmate of mine told me to read it, and being stupid enough, I agreed.

On another headline, New sarisari store opens at Ben's flat. Hahaha. My "chef" as some of my blockmates call her had the crazy idea of opening a sarisari store here at the condo since our building's sarisaris closed already. My mom, who was gullible
serious enough, bought stuff. I was surprised when I came home and they were stacking the goods already. We had our buena mano just yesternight when some party dude bought junk food.

On another headline, Ben becomes a working student. My dad emphasized that I was a business owner and not employed. There's the sarisari store, and I have this Globe autoload thing. I say whateber. What about my sembreak?? What about my trip to the moon? What about the sand and the starfish and the slimy fish in the sea? What about hanging out? Ahh, that's why I have my dearest chef to watch the store.

PS. The post title comes from the phrase sem break when people have their sems broken and people get to have a break. I am fortunate enough to remove the break from the sembreak.

Someone (except Andrew, who shall be thinking of another thing/s to buy) buy me a Nintendo DS cartridge (preferably SuperMario).

And, Rayray will be planning out my 17th birthday party which will not coincide with the surprise party I'll be getting from another friend. This means that I'll be getting two very well organized parties from two different people at two different times. Thank you in advance. :))

a post that's partly mandatory

My first sem in college has passed already. From the looks of it, I flunked. My goals were mere hopes and dreams that weren't really considered. The color-coded post-its don't really work, as well as the "Times for play" chart, the "study time" chart (which I barely reread), and similar "props" so my mom thought I studied hardly. The whole sem was a cycle of study-eat-sleep-study-take test-pass-eat-study-get awed-stay stuck. Anyway, point is, I flunked.

I have a very grave predicament. Very grave. :))

87

87.
at first it may seem prime. but it is not.
at first it may seem enticing. but it is not.
at first it may seem lacking. but it is not.

87 is not less than one hundred.
It actually is better with a little squiggle more.

It is symmetric.
With two lines and two circles.

It is exotic.
With the eccentricity of the number three.

It is grand.
With four little keys do sol fa si.

It is blabber.
Blabber like the butts of five hens.

It is living.
Like the century's peak the sixties.

It is recurrent.
Seventy-eight more than nine.

It is essential.
Like zero is to time.

It is like any other number.
But is as distinct and special as red is from green.

It is the prodigious numeration of my love for thee.
With two less than thy bodily exeunt.

87. to count the lines herein.
As fools say, wise do.

to my one and only

my dream started with waking up,
with waking up into reality

and i brushed my teeth
and i bathed
and saw the suit lying on the bed
and i sacked the suit and put on my pajamas
and went to church
and we were married

she was the prettiest woman
and i was the handsomest man
and we were meant to be
and i said will you be with me for the rest of my life?
and she killed me and there goes the rest of my life
(just kidding)
and she said ...

and i woke up into my fantasies
and here i am again.

bugto

Mahirap pala ang maging only child. Kung sa katotohanan ay may kuya ako, sa ngayon, parang only child na lang ako. May sarili na nga kasi siyang pamilya e. At ngayon, nararanasan ko ang mga nararanasan ng mga orphans. Yung orphans na wala sa orphanage. Kasi, ayun nga, mag-isa lang ako ngayong kolehiyo. Walang magulang. Walang kuya. Wala nang dormdorm. Kaya, challenge. hightech diba?

Kung kayo may mga kapatid, mapabunso, ate, kuya, o katwin (fraternal/dizygotic o identical/monozygotic), maswerte kayo. Lubus-lubusin niyo na ang pagkakaron ng kapatid. Dahil mahirap talaga ang maging mag-isa. Oo, maraming nagsasabi na maganda to, kasi training for independence daw. Pero opportunity cost naman nito ang paghaharden ng puso dahil sa pangangailangan. Kelangang hindi sila mamiss. Kelangang hindi mahomesick. Kelangang goal-oriented. Ganoon ang buhay estudyanteng mag-isa.

Kung may mga bagay na hindi niyo magustuhan sa kapatid niyo, intindihin niyo. At matuwa kayo dahil nagigi kayong saksi sa mga kilos niya. Ako mismo, ayaw na ayaw ang paninigarilyo ng kuya ko. Bad breath na nga, dilaw pang ngipin, ugat ng lung disorders, pangit na balat, at lahat ng negatibo. Pero at least noon, nakikita ko yun. Ngayon, malay ko ba, parang wala na akong alam tungkol sa kanya. Alam niyo naman siguro ang pakiramdam ng may kasama sa bahay na pwede mong mapagkatiwalaan ukol sa mga bagay-bagay diba? Ako hindi e. :)) Hindi kasi ako nagkaron ng pagkakataon na makilala ko yung kuya ko e. Onganaman, 4-year gap. Pag nagbubuddy bonding kami ni kuya jeremy na halos 5 years na ang gap namin ay naiisip ko ang kuya kong di ko nakilala nang gaano. Parang mas kilala ko pa si Kuya Jeremy na dalawang buwan pa lang ang nakalilipas nang makilala ko siya. Nakakasakit isipin na hindi ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon. E dadalawa lang kami. Nakakalungkot diba? Kaya, naging only child na nga lang ako ngayon. Pero mas madalas akong maging orphan kaysa maging only child. Kahit yung mga magulang ko, madalang kong makapiling.

Paano ko mapapakita sa kanila ang pagmamahal at pasasalamat ko kung hindi ako mabigyan ng pagkakataon. Ng ENOUGH na pagkakataon. wala lang. Mabuti kayo. Kayang kaya niyo.

Kaya, wag magpakalonely. Kumain din ng sinabawang gulay para masustansya.

Ngayon, lunod na lunod na ako sa Legendre, proteasomal pathway, Ubiquitin tags, xenotransplantation, logarithms, Ozymandias, at the indolence of the Filipinos. Not to mention (nge, minention ko rin) my own problems, struggles, weariness, lack of control and discipline, and love. :)) kidding.

Kaya kung hirap kayong pag-isipan kung anong regalo ipapaFedex niyo sakin, madali lang. Pagkakataon. Pagkakataon na maranasan ang mga nadeprive sakin na normally mararanasan ko dapat.

Ayuk!!! :))

senselessoninlawyerika

a wise man once said, "nahihirapan na ako." i agree. nahihirapan na ako.

Hg

I remember how my dad got this head-lump when we three boys played army

I remember how my mom played nintendo 64 and dance dance revo with me and my brother

I remember how my dad lashed us with his leather belts

I remember how my mom spanked us until we bled

I remember how they cried

I remember how irony had been personified

I remember very well

snatched

fans, pasensya na talaga. di natiis ng isa kong fan. nasnatch niya yung phone ko na naglalaman ng vain pics ko. nooooooooooo. kaya, wala na akong phone. wala na yung number ko. pero wag niyong burahin yun. kasi, pwede niyong maging txtm8 yung snatcher thru it. joke. pero anyway, para macontact niyo ako, gamitin ang telepathy. and surely, macocontact niyo ako. yehey. thanks fans. mag-ingat din kayo. kasi ako?? di ko talaga naramdaman yung pagsnatch.

I need brainsuction

It's three in the morning and I'm still awake. Chem 16 is fun without the tests. It is rather difficult to study for a test in which memory is a big factor. How do they expect us to memorize the chronology of the procedure plus the equations plus the moles plus the observations plus extra questions found at the end of each experiment??

My dad says I talk like a zombie over the phone. Let me tell him he sounds like a cool dad. Like. Hahaha.

DO NOT EVER STUDY FOR CHEM THE NIGHT BEFORE!!! or you'll end up waking up past three. Because you can't equate 6 hours of study time with 9 working hours [3 experiments times 3 hours per experiment]. Ahhh, somebody please lobotomize me.

are you ascorbic?? are you acidic??

So, nanggaling ako sa ER nung wednesday dahil 40 ang aking temp. and my nose bled. inaaway pa ako ng med resident dahil kinakalikot ko raw ilong ko, when in truth, HINDI!!! awayin ko siya. how many times do i have to tell them my nose bled because of my body heat??? akala niyo kakalikutin ko ilong ko hanggang dumugo to? HINDI.

anyway, ayoooooown. dapat maging ascorbic and acidic na kayo para masaya.

isa-isa kong hinawaan ang aking blockmates. nauna si ria, bess, jerico. tas si pat.

kamon.
susunod ka na, dundundun. sana matigil na itong hawaan. di ko na kaya. aww.

-

nasabi ko na bang mahal ko ang mbb?? dahil masaya ang mga stereoisomers na nonsuperimposable enantiomers. alam mo ba na hindi nagmamatter ang acidic environment sa cell acidity at alam mo ba na ang zwitterionic form ng cell ay amphoteric dahil pwede siyang maging base o acid?? grabe, very enlightening at confusing at the same time magturo yung mbb prof namin. i love her. kamon. pati siya nacoconfuse minsan sa sinasabi niya. at alam mo ba na hindi amino acid ang proline?? instead, isa siyang imino acid (since NH2+ ang kanyang imino group) o diba?? masaya ang mbb.

-

isa kang nganga kapag meron kang areca nut, ikmo (betel leaf), tsaka optional apog (lime).
magpakanganga ka na. yeh.