Sem

While everyone else read the last book of the HP series, is reading Night and will read The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank (I couldn't think of any other book since Ray2 keeps on blabbering about these books), I on the other hand hasn't read a single novel since summer. The last time I called myself a bookworm was years ago and the last book I've read must have been a million little pieces. And even though Madam Carmelita Ramirez told us to report on novels (ours was The Bamboo Dancers), I relied on the book analysis at the end of the book and on my groupmates, who suggested that I don't waste time in reading the book because all I'd ever need was the book analysis at the end of the book.

SO, while the whole world is reading a lot of novels, I on the contrary am stuck with Campbell and Reece. Yes, the bio-duo who'll be eternally remembered for their lovely take on life and its study. I was able to grab the latest edition (seventh) of the textbook we all call "BIOLOGY" (ahahaha), and I'm confident enough that they'll be no more edition additions for the said book because dearest Campbell is now under a gravestone. Uhuh, 55 chapters of fun and 1231 pages of self-fulfillment!!! not to mention the very high tech Compact Disk (come on!!) included. Ahahaha, how sad and boring. Yes, that's me and my sembreak. Some blockmate of mine told me to read it, and being stupid enough, I agreed.

On another headline, New sarisari store opens at Ben's flat. Hahaha. My "chef" as some of my blockmates call her had the crazy idea of opening a sarisari store here at the condo since our building's sarisaris closed already. My mom, who was gullible
serious enough, bought stuff. I was surprised when I came home and they were stacking the goods already. We had our buena mano just yesternight when some party dude bought junk food.

On another headline, Ben becomes a working student. My dad emphasized that I was a business owner and not employed. There's the sarisari store, and I have this Globe autoload thing. I say whateber. What about my sembreak?? What about my trip to the moon? What about the sand and the starfish and the slimy fish in the sea? What about hanging out? Ahh, that's why I have my dearest chef to watch the store.

PS. The post title comes from the phrase sem break when people have their sems broken and people get to have a break. I am fortunate enough to remove the break from the sembreak.

Someone (except Andrew, who shall be thinking of another thing/s to buy) buy me a Nintendo DS cartridge (preferably SuperMario).

And, Rayray will be planning out my 17th birthday party which will not coincide with the surprise party I'll be getting from another friend. This means that I'll be getting two very well organized parties from two different people at two different times. Thank you in advance. :))

a post that's partly mandatory

My first sem in college has passed already. From the looks of it, I flunked. My goals were mere hopes and dreams that weren't really considered. The color-coded post-its don't really work, as well as the "Times for play" chart, the "study time" chart (which I barely reread), and similar "props" so my mom thought I studied hardly. The whole sem was a cycle of study-eat-sleep-study-take test-pass-eat-study-get awed-stay stuck. Anyway, point is, I flunked.

I have a very grave predicament. Very grave. :))

87

87.
at first it may seem prime. but it is not.
at first it may seem enticing. but it is not.
at first it may seem lacking. but it is not.

87 is not less than one hundred.
It actually is better with a little squiggle more.

It is symmetric.
With two lines and two circles.

It is exotic.
With the eccentricity of the number three.

It is grand.
With four little keys do sol fa si.

It is blabber.
Blabber like the butts of five hens.

It is living.
Like the century's peak the sixties.

It is recurrent.
Seventy-eight more than nine.

It is essential.
Like zero is to time.

It is like any other number.
But is as distinct and special as red is from green.

It is the prodigious numeration of my love for thee.
With two less than thy bodily exeunt.

87. to count the lines herein.
As fools say, wise do.

to my one and only

my dream started with waking up,
with waking up into reality

and i brushed my teeth
and i bathed
and saw the suit lying on the bed
and i sacked the suit and put on my pajamas
and went to church
and we were married

she was the prettiest woman
and i was the handsomest man
and we were meant to be
and i said will you be with me for the rest of my life?
and she killed me and there goes the rest of my life
(just kidding)
and she said ...

and i woke up into my fantasies
and here i am again.

bugto

Mahirap pala ang maging only child. Kung sa katotohanan ay may kuya ako, sa ngayon, parang only child na lang ako. May sarili na nga kasi siyang pamilya e. At ngayon, nararanasan ko ang mga nararanasan ng mga orphans. Yung orphans na wala sa orphanage. Kasi, ayun nga, mag-isa lang ako ngayong kolehiyo. Walang magulang. Walang kuya. Wala nang dormdorm. Kaya, challenge. hightech diba?

Kung kayo may mga kapatid, mapabunso, ate, kuya, o katwin (fraternal/dizygotic o identical/monozygotic), maswerte kayo. Lubus-lubusin niyo na ang pagkakaron ng kapatid. Dahil mahirap talaga ang maging mag-isa. Oo, maraming nagsasabi na maganda to, kasi training for independence daw. Pero opportunity cost naman nito ang paghaharden ng puso dahil sa pangangailangan. Kelangang hindi sila mamiss. Kelangang hindi mahomesick. Kelangang goal-oriented. Ganoon ang buhay estudyanteng mag-isa.

Kung may mga bagay na hindi niyo magustuhan sa kapatid niyo, intindihin niyo. At matuwa kayo dahil nagigi kayong saksi sa mga kilos niya. Ako mismo, ayaw na ayaw ang paninigarilyo ng kuya ko. Bad breath na nga, dilaw pang ngipin, ugat ng lung disorders, pangit na balat, at lahat ng negatibo. Pero at least noon, nakikita ko yun. Ngayon, malay ko ba, parang wala na akong alam tungkol sa kanya. Alam niyo naman siguro ang pakiramdam ng may kasama sa bahay na pwede mong mapagkatiwalaan ukol sa mga bagay-bagay diba? Ako hindi e. :)) Hindi kasi ako nagkaron ng pagkakataon na makilala ko yung kuya ko e. Onganaman, 4-year gap. Pag nagbubuddy bonding kami ni kuya jeremy na halos 5 years na ang gap namin ay naiisip ko ang kuya kong di ko nakilala nang gaano. Parang mas kilala ko pa si Kuya Jeremy na dalawang buwan pa lang ang nakalilipas nang makilala ko siya. Nakakasakit isipin na hindi ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon. E dadalawa lang kami. Nakakalungkot diba? Kaya, naging only child na nga lang ako ngayon. Pero mas madalas akong maging orphan kaysa maging only child. Kahit yung mga magulang ko, madalang kong makapiling.

Paano ko mapapakita sa kanila ang pagmamahal at pasasalamat ko kung hindi ako mabigyan ng pagkakataon. Ng ENOUGH na pagkakataon. wala lang. Mabuti kayo. Kayang kaya niyo.

Kaya, wag magpakalonely. Kumain din ng sinabawang gulay para masustansya.

Ngayon, lunod na lunod na ako sa Legendre, proteasomal pathway, Ubiquitin tags, xenotransplantation, logarithms, Ozymandias, at the indolence of the Filipinos. Not to mention (nge, minention ko rin) my own problems, struggles, weariness, lack of control and discipline, and love. :)) kidding.

Kaya kung hirap kayong pag-isipan kung anong regalo ipapaFedex niyo sakin, madali lang. Pagkakataon. Pagkakataon na maranasan ang mga nadeprive sakin na normally mararanasan ko dapat.

Ayuk!!! :))

senselessoninlawyerika

a wise man once said, "nahihirapan na ako." i agree. nahihirapan na ako.

Hg

I remember how my dad got this head-lump when we three boys played army

I remember how my mom played nintendo 64 and dance dance revo with me and my brother

I remember how my dad lashed us with his leather belts

I remember how my mom spanked us until we bled

I remember how they cried

I remember how irony had been personified

I remember very well

snatched

fans, pasensya na talaga. di natiis ng isa kong fan. nasnatch niya yung phone ko na naglalaman ng vain pics ko. nooooooooooo. kaya, wala na akong phone. wala na yung number ko. pero wag niyong burahin yun. kasi, pwede niyong maging txtm8 yung snatcher thru it. joke. pero anyway, para macontact niyo ako, gamitin ang telepathy. and surely, macocontact niyo ako. yehey. thanks fans. mag-ingat din kayo. kasi ako?? di ko talaga naramdaman yung pagsnatch.

I need brainsuction

It's three in the morning and I'm still awake. Chem 16 is fun without the tests. It is rather difficult to study for a test in which memory is a big factor. How do they expect us to memorize the chronology of the procedure plus the equations plus the moles plus the observations plus extra questions found at the end of each experiment??

My dad says I talk like a zombie over the phone. Let me tell him he sounds like a cool dad. Like. Hahaha.

DO NOT EVER STUDY FOR CHEM THE NIGHT BEFORE!!! or you'll end up waking up past three. Because you can't equate 6 hours of study time with 9 working hours [3 experiments times 3 hours per experiment]. Ahhh, somebody please lobotomize me.

are you ascorbic?? are you acidic??

So, nanggaling ako sa ER nung wednesday dahil 40 ang aking temp. and my nose bled. inaaway pa ako ng med resident dahil kinakalikot ko raw ilong ko, when in truth, HINDI!!! awayin ko siya. how many times do i have to tell them my nose bled because of my body heat??? akala niyo kakalikutin ko ilong ko hanggang dumugo to? HINDI.

anyway, ayoooooown. dapat maging ascorbic and acidic na kayo para masaya.

isa-isa kong hinawaan ang aking blockmates. nauna si ria, bess, jerico. tas si pat.

kamon.
susunod ka na, dundundun. sana matigil na itong hawaan. di ko na kaya. aww.

-

nasabi ko na bang mahal ko ang mbb?? dahil masaya ang mga stereoisomers na nonsuperimposable enantiomers. alam mo ba na hindi nagmamatter ang acidic environment sa cell acidity at alam mo ba na ang zwitterionic form ng cell ay amphoteric dahil pwede siyang maging base o acid?? grabe, very enlightening at confusing at the same time magturo yung mbb prof namin. i love her. kamon. pati siya nacoconfuse minsan sa sinasabi niya. at alam mo ba na hindi amino acid ang proline?? instead, isa siyang imino acid (since NH2+ ang kanyang imino group) o diba?? masaya ang mbb.

-

isa kang nganga kapag meron kang areca nut, ikmo (betel leaf), tsaka optional apog (lime).
magpakanganga ka na. yeh.

why do some people rant about classical music when more than half of the world has to study?

Freshie Spitz at importanteng mensahe kasunod nito

hay. ayan na. sa wakas. nakapagsalita na rin ako. Akala ko nga mapupunit na chest ko the night before dahil sa lakas at bilis ng lubdubs ng puso ko e. Kabadong kabado ako nun. Pero dahil tapos na, ayan. OK na. Ngayon ko lang hinarap ang libo-libong tao. At hullor, ispitch. :)) anyway, salamat at tapos na siya. buti na lang college of ssp at eng at sci lang yun. at di buong up freshie. suri, nakakakaba talaga. at buti di ako natapilok o kaya namula o kaya nabulol.

ipopost ko na rin.

Even before the UPCAT results arrived, I knew that I had to study at the University of the Philippines. For me, UP weighed more than any other university I applied for. Eventually, the results came and the decision boiled down to UP versus ADMU. Both enticed me with free-tuition scholarships: one bragging about a free air-conditioned dorm room to accompany my stay, and the other, boasting simplicity—a statue of a naked man looking at the heavens to welcome me each day. It wasn’t really an easy decision, so why did I choose UP?

Coming from Philippine Science High School, I had to take a science or a math course. My courses for both universities were very much related: Biology at the ADMU and Molecular Biology and Biotechnology here at the UP. The critical difference was that I preferred Petri dishes and microbes over taxonomic balderdash, so my decision was fixed.
The fact that UP is a montage of all sorts of people supported my decision. I can meet a nerd, a jock, an artist, a revolutionary, an activist and a sophist. It would give me great pleasure to befriend someone who doesn’t agree with my ideology, and I would be equally thankful to find someone very much like me. Anyone can belong to UP. Part of the thrill in going to UP is searching for my interests and figuring out what hidden passions I have. Many different organizations are in UP: academic-based orgs such as the UP Samahan sa Agham-Pampulitika or UP SAPUL and the UP Pre-Medical Society; athletic orgs such as the Laya Football Club and the UP Association of Karate or UPAK; cultural and artistic orgs such as the UP Repertory Company and the three Philippine choirs who made it to the Euro Grand Prix for Choral Singing: the UP Madrigal Singers, the UP Singing Ambassadors, and the UP Concert Chorus; faith-based orgs such as Youth for Christ UP and the UP Muslim Students’ Association; and even geographic-based and ethnicity-based orgs such as the UP Sidlangan for Leyte, Samar and Biliran-based students.
Aside from offering remarkable education, UP can indeed give me various choices to shape well my roundedness. Like at the Dampa, which is both a marketplace and a restaurant where people choose the kind of meat and the cooking method, knowledge won’t be spoon-fed; I just have to select the things to learn based on my hunger and palate because it is I who know very well what I like. UP can guide me in finding out who I am and who I need to be in order to meet my necessities and my inclinations.
But aside from the academics and the freedom to choose, the true essence of being at the UP is being an Iskolar ng Bayan. The University of the Philippines was not called the University of the Philippines just because it is in the Philippines. It was called so because it is the only national university in the country and Filipino taxpayers partly subsidize the education of UP students. Therefore, every Iskolar ng Bayan should not take studying at UP for granted. The most significant word of the phrase Iskolar ng Bayan is bayan; thus each scholar should give back to the country, not due to indebtedness, but because of the duty to serve the country and the Filipino taxpayers, without whom the UP education would not have been possible. An Iskolar ng Bayan should be grateful enough for the blessings he received, and so he should have loyalty to the university and to the country, have integrity through all endeavors, and have respect to fellow students and countrymen. After getting the academic excellence UP instills in its students, a UP scholar should share and use what he learned for the betterment of the society because UP does not train its students to apply what they learn only for selfish benefits or greed. An Iskolar ng Bayan is independent yet conforms to the ethical and moral norms. The true mark of an Iskolar ng Bayan is not his intelligence or his expertise in a particular field, but rather his versatility and his adaptability to hardships and life situations from which he has to decide what is best for our nation. Some mistakes may be inevitable, but those mistakes will be the fire that hardens the pot to its perfection.
As we voyage through college, we must remember that the ultimate purpose of our education is for the nation, that we should give back the excellence the University of the Philippines will have nurtured in us. When the time comes, through our own efforts, we shall be subsidizing a new generation of Iskolars ng Bayan. And surely, if the cycle goes on, we will be helping the country develop exceptionally.

Yeah, I opted for the statue of a naked man looking at the heavens. Fellow freshmen, let’s make the best out of that naked man for the Philippines.


woohoo. tapos na rin. yeh. after ng spitz, nagkaron ng protest. yeh. at least maagang lumabas yung tunay na kulay. haha. tungkol siya sa tuition increase and a whole heck more.

AT ETO ANG PINAKAMADUGO: yeh. bloody.
naaasar ako sa notion na kinakahiya ang pagkafreshy. grrr. sobra. naiinis ako tuwing naririnig ko ang aking mga kaibigan na nagsasabing Wag mong ilabas yung mapa; mahahalata tayo!! o kaya naman, pag sasabihin kong Dun tayo sa palma. sasabihin naman nilang AS ano ba!! para di magmukhang freshie. Baket?? me pinagkaiba ba ang palma sa AS?? e sa gusto kong tawaging palma ang palma hall. mabuti na yun, cinocommemorate si palma. kesa namang AS, sino ba yun?? hahah. pero seriously, INIS NA INIS NA INIS NA INIS ako sa freshies na kinakahiya ang pagkafreshie nila. E ano naman kung freshie?? FRESHIE AKO AT PROUD AKO DUN!!! PROUD AKONG MAGTANONG KUNG DI KO ALAM! PROUD AKONG MAGTANONG KUNG MAGKANO ANG DYIP! PROUD AKONG SUMAKAY NG IKOT TAS BUMABA, TAS SUMAKAY ULI!!! PROUD AKONG BUMABA LAMPAS SA CP GARCIA, TAS MAGLAKAD PATUNGONG CP GARCIA! PROUD AKONG TANUNGIN SA GUARD KUNG MAGKANO YUNG ID STRAP!! PROUD AKONG SUMIGAW AT MAGMUKHANG TANGA SA PAGGALAW NG KAMAY NANG DI NAKAKASABAY. PROUD AKONG TINGNAN YUNG MAPA PAMINSAN-MINSAN, KESA NAMAN TSUMAMBA KUNG SAN PUPUNTA!!! AT ANO NAMAN, KUNG FRESHIE AKO?? hindi ba dumadaan ang lahat ng college students sa pagiging freshie?? kaya sa susunod na mahiya ka sa balat mo, mag-isip ka. KASI FRESHIE KA TALAGA!! AT YUN ANG TOTOO. WAG MAGPAKAHIPOKRITO!!

:(

please don't ask why

This Post Is Not Senseless.

Do NOT ever mix Milo Cereals and Chocolait together. Although Milo Cereals and Chocolait taste well when they are standalone, they suck when they're together, much like my mouth and my thoughts.

BENLO

watch out... for the upcoming new trend of the century. the BENLO.

while walking past Bench with someone whose name I choose not to disclose, I remembered that Bench's etymology came from the creator's first name and his last name's first two letters (BEN CHan). now I'm going to say in your face to mr. BENCH for I'm gonna have to launch the BENLO, which obviously comes from BEN LOpez. :)) anyway, the BENLO is a new clothing line that is not only cheap but profitable for me. It comes in sackcloth, tissuecloth, papercloth, ruffled-testpapercloth, scratch-papercloth and termite-infested-bookcloth. Not only does BENLO appeal to the eye (and to the skin), it also gives you the best comfort and fit. It comes in all sizes (XS, S, M, L, XL, F, 1, 2, 3, etc etc.). This BENLO will strip the fame for BENCH, HUMAN, PENSHOPPE, and most especially will rip the jeans for LEVI's, Gas, Celio, Springfield, Burberry, and will strikethrough the acronyms CK, AK, DKNY, A|X, RL, and will prolly outwit Jack Spade, Lacoste, Gucci, and a whole lot more.

The Benlo gets five stars from all fashion critiques you can grab. Surely, experts like LV, Timberland, and Ralph Lauren (I'm so sorry close friend of mine) will back off.

Two co-clothing lines will be on-the-go too: DEVIL AND KASHISHMISH, both of which will also be run by me. Devil is all about being emo and gothic + style. It gives a whole new sense of fashion for the rebels and more importantly creates innovations and voids the ambiguity of the color black. Kashishmish on the other hand is for the females. A new indated clothing company, Kashishmish will innovate the use of walkytalkies and micro-plant them onto Kashishmish so that you can talk with fellow Kashishmish wearers.

The BENLO is not a ripoff of BENCH, as the DEVIL is not a ripoff of HUMAN and the KASHISHMISH is not a ripoff of KASHIECA. =))

***

ahahaha. sorry lang bangag. naalala ko lang kasi e. ganyan ang nagagawa kapag naglalakad ka sa mall nang walang pera. me kasama ka nga, wala rin namang wawarts :)) sabi nga ng WHAM, use your head. ((:

an excerpt of an eventful today

sa mall...

*habang naglulunch*
G to B: di kami mayaman!!!

*later*
G points at Forever21 (*ui. astig sale*): halika, pakita ko sayo yung skirt na sinasabi ko.
B (*ui. ang galing. mura. mga 299.*): sige.

saleslady to G: hi! kunin mo na yung skirt mo? *apparently, nareserve na ata ni G yung skirt. uhum. at close sila ng saleslady*
G pointing at B: ililibre niya po ako...
B *shrugs*: ok.

*tas punta kami dun sa skirt niya*
saleslady: isa na lang po yung sa size niyo
G: maiksi ba to?
B: ok lang.
G: ui. isa na lang o. sayang. kunin ko na?
B: kukunin mo?
G: libre mo ako?
B: ok lang. ate, magkano po?
saleslady: one-two
G: one-two. *at alam niya na pala beforehand na 1200 yung skirt na yun.*

singit: ok lang pala to sa mga hindi mayayaman. yung 1-2 na skirt.

B *nanlaki mga mata*: HUH? SERYOSO KA?
G: huh? edi hati tayo.
B: hah? seryoso ka? nagpapalibre ka ng 1200? seryoso ka? *di pa rin makapaniwalang me nagpapalibre ng 1-2 na skirt. *

*labas sa store*
B *di pa rin makapaniwala*: seryoso ka? one-two para sa skirt?

tas sermon-sermon sa pagigi niyang magastos. :))

haha. ansaya makipagtalo sayo G. dahil hindi ka nananalo. Xp JUUUUUUUUUKE

Alone

The ticktocks of my bedroom clock intensified with every tick. The room was dark save the yellow photon mosaic, patched on the webbed ceiling by none other than the biggest lamppost I have ever seen. Although the light patches disturbed the darkness, only the outlines of an empty bed, a shut laptop, scattered coins, a Swiss knife being my laptop's safe, six functional keys and a broken one could be seen. The sight really wasn't much if all your possessions were stacked on a desktop. To think it over, a guest wouldn't notice any traces of desolation. But, as the ticktocks of my bedroom clock intensified with every tick, the lubdubs of my heartbeat intensified with every pump. It suddenly dawned on me that the empty bed across mine is empty (Yeah, you read that right). Then, every single lobe of my brain complained to me.

Let me take you to each one of them.

On one lobe read "THE BED". The bed. The bed next to mine was empty. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago because my brother slept there. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago because my brother slept there until I knew I was going to be an uncle. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago because my brother slept there until I knew I was going to be an uncle, and he finally transferred to a new house near Bamboo-the-singer's residence.

On another lobe read "MY HOME". My home. I never really knew what adventure I embarked on when I left home exactly four years ago. I never imagined "this" happening. But as of now, I was worried about my mom. My mom was all alone in our humble abode because Peter Pan was with Wendy in Alabang, my dad left home for work and the elections, and I am stuck with Manila for the shooting. My mom was all alone this recent Mother's Day. My mom was all alone when she handled our village's fiesta last Sunday. My mom was all alone when the only family she could call was me. My mom has been all alone when she sleeps.

On another read "DAD". Dad. My dad gets a retainer's fee for being our town's congressman's lawyer. The recent elections surely gave my dad a hard time and weeks away from home. I'm certain my dad considers 24/7 a cliché. Going back to the retainer's fee, which I think won't be enough for kicking my bro's butt away from home and my bro's upcoming wedding and my bro's child and my bro's house bills and my bro's..., I am disturbed by the fact that we may be literally asking for alms in due time. And, my mom just called to inform me that the congressman's wife, who's running for congresswoman and whom dad supports, is behind by 700 in one of the municipalities. If she loses, we're off. We're gonna be off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz. Seriously. I don't want my dad's being away from home 24/7 to be a waste.

On another read "HEY BRO". Ugh. I love my brother. But he's gone, and I have to accept the fact that the empty bed beside mine is gonna be empty for the rest of my stay (well, except for irregular visits). And earlier today, I witnessed something my brother and I never had, the brotherhood of another brotherhood (Ok, zip it). My brotherhood with my biological brother was not the best you could ever had. But it was still a brotherhood. Ok, I'll shut up before anything odd happens.

On another lobe read "PISAY-UP". Uhuh. Uhuh. Uhuh-uhuh-uhuh. I am entering college but instead of the usual pack of lobes that think about college life, I'm gonna be stuck with one. Just one lobe. A lone lobe. The Pisay shooting will finally resume, after a three-week hiatus. *sigh* And to think, I achieved nothing. nil. zero. zilch. I hope UP would not be squeezing my only lobe left for it.

On another read "BUH-BYE. I WON'T BE SEEING YOU EVER AGAIN (exaggerated, or maybe not)." Buh-bye. To ones of people leaving the country. But it actually boils down to leaving me. First goes Joji. Anj. Then Jannel. Kuya Mike. Then someone-else-whose-name-I-must-not-mention-for-
reasons-I-know-not-of. You're all leaving. This lobe was reactivated when that someone-else-whose-name-I-must-not-mention-for-
reasons-I-know-not-of told me he/she'll be leaving tomorrow for somewhere-not-in-the-Philippines. Anyhow, my point is, although I wanna tell the world how I'll miss them, I can't compose myself for such things as these. Leaping to higher leaps, I'll be going to Africa with Joji come some time in the future. Hopefully, we are gonna hold medical missions, love the children, love Africa, and love the world. If you wanna join the fun/love/showcase of love/labor/whateber you wanna call it, then tell us.

On another read "INSOMNIA". During non-class days, I get insomniac. I try to sleep but it takes me about seven dozen methods to counteract insomnia before I get to sleep. Every night, I try the sheep-counting thing, the count-to-forever thing, the milk-before-bedtime thing, the yoga-meditation thing, the thing, you name it. I just can't and it breaks my heart because during those times, I never forget to remember every single person I miss. I miss you.

On another read "MY DEAR COUNTRY". I am saddened when I am reminded of how poorly informed I am about our country. The time will come when I'll show the Philippines my love and support and care.

On another read "ME, MYSELF, AND I". I am alone. period. That's the whole point of this post. And I've had enough with friends calling me "emo" and "drama". My hairstyle doesn't seem to agree with any of them. Anyway, I can't blame them, because I have to express how I feel--alone. Yes, I am alone. And, don't ever try to joke me or bitch me about this, because I'm serious. I don't want to be alone. That's why I spend trillions of centavos on gimmicks, libres, overtime, ym time, dates, and a whole lot more. Nobody wants to be alone. But I am. But you won't fully comprehend, so this is useless. Anyway, if ever you find me weird or over-the-top, it's because I'm alone. I really am, so don't piss me off about it.

So, as the ticktocks of my bedroom clock intensified with every tick, I am reminded of how alone I am. Lord, help.

six weird things / mahal ko ang UP

got tagged by tsitsil and raix. but the thing is, i wanna bend the rules a little. i'm taking the test but not following the directions. the only thing i hate about stuff like these is that the test becomes a virus, infecting more and more as each takes the test. so i'm gonna have to pass the test to these lucky people: ________________, ______________, ________________, ________________, ________________, and _______________. Hope you enjoy them mr. and mrs. blanks!!! because these are really really weird.

ONE
I loved Coke a long time ago! But now, I can't tolerate any softdrinks flooding my digestive tract. blech!! hate the taste.

DALAWA
Nagkaron ako ng nakakatakot na bangungot ngayong fourth year. Pero hindi to sa dorm. Sa bahay to sa Maynila. Ang kakaiba sa bangungot na ito ay parang gising ako. Kalahating gising, kalahating tulog. Alam kong natutulog ako, nakikita ko yung paligid. Nakikita ko yung kabinet sa tapat ng kama. Yung kisame ay kita ko rin. Pero hindi ako makagalaw. At parang hindi rin ako makahinga. Matagal-tagal ding ganito yung nangyari. Nakatingin lang ako sa paligid. Pero alam kong natutulog ako. At pinipilit kong galawin yung kamay ko. Yung ulo ko. Yung katawan ko. Pero ang bigat. Sobrang hindi ko siya magalaw. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko nun. Para akong tinali sa kama. Mabigat. Masikip. Tapos, muntik na akong maiyak. Sa totoo lang, sa loob-loob ko umiiyak na ako. Sumisigaw. Para ba naman akong nakulong diba? Tapos, sobrang desperado na ako at di ko malaman ang gagawin ko. Kaya sumisigaw na ako kay Jesus. Sinisigaw ko yung pangalan Niya. Maraming beses. Gising ako nun. Sigurado ako. Nararamdaman ko e. Pero di ko lang talaga magalaw yung katawan ko. Tapos sigaw ako nang sigaw. Hanggang dun lang yung maalala ko. Naiiyak na ako nun e. Pero pagkagising ko (kasi tulog dapat ako nun), naalala ko yung nangyari. At totoo yun alam ko. Nakarinig na rin ako ng mga kwentong katulad nito kina muy at pito. Pero nung third year pa yun. At noon natatakot talaga akong mangyari sakin yung mga nangyari na rin sa kanila. Pero nangyari rin sakin. Buti na lang, nalagpasan ko rin yun.

TULO
Ha Tacloban han bata pa ako, mahilig ako magkaturog ha kama hit akon nanay nan tatay.
Mayda passage ha butnga hit amon kwarto hit akon kuya nan hit kwarto han akon nanay ngan tatay. Kausa, ginbalhin daw ako balik ngadto hit akon tinuod na kama, matapos ako magkaturog ha ira. Pero, kinabuwasan, nakadto na liwat ako han ira kama. Hit akon paghinumdom, ginyaknan ak nira na naglalakat ako hin nakaturog. Amo, talagsa dire ko nasasabtan na naglilinakat na ngayan ako kay dire man ako nagmamata hit akon pagkiwa.

IKAUPAT
Dile ko kahibalo kun ano gyud ang akong isulat kay dile man gyud ko makahimo ug akong buot ipasabot amo iba-iba an mga yayaknon na nadinhe.

GOH
Tset nang sah sih goh lak tsit poy kaw tsap.


LIU
Ui ur san se wu liu tsih pah tsui shi. Wo te mingtzeh shi lee ming-an.

/

mahal ko ang up. sobra. basta. kung ngayon pa lang naeenjoy ko na siya e pano pa kaya sa parating na apat na taon. kaya melat sa mga hindi nag-up. MEH!! :)) juke. me pangit din sa up. sistema at organisasyon. hahaha. pero pake ko ba, kung iisipin mo rin naman na libu-libo hinahandle nila e mapagbibigyan mo na yung nakataas na kilay, yung "hindi ko alam," yung pasigaw na "That's life. I'm sorry, you have to go back at the end of the line!!!" yung pagpapatayo-upo-tayo-upo nila, at yung tanong ka nang tanong tas eventually di mo rin alam gagawin mo.

pero mahal ko ang up. ngayon pa lang, nararamdaman ko nang ang up ay ang aking tahanan. yeh

masaya ang up. meh Xp

U-Na-I-Ba-E-Ra-Sa-I-Da-A-Da-Na-Ga-Pa-I-La-I-Pa-I-Na-A-Sa

meh. Xp

***
excerpts from "Miss Airlines"

Suriname Airlines: "Here at Sooooooooooooooooooriname Airlines, we are very apologetic. Sooooooooooooooooripo. Sooooooooooooooooooooorilang. Sooooooooooooooooorinah-m."
"The Soooooooooooooriname Airlines know very well your identity. It is our specialty. We know your firstname. your middle name. your soooooooooooooooooooooooooriname."


Tokyo Airlines: "Gay kami, Gay sila, GAY-SIYA!!!"

Ethiopia: *screech*

Borat: "Here at Kazakhstan we value your health, kasi ayaw namin kayong MAZAKHTAN"

*tawatawatawa*

PAL: "MABUHAY!!" shucks. nakalimutan ko na
*babagsak na yung eroplano* "Happy fiesta!!"

ok. bano yung pagkakwento ko. pero magaling talaga yung masscomm. kung gano ako kabano magkwento ng jokes ganun sila kagaling magdeliver nito. ansakit na ng tiyan ko nun. hahahahaha. sobrang galing nila.

i am 93% boyie //very narcissistic

:)) at sino me sabing 1% ng pagiging babae ang bawat linya sa baba??
pathetic naman to. tagged by rob. tagging *dundundun*

Take this quiz and find out how girly you are. (GUYS TOO) Put x's beside each thing that's true. Each x that you put is one percent. Have fun!!

[ ] My fingernails/toenails are almost always done. //haha, ang galing. niremind mo ako.
[X] During the summer the only shoes i wear are flip flops //they're not even shoes. pero sige, dahil madalas naman ako sa bahay.
[ ] My favorite toys as a child were barbies //hahaha. guys should take this?
[ ] My favorite colour is pink or purple //whateber. pwede talaga to sa guys pramis. :))
[ ] I did Gymnastics. //kasama ba yung required nung first year? o gymnastics nga ba yun?
[ ] I love skirts. // oo, 1% ng pagkababae to. *sarcastic*
[ ] Hollister is one of my favorite places to shop //hollister? huwat?
[ ] Tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear. //tight? bakit?
[ ] I love chocolate //mahal ko ang nutella. pero hindi ko mahal ang chocolate in general.
[x] I've never had a real job. // ngek. :)) real job?? pag bata ka pa pala, madadagdagan ka ng pagkababae
TOTAL: 2
//at sino me sabing magcomment for every line? wag na nga

[ ] My hair is almost always straightened
[ ] I have at least 8 myspace pictures
[ ] I usually go shopping once a week
[X] I love to hang out at the mall with friends //duh. girly na ako. woohoo. pathetic test. gruff.
[ ] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace or earings.
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon.
[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan.
[ ] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes.
[ ] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach.
[ ] I change my icon weekly.
[ ] I wear a shower cap.
TOTAL: 1

[x] I dont shop at Hot Topic. // I don't shop at Hot Topic.
[ ] My cell phone might as well become a part of me.
[ ] I wear mascara everyday.
[ ] I've been or am on a diet. //siguro kelangan ko nun. para tumaba.
[ ] Bathing suits are adorable.
[ ] I dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat. // bwahahahaha. whateber.
[ ] Big sunglasses are hott. //walang temperature ang mga sunglasses samin.
[ ] I have gotten my nails done before.
[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels.

TOTAL: 1

[ ] All I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys! //hahahaha. whateber agen.
[ ] I love to have girls do my hair.
[ ] I give and recieve hugs from all my friends
[ ] I hate bugs.
[ ] Carnivals are so fun! //Carnivores are so fun!
[ ] Summer is THE best season. //THE ba talaga?
[ ] My swimsuit has 2 pieces //:)) isa para sa pwet at sa harap?! juke. =))
[ ] I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor. //yeah right. bwahahaha. ambanu nung test.
[ ] Musicians are so hot. //i agree. kaya nga musician na rin ako e. JUKE.
[ ] You write me a poem and tell me I'm beautiful and I'm all yours. //tell me I'm beautiful and i'll punch you right in the nose!
TOTAL: 0

[x] I am self-conscious. //dotdotdot
[ ] I cry often.
[ ] My car smells like vanilla or cherry. //i don't have a car.
[ ] My dishes get washed more than once a week. //i don't have dishes.
[ ] I dont do sports. //I do sports. I just don't do them every so often.
[ ] I HATE to run.
[ ] I squeal when I am surprised or angry. //*squeak* *squeak*
[ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack. //I'll eat you as a snack.
[ ] I love romance novels. //I love you.
[ ] Drew Barrymore is so cute. //I am so cute.
TOTAL: 1

[ ] I dance a lot.// rhymes with sir lancelot
[ ] usually spend an hour or over to get ready to leave my house.
[ ] I only have like 5 billion hair products. //bwahahaha. i bet wala akong kilalang babae na may ganito.
[ ] I love to get dressed up. //di uso ang costume party samin, kahit halloween.
[ ] Every part of my outfit needs to match. //match what?
[ ] I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends. //I talk on the phone ...to ronald mcdonald.
[ ] I would love to have a photo shoot. //hahahaha. kahit vain ako, i wouldn't LOVE this.
[ ] I apply lip stuff 50 times a day. //50 times? seryoso ka? gano kakapal na mga labi niyo niyan?
[ ] I wish I were a model. //m m. model ng alipunga. hahahaha. juke.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I wish I could meet Paris Hilton. //diba mas gustong mameet ng guys si paris?
[ ] I have been something that was semi. //semi-kalbo hair? m m
[ ] I own Uggs. //Ughs
[ ] Hip Hop is the best music. //:)) pochero ka. whateber to you.
[ ] I pop my collar.
[ ] I like to be the center of attention.
[ ] Guys with Mohawks are crazy. //Craziness doesn't depend on hairdo
[ ] Horses are beautiful.
[ ] I'd rather not pay attention in school. // ngyengkngyengkngyengk
[ ] Cats are adorable. //for ma'am beltran.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I write my own music // ngek. 2 kanta pa lang nagagawa ko. nakakatamad e.
[ ] I would love to visit Hawaii. // i would love people to visit me.
[ ] Valentine's day is so cute! //yeh. i agree. NOT.
[ ] White is better than black.
[ ] I wouldn't be caught dead in all black. //dundundun
[ ] My closet is STOCK FULL of clothes.
[ ] Hate the grunge look.
[ ] I love to read magazines.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I love to gossip.
[ ] I had Lisa Frank folders/posters/notebooks as a kid. //hahahahahhaa..
[ ] I love Celine Dion. //I love myself
[ ] My bubble baths are 1-2hrs long. //my bubble baths are nonexistent
[ ] My wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned. //does that mean, it needs me? what?
[ ] My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other.
[ ] I like little kids. //I like myself
[ ] Diet drinks are the best. //I am the best.
[ ] I'm all about being vegetarian. //I'm all about being loved and idolized and supported.
[ ] I refuse to eat at McDonalds. //I refuse you to eat me.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I check my myspace everyday.
[x] I love life! // especially MY life.
[ ] I have a lot of jewlery! //yeh. and i'm rich too. :)) so sucky.
[ ] My screen name(s) have x's in them. //yeh. xxsuperbenlo07xx
[ ] Either one of my myspace names has/had "<3"'s //i am not less than 3.
[x] I would never want to be the opposite sex. // :)) you suck.
[ ] It's not what he/she said it's the way he/she said it. //it's actually what I said.
[ ] I have more than 3 pillows on my bed.// I have pillows for a bed. hahaha. keddeng.
TOTAL: 2

Now, dahil walang kwenta tong survey na to. I'm tagging people na may kwenta. That would be VINNA, JAKI, MICH, SHAYNE, CECILE and LUIGI

pulitika pulitiko

Malapit na ang eleksyon. sa HEROES. hahahaha. kidding. Pero may aaminin ako sa inyo. Wala akong kilala sa mga tatakbong senatoriables bukod kay Pichay, Zubiri, Villar, Angara, Montano, at Gomez. Sa hindi naman senatoriables, tatatlo lang, at yun yung nakikita ko sa neighborhood namin. Si Cita Astals, si Ali Atienza, at si Fred Lim. Anyway, balik sa senatoriables. Astig diba? Isa-isahin natin. Si Pichay for obvious reasons. Si Zubiri, ayy oo, narinig kong siya yung may makapal na makeup sa mga posters. Si Villar, somehow naalala ko siya dahil may nakita akong poster niya. Si Angara naman, yun yung jingle na paulit-ulit na kinakanta ng kuya ko sa kotse. Yung kinanta ni Sarah Geronimo. Si Montano at si Gomez, nakita ko sa mga blog ng tao. Pero, sila lang ang kilala ko. Bakit?? Unang-una, wala kaming cable, so hindi ko talaga binubuksan ang tv namin dito sa Maynila unless magddbd. Pangalawa, buong araw akong nakaharap sa computer, online o kaya nanonood ng heroes, o kaya nagphophotoshop, o kaya nakikinig ng musika. Pangatlo, hindi ako lumalabas unless shooting, may kailangan bilhin, may kailangan gawin, UP purposes. Kapag shooting, madalas umagang-umaga (mga six) ang calltime so nagtataxi ako. At kapag nasa taxi either nakapikit mga mata ko o nakatutok sa metro. So basically di ko rin napapansin yung nasa labas ng kotse bukod sa kalsada. Kapag naman hindi shooting, either LRT, MRT at jeep ang sinasakyan ko. Sa LRT walang makikitang posters. Sa MRT naman, wala rin akong makita. Sa jeep, kinakausap ko lang yung kasama ko so oblivious sakin ang outside world ng jeep. So wala talaga akong alam sa mga pulitiko. Pang-apat, ang totoo'y hindi ko na inaalam. Bakit? Ayokong sabihin na wala akong pakialam sa bansa natin kasi meron. Pero kahit mahal ko ang bansa natin, di ko inaalam yung mga kandidato. Ni hindi nga ako nakanood ng Isang Tanong e. At isa pa, bobo rin pala ako sa geography. Akala ko nga magkalapit lang yung Batangas at Cabite e. :)) oo na, 2.5 hours pa raw ang distansya. whateber. Anyway, ang point ko tila'y wala akong pakialam sa bansa natin dahil hindi ko kilala ang mga kandidato. Pero isa pang rason kung bakit, e di naman ako boboto. Pero kung boboto ako, siguro pinakinggan ko na lahat ng sinasabi nila. Pero nagbibingibingihan talaga ako. Kasi wala namang diperensya sa kung aalamin ko yung kandidato o hindi e. Buti sana kung nakakaimpluwensya ako ng boto diba? Pero duh, sino namang makikinig sa menor de edad na ang best friend ay laptop? Sino naman ang makikinig sa taganood lang ng HEROES, sino namang makikinig sa hindi nanonood ng news? Sino ang makikinig sa katulad kong nagrereklamo, hindi sa pulitika o sa sistema, kundi sa paghihiwalay samin ng kuya ko. Diba? Pero maraming tao diyan na katulad ko. Siguro may mga iilan ding boboto na katulad ko. Na walang pake. Na walang alam sa geography. Na walang alam sa mga balita. Na naiirita sa mga lintik na jingle ng mga kandidatong hindi nilulugar at isinasaoras yung pagtugtog. Isipin mo, natutulog ka, tas ang alarm clock mo ay ang nakaloop na jingle ng mga dumadaan na mga sasakyan dahil malapit sa highway yung tinitirhan mo. At, ang mas nakakairita ay kapag nasa simbahan ka tapos nagmimisa, tapos hindi sila titigil kahit yung mga nasa labas na ng simbahan ay nakatitig sa kanila. Pero hanggang dun lang ang alam ko, siguro kayo, mas may alam. Wala kasi akong pake e. Pero mahal ko ang bansa. Maniniwala ba kayo dun?! Mahal daw ang Pilipinas pero walang pake. :))

Kaya eto, dahil alam kong maraming tao ang nagrereklamo sa mga pulitiko nowadays, ipropromote ko na ang aking sarili. VOTE BEN, dahil wala akong pake. pero dahil mahal ko ang Pilipinas. hahahaa. lahat naman tayo mahal ang bansa diba? Pati mga pulitiko. Lahat sila mahal ang bansa. Duh. Ako rin. mahal ko rin ang Pilipinas. Kaya iboto niyo rin ako. Woohoo.

extro:

wala talaga akong alam sa mga pulitiko. partly dahil hindi ako boboto. partly dahil choice kong wag alamin. doingks. sayang lang sa GB ng utak ko yan. partly dahil hindi naman ako makakatulong.
sana maintindihan niyong wala rin akong napapanood sa tv namin. kaya wala talaga akong alam.
pero eto seryoso, mahal ko ang Pilipinas. duh. lahat naman e. well, except sa mga iilan na talagang nag-iisip na hindi na uunlad pa ang bansa. at siyempre, may pake ako. duh. pano ko mamahalin ang bansa kung wala akong pake.

i <3 musika

ang nasa kanan ng pahinang ito na napailalim sa salitang "musika" ay resulta ng pagmamatiyaga ng alipin kong si andrew. siya ang nakahanap niyan sa pahina rin ng isa pang kaibigan niyang nagngangalang jaja. lubos kong pinasasalamatan ang aking masipag at masunuring alipin na si andrew torres. salamat alipin. =)) just keddeng. :)) juke. anubanamanyan. salamat andrew dahil ipinakilala mo sakin ang imeem. pinagpaguran ko yung pag-uupload dahil hindi talaga siya user-friendly. ok. :)) at nagpapasalamat din ako ke jaja, na hindi nakakakilala sakin pero kilala ko. :))

at ang pinakamamahal kong mga panatiko. oo, alam ko, di niyo ako matiis. ((: kaya kung gusto niyong manggaya saming mga kewl ex-kalbew dewdes, just click over the address bar and key in "panatiko ako ni ben" then press Shift+HOME then press backspace. then key in http://imeem.com and yehbah enter.

just don't forget to give credit to my trustworthy alipin andrew paner torres. thankyou. thankyou fans. salamat nang marami. for upcoming gigs, just tag sa tagboard sa baba o kaya comment by clicking the "# blacked out" at the end of the post.

and don't forget to tell your poor friends how unfortunate they are to have not visited my site and not have known the fame and greatness of the IDOL BEN. bwahahahahaha. juke.

-_-

sometimes, the effort really matters.

wake up. reality to.

isang araw sa alabang. hahahhahhaha. juke

isang araw. kanina. nagpunta ako sa alabang. birthday kasi ng kuya ko kahapon e. e kaso ngayon yung celebration niya. kaya ayun. nagpunta ako dun. at andami kong nagawa ulit.

ngayon lang uli ako nakapanood ng boxing. actually, ngayon lang uli ako nag-tv nang lampas isang oras. mayweather vs. de la hoya. whateber. hindi ako agree sa fraction ng panel of judges. split desish daw e. pangit. akala ko talaga mananalo si de la hoya. whateber to them. panalo siya para sakin tsaka sa isang part ng panel. maganda pa naman asawa niya. hahahah. juke lang. pero seryoso, dapat siya yung nanalo.

ngayon lang uli ako nakapaglaro ng playstation. hahahahaha. ngayon ko lang uli nalaro yung tony hawk. at oo, bano na ako. hahahaha. talo pa ako ng bro-in-law ko. hahaha. e 10 years old pa lang yun. pero anyway, magaling ako dun dati. kaya magaling pa rin ako. hahahhaa. juke. anlabu.

binilhan ko ngapala ng regalo yung kuya ko. shirt. at di kasya. kaya akin na lang. hahahaha. juke.. pero totoo, binilhan ko siya. kaso di kasya. hahahaha

eto pa, nasira yung lalagyan ng sigarilyo ng kuya ko. buti nga. hahahaha. juke.

eto pa, sa simbahan malapit sa alabang town center ako nagsimba. hahaha. nakatulog ako bago nagstart. hahaha. buti na lang, nagising ako nung magstastart na yung misa.
hahahhaha. juke

eto pa, hahahahahhaa. juke.

thisisme

my mind is crumpled
my eyes ruptured
my ears are deafened
my nose smells rotten
my lips are drooling

my neck is tingling
my arms are squished
my chest is pressed
my back is scratched
my tummy flattened

my thighs are clipped
my knees are bent
my legs are pinching
my feet are tense
my toes are wringing

my hands are spoiled
my fingers crossed
my palms slapped
my wrists pained
my arms crabbed

my heart is scorched
my heart is scorched
yet my heart is burning
a little burn is what matters
my heart is burning

para sa mga bugwit na nakatira sa bubong namin/ breaking news/ super astig/ Na

*squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak*

*squeak**squeak**squeak*

*squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak*


in laymen's terms:

wag naman kayong magwrestling!! nakakatakot minsan e. alam niyo yun, lagpas semento yung soundwaves. aba'y nakakagulat naman ata yun. pero dahil mabait kami't walang kasya saming housemates sa bubong, iniaalay na namin ang bubong. para sa mga bugwit na katulad niyo. hahahahahahahahaha.


***

breaking news: i feel so alone. lalu na't matagal ding nawala yung shooting. at di ko na nakakasalamuha ang 10+ people.

***

super astig yung kantang layag ng up dharma down. wala lang. super astig din pala ng heroes. kaso pangit pag nahuhuli ka. hindi astig yung pang-uuto. pramis.

***

SODIUM ANNOUNCEMENT:

psst. sodium. sodium. sodium. me naisip na reunion. out-of-town ata. hihihi. sana matuloy kasi namimiss ko na kayo. yihee. kilig. hahahahaha.

fact

premise: maniwala ka, hindi ko talaga ginusto na magpost ng ganyang title. pero yan kasi pinakaapt. alam mo yun, ayoko ng opposites kasi di ko naman iniintend. pero apt nga kasi. :))


facts:

1. may pamangkin na ako
2. ikakasal na kuya ko
3. mamumulubi na kami uli
4. lalaki kuya ko, so kami gagastos sa panganganak at pagpapakasal
5. may bahay na ang kuya ko sa alabang
6. lumipat na ng bahay yung kuya ko
7. mag-isa na lang ako dito sa bahay
8. mga magulang ko rin pala gagastos sa bills ng bahay nila sa alabang
9. walang ref sa alabang
10.kakabili lang ng kama para sa alabang
11.may posibilidad na maging caesarian yung magiging asawa ng kuya ko
12.mahal yun
13.hindi ko kinuha yung DOST. sayang, panagdag din pala dapat yun sa panggastos.
14.baka (still hoping) hindi ko maranasan yung naranasan ng kuya ko nung freshman siya. yung bibilhan ng damit dahil walang uniform.
15.baka (still hoping din) hindi na rin ako mabigyan ng bagong phone kahit pinagtiisan ko ng apat na taon tong phone ko.
16.hindi ko alam kung maiinis ako o matutuwa dahil sa kuya ko. ewan ko. sabay-sabay kasi e. nakakainis na nakakatuwa.
17.nagtatampo ako. lahat na lang sa kuya ko. lahat ng attention, gastos, etc. parang di na ako pamilya. gerr. exaggerated i think. pero that's how i feel.

fiction

the story does not start with a spark. it starts with a snap. but the story does not start up until the end. but i guess i shouldn't have spoiled it for you. poor you. i bet YOU won't be reading this yourself. because that's who you are. someone who doesn't read stuff from my hands. you don't receive stuff i give. but i shouldn't care. you don't care about me. you don't. you're so busy holding stuff from someone else. someONE. but i guess that's your curse. not to be dealt with by shallow minds like mine. i bet you don't even type my url in the address bar. i don't care. i know for a fact that you don't have a single ounce of concern for me. the thing is, i don't just give a bit. i give a lot. but heck, you care not. so should i care not too?? can't you see me? you know what, you fail to notice what i do because you are so self-centered. strike that through. it should be someone-else-centered. you know what?? you care so much about that someone else that you forget to care for yourself (and add me on the list). am i just a stranger to you? someone you just pass by and forget at the end of the day? you're such a hypocrite. putting on the fake smiles? the pinching thoughts hidden beneath your face? why can't you show some heart? have i been that unworthy? because i don't think so. you haven't even written my name on a sheet of paper, have you? i don't care. i know that that someONE is the ONE who deserves. no, really i don't. i would care more about you destroying me behind my back. am i that unimportant? can't you just throw them straight at my face? you know what, you are so detestable. but what's more detestable about you is that you are indifferent. indifferent about being detestable. indifferent when it comes to stuff about me.

congrats. to me. not to you. i have gotten this far, and you haven't. i bet you don't even spend a single neuron to think about how i've been. what more for material things. like a peso. am i not even worth a single peso? who do you think you are? your orbit clashes mine but you don't notice. you are always busy reflecting the sun's rays. should i stop caring now? should i? tell me! oh yeah, i forgot, you won't read this. so who's to tell me? gack.

so it ends with this. it ends with a start. the start of indifference. okay. in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, *snap*

WTF NA LANG PALA AKO

ano ako?? porn?? thanksalot

sigarilyo ule

NAKAKAINIS. SOBRA!!!! nakakainis ang sigarilyo
nakakairita. ano ba kasi nagagawa nito??
inis na inis na inis ako sa sigarilyo. bakit ba nag-gaganun ang mga tao?? kelangan ba??

ano makukuha niyo?? putek, tas pag kakausapin mo yung mga taong naninigarilyo ipapagtanggol pa nila yung sigarilyo. the heck with cigarettes. nakakainis. ano gagawin ko?? mismong kuya at tatay at lolo at mga pinsan ko naninigarilyo. badtrip.

sobrang nakakairita, nakakairita. alam naman ng mga taong pinapatay nila yung mga sarili nila pag naninigarilyo sila diba?? nakakainis. sinasabi ko sa inyong KASALANAN ang manigarilyo. ang point nito, sinisira niya ang katawan mo. at, ang katawan mo ay temple ng HOLY SPIRIT kaya masamang sinisira mo ito. pangalawa, parang long-term suicide na rin siya. cigarette = suicide. suicide = murder. murder = sin. by transitivity, CIGARETTE = SIN. mahirap bang maintindihan to?? nakakainis kayo. nakakainis. LECHE YANG NAKADISKUBRE NG SIGARILYO NA YAN. oo, LECHE KA!!!

kaya, WAG NA WAG KAYONG MAGPAKITA SAKING NANINIGARILYO, or better yet, WAG KAYONG MANIGARILYO!!! pag talaga. grrrr. sasapakin ko kayo, pag nakita ko kayong nanigarilyo. seryoso ako. grrrr.

naniniwala ako

pero naniniwala ako sa mga panaginip. naniniwala akong may ibig sabihin ang mga panaginip. kaninang umaga, bago ako nagising, nanaginip ako. sobrang vivid:

may suot akong sapatos. kaso, yung sapatos sa kana't kaliwa ay hindi magkapair. hindi ko maalala kung aling sapatos ang nasa aling paa. pero sure akong magkaiba sila. parehong black. pero, yung isa umiilaw ng pulang ilaw. yung isa naman, umiilaw ng bluish white na ilaw. mas kapansin-pansin yung may pulang ilaw. tapos, hinanap ko yung mga kapares ng dalawang magkaibang sapatos na suot ko. nanghalungkat ako ng mga boxes. search search. kakaiba yung mga shoeboxes sa panaginip ko. hindi sila yung regular na rectangular prisms. may medyo irregular na cylinder na kahong hindi naman talaga oval yung base. bukas. walang laman. basta, ayun. ang nakakatawa ay converse yung brand ng box. e wala naman talaga akong converse na sapatos sa totoong buhay. tapos, isa pang box. hindi rin rectangular. pagkabukas ko, waw, board game. :)) ang galeng. may deck of cards sa taas. tapos, sa wakas, nagising na rin ako.

ang unang pumasok sa utak ko pagkagising ko for some reason ay COMPATIBILITY. ang sapatos na iyon ay magkaiba. naisip kong iapply sa friendship. :)) kasi naman. basta. ang magkaibigan--hindi kailangang magkapareho ng interests, ng ayaw, ng outlook sa buhay, ng perception. pwedeng tahakin ng kanang sapatos ang ibang daan kesa sa kaliwang sapatos. pero, ang mangyayari, hindi sila pwedeng magkahiwalay nang sobra-sobra. merong limits, unless napakagaling magsplit ng paa yung taga-suot; unless si mr. fantastic ang may suot ng sapatos. iimpluwensyahan ng isa ang isa pa. maaari silang magtalo ukol sa kung aling direksyon ang tatahakin. pero, hindi tatagal ay magiging isa lang ang direksyon nila. sabay silang tutungo sa isang direksyon. ang dalawang sapatos ay di kinakailangang magkapareho. ang silbi ng sapatos ay ang pagdala tungo sa isang path. dadalhin ng isang sapatos ang kabilang sapatos. magsasama sila. sa putik, sa semento, sa ulan, sa ice-skating rink, sa sand, sa tae, sa gravel, at sa kung anu-ano pang textures na maiisip mo. one after another, o pwede ring sabay (sa piko). hahaha. ang sapatos, kahit magkaiba, pag iisa ang direksyon, COMPATIBLE pa rin. diba?? agree ka ba? oo, IKAW!!! bwahahahahaha.

ayun, naniniwala ako. naniniwala akong may ibig sabihin ang mga panaginip. naniniwala akong kahit magkaiba ang ating hilig, COMPATIBLE tayo, kaibigan, yeh. bow.

hindi ako naniniwala

hindi ako naniniwala sa mga psych tests na mga yan. hindi ako naniniwala sa numerology, o sa mga tickle tests, o kaya yung mga personality tests. naiirita lang ako lalu pag lumalabas na yung results tas tunog-nagmamarunong yung resulta. tulad na lamang ng "what your name means". ang pointless pointless nun. kasi, ang gagawin mo, itytype mo yung full name mo, tapos, may lalabas na results based dun sa name mo (sa number of letters, vowels, etc.).

inuulit ko, hindi ako naniniwala sa mga ganito. hullo?? papaniwalaan mo ba yung irrational conclusions na ginagawa ng mga astrologists, numerologists, o kaya palm readers?? e san ba nila binase yung conclusions nila?? sa pangalan?? sa mga linya ng kamay?? sa mga tala?!! ang stupid nun. so presumptuous. haha. duh!! bakit mo mas papaniwalaan yung mga test-test na mga yan kesa sa sarili mo? diba? e ni hindi mo nga pinili yung pangalan mo, yung kamay mo!! siyempre yung personality mo, in a sense, di mo rin pinili. parang preset na yun e. pero, still, hindi magdedepend sa kamay mo, o sa mga letra ng pangalan mo, yung personality mo.

duh!! kaya naman, di rin ako naniniwala sa FLAMES o kaya sa love compatibility tests. huh?? ang galing talaga no?? pati chemistry namemeasure na sa pangalan? hullo?? bakit?? siguro naman alam nating lahat na ambabaw babaw ng basis. pangalan?? o kaya naman birthdate? angkorni. tas natatawa akong andaming paniwalang-paniwala sa mga ganun. siguro, ginagawa lang natin siya for fun. oo, kasama yun. pero, huh?? anong makukuha natin. ang sinasabi ko lang, hindi dapat mas paniwalaan yung mga tests na yan. dapat, mas paniwalaan niyo yung mga sarili niyo. hindi por que't yun na yung result e gagayahin mo na. huh? mas malabo to. ano yun? para mag-fit in sa pangalan mo?? hahaha. walang ibang mas nakakaalam ng kung ano ka. duhuh. kaya, hindi ako naniniwala sa mga psych test psych test. bow.

maraming bagay ang nangyayari

oo na, naisip kong magsulat tungkol sa grad, o sa pisay, o sa grad ball, o sa 07, o sa clearance, o sa str, atbp., pero hindi niyo mababasa rito yun. nakakatamad e. besides, ano pa ba ang pwedeng maisulat?? mga "mamimiss ko kayo"? o kaya mga "sa wakas wala nang econ"?!

ngek. eto na lang.
maraming bagay ang nangyayari ngayon.
tulad na lamang ng hostage taking ng kabataan, o kaya naman yung sabay-sabay na pagbagsak ng pickup-sticks sa isang kindergarten, o kaya naman yung mabilis na metastasis sa mga may lung cancer, o kaya naman yung paninigarilyo ng kuya ko.
e pake ko ba? hindi ko pasan ang mundo. kaya naman, magkwekwento na lang ako sa kung ano ang meron sa akin.

edi ayun. masasabi kong nabawasan yung OP'ing. wala lang. pero di pa rin mamamatay yang mga sabi-sabi nila. mas kilala natin ang sarili natin kesa sa pagkakakilala ng ibang tao. kaya itigil na ang siraan ng phone. oo, alam natin na di tayo kuntento sa mga selepono natin, pero sana pahalagaan din natin sila. ano ba? cheap na nga sila, sisirain pa. :))

at eto pa. grad gift?? dad, sana nababasa mo to. :)) gusto ko nun. pramis.

eto pa. mundo. tumigil ka na nga sa kaka-impress sakin. alam kong ginagawa mo yan sa lahat. pero mas may impressive pa sayo, tanggapin mo na yun. :))

ayoko na nga. currently feeling excited for college. and the shooting. :))

tungkol naman sa aprika. sana less hunger para sa mga gutom.
at sa pilipinas. sana tamang daan ang tahakin mo.
at sa djibouti. sana mas maraming tao ang makaalam na may ganun pala sa mundo.

PRAISEFEST

PRAISEFEST 2007

THIRST QUENCHER:

is He in you??

march.22.2007.thurs.4-8pm.pshs.open.field.

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

- John 4:23-24

unti-unti

unti-unti nang naglalaho ang mga salita
unti-unti nang namamatay ang blog na ito
di ko akalain na hanggang 506 lang ang kaya nito sa sitemeter (as of now)
unti-unti nang nawawalan ng saysay ang existence nito
unti-unti nang nakakatamad magtype nang magtype
di ko akalain na 19 days nang walang nagtatag
at yung huling tag pa ay "dumaan ako"
e kung patayin ko na kaya to nang tuluyan
wala naman masyadong nagtatag e
yung mga mismong ineexpect kong magtatag, yun pa yung hindi

unti-unti akong nalulumbay sa palapit na katapusan
unti-unti akong mabubuhay nang panibago
nananawagan ako sa mga matapat na mga bisita ng site na ito, magtag naman kayo
nananawagan ako sa mga hindi tapat, maging tapat naman kayo, at magtag na rin kayo
hahahah. pathetic. konti na lang. patapos na. ayan. hahaha. mabuhay ka nga.

to someones

be glad that i don't miss you

it means that i'm always with you

be glad that i often fight with you

it means that i still spend time with you

be glad that i don't appreciate you

it means that i'm used to what you do

be glad that at times, i want you to shoo

it means that i want you not to follow the bad i do

be glad that i move away from you

it means that i want to save hurt from you

be glad that i don't sing with you

it means that i'm listening to you

be glad that i sometimes give you a boo

it means that i like fixing you

be glad that i am possessive too

it means that i fail not to see your value

be glad that i treat you the way i do

it means that i care for you

creepy

this is weird. i sang a song for whatever unknown reason, and as i finished, the radio played the same old song. it could not have been classified weird had the radio played novelty songs that are constantly repeated 70254 times each day. but lo and behold, the song i sang was a has-been famous only a million days ago. and no, it was never called a classic. in fact, i never questioned myself why i sang that stupid song, when i rarely sing boy-band songs. (yeah, this is one reason why i don't want to mention the title of the song. the other is i totally forgot the song as i typed).

believe me, it was weird. for one, i never really liked the long-dead song. and two, it played on the radio as soon as i finished. of all the thousands of song-choices, i sang the song right before the radio played it. of all the thousands of song-choices, the radio played it right after i sang it. and, it may not have been coincidental, just like what you would have thought if Boom Tarat-Tarat was the song, but it came to me as a sign.

recently, i felt that my voice decayed (yeahba, earthened). my fingers land on other keys when playing the piano. the bongos hate my hands. i'm not as good with doing second voice as i used to be. i can't reach the high note of MARIA. and i rarely remember the proper breathing when singing. and now, i suck with the piano. i feel more sucky-sucky with music. music, be with me again. argh.

this recently was actually just today. and as i flew down the stairs after practicing for himig and the west side story, i sang this boy-band song. this boy-band song, which i never really liked. but sang it, inserting yaddahs and blahs in between lines of unknown lyrics. but, i sang it, never liked it (and never will). but, after i sang, the radio played it for me, as if telling me either of the following: that music will never leave me, or that the radio played the song better than my rendition (having the in-your-face attitude).

with crossed fingers, i take the former. gack, music, be with me.

117

I
there are more than a thousand ways to strip the heading
but only two matter to me--

one is the general telephony
wherein help begets help
one is the more general history
wherein words conspire for a lot:

II
soloes and fleeing--
three

that's how it feels when the world commended
a man hid under the tree
a fish carved into the heart
a song left undone

III
soloes and fleeing--
three
three
two made it so

117
one hundred and seventeen
odd? prime?
one hundred and seventeen

PASKO!!!

alam mo ba kung san nanggaling yung word na pasko??!! e yung CHRISTmas understandable pa. pero pasko??

uhm. unang-una, anangelo muna. salamat sa mga bumati, ansaya nun, batian. woohoo!!! at eto, may ikwekwento ako. at maswerte kayo kung nabati ko kayo ng maligayang pasko!! lalung lalu na yung mga naka2 to 3 messages from me (boblaks talaga yung phone ko e). hello, ano ba naman? nagkaproblema sa sending. tapos, habang chineck ko pa yung sa contacts ko biglang nag-lowbat. tas, sending. at aba buti na lang nakapagcharge ako agad. *kasi mahirap mag-navigate sa phone pag nag-sesend.* tapos, ang galing, diba pag nagchacharge gumagalaw yung bars sa bat? yung akin, astig, gumagalaw din yung sa signal. so sabay silang gumagalaw, parang christmas decor. hahaha. grabe talaga, fluctuating yung signal. andaming balakid. so ayun, kapag may natanggap kayo, you're very very lucky, fan. pero pag wala, surinalang, (chineck ko lahat ng posibleng macheck sa phonebook ko ah). may pa-defer-defer pang nalalaman yung phone ko ah. ayun, so kung binasa mo to, MALIGAYANG CHRISTMAS!!!! woohoo Xp ayun, kung pwede ko lang sabihin ke santa e, oo na, mag-aapat na taon na sakin yung phone ko, kaya medyo hanging hanging na siya. pero still, nag-susurvive, kaya mahal ko yan. hahaha. pero, sabi nga sa cat, no excuses!!! kaya ano ba?? on to the more important matter!!

ayan. we all know na eto ang birthday ni Christ. kaya kung kaya nating manorpresa ng mga kaklase tuwing kaarawan nila, kaya rin nating mapasaya si Lord, diba??? so ayun, let's just make this day so PERFECT. aha. kasi mahal ko si KRISTO, sobra. woohoo.

let me just take this opportunity to thank my ever loyal bestest best friend. hahaha. andrew. grabe, parang sinama na rin kita sa tacloban. sobra-sobrang salamat. at pasensya ka na kung medyo bangag ako nung kinausap mo ako. nagsesend ako nun ng greetings, kaya medyo bangag-oti. hahaha. pero, salamat talaga. :)

ps, hindi ko rin alam kung ano yung etymology ng pasko. kaya kung alam niyo, inform me.

once again, MALIGAYANG CHRISTMAS!!! soli deo gloria. God bless!!

can i ask you one favor though?!

can i ask you one favor though...
after all you've asked yes or no
you contemplate on whether life is any better
and hey, can i ask you one favor instead…
can you plan up the events that have all gone ahead??
can i ask you one favor though...
after you've answered with a no and a no
you fly by as if nothing had happened
but hey, let me ask you one favor please...
can you visit my dreams and give me a kiss??
can i ask you one favor though...
you've said that you won't and yet you don't know
that when the time is set, you just can't stop
so ui, can i ask you one favor woohoo…
can you at least shush and move the do??
can i ask you one favor though…
you’ve been very good to me and to everything oh
and though you’re that strong i know you’re badly hurt
because duh, can i ask you one favor above…
can you lend me your love so i can show you all love??
can i ask you one favor though…
you’ve shown me three sides: the good, the bad, the no-no
such that i doubt you instead of your whirling my head
whereas psstch, can i ask you one favor (oh, boo!)…
can you give me a bit of you so i can outlive you??

Reliving the past

…or rather, living the now.

***
Return to the tribe roots

121190
Getting back to Tacloban was not rediscovery for me. It was neo-discovery. I just realized how blind and indifferent I was to my very own family tree.

While my mom and I were waiting at the airport, she was quickly scribbling some digits while I was reading a pocketbook. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied “recounting our expenses….” What? She was writing way too fast. Ako naman, I was shocked. Seriously, I never knew my mom could manage time in split seconds. If I were in her shoes, it would have taken me thirty seconds to remember my expenses for the past two days, and another thirty to remember their prices, and a minute or two to list them, and perhaps another minute to add them all up. But, my mom?? She was multi-tasking: for this split-second she simultaneously remembered the expenses and wrote down their respective prices (without listing the labels), and for that split-second she added them all up like a human calc. Migosh, I was really shocked. I knew her course was accounting, but rapid accounting?? And later that day, my dad would say numbers, and my mom would respond, as if she did not even think, with numbers. Mom was mentalling math?? I was really shocked with her abilities and my unknowing of her abilities. Maybe that was why she was disappointed with my econ grade (there’s a connection between econ and accounting, right?). I wanted to tell her there was such a thing as recessive genes. Perhaps, econ-intelligence is recessive and my dad was not really that good in econ. Haha.

Anyway, due to the typhoon, there were hours without electricity. And, it was damn hot!!! So, Mom and Dad suggested that I visit my grandparents this night. We brought pasalubong. Just some stuff. Well, the important thing is my grandparents. I learned a lot from them that night. They told me their history, and no, it was not very long. Just their academic achievements and more pressure for me. Lolo spoke well again after months of mumbling malarkey. This time, I noticed the authority and power within his regained voice (amid his old age). Dad told my grandpappy about my upcoming graduation. And Lolo responded by bragging about his college life. I do notice my Lolo digesting crosswords daily but I only knew just now that he was cum laude (I dared not ask whether summa or magna, baka mawindang ako lalu) for BOTH his BS E(??) (pre-law course) and his LLB(law)!! What!! More pressure for me, yey!!! He continued with Skolar din ako nun!! Uhm, he just paid for his first semester and the rest was miscellaneous payments. And my mom, goes: he just took his DOST scholarship exam. I wanted to blurt out: Don’t expect too much mom, I’m not so sure with that weird exam.
It suddenly came to me that my granddad became councilor of Tacloban (the people loved him) for a time, and I remember those LOPEZ-stickers posted almost everywhere. My Lolo lived a very meaningful life.
Anyway, to protect myself from more pressure, I bade goodbye.

And, when we reached our car, mom told me about my great-Lolo Paquito (mom’s granddad) who also took law and lived till his nineties. Great-grandpup, as mom told me, read the newspaper by the age of ninety, WITHOUT glasses. WHOA! Really?? All I knew was that he chomped veggies for all of his life. He was a great lawyer too, like my dad and my granddad. No sooner was my mom’s story interrupted than my dad exclaimed FLAT!! Haha. What the hell? So we had to wait for a few minutes. I stared blankly at the candle, the car, and the very clear stars; they all stared back at me by doing what they did: the candle burned in the wind, the car stood where it was, and the stars twinkled. And we had to wait…

“Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.” Mt. 7:17 (NIV)

***
Quote of the day::

“When you’re rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else, even those you love.”
- Mitch Albom, for one more day

para sa nangyari kanina

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
pwede naman sana sa bahay diba?
at kung habulan ang pakay mo,
e baka hinga mo ang habulin ko.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
karumal-dumal ang nangyari kanina.
alam mo bang kasalanan mo rin yun?
pero di kita masisi dahil dun.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
eh nasan na ang iyong minamahal na ina?
baka naman bahay mo iyon?
nakakahiya naman, labas-pasok kami noon.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
paumanhin naman o. kami'y kahiya-hiya
sabi nga nila: tingin sa kaliwa't kanan;
eh kung magkaharangan muli tayo sa daan??

sa tsuper na ngayon ko lang din nakita,
wag kang mag-alala, tama ang iyong ginawa
pero hindi nga lang lahat: iniwan mo siya
siya na may hawak ng pera

sa tsuper na ngayon ko lang din nakita,
halatang ikaw ay nataranta, oo, halata
dahil bigla kang sumugod nang makasakay
si mamang alam kung san ang pakay

sa kaibigang kilalang-kilala,
ang tangkad mo talaga,
kahit na alam kong madali kang mapikon
(aminin)tandaa'y ako'y nandito't naroon

sa kaibigang apektado't tarantang-taranta,
sana nga, nagkapalit tayo nun, sana nga,
sana ang tsinelas ko nun ang suot mo't
gayun din, sa iyo yung aking suot

singit: sa baklang wala dun sa eksena,
sobrang nakakatawa ka, oo, sobra
ampanget mo kaya, mas maganda kang flat-chested, natural
haay! ako'y nababaliw sa katatawa sa gilid mong liberal

singit ule: sa baklang wala dun sa eksena,
bat ka retokada? ikaw ba'y mayaman sa pera?
haha. mukha ka talagang empanada.
(sorry, masama nga ang manlait, alam ko yun ah)

sa itay na dati ko pa nakilala,
pasensya't kami'y nambulabog, pasensya
salamat sa pagiging matalino
at sa pagtanggap sa kahit kanino

sa itay na dati ko pa nakilala,
salamat sa libre mo, ok lang ba?
grabe, kung di kami nalate, kung hindi po
maaring "nadagdagan" namin ang iyong pamasko

sa Itay na aking minamahal nang sobra,
sobrang nararamdaman talaga kita,
salamat Tay a, kahit na ako'y nagkasala
salamat Tay a, salamat Tay a.

weh

Sa oras na malaman kong nagkakandahirap magtrabaho ang mga magulang ko, magpapakalbo ako. Langhiya kang skolar ng bayan, skolar ka pa man din. Hindi ba sapat na libre ang pag-aaral mo sa apat na taon mo sa hayskul? Tas marami ka pang opportunities sa college. Eh bat ang imoral mo? Di mo ba sineseryoso ang valed? waah.

Tas siguro leech ka sa mga magulang mo noh? Kasi, iniisip mo ang sarili mo. Sarili mo lang at wala ng iba. Kahit ang mga kaklase mo, o kaya ang mga tao sa paligid mo. Kung ganon, matuto ka. Matuto kang mag-isip. Hindi mag-isip tungkol sa econ, o kaya sa physics, chem o bio. Isipin mo ang sarili mo. Isipin mo ang iba sa sarili mo. Gets mo? Oo, siyempre. Matalino ka raw e. Pero pagdating sa non-acads, antanga mo. pasensya na for the foul language. pero yun talaga ang apt word na magdedescribe sa pakikitungo mo sa sarili't sa iba. ganun ka rin ka-foul. wala ka bang konsyensya? Isipin mo naman. Malapit na ang pasko. Ibig sabihin dapat magprepare para sa araw ng kapanganakan ni Hesus.

Salamat nga pala sa pics at sa ID. Alam ko namang di mo matitiis na hindi hablutin ang ID ko diba? haha. Pero ang galing mo rin, napigilan mo. Salamat naman. At nakita mo ba yung Krus? Maligayang Pasko ang aming bati... Wag mong kakalimutang magregalo ah? Wag mong ubusin sa DOTA. thanks. Woohoo. Mag-isip ka. please.

older??

I've had enough. Am I really that old? Before, when I was to watch R13 movies, I always put on a delay as I needed to show my ID and exclaim "in your face" to the security. I mean, those were the times when I looked younger than I actually was. But now, I've had numerous encounters with people from all walks of life seeing me older than I actually am. I'm not actually annoyed. (hint, hint... sarcasm! ehem) The very fact that I have to tell them what my real age is is the thing. Why do I have to disprove them everytime they think I'm older? waah. Do I have to do this a dozen times? But seriously, I had moustache before; and now, I'm shaving it because of CAT. Partida, I'm shaving na nga and I still look older. Grrr. I'm sorry for being too shallow but I'm annoyed at how people think I'm older. Grr.

Anyway, I may look physically older, but what's important is I have grown inside (the non-physical aspects). I don't care about what people think. I don't care if I'm CHANGING and if people want me to be my old self back. I'm growing and it's part of life. I mean, if I really ought to be who I was before because of damn fate, then hope not for it to come by so easily. Maybe I need TIME. I need TIME. and I need TIME. I'm affected by people who are affected at how I choose to be. I don't care if people contradict my motions, but I do care for people who get infected by my moodiness. All I want to say is, LEAVE ME BE. PLEASE.

I don't like people who push too much, trying to convince me to be like this or like that. Ok? So don't go about shoving me with hurtful words.

because... I am what I am and that's all that I am 'cause I'm Popeye the sailor man toot toot

people change. things change. in this world, everything changes.

well-bonded

Boredom during STR, originally uploaded by joanna ü.

choo-choo. chitty-chitty. choo-choo. whoot-whoot. tell me what you see. is it a train, a caterpillar, or a single-strand DNA??? (Okazaki fragments)

nyok. i love gluon so much. woah, we always find ways to laugh our hearts out altogether and grunt dividedly on our very own personal stuff. grats gluon for making it to the paskorus finals. woohoo.

"we love our bread, we love our butter, but most of all, we love each other"

credits: joey for the photo.

i'm still under construction

I change. You change. Everything changes. Anything goes. We grow. Rise and Fall.

Nothing matters as much as GOD matters to me.

paumanhin

manghihingi lang ako ng paumanhin kay joji na naging partner ko sa dalawang articles sa engjourn. hindi mo ako sinabihan. wala akong naitulong. tas, nasadden ka isang time dahil sa rumor na 3.00 ang tenta mo sa engjourn. e pano na lang kaya ako, diba? pero, anlabo, kasi tumaas pa ako sa engjourn matapos na hindi ko ipasa ang aking fairptdrive article. tsaka matapos na mainis ako nang sobra-sobra sa ating gurong walang ka-simpa-simpatya. tsaka matapos akong magcut-class kasi niloko ako ng ating magaling na teacher. tsaka matapos akong magcut-class nang mas marami pa dahil nainis ako sa pagrerecord ng aking pagkacut-class eh ni hindi ko man lang yun official elective. parang di niyo na ako pinakawalan sa engjourn.

aynako. mas lalo akong nainis sa engjourn. tsaka, hindi ko matanggap ang grade kong 1.25. sino ba nagbigay niyan? ang ating gurong may pake sa mga estudyante niya. ano ba? 1.25. take note, di ako nabababaan diyan. pero nagrereklamo ako. nagrereklamo akong 1.25 ako, eh nag-cutclass ako at wala akong ininput na effort sa engjourn. samantalang ang mga tulad ni joji na nagpasa ay mababa. tsaka, si henson, bat mas nataasan ko pa siya eh nagpasa naman siya ah. ako, wala akong ginawa. sa totoo'y late pa nga ang dalawang articles na sinolo ni joji. sorry ule joji. tas di ko man lang ginawa ang aking fairptdrive. tapos, 1.25 ako? aba. ayoko. deserve ko ang bagsak. deserve ko ang bagsak. bagsak sa aking unofficial elective. pwede ba? please, sir...

tsaka, kumpede lang, i resign. i quit. i won't give up writing, but i quit. i QUIT. wala nang ginawang maganda ang engjourn sakin dahil sa naiinis ako. anlabo ng teacher natin. anlabo niya. it was clear beforehand na:

"hindi niya ako gragraduhan. hindi niya ipapasa ang aking pangalan sa registrar na kasama sa mga estudyante niya. ako'y nagmagandang loob na tutulong lamang sa engjourn para may gawin ako tuwing elective time."

pero, lahat ay nabaliktad. naiinis ako, partly dahil nawalan ako ng slot sa presscon; partly dahil, wala siyang respeto sa estudyante niya (Bat niya ba naman ako itutulak with a finger pointed at my forehead while at the three-step stairs sa may backlob? im not even your official student. duh.) and, let me just point it out na adult ka na at ako'y bata pa. hindi kailangang manulak. hindi mo ako kailang ipwersa. kasi i have to have my freedom. hindi ko naman pinapamukha sayo directly and physically na i hate you diba? pero bat mo ipapamukha sakin na ayaw mo sakin? argh. i hate you. and this is the biggest part why i hate engjourn too. argh.

panaginip

woohoo!!! dahil sabi ni andoy na ipost ko to para di ko malimutan...

matagal-tagal na rin akong di nananaginip o kaya'y matagal-tagal na rin akong di makaalala ng mga napanaginipan kaya't tuwang-tuwa ako ng bumalik sa akin ang aking mga panaginip isang araw.
after kong mag-igib ng tubig sa dorm (anlabo kasi ng tubig sa 3rd floor sa dorm eh), natulog ako ule. mga 5:30 na nun. tas nanaginip ako. dalawa actually yung naaalala ko.

dream 1.
pinage ako sa dorm. blah blah blah please come down blah blah. tas, bumaba ako. pagkababa ko, ang astig ng dorm lobby, biglang naging gym lobby, yung sa labas ng pool. tapos, nandun si Dra. Batoon, ang ating school physician. iinterviewhin niya raw ako. woohoo. para sa field bio (kasi sa real world, gagawa si sir espinas ng mini-film tungkol sa field bio). tas may nagpipingpong. tas kalabuan na. wala nakong maalalang nangyari afterward.

dream 2.
bumaba ako sa sasakyan. kasama ko yung family ko. astig, nasa Hongkong kami. waha. andaming foreigners. hi ako nang hi. hey. what's up. sa foreigners. nyak. tapos napansin kong wala akong tsinelas. naglakad ako nang naglakad sa hongkong nang walang tsinelas. haha. tas gising.

tas ang nakakatuwa, pagkagising ko, past 6, nagising din si andrew. bumangon siya at naglakad papuntang cabinet. ako naman, maglalakad na rin papuntang banyo nang napansin kong wala ang aking tsinelas. so unconsciously, naglakad ako nang walang tsinelas. haha. does it ring any bells??? haha. oo, naglakad ako papunta kay andrew nang walang tsinelas kasi dinekwat niya ang aking tsinelas. aliw. yun yung napaniginipan ko diba? naglalakad nang walang tsinelas. haha. kasi, yun yung highlight ng aking panaginip, kaya nakakatuwa. nangyari yung aking panaginip just after kong magising. kaso, nasa pilipinas pa rin ako nung nagising ako. haha. aliw. that dream made my day. oo, alam kong mababaw. pero pag madalas malungkot ang isang tao, ang mga mababaw na bagay ay sufficient na para pasiyahin siya. nyak, drama. joke. ayan. seriously, it made my day. someday, baka ako ay maging soothsayer prophet. haha. ansaya niya. sobra.

tas dito ko naalala na ten gatchillion months ago, nung ako'y nasa condo namin dito sa maynila. last school year ata. nagising ako, tas medyo half-gising lang ako nun. naglakad ako pababa, papunta sa dining area. derederetso lang ako nun. half-closed yung eyes ko. tas, habang ako'y sumusubo ng pagkain, one word kept ringing in my head. AMPARO. AMPARO. AMPARO. hindi yung caf manager natin. tas naisip ko, san ko naencounter yung word na yun? tas after kong maisip yun, naisip ko next yung LEVISTE. tas, right after kong kumain, tumingin ako sa kalendaryo. nyak, yung sponsor address ay blah blah Leviste St. (formerly Amparo). at never kong tinitingnan yung kalendaryo sa condo namin. kasi meron ako sa phone. tas medyo titingin ka pataas (to the point na pag matagal kang nakatingin ay magkaka-stiff neck ka) para lang makita ang kalendaryong yun. tas
nagulat ako. hah? unang-una, bat ako tumingin sa kalendaryo? tas, pano ko alam yung address ng sponsor na yan? sa dinami-dami ng sponsors. ang weird kasi never akong tumitingin sa calendar. at kung titingin man ako, di ko papansinin yung sponsors. ang galing. sobra. tas pumipikit-pikit pa ako nung tinitingnan ko yung pagkain ko. grabe. disturbing. creepy. pero ang astig. haha.

kaya yun, naisip ko. kung medyo mas naapply ko lang ang aking subconscious mind, siguro nanalo na ako sa Nobel. o kaya nadiskubre ko na ang gamot para sa cancer. o kaya naforesee ko na ang mangyayari sa aking career.

sana lang mas naaapply ko lang ang aking subconscious mind, mas konti lang ang aking masasagasaan, tas mas masaya sana ako. at mas efficient at effective.

anyway, bukod sa panaginip 2 ko, ang nagpasaya sakin ngayong araw ay ang grade ko sa cs. ang galing, three steps up. san ka pa? ahaha. woohoo. idol. pero wala pa rin akong pakialam sa grades ko from now on. ayoko ko nang maging gc; ayoko nang magpakahirap para sa self-proclamation lamang. haha. stop. kaya napagdesisyunan ko nang, mag-li-low basta wag lang bumagsak.

Torrent

I

I am going against the flow
And I can't blame myself for splashing in
The tides tempt me into letting go
And swing supine so that I'd give in
But while I'm in, I wouldn't give in
To the grasping seizes of the crests that bump
My head, hands, shoulders, chest so thin
Non-conforming to the wet, soft lump

These jaded eyes are locked afar
Where yonder azure is uncommon
This mind is set into reaching that star
Stealing the vision away from the dark

I'm tired and weary
And humming melancholy
I'm ununderstood, even I could not
Un the un in ununderstood
Weary, not lazy

II

I was going against the flow
But I couldn't blame myself for splashing in
The tides tempted me into letting go
So as to swing supine and thus give in
Now I'm going with the flow
Or should I say: against my will?
My waist, legs, back hurt not and so
Conforming to the truths that beset no thrill

These lustrous eyes have been unlocked
By desperation from somewhere docked
This mind is still set into reaching that star
But returning the sight into the dark

I'm tired and weary
And humming melancholy
I'm ununderstood, even I could not
Un the un in ununderstood
Weary, not lazy, still.

hit and miss

what i miss... >kahit na yung iba ay kahapon lang at yung iba gazillion years ago<

1. I totally miss hanging out with Jesus.
2. I miss worshipping.
3. I miss talking sensibly to my lower-year friends: nix, alexis, karen, jelo, josh.
4. I miss dad and mom.
5. I miss kuya aik. woohoo.
6. I miss Demolay activities
7. I miss fieldbio: the sand, the sun, and the mountain.
8. I miss Timor, our epileptic dalmatian
9. I miss my elem friends
10. I miss my fans
11. I miss performing in front of a big crowd
12. I miss lolo and lola.
13. I miss mama gloria. may your soul be well reposed.
14. I miss sir mardan's management. haha, di na natuloy ang discography ko. haha.
15. I miss my spunk for acads.
16. I miss poetry.
17. I miss my penchant for writing.
18. I miss going out with my cousins. mallhopping and shopping.
19. I miss dreaming and remembering my dreams.
20. I miss how rayray sees me before. and i miss engjourn 1.
21. I miss eme and champaca and sodium.
22. I miss bizu
23. I miss being practical. and i think it would have been more practical if I omit the "I miss"'s
24. family vacation
25. pokemon
26. rommel, popo and my childhood days
27. playing with my action figures
28. himig
29. upper-year friends. woohoo. himig + sca.
30. holy kettle corn
31. mean girls: joji, jecay, cheska, and dani. hiwa-hiwalay na tayo, napansin niyo ba?
32. my previous flat
33. prosec and speedreading
34. free saturdays
35. tacloban
36. summer. woohooo.
37. and my homo music theory teacher. hahaha. joke. i miss my singing lessons at ryan cayabyab: the music studio. maghanda ka this summer. mag-aaral uli ako.
38. room 214
39. nickelodeon + anime
40. ma'am hipol
41. sir espinas and ma'am len.
42. non-intrascholastic contests
43. movie marathons
44. mondragon drive neighbors. woohoo. we're all growing up now.
45. biking to i-forgot-the-name and sneaking out of the house during starry nights
46. moon and stargazing
47. the cemetery where the astilla family always goes to during all saints' and all souls' day
48. presscon
49. the Lopez family jamming sessions. haha. sobra.
50. shayne. *hug*
51. drew, henson and our banyo-trio singing escapades
52. medical missions
53. yfc meets and activities
54. and, i can't believe it, dom, for his below-the-belt jokes and funstuff.

I love YOU forever

I'm really missing You--
Although I find it hard to understand this
When You were completely there
As if I hadn't noticed

Lord, I love You so much that I will remember You
Carrying that cross for us
And You will help me dispose my sins
And segregate them properly

Lord, lead me closer to YOU!!!

le freak cest chic

CAUTION: hwag kang magbabasa kung kasama ka sa bcouncil o kaya'y kasama ka sa faircom.


i hate the fact that we had to pay 600 for the murder by the numbers raffle tickets. we were forced to sell those damn tickets to reach a preset 15000-peso remittance per section. and wth, poor me if i cant sell any of those freakin tickets. and who gets to get the grand prize? none other than my from-now-on closest friend (to the point na i get libres and free cash) Joanne Mendoza. hullo. what's up? kumusta naman yun. tapos meron pang fair ticket na kailangan ibenta mo for 85 pesos to your ex-schoolmates here in the metro. well duh, my friends are in the province. so i had to unreasonably pay for that grr ticket, which is impractical for me. and do you know what they tell you if you reason this out: the hell, sell it to your review center mates or to whoever is in the kalye. yebah. kumusta naman. tas, hindi lang ako mag-isa. andami-dami naming nagrereklamo sa fudge na ginawa sa pera namin. im super super broke. as in. i had to start the week fully loaded with cash, and at the end of monday, i was left with a meager 600 (without subtracting the fair ticket thing. so actually, 600-170 = 430) . the hell. that's equivalent to how much i had to pay for the raffle tickets. tapos kumusta naman ang five more days at the dorm? badtrip. i had to miss breakfasts. grr. arrghh. tapos, paano na lamang ang sarili kong interests katulad na lamang ng sonoluminescence? 150 din yun. (bale, 280 na lang pera ko). tas, wall-climbing-rappelling requirement sa alpha. minus another 50. wth. tapos ang addiction ko sa hkk. naka-apat ako + isang libre ni sir vlad. gruff. i super super hate the money loss. oo, alam kong may magandang pinatutunguhan yang pera kong yan, kahit di ko alam kung san napupunta. parang tax. pero sobra naman. super. wala na talaga akong pera. grave. salvaje. hush.

anyway, honestly, hindi ko masyadong na-enjoy yung fair. siguro partly dahil sa kakulangan ng pera. tapos, kabadtripan sa mundo. ginusto ko mang mag-bike eh hindi natuloy. whateber. kahit sinasabi ng iba na ito na ang pinakamasayang fair, i disagree. kill me if you want to. pero shut up. let me speak first. ang naenjoy ko lang ay ang pagiging fc ni edfrey at sinorpresa niya ako sa pamamagitan ng pag-baback-basa ng isang timba ng tubig. (fyi: nakapag-revenge naman ako). haha. niluto akong parang bacon. grabe. sunburnt na sunburnt ako. im super tan. i also hate the fact that i had to listen to people singing in the videoke while i dispensed redemption tickets. ang naenjoy ko ule ay ang pagtugtog ng the nerve. grabe, nakaka-lss yung the nerve. plus ang pinakaastig na up dharma down's oo. sobra, ang ganda. plus, (i can't believe i'm saying this) naaliw ako ng giniling festival. woohoo. and those were the only things i enjoyed. gruff still. woohoo!

***
woohoo:

oo - UpdHARMADown

Hindi mo lang alam naiisip kita/Baka sakali nga maisip mo ako/Hindi mo lang alam hanggang sa gabi/Inaasam makita kang muli//
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang/Panahon at ngayon ako'y iyong iniwan/Luhaan, sugatan, di mapakinabangan/Sana’y nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam/Sana’y nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam//
Ako’y iyong nasaktan/Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman/Hindi mo lang alam kay tagal ng panahon/Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo//
Lumipas man ang araw na ubod ng saya/Hindi pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta/Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana/Ang puso kong hangal ngayon lang nagmahal//
Wooh, hindi mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan/O baka sakaling ngang maisip mo naman/Puro siya na lang… sana’y ako naman/Hindi mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan/Sana’y iyong mamalayan/Hindi mo lang alam hindi mo lang alam//
Kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang/Bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan/Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman/Ako’y nandito lang hindi mo lang alam/Matalino ka naman//
Kung ikaw at ako ay tunay na bigo/Sa laro na ito ay dapat bang sumuko/Sana’y di ka na lang pala aking nakilala/Kung alam ko lang ako’y iyong masasaktan/Narito, sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko//
Hindi mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan/O baka sakali ngang maisip mo naman/Puro siya na lang.. sana’y ako naman/Hindi mo lang alam ika’y minamasdan/Sana’y iyong mamalayan/Hindi mo lang alam oh//
Malas mo/Ikaw ang natipuhan ko/Hindi mo lang alam ako’y iyong nasaktan//

> lss as of today... andoy, pano ka nag-enjoy???

isang maligayang bati

HAPPY BIRTHDAY shayneness. sweetness sixteenness.

HAPPY 16th birthday sa pinakaMAMAHAL kong SHAYNE CORTEZ FAJUTAGANA.

*hugs and mwahs* GOD bless!!!

mentia

and i went to bed this early
that i nearly dreamt a lot
for i woke up very lately
and found that i have not

mottled sight of auric velvet
of the night's stillness in black vibrancy
dazed in fear of criscrossed voices
mantling the heart with piteous anxiety
opened and closed simultaneously--
those circles that betroth its own kind
the startling incident that pulled my soul
into a crevice i can never escape
falling and falling and falling and falling
and never ending
and never ending
and never ending

it haunts me forever in creeping trials
that are yet to be finished but will never be
and i feel the breeze tickling my muzzle-tip
as i realize the insanity and the normality
and the intensity of the living addiction:
the best they'll ever be

and i wake up into reality
and i sense some conformity
with what i felt and saw and heard
and i jumped into conclusion
that i'll liven my delight into sensitivity