creepy

this is weird. i sang a song for whatever unknown reason, and as i finished, the radio played the same old song. it could not have been classified weird had the radio played novelty songs that are constantly repeated 70254 times each day. but lo and behold, the song i sang was a has-been famous only a million days ago. and no, it was never called a classic. in fact, i never questioned myself why i sang that stupid song, when i rarely sing boy-band songs. (yeah, this is one reason why i don't want to mention the title of the song. the other is i totally forgot the song as i typed).

believe me, it was weird. for one, i never really liked the long-dead song. and two, it played on the radio as soon as i finished. of all the thousands of song-choices, i sang the song right before the radio played it. of all the thousands of song-choices, the radio played it right after i sang it. and, it may not have been coincidental, just like what you would have thought if Boom Tarat-Tarat was the song, but it came to me as a sign.

recently, i felt that my voice decayed (yeahba, earthened). my fingers land on other keys when playing the piano. the bongos hate my hands. i'm not as good with doing second voice as i used to be. i can't reach the high note of MARIA. and i rarely remember the proper breathing when singing. and now, i suck with the piano. i feel more sucky-sucky with music. music, be with me again. argh.

this recently was actually just today. and as i flew down the stairs after practicing for himig and the west side story, i sang this boy-band song. this boy-band song, which i never really liked. but sang it, inserting yaddahs and blahs in between lines of unknown lyrics. but, i sang it, never liked it (and never will). but, after i sang, the radio played it for me, as if telling me either of the following: that music will never leave me, or that the radio played the song better than my rendition (having the in-your-face attitude).

with crossed fingers, i take the former. gack, music, be with me.

117

I
there are more than a thousand ways to strip the heading
but only two matter to me--

one is the general telephony
wherein help begets help
one is the more general history
wherein words conspire for a lot:

II
soloes and fleeing--
three

that's how it feels when the world commended
a man hid under the tree
a fish carved into the heart
a song left undone

III
soloes and fleeing--
three
three
two made it so

117
one hundred and seventeen
odd? prime?
one hundred and seventeen

PASKO!!!

alam mo ba kung san nanggaling yung word na pasko??!! e yung CHRISTmas understandable pa. pero pasko??

uhm. unang-una, anangelo muna. salamat sa mga bumati, ansaya nun, batian. woohoo!!! at eto, may ikwekwento ako. at maswerte kayo kung nabati ko kayo ng maligayang pasko!! lalung lalu na yung mga naka2 to 3 messages from me (boblaks talaga yung phone ko e). hello, ano ba naman? nagkaproblema sa sending. tapos, habang chineck ko pa yung sa contacts ko biglang nag-lowbat. tas, sending. at aba buti na lang nakapagcharge ako agad. *kasi mahirap mag-navigate sa phone pag nag-sesend.* tapos, ang galing, diba pag nagchacharge gumagalaw yung bars sa bat? yung akin, astig, gumagalaw din yung sa signal. so sabay silang gumagalaw, parang christmas decor. hahaha. grabe talaga, fluctuating yung signal. andaming balakid. so ayun, kapag may natanggap kayo, you're very very lucky, fan. pero pag wala, surinalang, (chineck ko lahat ng posibleng macheck sa phonebook ko ah). may pa-defer-defer pang nalalaman yung phone ko ah. ayun, so kung binasa mo to, MALIGAYANG CHRISTMAS!!!! woohoo Xp ayun, kung pwede ko lang sabihin ke santa e, oo na, mag-aapat na taon na sakin yung phone ko, kaya medyo hanging hanging na siya. pero still, nag-susurvive, kaya mahal ko yan. hahaha. pero, sabi nga sa cat, no excuses!!! kaya ano ba?? on to the more important matter!!

ayan. we all know na eto ang birthday ni Christ. kaya kung kaya nating manorpresa ng mga kaklase tuwing kaarawan nila, kaya rin nating mapasaya si Lord, diba??? so ayun, let's just make this day so PERFECT. aha. kasi mahal ko si KRISTO, sobra. woohoo.

let me just take this opportunity to thank my ever loyal bestest best friend. hahaha. andrew. grabe, parang sinama na rin kita sa tacloban. sobra-sobrang salamat. at pasensya ka na kung medyo bangag ako nung kinausap mo ako. nagsesend ako nun ng greetings, kaya medyo bangag-oti. hahaha. pero, salamat talaga. :)

ps, hindi ko rin alam kung ano yung etymology ng pasko. kaya kung alam niyo, inform me.

once again, MALIGAYANG CHRISTMAS!!! soli deo gloria. God bless!!

can i ask you one favor though?!

can i ask you one favor though...
after all you've asked yes or no
you contemplate on whether life is any better
and hey, can i ask you one favor instead…
can you plan up the events that have all gone ahead??
can i ask you one favor though...
after you've answered with a no and a no
you fly by as if nothing had happened
but hey, let me ask you one favor please...
can you visit my dreams and give me a kiss??
can i ask you one favor though...
you've said that you won't and yet you don't know
that when the time is set, you just can't stop
so ui, can i ask you one favor woohoo…
can you at least shush and move the do??
can i ask you one favor though…
you’ve been very good to me and to everything oh
and though you’re that strong i know you’re badly hurt
because duh, can i ask you one favor above…
can you lend me your love so i can show you all love??
can i ask you one favor though…
you’ve shown me three sides: the good, the bad, the no-no
such that i doubt you instead of your whirling my head
whereas psstch, can i ask you one favor (oh, boo!)…
can you give me a bit of you so i can outlive you??

Reliving the past

…or rather, living the now.

***
Return to the tribe roots

121190
Getting back to Tacloban was not rediscovery for me. It was neo-discovery. I just realized how blind and indifferent I was to my very own family tree.

While my mom and I were waiting at the airport, she was quickly scribbling some digits while I was reading a pocketbook. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied “recounting our expenses….” What? She was writing way too fast. Ako naman, I was shocked. Seriously, I never knew my mom could manage time in split seconds. If I were in her shoes, it would have taken me thirty seconds to remember my expenses for the past two days, and another thirty to remember their prices, and a minute or two to list them, and perhaps another minute to add them all up. But, my mom?? She was multi-tasking: for this split-second she simultaneously remembered the expenses and wrote down their respective prices (without listing the labels), and for that split-second she added them all up like a human calc. Migosh, I was really shocked. I knew her course was accounting, but rapid accounting?? And later that day, my dad would say numbers, and my mom would respond, as if she did not even think, with numbers. Mom was mentalling math?? I was really shocked with her abilities and my unknowing of her abilities. Maybe that was why she was disappointed with my econ grade (there’s a connection between econ and accounting, right?). I wanted to tell her there was such a thing as recessive genes. Perhaps, econ-intelligence is recessive and my dad was not really that good in econ. Haha.

Anyway, due to the typhoon, there were hours without electricity. And, it was damn hot!!! So, Mom and Dad suggested that I visit my grandparents this night. We brought pasalubong. Just some stuff. Well, the important thing is my grandparents. I learned a lot from them that night. They told me their history, and no, it was not very long. Just their academic achievements and more pressure for me. Lolo spoke well again after months of mumbling malarkey. This time, I noticed the authority and power within his regained voice (amid his old age). Dad told my grandpappy about my upcoming graduation. And Lolo responded by bragging about his college life. I do notice my Lolo digesting crosswords daily but I only knew just now that he was cum laude (I dared not ask whether summa or magna, baka mawindang ako lalu) for BOTH his BS E(??) (pre-law course) and his LLB(law)!! What!! More pressure for me, yey!!! He continued with Skolar din ako nun!! Uhm, he just paid for his first semester and the rest was miscellaneous payments. And my mom, goes: he just took his DOST scholarship exam. I wanted to blurt out: Don’t expect too much mom, I’m not so sure with that weird exam.
It suddenly came to me that my granddad became councilor of Tacloban (the people loved him) for a time, and I remember those LOPEZ-stickers posted almost everywhere. My Lolo lived a very meaningful life.
Anyway, to protect myself from more pressure, I bade goodbye.

And, when we reached our car, mom told me about my great-Lolo Paquito (mom’s granddad) who also took law and lived till his nineties. Great-grandpup, as mom told me, read the newspaper by the age of ninety, WITHOUT glasses. WHOA! Really?? All I knew was that he chomped veggies for all of his life. He was a great lawyer too, like my dad and my granddad. No sooner was my mom’s story interrupted than my dad exclaimed FLAT!! Haha. What the hell? So we had to wait for a few minutes. I stared blankly at the candle, the car, and the very clear stars; they all stared back at me by doing what they did: the candle burned in the wind, the car stood where it was, and the stars twinkled. And we had to wait…

“Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.” Mt. 7:17 (NIV)

***
Quote of the day::

“When you’re rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else, even those you love.”
- Mitch Albom, for one more day

para sa nangyari kanina

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
pwede naman sana sa bahay diba?
at kung habulan ang pakay mo,
e baka hinga mo ang habulin ko.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
karumal-dumal ang nangyari kanina.
alam mo bang kasalanan mo rin yun?
pero di kita masisi dahil dun.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
eh nasan na ang iyong minamahal na ina?
baka naman bahay mo iyon?
nakakahiya naman, labas-pasok kami noon.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
paumanhin naman o. kami'y kahiya-hiya
sabi nga nila: tingin sa kaliwa't kanan;
eh kung magkaharangan muli tayo sa daan??

sa tsuper na ngayon ko lang din nakita,
wag kang mag-alala, tama ang iyong ginawa
pero hindi nga lang lahat: iniwan mo siya
siya na may hawak ng pera

sa tsuper na ngayon ko lang din nakita,
halatang ikaw ay nataranta, oo, halata
dahil bigla kang sumugod nang makasakay
si mamang alam kung san ang pakay

sa kaibigang kilalang-kilala,
ang tangkad mo talaga,
kahit na alam kong madali kang mapikon
(aminin)tandaa'y ako'y nandito't naroon

sa kaibigang apektado't tarantang-taranta,
sana nga, nagkapalit tayo nun, sana nga,
sana ang tsinelas ko nun ang suot mo't
gayun din, sa iyo yung aking suot

singit: sa baklang wala dun sa eksena,
sobrang nakakatawa ka, oo, sobra
ampanget mo kaya, mas maganda kang flat-chested, natural
haay! ako'y nababaliw sa katatawa sa gilid mong liberal

singit ule: sa baklang wala dun sa eksena,
bat ka retokada? ikaw ba'y mayaman sa pera?
haha. mukha ka talagang empanada.
(sorry, masama nga ang manlait, alam ko yun ah)

sa itay na dati ko pa nakilala,
pasensya't kami'y nambulabog, pasensya
salamat sa pagiging matalino
at sa pagtanggap sa kahit kanino

sa itay na dati ko pa nakilala,
salamat sa libre mo, ok lang ba?
grabe, kung di kami nalate, kung hindi po
maaring "nadagdagan" namin ang iyong pamasko

sa Itay na aking minamahal nang sobra,
sobrang nararamdaman talaga kita,
salamat Tay a, kahit na ako'y nagkasala
salamat Tay a, salamat Tay a.

weh

Sa oras na malaman kong nagkakandahirap magtrabaho ang mga magulang ko, magpapakalbo ako. Langhiya kang skolar ng bayan, skolar ka pa man din. Hindi ba sapat na libre ang pag-aaral mo sa apat na taon mo sa hayskul? Tas marami ka pang opportunities sa college. Eh bat ang imoral mo? Di mo ba sineseryoso ang valed? waah.

Tas siguro leech ka sa mga magulang mo noh? Kasi, iniisip mo ang sarili mo. Sarili mo lang at wala ng iba. Kahit ang mga kaklase mo, o kaya ang mga tao sa paligid mo. Kung ganon, matuto ka. Matuto kang mag-isip. Hindi mag-isip tungkol sa econ, o kaya sa physics, chem o bio. Isipin mo ang sarili mo. Isipin mo ang iba sa sarili mo. Gets mo? Oo, siyempre. Matalino ka raw e. Pero pagdating sa non-acads, antanga mo. pasensya na for the foul language. pero yun talaga ang apt word na magdedescribe sa pakikitungo mo sa sarili't sa iba. ganun ka rin ka-foul. wala ka bang konsyensya? Isipin mo naman. Malapit na ang pasko. Ibig sabihin dapat magprepare para sa araw ng kapanganakan ni Hesus.

Salamat nga pala sa pics at sa ID. Alam ko namang di mo matitiis na hindi hablutin ang ID ko diba? haha. Pero ang galing mo rin, napigilan mo. Salamat naman. At nakita mo ba yung Krus? Maligayang Pasko ang aming bati... Wag mong kakalimutang magregalo ah? Wag mong ubusin sa DOTA. thanks. Woohoo. Mag-isip ka. please.

older??

I've had enough. Am I really that old? Before, when I was to watch R13 movies, I always put on a delay as I needed to show my ID and exclaim "in your face" to the security. I mean, those were the times when I looked younger than I actually was. But now, I've had numerous encounters with people from all walks of life seeing me older than I actually am. I'm not actually annoyed. (hint, hint... sarcasm! ehem) The very fact that I have to tell them what my real age is is the thing. Why do I have to disprove them everytime they think I'm older? waah. Do I have to do this a dozen times? But seriously, I had moustache before; and now, I'm shaving it because of CAT. Partida, I'm shaving na nga and I still look older. Grrr. I'm sorry for being too shallow but I'm annoyed at how people think I'm older. Grr.

Anyway, I may look physically older, but what's important is I have grown inside (the non-physical aspects). I don't care about what people think. I don't care if I'm CHANGING and if people want me to be my old self back. I'm growing and it's part of life. I mean, if I really ought to be who I was before because of damn fate, then hope not for it to come by so easily. Maybe I need TIME. I need TIME. and I need TIME. I'm affected by people who are affected at how I choose to be. I don't care if people contradict my motions, but I do care for people who get infected by my moodiness. All I want to say is, LEAVE ME BE. PLEASE.

I don't like people who push too much, trying to convince me to be like this or like that. Ok? So don't go about shoving me with hurtful words.

because... I am what I am and that's all that I am 'cause I'm Popeye the sailor man toot toot

people change. things change. in this world, everything changes.

well-bonded

Boredom during STR, originally uploaded by joanna ü.

choo-choo. chitty-chitty. choo-choo. whoot-whoot. tell me what you see. is it a train, a caterpillar, or a single-strand DNA??? (Okazaki fragments)

nyok. i love gluon so much. woah, we always find ways to laugh our hearts out altogether and grunt dividedly on our very own personal stuff. grats gluon for making it to the paskorus finals. woohoo.

"we love our bread, we love our butter, but most of all, we love each other"

credits: joey for the photo.

i'm still under construction

I change. You change. Everything changes. Anything goes. We grow. Rise and Fall.

Nothing matters as much as GOD matters to me.

paumanhin

manghihingi lang ako ng paumanhin kay joji na naging partner ko sa dalawang articles sa engjourn. hindi mo ako sinabihan. wala akong naitulong. tas, nasadden ka isang time dahil sa rumor na 3.00 ang tenta mo sa engjourn. e pano na lang kaya ako, diba? pero, anlabo, kasi tumaas pa ako sa engjourn matapos na hindi ko ipasa ang aking fairptdrive article. tsaka matapos na mainis ako nang sobra-sobra sa ating gurong walang ka-simpa-simpatya. tsaka matapos akong magcut-class kasi niloko ako ng ating magaling na teacher. tsaka matapos akong magcut-class nang mas marami pa dahil nainis ako sa pagrerecord ng aking pagkacut-class eh ni hindi ko man lang yun official elective. parang di niyo na ako pinakawalan sa engjourn.

aynako. mas lalo akong nainis sa engjourn. tsaka, hindi ko matanggap ang grade kong 1.25. sino ba nagbigay niyan? ang ating gurong may pake sa mga estudyante niya. ano ba? 1.25. take note, di ako nabababaan diyan. pero nagrereklamo ako. nagrereklamo akong 1.25 ako, eh nag-cutclass ako at wala akong ininput na effort sa engjourn. samantalang ang mga tulad ni joji na nagpasa ay mababa. tsaka, si henson, bat mas nataasan ko pa siya eh nagpasa naman siya ah. ako, wala akong ginawa. sa totoo'y late pa nga ang dalawang articles na sinolo ni joji. sorry ule joji. tas di ko man lang ginawa ang aking fairptdrive. tapos, 1.25 ako? aba. ayoko. deserve ko ang bagsak. deserve ko ang bagsak. bagsak sa aking unofficial elective. pwede ba? please, sir...

tsaka, kumpede lang, i resign. i quit. i won't give up writing, but i quit. i QUIT. wala nang ginawang maganda ang engjourn sakin dahil sa naiinis ako. anlabo ng teacher natin. anlabo niya. it was clear beforehand na:

"hindi niya ako gragraduhan. hindi niya ipapasa ang aking pangalan sa registrar na kasama sa mga estudyante niya. ako'y nagmagandang loob na tutulong lamang sa engjourn para may gawin ako tuwing elective time."

pero, lahat ay nabaliktad. naiinis ako, partly dahil nawalan ako ng slot sa presscon; partly dahil, wala siyang respeto sa estudyante niya (Bat niya ba naman ako itutulak with a finger pointed at my forehead while at the three-step stairs sa may backlob? im not even your official student. duh.) and, let me just point it out na adult ka na at ako'y bata pa. hindi kailangang manulak. hindi mo ako kailang ipwersa. kasi i have to have my freedom. hindi ko naman pinapamukha sayo directly and physically na i hate you diba? pero bat mo ipapamukha sakin na ayaw mo sakin? argh. i hate you. and this is the biggest part why i hate engjourn too. argh.

panaginip

woohoo!!! dahil sabi ni andoy na ipost ko to para di ko malimutan...

matagal-tagal na rin akong di nananaginip o kaya'y matagal-tagal na rin akong di makaalala ng mga napanaginipan kaya't tuwang-tuwa ako ng bumalik sa akin ang aking mga panaginip isang araw.
after kong mag-igib ng tubig sa dorm (anlabo kasi ng tubig sa 3rd floor sa dorm eh), natulog ako ule. mga 5:30 na nun. tas nanaginip ako. dalawa actually yung naaalala ko.

dream 1.
pinage ako sa dorm. blah blah blah please come down blah blah. tas, bumaba ako. pagkababa ko, ang astig ng dorm lobby, biglang naging gym lobby, yung sa labas ng pool. tapos, nandun si Dra. Batoon, ang ating school physician. iinterviewhin niya raw ako. woohoo. para sa field bio (kasi sa real world, gagawa si sir espinas ng mini-film tungkol sa field bio). tas may nagpipingpong. tas kalabuan na. wala nakong maalalang nangyari afterward.

dream 2.
bumaba ako sa sasakyan. kasama ko yung family ko. astig, nasa Hongkong kami. waha. andaming foreigners. hi ako nang hi. hey. what's up. sa foreigners. nyak. tapos napansin kong wala akong tsinelas. naglakad ako nang naglakad sa hongkong nang walang tsinelas. haha. tas gising.

tas ang nakakatuwa, pagkagising ko, past 6, nagising din si andrew. bumangon siya at naglakad papuntang cabinet. ako naman, maglalakad na rin papuntang banyo nang napansin kong wala ang aking tsinelas. so unconsciously, naglakad ako nang walang tsinelas. haha. does it ring any bells??? haha. oo, naglakad ako papunta kay andrew nang walang tsinelas kasi dinekwat niya ang aking tsinelas. aliw. yun yung napaniginipan ko diba? naglalakad nang walang tsinelas. haha. kasi, yun yung highlight ng aking panaginip, kaya nakakatuwa. nangyari yung aking panaginip just after kong magising. kaso, nasa pilipinas pa rin ako nung nagising ako. haha. aliw. that dream made my day. oo, alam kong mababaw. pero pag madalas malungkot ang isang tao, ang mga mababaw na bagay ay sufficient na para pasiyahin siya. nyak, drama. joke. ayan. seriously, it made my day. someday, baka ako ay maging soothsayer prophet. haha. ansaya niya. sobra.

tas dito ko naalala na ten gatchillion months ago, nung ako'y nasa condo namin dito sa maynila. last school year ata. nagising ako, tas medyo half-gising lang ako nun. naglakad ako pababa, papunta sa dining area. derederetso lang ako nun. half-closed yung eyes ko. tas, habang ako'y sumusubo ng pagkain, one word kept ringing in my head. AMPARO. AMPARO. AMPARO. hindi yung caf manager natin. tas naisip ko, san ko naencounter yung word na yun? tas after kong maisip yun, naisip ko next yung LEVISTE. tas, right after kong kumain, tumingin ako sa kalendaryo. nyak, yung sponsor address ay blah blah Leviste St. (formerly Amparo). at never kong tinitingnan yung kalendaryo sa condo namin. kasi meron ako sa phone. tas medyo titingin ka pataas (to the point na pag matagal kang nakatingin ay magkaka-stiff neck ka) para lang makita ang kalendaryong yun. tas
nagulat ako. hah? unang-una, bat ako tumingin sa kalendaryo? tas, pano ko alam yung address ng sponsor na yan? sa dinami-dami ng sponsors. ang weird kasi never akong tumitingin sa calendar. at kung titingin man ako, di ko papansinin yung sponsors. ang galing. sobra. tas pumipikit-pikit pa ako nung tinitingnan ko yung pagkain ko. grabe. disturbing. creepy. pero ang astig. haha.

kaya yun, naisip ko. kung medyo mas naapply ko lang ang aking subconscious mind, siguro nanalo na ako sa Nobel. o kaya nadiskubre ko na ang gamot para sa cancer. o kaya naforesee ko na ang mangyayari sa aking career.

sana lang mas naaapply ko lang ang aking subconscious mind, mas konti lang ang aking masasagasaan, tas mas masaya sana ako. at mas efficient at effective.

anyway, bukod sa panaginip 2 ko, ang nagpasaya sakin ngayong araw ay ang grade ko sa cs. ang galing, three steps up. san ka pa? ahaha. woohoo. idol. pero wala pa rin akong pakialam sa grades ko from now on. ayoko ko nang maging gc; ayoko nang magpakahirap para sa self-proclamation lamang. haha. stop. kaya napagdesisyunan ko nang, mag-li-low basta wag lang bumagsak.

Torrent

I

I am going against the flow
And I can't blame myself for splashing in
The tides tempt me into letting go
And swing supine so that I'd give in
But while I'm in, I wouldn't give in
To the grasping seizes of the crests that bump
My head, hands, shoulders, chest so thin
Non-conforming to the wet, soft lump

These jaded eyes are locked afar
Where yonder azure is uncommon
This mind is set into reaching that star
Stealing the vision away from the dark

I'm tired and weary
And humming melancholy
I'm ununderstood, even I could not
Un the un in ununderstood
Weary, not lazy

II

I was going against the flow
But I couldn't blame myself for splashing in
The tides tempted me into letting go
So as to swing supine and thus give in
Now I'm going with the flow
Or should I say: against my will?
My waist, legs, back hurt not and so
Conforming to the truths that beset no thrill

These lustrous eyes have been unlocked
By desperation from somewhere docked
This mind is still set into reaching that star
But returning the sight into the dark

I'm tired and weary
And humming melancholy
I'm ununderstood, even I could not
Un the un in ununderstood
Weary, not lazy, still.

hit and miss

what i miss... >kahit na yung iba ay kahapon lang at yung iba gazillion years ago<

1. I totally miss hanging out with Jesus.
2. I miss worshipping.
3. I miss talking sensibly to my lower-year friends: nix, alexis, karen, jelo, josh.
4. I miss dad and mom.
5. I miss kuya aik. woohoo.
6. I miss Demolay activities
7. I miss fieldbio: the sand, the sun, and the mountain.
8. I miss Timor, our epileptic dalmatian
9. I miss my elem friends
10. I miss my fans
11. I miss performing in front of a big crowd
12. I miss lolo and lola.
13. I miss mama gloria. may your soul be well reposed.
14. I miss sir mardan's management. haha, di na natuloy ang discography ko. haha.
15. I miss my spunk for acads.
16. I miss poetry.
17. I miss my penchant for writing.
18. I miss going out with my cousins. mallhopping and shopping.
19. I miss dreaming and remembering my dreams.
20. I miss how rayray sees me before. and i miss engjourn 1.
21. I miss eme and champaca and sodium.
22. I miss bizu
23. I miss being practical. and i think it would have been more practical if I omit the "I miss"'s
24. family vacation
25. pokemon
26. rommel, popo and my childhood days
27. playing with my action figures
28. himig
29. upper-year friends. woohoo. himig + sca.
30. holy kettle corn
31. mean girls: joji, jecay, cheska, and dani. hiwa-hiwalay na tayo, napansin niyo ba?
32. my previous flat
33. prosec and speedreading
34. free saturdays
35. tacloban
36. summer. woohooo.
37. and my homo music theory teacher. hahaha. joke. i miss my singing lessons at ryan cayabyab: the music studio. maghanda ka this summer. mag-aaral uli ako.
38. room 214
39. nickelodeon + anime
40. ma'am hipol
41. sir espinas and ma'am len.
42. non-intrascholastic contests
43. movie marathons
44. mondragon drive neighbors. woohoo. we're all growing up now.
45. biking to i-forgot-the-name and sneaking out of the house during starry nights
46. moon and stargazing
47. the cemetery where the astilla family always goes to during all saints' and all souls' day
48. presscon
49. the Lopez family jamming sessions. haha. sobra.
50. shayne. *hug*
51. drew, henson and our banyo-trio singing escapades
52. medical missions
53. yfc meets and activities
54. and, i can't believe it, dom, for his below-the-belt jokes and funstuff.

I love YOU forever

I'm really missing You--
Although I find it hard to understand this
When You were completely there
As if I hadn't noticed

Lord, I love You so much that I will remember You
Carrying that cross for us
And You will help me dispose my sins
And segregate them properly

Lord, lead me closer to YOU!!!

le freak cest chic

CAUTION: hwag kang magbabasa kung kasama ka sa bcouncil o kaya'y kasama ka sa faircom.


i hate the fact that we had to pay 600 for the murder by the numbers raffle tickets. we were forced to sell those damn tickets to reach a preset 15000-peso remittance per section. and wth, poor me if i cant sell any of those freakin tickets. and who gets to get the grand prize? none other than my from-now-on closest friend (to the point na i get libres and free cash) Joanne Mendoza. hullo. what's up? kumusta naman yun. tapos meron pang fair ticket na kailangan ibenta mo for 85 pesos to your ex-schoolmates here in the metro. well duh, my friends are in the province. so i had to unreasonably pay for that grr ticket, which is impractical for me. and do you know what they tell you if you reason this out: the hell, sell it to your review center mates or to whoever is in the kalye. yebah. kumusta naman. tas, hindi lang ako mag-isa. andami-dami naming nagrereklamo sa fudge na ginawa sa pera namin. im super super broke. as in. i had to start the week fully loaded with cash, and at the end of monday, i was left with a meager 600 (without subtracting the fair ticket thing. so actually, 600-170 = 430) . the hell. that's equivalent to how much i had to pay for the raffle tickets. tapos kumusta naman ang five more days at the dorm? badtrip. i had to miss breakfasts. grr. arrghh. tapos, paano na lamang ang sarili kong interests katulad na lamang ng sonoluminescence? 150 din yun. (bale, 280 na lang pera ko). tas, wall-climbing-rappelling requirement sa alpha. minus another 50. wth. tapos ang addiction ko sa hkk. naka-apat ako + isang libre ni sir vlad. gruff. i super super hate the money loss. oo, alam kong may magandang pinatutunguhan yang pera kong yan, kahit di ko alam kung san napupunta. parang tax. pero sobra naman. super. wala na talaga akong pera. grave. salvaje. hush.

anyway, honestly, hindi ko masyadong na-enjoy yung fair. siguro partly dahil sa kakulangan ng pera. tapos, kabadtripan sa mundo. ginusto ko mang mag-bike eh hindi natuloy. whateber. kahit sinasabi ng iba na ito na ang pinakamasayang fair, i disagree. kill me if you want to. pero shut up. let me speak first. ang naenjoy ko lang ay ang pagiging fc ni edfrey at sinorpresa niya ako sa pamamagitan ng pag-baback-basa ng isang timba ng tubig. (fyi: nakapag-revenge naman ako). haha. niluto akong parang bacon. grabe. sunburnt na sunburnt ako. im super tan. i also hate the fact that i had to listen to people singing in the videoke while i dispensed redemption tickets. ang naenjoy ko ule ay ang pagtugtog ng the nerve. grabe, nakaka-lss yung the nerve. plus ang pinakaastig na up dharma down's oo. sobra, ang ganda. plus, (i can't believe i'm saying this) naaliw ako ng giniling festival. woohoo. and those were the only things i enjoyed. gruff still. woohoo!

***
woohoo:

oo - UpdHARMADown

Hindi mo lang alam naiisip kita/Baka sakali nga maisip mo ako/Hindi mo lang alam hanggang sa gabi/Inaasam makita kang muli//
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang/Panahon at ngayon ako'y iyong iniwan/Luhaan, sugatan, di mapakinabangan/Sana’y nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam/Sana’y nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam//
Ako’y iyong nasaktan/Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman/Hindi mo lang alam kay tagal ng panahon/Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo//
Lumipas man ang araw na ubod ng saya/Hindi pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta/Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana/Ang puso kong hangal ngayon lang nagmahal//
Wooh, hindi mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan/O baka sakaling ngang maisip mo naman/Puro siya na lang… sana’y ako naman/Hindi mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan/Sana’y iyong mamalayan/Hindi mo lang alam hindi mo lang alam//
Kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang/Bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan/Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman/Ako’y nandito lang hindi mo lang alam/Matalino ka naman//
Kung ikaw at ako ay tunay na bigo/Sa laro na ito ay dapat bang sumuko/Sana’y di ka na lang pala aking nakilala/Kung alam ko lang ako’y iyong masasaktan/Narito, sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko//
Hindi mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan/O baka sakali ngang maisip mo naman/Puro siya na lang.. sana’y ako naman/Hindi mo lang alam ika’y minamasdan/Sana’y iyong mamalayan/Hindi mo lang alam oh//
Malas mo/Ikaw ang natipuhan ko/Hindi mo lang alam ako’y iyong nasaktan//

> lss as of today... andoy, pano ka nag-enjoy???

isang maligayang bati

HAPPY BIRTHDAY shayneness. sweetness sixteenness.

HAPPY 16th birthday sa pinakaMAMAHAL kong SHAYNE CORTEZ FAJUTAGANA.

*hugs and mwahs* GOD bless!!!

mentia

and i went to bed this early
that i nearly dreamt a lot
for i woke up very lately
and found that i have not

mottled sight of auric velvet
of the night's stillness in black vibrancy
dazed in fear of criscrossed voices
mantling the heart with piteous anxiety
opened and closed simultaneously--
those circles that betroth its own kind
the startling incident that pulled my soul
into a crevice i can never escape
falling and falling and falling and falling
and never ending
and never ending
and never ending

it haunts me forever in creeping trials
that are yet to be finished but will never be
and i feel the breeze tickling my muzzle-tip
as i realize the insanity and the normality
and the intensity of the living addiction:
the best they'll ever be

and i wake up into reality
and i sense some conformity
with what i felt and saw and heard
and i jumped into conclusion
that i'll liven my delight into sensitivity

IMAGinE

imagine a world without bio, chem and physics
a world without econ or english.
do you see it?

imagine. what if there was no biot-savart law,

or the effing magnetism per se?

wouldn't it be nice not flexing your right hand (or left)

awkwardly like a lame contortionist?

imagine. what about acidity? if pH and pOH never existed,

then would it mean an easier chem and

a lackadaisical geek going about aimlessly?

more or less it should.

imagine. no alleles. no genes. just a fixed genome

every generation. no such thing as possible progeny.

no f1's and f2's. no chromosomal aberrations

no down, turner, klinefelter

goodbye, men with female breasts and widely spaced nippies!

imagine. no supply and demand. no price

no elasticity. no curves and equilibria

just plain ol' go with the flow

no complexities. no thinking twice or thrice.

gawk, it's relaxing just typing it out.

imagine. no pleonasms. and damn oafk.

no thick illegally reproduced books.

hah. skimp grammar. tsktsktsk.

read freelance stuff which make you free.

imagine delightful music filling your mind.

with delightful imagery of the world you hear.

delight. delight.

imagine slacking off and still getting credit for it.

imagine falling down but not crestfallen.

imagine leaning onto Someone

and being proud of it.

imagine being a puppet who has some loose strings.

imagine. see. taste. smell. feel. hear.

maximize intake. and breathe in. out. in. out.

***

premise:

im flunking everything. flunking bio, chem, physics, math, econ, english, filipino, research, computer science, journ, pe, need i say more?

this sucks BIG TIME. and not in a bragging manner, i'm not used to this.

i mean i fail one or two subs, but never all. i'm all crap now. crap as in twaddle crap.

twaddle crap as in detestable-thing-you-would-not-want-to-have. argh.

i'm at the borderline. i'm edged between two sides. this and that.

gray and yawning.

if you have helpful advice you would want to share, please skip some stones at me. beep me.

***

give me life...

piggy bank

Akala mo ba'y wala na?
Kung gayo'y nagkakamali ka
Sa totoo'y andami pa nga e

Sige, subukan mo
Oo, "subukan", hindi "subukin"
Hindi yon wrong grammar
Ibig sabihin niyan: "to try", gets mo naman diba?
Akala mo ba por que yan yung turo
Yan na yung tama?
Mag-isip nga; gamitin mo yang kokote mo
TIME

TIME
Andami, gusto mo?
Siyempre--while supplies last ikanga
Mabagal ba ang service?
Konting pasensya lang ah...
Konti pa, konti pa
*takatak takatak... tching tchwing tching*
O yung resibo?

Post no bill. One way. Children crossing.
Ang gulo naman eh.
One way nga eh: DO NOT ENTER
(kung wrong number ka)

Garote de Ipanema, kelangan
Mo ng kulambo?
--Pasikot-sikot naman eh--
Ulit, from the top:

Akala mo ba'y wala na?
Kung gayo'y nagkakamali ka
Sa totoo'y andami pa nga e

Naka-booby kasi... naapakan ko e
E ganun talaga
Ako pa naman yung naglagay ng patibong
Bulok naman e. Gasgasin. Siyet.
O diba, gawa yan ng revisyon.
Tray mo kayang kumain ng
Pansit with ketsap.
Pasibol. Ang deting mo. tsong.

Agua de Beber, diba kanta yon?
Sumalubong, sumalubong at pasalubong
One, two, cut. Take three!


***

*répondez s'il vous plait *