Erratum

I classify my previous post as a joyous exclamation of the inexplicable that I felt that day--emotion-inspired, and thus rash.

When I think about it though, that supernatural moment should not have been a "validation" of Jesus, in that the Bible says that the Lord's grace is sufficient. I was duped into thinking that the possibility of the supernatural in our time and age could be used to prove God's wonder; when in fact, His word is enough. Despite having been deceived, I trust in the Lord that He will reveal things far better.

What it did was to strengthen my faith. I tried to convince myself to trust in Him a lot more. I thought it was that easy, having experienced the magical as a testament of His power, but as I later on find out, it's still a struggle, even with His supremacy clear.

One thing's clear: The Lord Jesus Christ ultimately wins.

Supernatural

Wednesday June 20, 2012
Today I experienced the supernatural--a validation that Jesus is living, real, loving and supreme. He reigns above all.

Praise be to the Lord. HALLELUJAH!

Maladaptive

Six months into the medication (9 months sick), I still am change-averse. How long must I undergo this period of maladjustment (having difficulty in adapting)? Usually knowing the problem is the first step in solving it, but even knowing that I am having difficulty adjusting doesn't help. I struggle at everything!

This state I am in just proves how human beings can be "human". Such torture to feel no one understands!

Lord Jesus, rescue me. I pray that my condition and my brain don't get the best of me, but that You do.

Extension

It has been a good two months since I joked about my sick friend having her treatment extension, so we would finish treatment together in 2013. 

I am remorseful over the fact that two months ago would have been her last through hell, but it was not. She had made it through 19 months of religious antibiotics, enduring the commute from Antipolo to E Rodriguez, and groggily returning home, drugged and with in-between vomits. She obediently accomplished what most patients hardly considered--a perfect streak of attendance. 

But despite this, she still had to extend her treatment, with that questionable damage bored through her lungs. An operation would have been feasible, but the trusted doctor recommended an extension of treatment. 

Now, her end of treatment screams "uncertain"--with her perfect streak scratched four times by despair and deferred hope. Unrewarded obedience for 19 months is of course frustrating, torturous and debilitating. Rebellion would be predictable for such disheartenment.

I can only reprimand her so much, but the doctors have warned me to stay away from the patients; or I can get infected in the lungs, and my treatment would be extended as well.

My friend must have a harder time than I--she has to accept the fact that her certainty became an uncertainty. I can only pray for life.