PASKO!!!

alam mo ba kung san nanggaling yung word na pasko??!! e yung CHRISTmas understandable pa. pero pasko??

uhm. unang-una, anangelo muna. salamat sa mga bumati, ansaya nun, batian. woohoo!!! at eto, may ikwekwento ako. at maswerte kayo kung nabati ko kayo ng maligayang pasko!! lalung lalu na yung mga naka2 to 3 messages from me (boblaks talaga yung phone ko e). hello, ano ba naman? nagkaproblema sa sending. tapos, habang chineck ko pa yung sa contacts ko biglang nag-lowbat. tas, sending. at aba buti na lang nakapagcharge ako agad. *kasi mahirap mag-navigate sa phone pag nag-sesend.* tapos, ang galing, diba pag nagchacharge gumagalaw yung bars sa bat? yung akin, astig, gumagalaw din yung sa signal. so sabay silang gumagalaw, parang christmas decor. hahaha. grabe talaga, fluctuating yung signal. andaming balakid. so ayun, kapag may natanggap kayo, you're very very lucky, fan. pero pag wala, surinalang, (chineck ko lahat ng posibleng macheck sa phonebook ko ah). may pa-defer-defer pang nalalaman yung phone ko ah. ayun, so kung binasa mo to, MALIGAYANG CHRISTMAS!!!! woohoo Xp ayun, kung pwede ko lang sabihin ke santa e, oo na, mag-aapat na taon na sakin yung phone ko, kaya medyo hanging hanging na siya. pero still, nag-susurvive, kaya mahal ko yan. hahaha. pero, sabi nga sa cat, no excuses!!! kaya ano ba?? on to the more important matter!!

ayan. we all know na eto ang birthday ni Christ. kaya kung kaya nating manorpresa ng mga kaklase tuwing kaarawan nila, kaya rin nating mapasaya si Lord, diba??? so ayun, let's just make this day so PERFECT. aha. kasi mahal ko si KRISTO, sobra. woohoo.

let me just take this opportunity to thank my ever loyal bestest best friend. hahaha. andrew. grabe, parang sinama na rin kita sa tacloban. sobra-sobrang salamat. at pasensya ka na kung medyo bangag ako nung kinausap mo ako. nagsesend ako nun ng greetings, kaya medyo bangag-oti. hahaha. pero, salamat talaga. :)

ps, hindi ko rin alam kung ano yung etymology ng pasko. kaya kung alam niyo, inform me.

once again, MALIGAYANG CHRISTMAS!!! soli deo gloria. God bless!!

can i ask you one favor though?!

can i ask you one favor though...
after all you've asked yes or no
you contemplate on whether life is any better
and hey, can i ask you one favor instead…
can you plan up the events that have all gone ahead??
can i ask you one favor though...
after you've answered with a no and a no
you fly by as if nothing had happened
but hey, let me ask you one favor please...
can you visit my dreams and give me a kiss??
can i ask you one favor though...
you've said that you won't and yet you don't know
that when the time is set, you just can't stop
so ui, can i ask you one favor woohoo…
can you at least shush and move the do??
can i ask you one favor though…
you’ve been very good to me and to everything oh
and though you’re that strong i know you’re badly hurt
because duh, can i ask you one favor above…
can you lend me your love so i can show you all love??
can i ask you one favor though…
you’ve shown me three sides: the good, the bad, the no-no
such that i doubt you instead of your whirling my head
whereas psstch, can i ask you one favor (oh, boo!)…
can you give me a bit of you so i can outlive you??

Reliving the past

…or rather, living the now.

***
Return to the tribe roots

121190
Getting back to Tacloban was not rediscovery for me. It was neo-discovery. I just realized how blind and indifferent I was to my very own family tree.

While my mom and I were waiting at the airport, she was quickly scribbling some digits while I was reading a pocketbook. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied “recounting our expenses….” What? She was writing way too fast. Ako naman, I was shocked. Seriously, I never knew my mom could manage time in split seconds. If I were in her shoes, it would have taken me thirty seconds to remember my expenses for the past two days, and another thirty to remember their prices, and a minute or two to list them, and perhaps another minute to add them all up. But, my mom?? She was multi-tasking: for this split-second she simultaneously remembered the expenses and wrote down their respective prices (without listing the labels), and for that split-second she added them all up like a human calc. Migosh, I was really shocked. I knew her course was accounting, but rapid accounting?? And later that day, my dad would say numbers, and my mom would respond, as if she did not even think, with numbers. Mom was mentalling math?? I was really shocked with her abilities and my unknowing of her abilities. Maybe that was why she was disappointed with my econ grade (there’s a connection between econ and accounting, right?). I wanted to tell her there was such a thing as recessive genes. Perhaps, econ-intelligence is recessive and my dad was not really that good in econ. Haha.

Anyway, due to the typhoon, there were hours without electricity. And, it was damn hot!!! So, Mom and Dad suggested that I visit my grandparents this night. We brought pasalubong. Just some stuff. Well, the important thing is my grandparents. I learned a lot from them that night. They told me their history, and no, it was not very long. Just their academic achievements and more pressure for me. Lolo spoke well again after months of mumbling malarkey. This time, I noticed the authority and power within his regained voice (amid his old age). Dad told my grandpappy about my upcoming graduation. And Lolo responded by bragging about his college life. I do notice my Lolo digesting crosswords daily but I only knew just now that he was cum laude (I dared not ask whether summa or magna, baka mawindang ako lalu) for BOTH his BS E(??) (pre-law course) and his LLB(law)!! What!! More pressure for me, yey!!! He continued with Skolar din ako nun!! Uhm, he just paid for his first semester and the rest was miscellaneous payments. And my mom, goes: he just took his DOST scholarship exam. I wanted to blurt out: Don’t expect too much mom, I’m not so sure with that weird exam.
It suddenly came to me that my granddad became councilor of Tacloban (the people loved him) for a time, and I remember those LOPEZ-stickers posted almost everywhere. My Lolo lived a very meaningful life.
Anyway, to protect myself from more pressure, I bade goodbye.

And, when we reached our car, mom told me about my great-Lolo Paquito (mom’s granddad) who also took law and lived till his nineties. Great-grandpup, as mom told me, read the newspaper by the age of ninety, WITHOUT glasses. WHOA! Really?? All I knew was that he chomped veggies for all of his life. He was a great lawyer too, like my dad and my granddad. No sooner was my mom’s story interrupted than my dad exclaimed FLAT!! Haha. What the hell? So we had to wait for a few minutes. I stared blankly at the candle, the car, and the very clear stars; they all stared back at me by doing what they did: the candle burned in the wind, the car stood where it was, and the stars twinkled. And we had to wait…

“Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.” Mt. 7:17 (NIV)

***
Quote of the day::

“When you’re rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else, even those you love.”
- Mitch Albom, for one more day

para sa nangyari kanina

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
pwede naman sana sa bahay diba?
at kung habulan ang pakay mo,
e baka hinga mo ang habulin ko.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
karumal-dumal ang nangyari kanina.
alam mo bang kasalanan mo rin yun?
pero di kita masisi dahil dun.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
eh nasan na ang iyong minamahal na ina?
baka naman bahay mo iyon?
nakakahiya naman, labas-pasok kami noon.

sa batang kanina ko lang nakita,
paumanhin naman o. kami'y kahiya-hiya
sabi nga nila: tingin sa kaliwa't kanan;
eh kung magkaharangan muli tayo sa daan??

sa tsuper na ngayon ko lang din nakita,
wag kang mag-alala, tama ang iyong ginawa
pero hindi nga lang lahat: iniwan mo siya
siya na may hawak ng pera

sa tsuper na ngayon ko lang din nakita,
halatang ikaw ay nataranta, oo, halata
dahil bigla kang sumugod nang makasakay
si mamang alam kung san ang pakay

sa kaibigang kilalang-kilala,
ang tangkad mo talaga,
kahit na alam kong madali kang mapikon
(aminin)tandaa'y ako'y nandito't naroon

sa kaibigang apektado't tarantang-taranta,
sana nga, nagkapalit tayo nun, sana nga,
sana ang tsinelas ko nun ang suot mo't
gayun din, sa iyo yung aking suot

singit: sa baklang wala dun sa eksena,
sobrang nakakatawa ka, oo, sobra
ampanget mo kaya, mas maganda kang flat-chested, natural
haay! ako'y nababaliw sa katatawa sa gilid mong liberal

singit ule: sa baklang wala dun sa eksena,
bat ka retokada? ikaw ba'y mayaman sa pera?
haha. mukha ka talagang empanada.
(sorry, masama nga ang manlait, alam ko yun ah)

sa itay na dati ko pa nakilala,
pasensya't kami'y nambulabog, pasensya
salamat sa pagiging matalino
at sa pagtanggap sa kahit kanino

sa itay na dati ko pa nakilala,
salamat sa libre mo, ok lang ba?
grabe, kung di kami nalate, kung hindi po
maaring "nadagdagan" namin ang iyong pamasko

sa Itay na aking minamahal nang sobra,
sobrang nararamdaman talaga kita,
salamat Tay a, kahit na ako'y nagkasala
salamat Tay a, salamat Tay a.

weh

Sa oras na malaman kong nagkakandahirap magtrabaho ang mga magulang ko, magpapakalbo ako. Langhiya kang skolar ng bayan, skolar ka pa man din. Hindi ba sapat na libre ang pag-aaral mo sa apat na taon mo sa hayskul? Tas marami ka pang opportunities sa college. Eh bat ang imoral mo? Di mo ba sineseryoso ang valed? waah.

Tas siguro leech ka sa mga magulang mo noh? Kasi, iniisip mo ang sarili mo. Sarili mo lang at wala ng iba. Kahit ang mga kaklase mo, o kaya ang mga tao sa paligid mo. Kung ganon, matuto ka. Matuto kang mag-isip. Hindi mag-isip tungkol sa econ, o kaya sa physics, chem o bio. Isipin mo ang sarili mo. Isipin mo ang iba sa sarili mo. Gets mo? Oo, siyempre. Matalino ka raw e. Pero pagdating sa non-acads, antanga mo. pasensya na for the foul language. pero yun talaga ang apt word na magdedescribe sa pakikitungo mo sa sarili't sa iba. ganun ka rin ka-foul. wala ka bang konsyensya? Isipin mo naman. Malapit na ang pasko. Ibig sabihin dapat magprepare para sa araw ng kapanganakan ni Hesus.

Salamat nga pala sa pics at sa ID. Alam ko namang di mo matitiis na hindi hablutin ang ID ko diba? haha. Pero ang galing mo rin, napigilan mo. Salamat naman. At nakita mo ba yung Krus? Maligayang Pasko ang aming bati... Wag mong kakalimutang magregalo ah? Wag mong ubusin sa DOTA. thanks. Woohoo. Mag-isip ka. please.

older??

I've had enough. Am I really that old? Before, when I was to watch R13 movies, I always put on a delay as I needed to show my ID and exclaim "in your face" to the security. I mean, those were the times when I looked younger than I actually was. But now, I've had numerous encounters with people from all walks of life seeing me older than I actually am. I'm not actually annoyed. (hint, hint... sarcasm! ehem) The very fact that I have to tell them what my real age is is the thing. Why do I have to disprove them everytime they think I'm older? waah. Do I have to do this a dozen times? But seriously, I had moustache before; and now, I'm shaving it because of CAT. Partida, I'm shaving na nga and I still look older. Grrr. I'm sorry for being too shallow but I'm annoyed at how people think I'm older. Grr.

Anyway, I may look physically older, but what's important is I have grown inside (the non-physical aspects). I don't care about what people think. I don't care if I'm CHANGING and if people want me to be my old self back. I'm growing and it's part of life. I mean, if I really ought to be who I was before because of damn fate, then hope not for it to come by so easily. Maybe I need TIME. I need TIME. and I need TIME. I'm affected by people who are affected at how I choose to be. I don't care if people contradict my motions, but I do care for people who get infected by my moodiness. All I want to say is, LEAVE ME BE. PLEASE.

I don't like people who push too much, trying to convince me to be like this or like that. Ok? So don't go about shoving me with hurtful words.

because... I am what I am and that's all that I am 'cause I'm Popeye the sailor man toot toot

people change. things change. in this world, everything changes.

well-bonded

Boredom during STR, originally uploaded by joanna ü.

choo-choo. chitty-chitty. choo-choo. whoot-whoot. tell me what you see. is it a train, a caterpillar, or a single-strand DNA??? (Okazaki fragments)

nyok. i love gluon so much. woah, we always find ways to laugh our hearts out altogether and grunt dividedly on our very own personal stuff. grats gluon for making it to the paskorus finals. woohoo.

"we love our bread, we love our butter, but most of all, we love each other"

credits: joey for the photo.

i'm still under construction

I change. You change. Everything changes. Anything goes. We grow. Rise and Fall.

Nothing matters as much as GOD matters to me.

paumanhin

manghihingi lang ako ng paumanhin kay joji na naging partner ko sa dalawang articles sa engjourn. hindi mo ako sinabihan. wala akong naitulong. tas, nasadden ka isang time dahil sa rumor na 3.00 ang tenta mo sa engjourn. e pano na lang kaya ako, diba? pero, anlabo, kasi tumaas pa ako sa engjourn matapos na hindi ko ipasa ang aking fairptdrive article. tsaka matapos na mainis ako nang sobra-sobra sa ating gurong walang ka-simpa-simpatya. tsaka matapos akong magcut-class kasi niloko ako ng ating magaling na teacher. tsaka matapos akong magcut-class nang mas marami pa dahil nainis ako sa pagrerecord ng aking pagkacut-class eh ni hindi ko man lang yun official elective. parang di niyo na ako pinakawalan sa engjourn.

aynako. mas lalo akong nainis sa engjourn. tsaka, hindi ko matanggap ang grade kong 1.25. sino ba nagbigay niyan? ang ating gurong may pake sa mga estudyante niya. ano ba? 1.25. take note, di ako nabababaan diyan. pero nagrereklamo ako. nagrereklamo akong 1.25 ako, eh nag-cutclass ako at wala akong ininput na effort sa engjourn. samantalang ang mga tulad ni joji na nagpasa ay mababa. tsaka, si henson, bat mas nataasan ko pa siya eh nagpasa naman siya ah. ako, wala akong ginawa. sa totoo'y late pa nga ang dalawang articles na sinolo ni joji. sorry ule joji. tas di ko man lang ginawa ang aking fairptdrive. tapos, 1.25 ako? aba. ayoko. deserve ko ang bagsak. deserve ko ang bagsak. bagsak sa aking unofficial elective. pwede ba? please, sir...

tsaka, kumpede lang, i resign. i quit. i won't give up writing, but i quit. i QUIT. wala nang ginawang maganda ang engjourn sakin dahil sa naiinis ako. anlabo ng teacher natin. anlabo niya. it was clear beforehand na:

"hindi niya ako gragraduhan. hindi niya ipapasa ang aking pangalan sa registrar na kasama sa mga estudyante niya. ako'y nagmagandang loob na tutulong lamang sa engjourn para may gawin ako tuwing elective time."

pero, lahat ay nabaliktad. naiinis ako, partly dahil nawalan ako ng slot sa presscon; partly dahil, wala siyang respeto sa estudyante niya (Bat niya ba naman ako itutulak with a finger pointed at my forehead while at the three-step stairs sa may backlob? im not even your official student. duh.) and, let me just point it out na adult ka na at ako'y bata pa. hindi kailangang manulak. hindi mo ako kailang ipwersa. kasi i have to have my freedom. hindi ko naman pinapamukha sayo directly and physically na i hate you diba? pero bat mo ipapamukha sakin na ayaw mo sakin? argh. i hate you. and this is the biggest part why i hate engjourn too. argh.

panaginip

woohoo!!! dahil sabi ni andoy na ipost ko to para di ko malimutan...

matagal-tagal na rin akong di nananaginip o kaya'y matagal-tagal na rin akong di makaalala ng mga napanaginipan kaya't tuwang-tuwa ako ng bumalik sa akin ang aking mga panaginip isang araw.
after kong mag-igib ng tubig sa dorm (anlabo kasi ng tubig sa 3rd floor sa dorm eh), natulog ako ule. mga 5:30 na nun. tas nanaginip ako. dalawa actually yung naaalala ko.

dream 1.
pinage ako sa dorm. blah blah blah please come down blah blah. tas, bumaba ako. pagkababa ko, ang astig ng dorm lobby, biglang naging gym lobby, yung sa labas ng pool. tapos, nandun si Dra. Batoon, ang ating school physician. iinterviewhin niya raw ako. woohoo. para sa field bio (kasi sa real world, gagawa si sir espinas ng mini-film tungkol sa field bio). tas may nagpipingpong. tas kalabuan na. wala nakong maalalang nangyari afterward.

dream 2.
bumaba ako sa sasakyan. kasama ko yung family ko. astig, nasa Hongkong kami. waha. andaming foreigners. hi ako nang hi. hey. what's up. sa foreigners. nyak. tapos napansin kong wala akong tsinelas. naglakad ako nang naglakad sa hongkong nang walang tsinelas. haha. tas gising.

tas ang nakakatuwa, pagkagising ko, past 6, nagising din si andrew. bumangon siya at naglakad papuntang cabinet. ako naman, maglalakad na rin papuntang banyo nang napansin kong wala ang aking tsinelas. so unconsciously, naglakad ako nang walang tsinelas. haha. does it ring any bells??? haha. oo, naglakad ako papunta kay andrew nang walang tsinelas kasi dinekwat niya ang aking tsinelas. aliw. yun yung napaniginipan ko diba? naglalakad nang walang tsinelas. haha. kasi, yun yung highlight ng aking panaginip, kaya nakakatuwa. nangyari yung aking panaginip just after kong magising. kaso, nasa pilipinas pa rin ako nung nagising ako. haha. aliw. that dream made my day. oo, alam kong mababaw. pero pag madalas malungkot ang isang tao, ang mga mababaw na bagay ay sufficient na para pasiyahin siya. nyak, drama. joke. ayan. seriously, it made my day. someday, baka ako ay maging soothsayer prophet. haha. ansaya niya. sobra.

tas dito ko naalala na ten gatchillion months ago, nung ako'y nasa condo namin dito sa maynila. last school year ata. nagising ako, tas medyo half-gising lang ako nun. naglakad ako pababa, papunta sa dining area. derederetso lang ako nun. half-closed yung eyes ko. tas, habang ako'y sumusubo ng pagkain, one word kept ringing in my head. AMPARO. AMPARO. AMPARO. hindi yung caf manager natin. tas naisip ko, san ko naencounter yung word na yun? tas after kong maisip yun, naisip ko next yung LEVISTE. tas, right after kong kumain, tumingin ako sa kalendaryo. nyak, yung sponsor address ay blah blah Leviste St. (formerly Amparo). at never kong tinitingnan yung kalendaryo sa condo namin. kasi meron ako sa phone. tas medyo titingin ka pataas (to the point na pag matagal kang nakatingin ay magkaka-stiff neck ka) para lang makita ang kalendaryong yun. tas
nagulat ako. hah? unang-una, bat ako tumingin sa kalendaryo? tas, pano ko alam yung address ng sponsor na yan? sa dinami-dami ng sponsors. ang weird kasi never akong tumitingin sa calendar. at kung titingin man ako, di ko papansinin yung sponsors. ang galing. sobra. tas pumipikit-pikit pa ako nung tinitingnan ko yung pagkain ko. grabe. disturbing. creepy. pero ang astig. haha.

kaya yun, naisip ko. kung medyo mas naapply ko lang ang aking subconscious mind, siguro nanalo na ako sa Nobel. o kaya nadiskubre ko na ang gamot para sa cancer. o kaya naforesee ko na ang mangyayari sa aking career.

sana lang mas naaapply ko lang ang aking subconscious mind, mas konti lang ang aking masasagasaan, tas mas masaya sana ako. at mas efficient at effective.

anyway, bukod sa panaginip 2 ko, ang nagpasaya sakin ngayong araw ay ang grade ko sa cs. ang galing, three steps up. san ka pa? ahaha. woohoo. idol. pero wala pa rin akong pakialam sa grades ko from now on. ayoko ko nang maging gc; ayoko nang magpakahirap para sa self-proclamation lamang. haha. stop. kaya napagdesisyunan ko nang, mag-li-low basta wag lang bumagsak.

Torrent

I

I am going against the flow
And I can't blame myself for splashing in
The tides tempt me into letting go
And swing supine so that I'd give in
But while I'm in, I wouldn't give in
To the grasping seizes of the crests that bump
My head, hands, shoulders, chest so thin
Non-conforming to the wet, soft lump

These jaded eyes are locked afar
Where yonder azure is uncommon
This mind is set into reaching that star
Stealing the vision away from the dark

I'm tired and weary
And humming melancholy
I'm ununderstood, even I could not
Un the un in ununderstood
Weary, not lazy

II

I was going against the flow
But I couldn't blame myself for splashing in
The tides tempted me into letting go
So as to swing supine and thus give in
Now I'm going with the flow
Or should I say: against my will?
My waist, legs, back hurt not and so
Conforming to the truths that beset no thrill

These lustrous eyes have been unlocked
By desperation from somewhere docked
This mind is still set into reaching that star
But returning the sight into the dark

I'm tired and weary
And humming melancholy
I'm ununderstood, even I could not
Un the un in ununderstood
Weary, not lazy, still.

hit and miss

what i miss... >kahit na yung iba ay kahapon lang at yung iba gazillion years ago<

1. I totally miss hanging out with Jesus.
2. I miss worshipping.
3. I miss talking sensibly to my lower-year friends: nix, alexis, karen, jelo, josh.
4. I miss dad and mom.
5. I miss kuya aik. woohoo.
6. I miss Demolay activities
7. I miss fieldbio: the sand, the sun, and the mountain.
8. I miss Timor, our epileptic dalmatian
9. I miss my elem friends
10. I miss my fans
11. I miss performing in front of a big crowd
12. I miss lolo and lola.
13. I miss mama gloria. may your soul be well reposed.
14. I miss sir mardan's management. haha, di na natuloy ang discography ko. haha.
15. I miss my spunk for acads.
16. I miss poetry.
17. I miss my penchant for writing.
18. I miss going out with my cousins. mallhopping and shopping.
19. I miss dreaming and remembering my dreams.
20. I miss how rayray sees me before. and i miss engjourn 1.
21. I miss eme and champaca and sodium.
22. I miss bizu
23. I miss being practical. and i think it would have been more practical if I omit the "I miss"'s
24. family vacation
25. pokemon
26. rommel, popo and my childhood days
27. playing with my action figures
28. himig
29. upper-year friends. woohoo. himig + sca.
30. holy kettle corn
31. mean girls: joji, jecay, cheska, and dani. hiwa-hiwalay na tayo, napansin niyo ba?
32. my previous flat
33. prosec and speedreading
34. free saturdays
35. tacloban
36. summer. woohooo.
37. and my homo music theory teacher. hahaha. joke. i miss my singing lessons at ryan cayabyab: the music studio. maghanda ka this summer. mag-aaral uli ako.
38. room 214
39. nickelodeon + anime
40. ma'am hipol
41. sir espinas and ma'am len.
42. non-intrascholastic contests
43. movie marathons
44. mondragon drive neighbors. woohoo. we're all growing up now.
45. biking to i-forgot-the-name and sneaking out of the house during starry nights
46. moon and stargazing
47. the cemetery where the astilla family always goes to during all saints' and all souls' day
48. presscon
49. the Lopez family jamming sessions. haha. sobra.
50. shayne. *hug*
51. drew, henson and our banyo-trio singing escapades
52. medical missions
53. yfc meets and activities
54. and, i can't believe it, dom, for his below-the-belt jokes and funstuff.

I love YOU forever

I'm really missing You--
Although I find it hard to understand this
When You were completely there
As if I hadn't noticed

Lord, I love You so much that I will remember You
Carrying that cross for us
And You will help me dispose my sins
And segregate them properly

Lord, lead me closer to YOU!!!

le freak cest chic

CAUTION: hwag kang magbabasa kung kasama ka sa bcouncil o kaya'y kasama ka sa faircom.


i hate the fact that we had to pay 600 for the murder by the numbers raffle tickets. we were forced to sell those damn tickets to reach a preset 15000-peso remittance per section. and wth, poor me if i cant sell any of those freakin tickets. and who gets to get the grand prize? none other than my from-now-on closest friend (to the point na i get libres and free cash) Joanne Mendoza. hullo. what's up? kumusta naman yun. tapos meron pang fair ticket na kailangan ibenta mo for 85 pesos to your ex-schoolmates here in the metro. well duh, my friends are in the province. so i had to unreasonably pay for that grr ticket, which is impractical for me. and do you know what they tell you if you reason this out: the hell, sell it to your review center mates or to whoever is in the kalye. yebah. kumusta naman. tas, hindi lang ako mag-isa. andami-dami naming nagrereklamo sa fudge na ginawa sa pera namin. im super super broke. as in. i had to start the week fully loaded with cash, and at the end of monday, i was left with a meager 600 (without subtracting the fair ticket thing. so actually, 600-170 = 430) . the hell. that's equivalent to how much i had to pay for the raffle tickets. tapos kumusta naman ang five more days at the dorm? badtrip. i had to miss breakfasts. grr. arrghh. tapos, paano na lamang ang sarili kong interests katulad na lamang ng sonoluminescence? 150 din yun. (bale, 280 na lang pera ko). tas, wall-climbing-rappelling requirement sa alpha. minus another 50. wth. tapos ang addiction ko sa hkk. naka-apat ako + isang libre ni sir vlad. gruff. i super super hate the money loss. oo, alam kong may magandang pinatutunguhan yang pera kong yan, kahit di ko alam kung san napupunta. parang tax. pero sobra naman. super. wala na talaga akong pera. grave. salvaje. hush.

anyway, honestly, hindi ko masyadong na-enjoy yung fair. siguro partly dahil sa kakulangan ng pera. tapos, kabadtripan sa mundo. ginusto ko mang mag-bike eh hindi natuloy. whateber. kahit sinasabi ng iba na ito na ang pinakamasayang fair, i disagree. kill me if you want to. pero shut up. let me speak first. ang naenjoy ko lang ay ang pagiging fc ni edfrey at sinorpresa niya ako sa pamamagitan ng pag-baback-basa ng isang timba ng tubig. (fyi: nakapag-revenge naman ako). haha. niluto akong parang bacon. grabe. sunburnt na sunburnt ako. im super tan. i also hate the fact that i had to listen to people singing in the videoke while i dispensed redemption tickets. ang naenjoy ko ule ay ang pagtugtog ng the nerve. grabe, nakaka-lss yung the nerve. plus ang pinakaastig na up dharma down's oo. sobra, ang ganda. plus, (i can't believe i'm saying this) naaliw ako ng giniling festival. woohoo. and those were the only things i enjoyed. gruff still. woohoo!

***
woohoo:

oo - UpdHARMADown

Hindi mo lang alam naiisip kita/Baka sakali nga maisip mo ako/Hindi mo lang alam hanggang sa gabi/Inaasam makita kang muli//
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang/Panahon at ngayon ako'y iyong iniwan/Luhaan, sugatan, di mapakinabangan/Sana’y nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam/Sana’y nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam//
Ako’y iyong nasaktan/Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman/Hindi mo lang alam kay tagal ng panahon/Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo//
Lumipas man ang araw na ubod ng saya/Hindi pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta/Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana/Ang puso kong hangal ngayon lang nagmahal//
Wooh, hindi mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan/O baka sakaling ngang maisip mo naman/Puro siya na lang… sana’y ako naman/Hindi mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan/Sana’y iyong mamalayan/Hindi mo lang alam hindi mo lang alam//
Kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang/Bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan/Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman/Ako’y nandito lang hindi mo lang alam/Matalino ka naman//
Kung ikaw at ako ay tunay na bigo/Sa laro na ito ay dapat bang sumuko/Sana’y di ka na lang pala aking nakilala/Kung alam ko lang ako’y iyong masasaktan/Narito, sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko//
Hindi mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan/O baka sakali ngang maisip mo naman/Puro siya na lang.. sana’y ako naman/Hindi mo lang alam ika’y minamasdan/Sana’y iyong mamalayan/Hindi mo lang alam oh//
Malas mo/Ikaw ang natipuhan ko/Hindi mo lang alam ako’y iyong nasaktan//

> lss as of today... andoy, pano ka nag-enjoy???

isang maligayang bati

HAPPY BIRTHDAY shayneness. sweetness sixteenness.

HAPPY 16th birthday sa pinakaMAMAHAL kong SHAYNE CORTEZ FAJUTAGANA.

*hugs and mwahs* GOD bless!!!

mentia

and i went to bed this early
that i nearly dreamt a lot
for i woke up very lately
and found that i have not

mottled sight of auric velvet
of the night's stillness in black vibrancy
dazed in fear of criscrossed voices
mantling the heart with piteous anxiety
opened and closed simultaneously--
those circles that betroth its own kind
the startling incident that pulled my soul
into a crevice i can never escape
falling and falling and falling and falling
and never ending
and never ending
and never ending

it haunts me forever in creeping trials
that are yet to be finished but will never be
and i feel the breeze tickling my muzzle-tip
as i realize the insanity and the normality
and the intensity of the living addiction:
the best they'll ever be

and i wake up into reality
and i sense some conformity
with what i felt and saw and heard
and i jumped into conclusion
that i'll liven my delight into sensitivity

IMAGinE

imagine a world without bio, chem and physics
a world without econ or english.
do you see it?

imagine. what if there was no biot-savart law,

or the effing magnetism per se?

wouldn't it be nice not flexing your right hand (or left)

awkwardly like a lame contortionist?

imagine. what about acidity? if pH and pOH never existed,

then would it mean an easier chem and

a lackadaisical geek going about aimlessly?

more or less it should.

imagine. no alleles. no genes. just a fixed genome

every generation. no such thing as possible progeny.

no f1's and f2's. no chromosomal aberrations

no down, turner, klinefelter

goodbye, men with female breasts and widely spaced nippies!

imagine. no supply and demand. no price

no elasticity. no curves and equilibria

just plain ol' go with the flow

no complexities. no thinking twice or thrice.

gawk, it's relaxing just typing it out.

imagine. no pleonasms. and damn oafk.

no thick illegally reproduced books.

hah. skimp grammar. tsktsktsk.

read freelance stuff which make you free.

imagine delightful music filling your mind.

with delightful imagery of the world you hear.

delight. delight.

imagine slacking off and still getting credit for it.

imagine falling down but not crestfallen.

imagine leaning onto Someone

and being proud of it.

imagine being a puppet who has some loose strings.

imagine. see. taste. smell. feel. hear.

maximize intake. and breathe in. out. in. out.

***

premise:

im flunking everything. flunking bio, chem, physics, math, econ, english, filipino, research, computer science, journ, pe, need i say more?

this sucks BIG TIME. and not in a bragging manner, i'm not used to this.

i mean i fail one or two subs, but never all. i'm all crap now. crap as in twaddle crap.

twaddle crap as in detestable-thing-you-would-not-want-to-have. argh.

i'm at the borderline. i'm edged between two sides. this and that.

gray and yawning.

if you have helpful advice you would want to share, please skip some stones at me. beep me.

***

give me life...

piggy bank

Akala mo ba'y wala na?
Kung gayo'y nagkakamali ka
Sa totoo'y andami pa nga e

Sige, subukan mo
Oo, "subukan", hindi "subukin"
Hindi yon wrong grammar
Ibig sabihin niyan: "to try", gets mo naman diba?
Akala mo ba por que yan yung turo
Yan na yung tama?
Mag-isip nga; gamitin mo yang kokote mo
TIME

TIME
Andami, gusto mo?
Siyempre--while supplies last ikanga
Mabagal ba ang service?
Konting pasensya lang ah...
Konti pa, konti pa
*takatak takatak... tching tchwing tching*
O yung resibo?

Post no bill. One way. Children crossing.
Ang gulo naman eh.
One way nga eh: DO NOT ENTER
(kung wrong number ka)

Garote de Ipanema, kelangan
Mo ng kulambo?
--Pasikot-sikot naman eh--
Ulit, from the top:

Akala mo ba'y wala na?
Kung gayo'y nagkakamali ka
Sa totoo'y andami pa nga e

Naka-booby kasi... naapakan ko e
E ganun talaga
Ako pa naman yung naglagay ng patibong
Bulok naman e. Gasgasin. Siyet.
O diba, gawa yan ng revisyon.
Tray mo kayang kumain ng
Pansit with ketsap.
Pasibol. Ang deting mo. tsong.

Agua de Beber, diba kanta yon?
Sumalubong, sumalubong at pasalubong
One, two, cut. Take three!


***

*répondez s'il vous plait *

CAMP

Hi! Hi! hello! hi! hi!...hello! hello! hi! hello! hello!

Woohoo! Talagang nakakabless yung camp! Tapos aliw yung worship! Kung dati naiinggit ako sa mga tao-taong kumakanta ng worship songs to the point na nag-iimbento ako ng lyrics, ngayon ako naman yung mang-iinggit. haha, biro lang. ayan. aliw kasi yung songs, sobra. tapos yung mga talks sobrang nakakainspire. parang rags to riches kasi silang lahat eh--mga tipong suicidal, malaking galit sa mundo, lasinggero, pasaway, tapos magiging servant ni Lord, diba nakakainspire? oo. sobra. idol... woohoo.

nakakabitin nga lang yung camp. gusto ko pa... kung kayong service team ay may slow-mo, fast, action, malamya, at w/ feelings, ako naman gusto ko ng repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat. gusto kong ulit-ulitin. parang antagal kong nasa-gym. pero di nga dun natatapos diba??? yebah. woohoo. astig nung songs. ayy. mali pala, chada yung songs.

mas magandang stress-reliever yung chada kaysa sa donkey-yeehoh ni joy. ahaha.

chada and shuckers. woohoo... go YFC. YFC Peters. All the time, GOD is good. GOD ROCKS!

ako'y de-pindot (past tense)

hindi yung bolpen ah! hindi yung retractable. oo. yung tipong pagtrinansliterate mo, maiintindihan mo.

naiirita ako sa iyo. stop. tinalo mo pa ako sa katamaran. stop. pero, ikaw kasi walang karapatan maging tamad. stop. requirement sa iyo yun eh. stop. bukod dun, ikaw ang unang-unang kinainisan ko nang sobra-sobra. stop. tapos, manggugulo pa yung acads. stop. tapos, eepal ka nanaman. stop. para ka talagang masamang fireman. stop. yung tipong pinapatay yung apoy na nagdudulot ng kabutihan. stop. oo, fireman ka. stop. and you put out the fire in me. stop. isa ka ring hangin. stop. diba yung apoy kailangan ng hangin? stop. pero kapag sobra-sobra, ikinasasama rin nito. stop. ikaw ay isang malaking hangin na pinatay ang maliit na apoy sa aking puso. stop. kung paunti-unti lang sana iyon e di lumaki yung apoy, tas kahit ilang units pa yan ng hangin ay tutulong din yan sa pagpapalaki ng apoy. stop. pero hindi e, kailangan patayin mo yung apoy bago ito lumaki. stop.

antonym ng dreamweaver. stop. bakit ba kasi? stop. tas mas lalung nakakainis kasi dinamay mo pa yung ibang tao. stop. kelangan mo bang maging kontrabida sa lahat. stop. hindi ko sinasabi na bida ako, pero parang tinitiris mo yung puso ko. stop. aba. stop. oo, kung alam mo lang kung ano naramdaman ko nun. stop. naging hilaw ako nun. stop. kaya nga ako lumapit dahil dun sa gusto ko. stop. tapos, ikaw rin pala yung magpapalayo sakin dun sa ginusto ko. stop. domino effect kasi e. stop. pero hindi ko pa rin masabi na ikaw yung may kasalanan. stop. di kita masisi kasi wala akong makitang mali dun sa ginawa mo. stop. kaso, pinangarap ko yun eh. stop. parang kastilyong buhangin. stop. sandali lang kung makamit. stop. tapos, biglang maglalaho. stop. naiinis ako sa sarili ko. stop. kasi lahat na lang ng ginagawa ko ay maling desisyon. stop.
pero gagayahin kita, magiging tamad na rin ako sa ngayon. stop. pero sa mga bagay lang na konektado sa iyo. stop. sorry ahh, alam kong masama, pero it's a choice of the lesser evil. stop. kelangan ko kasing ilabas eh. stop. baka kasi kung pigilan ko pa, mas malaking bwelo ang magdulot ng mas malaking epekto. stop. sorry, pero mula ngayon, hindi lahat ng gusto mo makukuha mo. stop. ok? stop.

buti na lang may mga taong nakakapagpalimot sa mga problema ko. may i say thanks. salamat na nandun ka kung kailan kailangan kita. di ako sanay na mapindot kaya anlabo ko kapag napipindot ako. ok? yun lang.

***

"love is intangible, yet it touches you!"

DOWNDOG

kumusta naman iyon? uhm. pila.pila.pila... antay. tayo. pila.

abay iba-iba pala yung sets ng questions sa upcat. aliw. pero pano nila iyon maikukumpara diba? i mean, meron ding halong luck para pumasa. bat kasi nila iniba, diba? take this: student A and student B have different sets of questions. si A ay eksperto sa cell parts, si B naman sa metabolism. pano pag natyempuhan na si A ay may questions tungkol sa cell pero hindi yung parts, kunwari growth. tapos si B yung questions niya may cell parts (instead na growth) tapos meron din nung metabolism. gets mo? kung by chance napunta kay A yung questionnaire ni B, maswerte siya kasi may cell parts. tapos kay B napunta yung kay A, good luck nalang. diba? ang hirap macompare yung difficulties diba? anduga duga talaga.

tapos nag-antay ako dun mula 10 hanggang 1. aba, putik na bocobo iyan. 12.30 diba? bakit biglang 1 pa kami magsisimula. yun tuloy, natapos kami mga 6.30. ano ba??? nag-skedyul pa kayo... ahaha. kamukha ni nico rogelio ang aming proctor. as in. tatay niya ata yun eh.

tapos yung reading compre ang hirap. pero may part dun na kwento nung "my father goes to court", at skinim ko na lang yun. hahaha. thanks mam jam. haha.

touché

ang stalker na nang-stalk sa akin kanina

Aba! Pagtingin ko sa likod, nandun pa rin siya! yung kaninang nasa likod ko, nandun pa rin! ba naman kasi, mag-isa ako nun! mag-isa, walang kasama kundi ang aking weekly school supplies na binili sa nat'l! tapos, may stalker, sa likod! oo, kanina pa yon eh. mistulang holdaper, o worse, kidnapper, o much worse, may crush sakin (*i'm giving you the permission to say: KAPAL*). HAHA. pero, kwento ko na nga.

naglalakad ako nun. tas nung siya'y hindi pa nasa aking likod at nakatayo lang sa harap ko, tumingin siya weirdly. tapos, nung nasa likod ko na siya, naglakad siya. oo, sumunod, hanggang sa escalator, pababa. *tas tingin sa likod, aba, nandyan pa*. tas baba pa ng isang floor. tas nandyan pa rin. tas baba pa ng isang floor (aba nasa escalator pa rin pababa). akyat ako dun sa previous floor. setting: nasa magkatabing escalators kami, siya: pababa; ako: pataas, tas tumingin ako sa malayo. tapos, nung nasa taas na ako at nasa baba na siya, umakyat siya ule. punyemas, bakit??? takbo, takbo, takbo, takbo. haay. wala na siya. kakilakilabot. haay.

may gas! gas abelgas, help me. thank you, bow! takot na akong maglakad mag-isa sa mall. may gas. kuya, kuya. may gas. bow

the empire strikes back

alam mo ba kung ano ang silbi ng strikethrough??? san nga ba to nanggaling?
ako, sa totoo lang, di ko alam eh. kasi diba, strikethroughs are non-virtually for erasures, pero kung iisipin mo, diba ang senseless ng strikethrough sa computers? kasi bat pa inimbento yung backspace at del kung meron na man palang strikethrough, or the other way around: bat pa inimbento yung strikethrough kung pwede naman palang backspace at del. *i'm making sense ryt?*

pero napansin ko lang, ginagamit ko pala yung strikethrough. ahaha. yep. pero, i actually didn't know what it stood for. ginaya ko lang tong concept of strikethrough. kung mapapansin niyo, may strikethroughs dun sa description ko sa aking sarili sa baba. i took the idea from a certain professional journalist na gumamit ng strikethroughs sa kanyang blog descrition. manggagaya lang ako, at binase ko yung paggamit ko dun sa strikethrough based on my comprehension of that journalist's description. and she used the strikethrough to cross out what she is not anymore. she strikethroughed her previous ages to keep track of the age she started blogging. that's kind of smart to do, so i copied. but, just now i realized like any other word in the English dictionary, that a thing may mean a lot of things. for instance, the word save may mean to free from danger, but it could also mean except. the word orange may mean the orange fruit, or it may mean the adjective that describes color. You may mean singular, or it could mean plural. anyway, my point here is a lot of stuff means a lot of stuff, and the danger of ambiguity is perspective. misunderstanding is caused by ambiguity as a person may think that one word the other person says is far off from what that other person means.

get it? strikethroughs may mean a lot: for erasures (but i think that it's impractical to use a strikethrough in typing because there is the backspace key), for crossing out history, without forgetting what that history is, or even broadcasting that you've changed, and you aren't like that anymore. it may even be used against math; when you've had a lot of great scores in math and you suddenly fail, you'll hate it. strikethroughs may have a positive or a negative connotation. one good thing may seem one bad thing for another. strikethroughs may also mean something you want but you can't have or something you want to do but you can't do it anymore. but, strikethroughs may also mean emphasis, such as highlighting. but, gruff, i'm goin' round the bend; i can't list all those things.

gustuhin ko mang mag-strikethrough nang magstrikethrough, siguro i have to back off a little bit. alam mo yun, pag natutunan mo ang isang bagay for the first time, gagawin mo to all day long kasi may bago kang natutunan. kunwari, whistling, when one learns how to whistle, all day long wala na siyang gagawin kundi mag-whistle. achievement kasi eh. ganun din ako, pag natutunan ko ang isang bagay na gamitin, maaaliw akong ulit-ulitin ito. kaya nung natutunan kong mag-strikethrough, i had to strikethrough everything i had the opportunity to strikethrough. kaya sa lahat ng hindi makaintindi sa akin sa paminsan minsan, paumanhin.

Swirly Bitz

Swirly Bitz na tunaw

Swirly Bitz na malabnaw

Swirly Bitz na magulo, malabo at matakaw

Swirly Bitz na marumi't kailangan linisin

Swirly Bitz na sabaw
Swirly Bitz na karumal-dumal

Kadiring Swirly Bitz

Swirly Bitz na nakakapanghinayang

Swirly Bitz na lumulubog at lumilitaw

Swirly Bitz na masaklap at maramot

Mainit na Swirly Bitz

Swirly Bitz na kumakain at hindi kinakain

Swirly Bitz na sayaw

Swirly Bitz na bangungot at nakakakilabot

Swirly Bitz mula ulo hanggang paa
Swirly Bitz na madilim at mataba

Malapot na Swirly Bitz

Maasim na Swirly Bitz

Swirly Bitz na paikot-ikot

ngunit iisa ang patutunguhan

sa bibig, sa tiyan, sa pwet, at sa labas

Kawawang Swirly Bitz

Anong Swirly Bitz ka? Pili ka.

summertime, yet the living was uneasy

weirdly and funnily, i had the urge to join Philippine Idol (F na F noh?).
lalu na nung narinig ko yung mga nag-auaudition sa sm. at mas lalu akong natempt na sumali dahil nandun na eh. nasa may audition venue na ako nung mismong audition date eh. kaso nga lang kelangan 16-28. eh di sabi ko: alam ko na! mag-aaral muna ako. tas, mag-prapractice. tas, after 5 years (by then 20 na ako) sasali na ako. if ever, vote for me, k? haha. wala lang. and considering i sang the whole summer. mapa-field bio. review. sa banyo. sa lrt. and i had a lot of fun. eh kung PPS na lang kaya? hehe.

matapos ang field bio at ang review, nag-aral ako. oo, nagpakanerd. kasi, aanayin lang yung mga libro sa bahay. napilitan lang ako actually kasi ang ganda ng mga libro tas nakapanghihinayang lang na binili, pero never pang binasa. makapal, with colored pics, tas doctorate-level authors. yan yung mga tipong gustong gusto ko talagang basahin eh. and to tell you, i learned a lot. but i won't tell you what because i just don't want to. *eh bat ko pa kaya minention?*

i have to stop swearing. got yogurt?

juggernaut kicked wolverine's butt

haha! all things must come to an end. some of the characters died but the x-men live on. yebah! got yogurt??

hibernation

Field Bio, PBB at Bora

What’s up with you?

Yeah…

***
Field biology

I’m finally back to civilization. Yebah!
Alam mo na yon!
Hinati yung 12 students into two. I was with kevgon, jdavid, hopee, ria caringal and gihan.
Pumunta yung group namin first sa Taklong Island with Ma’am Len and Dr. Melanie Cheng.
Marine and mangrove ecosystems. Haha na-sting ako ng box jellyfish. Mahapding ewan and mafefeel mo. At FYI: ang Australian box jellyfish ay deadly. Just 3 minutes and you’re krekkh. Buti na lang I never had an encounter with it. Just the pinoy one. At alam mo ba kung ano ang solusyon sa hapde? Guess what! Vinegar o ihi. I was so lucky na nung na-sting ako ay ubos na yung suka, so I had to micturate on it.

Ngapala, if you were texting me for the past few weeks, hwag kayong magtaka kung never akong nag-reply. Paminsan-minsan lang yung signal, tas if a message isn’t opened for 24 hours, default siyang madedelete.

Ganito kasi yon. Isa-isa kaming na-sting. First was Gihan, ang Diyosa ng Stings. Even before reaching Taklong na-sting na siya.
Then, sunod-sunod na, leaving just me and Dr. Cheng unstung. When we were laying the transect on the beach, I blurted out to Jerome, “Maswerte ba ako at di pa ako na-stisting?” Tapos, just a minute after, near-shore, I stepped on that plump, little white-translucent, jelly-ace head, and the floating imp gave its all by wrapping its nematocysts on my feet. Arrghh! Nagulat talaga ako. Napaka-coincidental naman na just after I said na “Maswerte ba ako…,” ay linatigo ako nung jellyace na iyon.
At naiwan pa yung nematocysts sa paa ko, which was very much negatively effective. Magkakaroon ng burning sensation even if na-detach yung tentacles dun sa medusoid head.
Can’t tell you much more but it was so FUN.

Sibaliw Research Station naman. The station was up in the mountains, reached only after a seven-hour hike uphill. At our pace.
Tas umulan pa nung nag-hike kami. Wet n’ wild, tired and freezing, hungry and reluctant. That’s how I felt. Sila naman, they felt like they were going to black out and faint. Makitid pa yung daan, if you make a false move, you’ll roll into the creeping hell below. You had to grab anything, from tree-trunks to prop roots and rocks. Sometimes you had to fondle wicker-moss and fungi. Growl. Disgusting, and you’re taking it from a guy who’s game with everything related to field bio. Just up in the station, after Gihan got stung by a bee, you’ll see and hear various hornbill species. Penelopides panini panini and Aceros waldeni (*kung nagtataka ka kung bat nerdy ang usapan, mas magugulat ka kung kasama mo si Sir Espinas. Thousands of scientific names ang alam niya, usu. plants, and he easily distinguishes them just by sight.). Meron ding mga bastos-birds like Philippine bulbul at elegant tit. Di ako malisyoso pero bastos-names talaga yun. And they’re named so because of their respective physical features. Enough. We did birdwatching, improvised volleyball and jungle survival techniques. We learned how to make fire and cook rice using bamboos. I was able to do it on my first try. We rappelled too.

Then, the fun part was telemetry. The group was subdivided and we had a contest (mala-amazing race-mixed-with-survivor-challenge). Both subgroups were given antennae and three different transmitters were secretly scattered up in the mountain forests. Our job was to locate the transmitters, and memorize the secret code written on each. First team to give all three codes wins the bonus. The three transmitters symbolized three different organisms. Given just clues about habitat and what they eat, we won (obviously, because I wouldn’t have told you about the contest if we lost, *haha, plastic)!

Fun, fun , FUN!

***
PBB

During oral reports, our sort of gimmicks were usually PBB-related. We watched every episode during the first PBB teen week. At alam mo ba? May kakilala ako dun.

Nagulat talaga ako nung nakita ko sa tv yung ex-crush ko. Yung kaklase ko. Yep. Hair-raiser talaga. Di ko akalain na sasali siya sa pbb. Ex-crush ko si KIM. Kimberly Chiu. Heartthrob siya ng school nun. Isang Chinese sectarian school sa Tacloban ang nagpakilala sa amin. Sacred Heart School. First time I saw her, drop-dead talaga. Yeah! Ganun ako kababaw nun. May-ari siya ng isang grocery-like store. Tas before kami naging magkaklase, dun sa store ko siya nakilala. Mom was friends with her mom.
So we shopped around their store, and that’s when I first saw her. She just immigrated from Cebu. Speaking Cebuano, and seemingly elegant, yet simple. I wanted to know her. Tapos yun, bull’s eye, naging magkaklase kami. Aliw talaga yun. Inaabangan ko talaga dati yung times na naging pairs kami with anything little like Chinese recitation and declamation. Haha. Kilig! Tas ang labo talaga, kasi mas asta-bata siya ngayon kaysa dati. Tas mas maganda siya dati, pero maganda pa rin naman siya ngayon. Ginagawa niya pa rin pala ngayon yung yoga-like exhibitions. Kaaliw, matagal-tagal na rin. Ba’t kasi lumipat siya ng Cebu? Nabankrupt nganaman sila dati. Balor-milyones yung mansion nila nun eh. Sabi ng mom ko, kaya raw lumipat sa Cebu kasi sobrang mahal nung bahay at di na mabayaran dahil sa bankruptcy. Anyway, namimiss ko na rin siya, yung ex-crush ko. Mabait yan, promise. So, anytime she gets nominated (buti na lang at safe na safe siya ngayon), vote for her! Get it? Got it? Good!

***
Bora

Nothing special. I recommend you’d rather go to Club Paradise in Palawan (near Coron) if you’d like to spend some time with the beach. I overestimated Bora. Don’t expect too much from it because it’s just the name. I never felt that I was in Bora. Nothing much. The only thing I enjoyed was the sand-castles and the hand-painted shirt I got for my bro. Nothing more.

…catch you later!

***

Sigarilyo

Hithit lang. Oo. Ano ba ang meron sa napakalecheng stick na to? Bakit ba? Peste naman oh. Ano ba? Kung gagastos ka na lang para sa sarili mong mga rason, wag mo naman sana idamay ang mga magulang nating nagkakandahirap na hindi mabawasan ng kahit isang pisong pinagpawisan. Alam mo bang hindi lang ikaw ang nadadamay sa mga epekto ng stick na yan. Wag mo naman sanang gaguhin ang perang pinapadala nila para sa mga gastusin natin. Sana lang kung bibili ka ng walang-kwentang box ng Marlboro ay hindi mo ipapakita sa akin nang harap-harapan. Walang hiya. Akala ko pa naman ay nag-withdraw ka para sa pagkain natin. Yun pala, kaya mo pinilit na ikaw ang mag-wiwithdraw ay dahil bibili ka ng lecheng sigarilyong yan. Kung alam mo lang ang mga hirap na pinagdadaanan nina dad at mom para lang tayo mabuhay. Hindi ba halatang naka-maskara sila kung bumisita satin; hindi ba halatang nagkukunwari silang masaya despite sa hirap ng paghahanap ng pera? Alam naman nating dalawa na sa kabila ng mga shopping at gastos ay pinagtatrabahuan nila yun. Bwiset ka! Sana man lang wag mo akong bubugahan ng pesteng usok na yan. Alam mo namang sakitin tong kapatid mo diba? Diba dagdag gastos na naman yun sa mga magulang natin? Langhiya ka. Kaasar ka. Kahit ano pa mang rason yan. Kabobohan man o katangahan at nagpauto ka sa stick na yan. Wala akong pakealam. Sobra na eh. Kung sasabihin mo lang sakin na “Eh hindi naman natin alam kung kailan tayo mamatay,” aba’y wala kang karapatang ilagay sa living hell yung mga pumapaligid sa iyo. Wala kang kwenta. Ayusin mo yang buhay mo. Ewan ko ba? Imbes na ikaw ang keeper ko, ako pa ata ang nag-aalaga sa iyo eh. Ano ka ba? Diba ikaw ang mas nakakatanda sating dalawa? Mag-isip nga. Ikaw ang kumbaga mas matalino dahil sa tagal ng age gap natin. Tapos dadagdagan pa ng amoy-alak. Langhiya ka. Kung gagastos ka na lang, sana stipends mo (na wala naman talaga) o kung anumang sweldong hindi mo naman talaga matatanggap dahil sa dependent ka pa sa mga magulang natin ang gamitin mo. Kahit magbebente ka na, wala kang karapatang maging parasite sa mga magulang natin kasi hindi ka pa naman kumikita. At kahit kumikita ka na ay wag mo sanang gamitin yun sa bisyo. Badtrip ka talaga. Bakit ka ba ganyan? Bibili ka ng isang bagong box sa grocery tapos may makikita yung kapatid mong isa pang box ng sigarilyong hindi pa ubos sa bag mo? Wala ka talagang kwenta. Okay lang sana kung bibili ka ng bagong bag o sapatos o shirt o pantalon sa celio kahit na sandamukal na ang mga kagamitan mo. Eh pero Marlboro pa talaga. Sobra na talaga eh. Eh pano pag magkasakit ka, sina dad at mom rin ang gagastos diba? Tumigil ka na nga. Mahiya ka naman sa lahi mo. Bwiset. Damn you. Sana lang ay magbago ka. Magbago ka na. Putik, lumalabas talagang ako yung nag-aalaga sa iyo eh. Pero dapat the other way around. Please naman. Tumigil ka na…

I'm Not Happy About It

long time no update.

yeah. sodium went out last Thursday (16th). rob galle. 11:00. lunch. studio pic. bowling and billiards. then, movie: SHE'S THE MAN.

all i can say about the movie is: same ol' same ol'. yet, outright fun. yep

aliw naman yung lakad. nganaman, 14 people. as old robin hood had for his sidekicks, let me say, "the more the merrier."

anyway, three down, one more year. i'll miss y'all.

currently feeling: pissed by 3G. patalo ka. bakit naman lahat pa kami dinamay mo sa katamaran mo? damn you. tapos ako pa ang gumawa ng ow report natin. langhiya ka. buti tumaas ako dun. pero still, patalo ka. if ever binabasa mo to, isipin mo na lang: paano na si val? mahiya ka naman. alam ko you have the right to slack off, pero sana inisip mo rin kami. i'm pissed. super pissed. fill in the blanks **** ***.

recent deviations

217: prom - expected much more than the rubber millefeuille

damn issues in pisay

prayers to philly, to my province, to pisay, and to ms. gelyn fabro

***

what the heck is happening around?

SCA post-camp post

uhm. i know it's odd to start an entry with the word "uhm", especially since this entry is for GOD. Ngayon lang ako nakapagpost ng entry for God. Antagal ko nang sinasabi na magpopost ako ng at least an entry for God kasi I have time to make rants about useless stuff like that one time when I posted an image pero I never really offered something about God. "Uhm" kasi di ko alam pano simulan. "Uhm" kasi baka magkamali ako sa mga sasabihin ko. "Uhm" kasi gusto kong maging super galing ng post ko for God.

Firstly, when I heard about the camp I was certain I would be going, but I wasn't really excited about it. Siguro, at first impluwensya lang nina greggy at rayray. Tapos, macoconsume pa yung weekend. Pero, I never doubted na pupunta ako.

More or less 28 lang kaming nag-attend(not sure), pero ang sabi ni mam edulan, "Kahit 28 lang tayo, napupuno naman yung buong gym ng pagmamahal natin kay God." (not verbatim) Yun. ang nagpunta ay sina ate julia, kuya jerome. si greggy, ray2, nico r., jason gaguan, ate dane, hiyas, at tin cangas (at ako). si anthony quitay, si krizelle, si iya, si gabby, si kim (08). tapos, sina kevin roque, jio, gian dapul, jigs, si josh (at kung sino man ang nakalimutan ko). anyway, andami ko nang friends. hah. puro prayer, food, cards at basketbol lang kami sa breaks. hah. naka3-point shots ako. take note: shotS with a capital S.

ang saya niya. pwamis. nag-talk pa nga si kuya obet cabrillas (yung guy sa retreat; yung composer na gumawa ng pang-harana tas basted pa rin). ang saya niya. ngek ang lame. wala akong masabi. eto na.

uhm, Lord. Salamat po na nakapunta po ako ng camp. Salamat at marami po akong natutunan nung camp. Salamat sa lahat ng nagpunta. Salamat kay greggy at ray2; malaki po silang impluwensya. Salamat kay Sir Englats na nagluto ng napakasarap naming pagkain. Salamat kay Father Mon, kay Sir Sepulveda, kay Mam Gilereza (spelled as pronounced yan, di ko alam yung spelling eh), kay Mam Edulan, kay Ate Tin, kay Kuya Obet. Salamat kay Kuya Nilo (tama ba?), yung nag-help saming maglinis at magligpit. Salamat kay Mam Bonifacio, kay Mam Aimee. Salamat ng po sa lahat Lord. Salamat po sa three-point-shot achievements ko. Lord, sana po mas marami na kaming makapunta next time. Salamat din po at bio labrep lang at chem proj yung major requirements next week. Salamat po at nabigyan po Ninyo ako ng pagkakataon na makasama. Salamat sa sleeping bag. Salamat at nagbukas yung dorm.

Patawarin Niyo po ako sa mga kasalanan ko. Sa sloth. Sa extravagance, at iba pa po. Sana po hindi po namin makalimutan ang lahat ng natutunan namin, at hindi lang po namin eto maiapply for the first few days after the camp, but for the rest of our lives po. Lord, i-guide niyo po kami as we rekindle our passion, revitalize our mission, release our potentials, and regain our vision. Tulungan Niyo po yung mga nagugutom sa Africa, at sa kung saan pa man. Kahit po payat ako, I'm sure more people need more food than me. Pagpasensyahan Niyo po Lord na matagal pa before ako nakapagsulat for You. Lord, iaalay ko po ang mga achievements and goals ko for You. Continue to bless us with Your guiding spirit Lord, at sana marami po ang mainspire to live for Christ. Salamat din po pala sa mga friends nung camp. Kahit po kaunting time lang yung nabigay samin to spend with them, i felt safe and secure with them. Madali ko silang nakausap.

I-guide Niyo rin po yung parents ko atsaka yung relatives ko at home. Ang laki pong sacrifices ang ginagawa nila for me and my bro. Salamat din po at nanalo si Rob sa contest atsaka sina kevin gon, eduard at jason dj, kasi po pupunta po sana si Rob sa camp, pero dahil may contest siya, a short while lang siya nandun. Lord, tulungan Niyo po akong maging closer to You. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen

At the point of no return

Moonstruck moment in a timeless frame
Surreally frozen yet in truthful reality
Sudden disobedience to an active game
In which rules are of pointless vacuity
Here I am at the point of no return
Looking up at the sun until I burn

To a desperate attempt of resolving uncertainty
Of either thinking twice or moving on
After a restless panting in maximizing liberty
Now coldly suppressed with my pompous con
Here I am at the point of no return
Gazing down at my feet in turn

Sandwiched in a dizzy confusion
What should I do? Should I stay or go?
So I ask from Divinity to guide my decision
To follow my heart in saying yes or no
Here I am at the point of no return
Reminiscing and guessing what I learned and shall learn

In relentless delirium through this shade of gray
Choice by split-second spontaneity
I can neither rewind nor fast-forward time anyway
Everything behind on a steeple of responsibility
Here I am at the point of no return
Doing all regardless of what I yearn

Seven years passed yet still I am here
Is this also a point of no advancement,
Where there is no option but be stuck every year?
So I finally try to try an improvement
Here I am at the point of no return
Brazenly seeking for fate to un-churn

Blessedly gifted with thoughts so shallow
As to take all the time to finally make it out
But I’m grateful enough for not having to wallow
In this totally nerve-wracking self-bout
Here I am at the point of no return
Here I am at the point of no return

Di ako naniniwala dito kasi hindi ko makita yung basis nung test. stupid test, nonetheless, try niyo. You scored as English. You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours! English 100% Mathematics 92% Engineering 92% Biology 83% Dance 83% Chemistry 83% Journalism 83% Psychology 83% Art 83% Linguistics 83% Philosophy 75% Theater 75% Sociology 67% Anthropology 42% What is your Perfect Major? created by QuizFarm.com