walang kwenta ang heroes vol 2

bano ang plot

hindi isang panaginip

isang panaginip

hindi ko alam
hindi na ata magbabago pa ang desisyon ko
hindi ko na uulitin yung paulit-ulit
hindi na ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon
hindi na kita pahihirapan pa
hindi na kata pahihirapan pa
hindi na tayo magkaibigan
hindi na kita kilala
hindi mo na ako papansinin
hindi ko na ikaw papansinin

marami sila
tatsulok ang pakikitungo mo
isang nakakataas dalawang nakakababa

hindi na kita paiiyakin pa
hindi na kita pangingitiin pa
hindi na kita sasakalin
hindi na kita kakausapin
dededmahin kita
dedma

hanap nang hanap
nariyan lang pala
tingin nang tingin
malapit lang pala

hindi na tapos na
akoy makakahinga

at giginhawa ang buong mundo

WORLD PEACE

I now am decided

...what I will do after college. I will go to Med school, after which I shall go to Doctorate studies. A long time ago, I told my parents that if I couldn't decide which postgrad studies to take, I shall have to take both. Now I am decided, yet I chose to take both.

After countless questions left unanswered and months of dormant thinking, it was only now that I realized, without pondering too much, which postgrad degree to take first. My ultimate goal is to cure lots of people. And in preparation for my medical research I shall have to undergo Medicine first. In med, I will be able to cure patients one at a time, but in PhD, I may be able to cure lots of patients at a time: one time big time! So I will treat med school as a stepping stone to PhDing. Hopefully, through my medschool experience and the rigorous research, the world can be a better place and a lot more disease-free. Ahaha.

Now I know how to answer people asking me why I chose MBB over Intarmed (besides the fact that I hadn't been interviewed). Had I chosen Intarmed, I wouldn't have been able to come across this realization, and I wouldn't have envisioned myself being able to help more people. So yehey, another cause for celebration!!!

Why? O why?

Sleazy sloth, get out!! Walk out the door! Just turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome anymore.

Ben, eto lang sasabihin ko sayo. Kung may gusto ka, di yun pupunta sayo!! Nakakaasar nang wala kang ginagawa. Masyado kang nasisilaw sa mga bagay-bagay na di naman kasingimportante ng kelangan mong gawin. Parang awa mo na, alang-alang sa mga nagpapaaral sayo, galingan mo na.

Yan ang napapala ng taong di nagseseryoso.

2007 hits

Sem

While everyone else read the last book of the HP series, is reading Night and will read The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank (I couldn't think of any other book since Ray2 keeps on blabbering about these books), I on the other hand hasn't read a single novel since summer. The last time I called myself a bookworm was years ago and the last book I've read must have been a million little pieces. And even though Madam Carmelita Ramirez told us to report on novels (ours was The Bamboo Dancers), I relied on the book analysis at the end of the book and on my groupmates, who suggested that I don't waste time in reading the book because all I'd ever need was the book analysis at the end of the book.

SO, while the whole world is reading a lot of novels, I on the contrary am stuck with Campbell and Reece. Yes, the bio-duo who'll be eternally remembered for their lovely take on life and its study. I was able to grab the latest edition (seventh) of the textbook we all call "BIOLOGY" (ahahaha), and I'm confident enough that they'll be no more edition additions for the said book because dearest Campbell is now under a gravestone. Uhuh, 55 chapters of fun and 1231 pages of self-fulfillment!!! not to mention the very high tech Compact Disk (come on!!) included. Ahahaha, how sad and boring. Yes, that's me and my sembreak. Some blockmate of mine told me to read it, and being stupid enough, I agreed.

On another headline, New sarisari store opens at Ben's flat. Hahaha. My "chef" as some of my blockmates call her had the crazy idea of opening a sarisari store here at the condo since our building's sarisaris closed already. My mom, who was gullible
serious enough, bought stuff. I was surprised when I came home and they were stacking the goods already. We had our buena mano just yesternight when some party dude bought junk food.

On another headline, Ben becomes a working student. My dad emphasized that I was a business owner and not employed. There's the sarisari store, and I have this Globe autoload thing. I say whateber. What about my sembreak?? What about my trip to the moon? What about the sand and the starfish and the slimy fish in the sea? What about hanging out? Ahh, that's why I have my dearest chef to watch the store.

PS. The post title comes from the phrase sem break when people have their sems broken and people get to have a break. I am fortunate enough to remove the break from the sembreak.

Someone (except Andrew, who shall be thinking of another thing/s to buy) buy me a Nintendo DS cartridge (preferably SuperMario).

And, Rayray will be planning out my 17th birthday party which will not coincide with the surprise party I'll be getting from another friend. This means that I'll be getting two very well organized parties from two different people at two different times. Thank you in advance. :))

a post that's partly mandatory

My first sem in college has passed already. From the looks of it, I flunked. My goals were mere hopes and dreams that weren't really considered. The color-coded post-its don't really work, as well as the "Times for play" chart, the "study time" chart (which I barely reread), and similar "props" so my mom thought I studied hardly. The whole sem was a cycle of study-eat-sleep-study-take test-pass-eat-study-get awed-stay stuck. Anyway, point is, I flunked.

I have a very grave predicament. Very grave. :))

87

87.
at first it may seem prime. but it is not.
at first it may seem enticing. but it is not.
at first it may seem lacking. but it is not.

87 is not less than one hundred.
It actually is better with a little squiggle more.

It is symmetric.
With two lines and two circles.

It is exotic.
With the eccentricity of the number three.

It is grand.
With four little keys do sol fa si.

It is blabber.
Blabber like the butts of five hens.

It is living.
Like the century's peak the sixties.

It is recurrent.
Seventy-eight more than nine.

It is essential.
Like zero is to time.

It is like any other number.
But is as distinct and special as red is from green.

It is the prodigious numeration of my love for thee.
With two less than thy bodily exeunt.

87. to count the lines herein.
As fools say, wise do.

to my one and only

my dream started with waking up,
with waking up into reality

and i brushed my teeth
and i bathed
and saw the suit lying on the bed
and i sacked the suit and put on my pajamas
and went to church
and we were married

she was the prettiest woman
and i was the handsomest man
and we were meant to be
and i said will you be with me for the rest of my life?
and she killed me and there goes the rest of my life
(just kidding)
and she said ...

and i woke up into my fantasies
and here i am again.

bugto

Mahirap pala ang maging only child. Kung sa katotohanan ay may kuya ako, sa ngayon, parang only child na lang ako. May sarili na nga kasi siyang pamilya e. At ngayon, nararanasan ko ang mga nararanasan ng mga orphans. Yung orphans na wala sa orphanage. Kasi, ayun nga, mag-isa lang ako ngayong kolehiyo. Walang magulang. Walang kuya. Wala nang dormdorm. Kaya, challenge. hightech diba?

Kung kayo may mga kapatid, mapabunso, ate, kuya, o katwin (fraternal/dizygotic o identical/monozygotic), maswerte kayo. Lubus-lubusin niyo na ang pagkakaron ng kapatid. Dahil mahirap talaga ang maging mag-isa. Oo, maraming nagsasabi na maganda to, kasi training for independence daw. Pero opportunity cost naman nito ang paghaharden ng puso dahil sa pangangailangan. Kelangang hindi sila mamiss. Kelangang hindi mahomesick. Kelangang goal-oriented. Ganoon ang buhay estudyanteng mag-isa.

Kung may mga bagay na hindi niyo magustuhan sa kapatid niyo, intindihin niyo. At matuwa kayo dahil nagigi kayong saksi sa mga kilos niya. Ako mismo, ayaw na ayaw ang paninigarilyo ng kuya ko. Bad breath na nga, dilaw pang ngipin, ugat ng lung disorders, pangit na balat, at lahat ng negatibo. Pero at least noon, nakikita ko yun. Ngayon, malay ko ba, parang wala na akong alam tungkol sa kanya. Alam niyo naman siguro ang pakiramdam ng may kasama sa bahay na pwede mong mapagkatiwalaan ukol sa mga bagay-bagay diba? Ako hindi e. :)) Hindi kasi ako nagkaron ng pagkakataon na makilala ko yung kuya ko e. Onganaman, 4-year gap. Pag nagbubuddy bonding kami ni kuya jeremy na halos 5 years na ang gap namin ay naiisip ko ang kuya kong di ko nakilala nang gaano. Parang mas kilala ko pa si Kuya Jeremy na dalawang buwan pa lang ang nakalilipas nang makilala ko siya. Nakakasakit isipin na hindi ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon. E dadalawa lang kami. Nakakalungkot diba? Kaya, naging only child na nga lang ako ngayon. Pero mas madalas akong maging orphan kaysa maging only child. Kahit yung mga magulang ko, madalang kong makapiling.

Paano ko mapapakita sa kanila ang pagmamahal at pasasalamat ko kung hindi ako mabigyan ng pagkakataon. Ng ENOUGH na pagkakataon. wala lang. Mabuti kayo. Kayang kaya niyo.

Kaya, wag magpakalonely. Kumain din ng sinabawang gulay para masustansya.

Ngayon, lunod na lunod na ako sa Legendre, proteasomal pathway, Ubiquitin tags, xenotransplantation, logarithms, Ozymandias, at the indolence of the Filipinos. Not to mention (nge, minention ko rin) my own problems, struggles, weariness, lack of control and discipline, and love. :)) kidding.

Kaya kung hirap kayong pag-isipan kung anong regalo ipapaFedex niyo sakin, madali lang. Pagkakataon. Pagkakataon na maranasan ang mga nadeprive sakin na normally mararanasan ko dapat.

Ayuk!!! :))

senselessoninlawyerika

a wise man once said, "nahihirapan na ako." i agree. nahihirapan na ako.

Hg

I remember how my dad got this head-lump when we three boys played army

I remember how my mom played nintendo 64 and dance dance revo with me and my brother

I remember how my dad lashed us with his leather belts

I remember how my mom spanked us until we bled

I remember how they cried

I remember how irony had been personified

I remember very well

snatched

fans, pasensya na talaga. di natiis ng isa kong fan. nasnatch niya yung phone ko na naglalaman ng vain pics ko. nooooooooooo. kaya, wala na akong phone. wala na yung number ko. pero wag niyong burahin yun. kasi, pwede niyong maging txtm8 yung snatcher thru it. joke. pero anyway, para macontact niyo ako, gamitin ang telepathy. and surely, macocontact niyo ako. yehey. thanks fans. mag-ingat din kayo. kasi ako?? di ko talaga naramdaman yung pagsnatch.

I need brainsuction

It's three in the morning and I'm still awake. Chem 16 is fun without the tests. It is rather difficult to study for a test in which memory is a big factor. How do they expect us to memorize the chronology of the procedure plus the equations plus the moles plus the observations plus extra questions found at the end of each experiment??

My dad says I talk like a zombie over the phone. Let me tell him he sounds like a cool dad. Like. Hahaha.

DO NOT EVER STUDY FOR CHEM THE NIGHT BEFORE!!! or you'll end up waking up past three. Because you can't equate 6 hours of study time with 9 working hours [3 experiments times 3 hours per experiment]. Ahhh, somebody please lobotomize me.

are you ascorbic?? are you acidic??

So, nanggaling ako sa ER nung wednesday dahil 40 ang aking temp. and my nose bled. inaaway pa ako ng med resident dahil kinakalikot ko raw ilong ko, when in truth, HINDI!!! awayin ko siya. how many times do i have to tell them my nose bled because of my body heat??? akala niyo kakalikutin ko ilong ko hanggang dumugo to? HINDI.

anyway, ayoooooown. dapat maging ascorbic and acidic na kayo para masaya.

isa-isa kong hinawaan ang aking blockmates. nauna si ria, bess, jerico. tas si pat.

kamon.
susunod ka na, dundundun. sana matigil na itong hawaan. di ko na kaya. aww.

-

nasabi ko na bang mahal ko ang mbb?? dahil masaya ang mga stereoisomers na nonsuperimposable enantiomers. alam mo ba na hindi nagmamatter ang acidic environment sa cell acidity at alam mo ba na ang zwitterionic form ng cell ay amphoteric dahil pwede siyang maging base o acid?? grabe, very enlightening at confusing at the same time magturo yung mbb prof namin. i love her. kamon. pati siya nacoconfuse minsan sa sinasabi niya. at alam mo ba na hindi amino acid ang proline?? instead, isa siyang imino acid (since NH2+ ang kanyang imino group) o diba?? masaya ang mbb.

-

isa kang nganga kapag meron kang areca nut, ikmo (betel leaf), tsaka optional apog (lime).
magpakanganga ka na. yeh.

why do some people rant about classical music when more than half of the world has to study?

Freshie Spitz at importanteng mensahe kasunod nito

hay. ayan na. sa wakas. nakapagsalita na rin ako. Akala ko nga mapupunit na chest ko the night before dahil sa lakas at bilis ng lubdubs ng puso ko e. Kabadong kabado ako nun. Pero dahil tapos na, ayan. OK na. Ngayon ko lang hinarap ang libo-libong tao. At hullor, ispitch. :)) anyway, salamat at tapos na siya. buti na lang college of ssp at eng at sci lang yun. at di buong up freshie. suri, nakakakaba talaga. at buti di ako natapilok o kaya namula o kaya nabulol.

ipopost ko na rin.

Even before the UPCAT results arrived, I knew that I had to study at the University of the Philippines. For me, UP weighed more than any other university I applied for. Eventually, the results came and the decision boiled down to UP versus ADMU. Both enticed me with free-tuition scholarships: one bragging about a free air-conditioned dorm room to accompany my stay, and the other, boasting simplicity—a statue of a naked man looking at the heavens to welcome me each day. It wasn’t really an easy decision, so why did I choose UP?

Coming from Philippine Science High School, I had to take a science or a math course. My courses for both universities were very much related: Biology at the ADMU and Molecular Biology and Biotechnology here at the UP. The critical difference was that I preferred Petri dishes and microbes over taxonomic balderdash, so my decision was fixed.
The fact that UP is a montage of all sorts of people supported my decision. I can meet a nerd, a jock, an artist, a revolutionary, an activist and a sophist. It would give me great pleasure to befriend someone who doesn’t agree with my ideology, and I would be equally thankful to find someone very much like me. Anyone can belong to UP. Part of the thrill in going to UP is searching for my interests and figuring out what hidden passions I have. Many different organizations are in UP: academic-based orgs such as the UP Samahan sa Agham-Pampulitika or UP SAPUL and the UP Pre-Medical Society; athletic orgs such as the Laya Football Club and the UP Association of Karate or UPAK; cultural and artistic orgs such as the UP Repertory Company and the three Philippine choirs who made it to the Euro Grand Prix for Choral Singing: the UP Madrigal Singers, the UP Singing Ambassadors, and the UP Concert Chorus; faith-based orgs such as Youth for Christ UP and the UP Muslim Students’ Association; and even geographic-based and ethnicity-based orgs such as the UP Sidlangan for Leyte, Samar and Biliran-based students.
Aside from offering remarkable education, UP can indeed give me various choices to shape well my roundedness. Like at the Dampa, which is both a marketplace and a restaurant where people choose the kind of meat and the cooking method, knowledge won’t be spoon-fed; I just have to select the things to learn based on my hunger and palate because it is I who know very well what I like. UP can guide me in finding out who I am and who I need to be in order to meet my necessities and my inclinations.
But aside from the academics and the freedom to choose, the true essence of being at the UP is being an Iskolar ng Bayan. The University of the Philippines was not called the University of the Philippines just because it is in the Philippines. It was called so because it is the only national university in the country and Filipino taxpayers partly subsidize the education of UP students. Therefore, every Iskolar ng Bayan should not take studying at UP for granted. The most significant word of the phrase Iskolar ng Bayan is bayan; thus each scholar should give back to the country, not due to indebtedness, but because of the duty to serve the country and the Filipino taxpayers, without whom the UP education would not have been possible. An Iskolar ng Bayan should be grateful enough for the blessings he received, and so he should have loyalty to the university and to the country, have integrity through all endeavors, and have respect to fellow students and countrymen. After getting the academic excellence UP instills in its students, a UP scholar should share and use what he learned for the betterment of the society because UP does not train its students to apply what they learn only for selfish benefits or greed. An Iskolar ng Bayan is independent yet conforms to the ethical and moral norms. The true mark of an Iskolar ng Bayan is not his intelligence or his expertise in a particular field, but rather his versatility and his adaptability to hardships and life situations from which he has to decide what is best for our nation. Some mistakes may be inevitable, but those mistakes will be the fire that hardens the pot to its perfection.
As we voyage through college, we must remember that the ultimate purpose of our education is for the nation, that we should give back the excellence the University of the Philippines will have nurtured in us. When the time comes, through our own efforts, we shall be subsidizing a new generation of Iskolars ng Bayan. And surely, if the cycle goes on, we will be helping the country develop exceptionally.

Yeah, I opted for the statue of a naked man looking at the heavens. Fellow freshmen, let’s make the best out of that naked man for the Philippines.


woohoo. tapos na rin. yeh. after ng spitz, nagkaron ng protest. yeh. at least maagang lumabas yung tunay na kulay. haha. tungkol siya sa tuition increase and a whole heck more.

AT ETO ANG PINAKAMADUGO: yeh. bloody.
naaasar ako sa notion na kinakahiya ang pagkafreshy. grrr. sobra. naiinis ako tuwing naririnig ko ang aking mga kaibigan na nagsasabing Wag mong ilabas yung mapa; mahahalata tayo!! o kaya naman, pag sasabihin kong Dun tayo sa palma. sasabihin naman nilang AS ano ba!! para di magmukhang freshie. Baket?? me pinagkaiba ba ang palma sa AS?? e sa gusto kong tawaging palma ang palma hall. mabuti na yun, cinocommemorate si palma. kesa namang AS, sino ba yun?? hahah. pero seriously, INIS NA INIS NA INIS NA INIS ako sa freshies na kinakahiya ang pagkafreshie nila. E ano naman kung freshie?? FRESHIE AKO AT PROUD AKO DUN!!! PROUD AKONG MAGTANONG KUNG DI KO ALAM! PROUD AKONG MAGTANONG KUNG MAGKANO ANG DYIP! PROUD AKONG SUMAKAY NG IKOT TAS BUMABA, TAS SUMAKAY ULI!!! PROUD AKONG BUMABA LAMPAS SA CP GARCIA, TAS MAGLAKAD PATUNGONG CP GARCIA! PROUD AKONG TANUNGIN SA GUARD KUNG MAGKANO YUNG ID STRAP!! PROUD AKONG SUMIGAW AT MAGMUKHANG TANGA SA PAGGALAW NG KAMAY NANG DI NAKAKASABAY. PROUD AKONG TINGNAN YUNG MAPA PAMINSAN-MINSAN, KESA NAMAN TSUMAMBA KUNG SAN PUPUNTA!!! AT ANO NAMAN, KUNG FRESHIE AKO?? hindi ba dumadaan ang lahat ng college students sa pagiging freshie?? kaya sa susunod na mahiya ka sa balat mo, mag-isip ka. KASI FRESHIE KA TALAGA!! AT YUN ANG TOTOO. WAG MAGPAKAHIPOKRITO!!

:(

please don't ask why

This Post Is Not Senseless.

Do NOT ever mix Milo Cereals and Chocolait together. Although Milo Cereals and Chocolait taste well when they are standalone, they suck when they're together, much like my mouth and my thoughts.

BENLO

watch out... for the upcoming new trend of the century. the BENLO.

while walking past Bench with someone whose name I choose not to disclose, I remembered that Bench's etymology came from the creator's first name and his last name's first two letters (BEN CHan). now I'm going to say in your face to mr. BENCH for I'm gonna have to launch the BENLO, which obviously comes from BEN LOpez. :)) anyway, the BENLO is a new clothing line that is not only cheap but profitable for me. It comes in sackcloth, tissuecloth, papercloth, ruffled-testpapercloth, scratch-papercloth and termite-infested-bookcloth. Not only does BENLO appeal to the eye (and to the skin), it also gives you the best comfort and fit. It comes in all sizes (XS, S, M, L, XL, F, 1, 2, 3, etc etc.). This BENLO will strip the fame for BENCH, HUMAN, PENSHOPPE, and most especially will rip the jeans for LEVI's, Gas, Celio, Springfield, Burberry, and will strikethrough the acronyms CK, AK, DKNY, A|X, RL, and will prolly outwit Jack Spade, Lacoste, Gucci, and a whole lot more.

The Benlo gets five stars from all fashion critiques you can grab. Surely, experts like LV, Timberland, and Ralph Lauren (I'm so sorry close friend of mine) will back off.

Two co-clothing lines will be on-the-go too: DEVIL AND KASHISHMISH, both of which will also be run by me. Devil is all about being emo and gothic + style. It gives a whole new sense of fashion for the rebels and more importantly creates innovations and voids the ambiguity of the color black. Kashishmish on the other hand is for the females. A new indated clothing company, Kashishmish will innovate the use of walkytalkies and micro-plant them onto Kashishmish so that you can talk with fellow Kashishmish wearers.

The BENLO is not a ripoff of BENCH, as the DEVIL is not a ripoff of HUMAN and the KASHISHMISH is not a ripoff of KASHIECA. =))

***

ahahaha. sorry lang bangag. naalala ko lang kasi e. ganyan ang nagagawa kapag naglalakad ka sa mall nang walang pera. me kasama ka nga, wala rin namang wawarts :)) sabi nga ng WHAM, use your head. ((:

an excerpt of an eventful today

sa mall...

*habang naglulunch*
G to B: di kami mayaman!!!

*later*
G points at Forever21 (*ui. astig sale*): halika, pakita ko sayo yung skirt na sinasabi ko.
B (*ui. ang galing. mura. mga 299.*): sige.

saleslady to G: hi! kunin mo na yung skirt mo? *apparently, nareserve na ata ni G yung skirt. uhum. at close sila ng saleslady*
G pointing at B: ililibre niya po ako...
B *shrugs*: ok.

*tas punta kami dun sa skirt niya*
saleslady: isa na lang po yung sa size niyo
G: maiksi ba to?
B: ok lang.
G: ui. isa na lang o. sayang. kunin ko na?
B: kukunin mo?
G: libre mo ako?
B: ok lang. ate, magkano po?
saleslady: one-two
G: one-two. *at alam niya na pala beforehand na 1200 yung skirt na yun.*

singit: ok lang pala to sa mga hindi mayayaman. yung 1-2 na skirt.

B *nanlaki mga mata*: HUH? SERYOSO KA?
G: huh? edi hati tayo.
B: hah? seryoso ka? nagpapalibre ka ng 1200? seryoso ka? *di pa rin makapaniwalang me nagpapalibre ng 1-2 na skirt. *

*labas sa store*
B *di pa rin makapaniwala*: seryoso ka? one-two para sa skirt?

tas sermon-sermon sa pagigi niyang magastos. :))

haha. ansaya makipagtalo sayo G. dahil hindi ka nananalo. Xp JUUUUUUUUUKE

Alone

The ticktocks of my bedroom clock intensified with every tick. The room was dark save the yellow photon mosaic, patched on the webbed ceiling by none other than the biggest lamppost I have ever seen. Although the light patches disturbed the darkness, only the outlines of an empty bed, a shut laptop, scattered coins, a Swiss knife being my laptop's safe, six functional keys and a broken one could be seen. The sight really wasn't much if all your possessions were stacked on a desktop. To think it over, a guest wouldn't notice any traces of desolation. But, as the ticktocks of my bedroom clock intensified with every tick, the lubdubs of my heartbeat intensified with every pump. It suddenly dawned on me that the empty bed across mine is empty (Yeah, you read that right). Then, every single lobe of my brain complained to me.

Let me take you to each one of them.

On one lobe read "THE BED". The bed. The bed next to mine was empty. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago because my brother slept there. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago because my brother slept there until I knew I was going to be an uncle. The bed next to mine was empty, and it was not empty a month ago because my brother slept there until I knew I was going to be an uncle, and he finally transferred to a new house near Bamboo-the-singer's residence.

On another lobe read "MY HOME". My home. I never really knew what adventure I embarked on when I left home exactly four years ago. I never imagined "this" happening. But as of now, I was worried about my mom. My mom was all alone in our humble abode because Peter Pan was with Wendy in Alabang, my dad left home for work and the elections, and I am stuck with Manila for the shooting. My mom was all alone this recent Mother's Day. My mom was all alone when she handled our village's fiesta last Sunday. My mom was all alone when the only family she could call was me. My mom has been all alone when she sleeps.

On another read "DAD". Dad. My dad gets a retainer's fee for being our town's congressman's lawyer. The recent elections surely gave my dad a hard time and weeks away from home. I'm certain my dad considers 24/7 a cliché. Going back to the retainer's fee, which I think won't be enough for kicking my bro's butt away from home and my bro's upcoming wedding and my bro's child and my bro's house bills and my bro's..., I am disturbed by the fact that we may be literally asking for alms in due time. And, my mom just called to inform me that the congressman's wife, who's running for congresswoman and whom dad supports, is behind by 700 in one of the municipalities. If she loses, we're off. We're gonna be off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz. Seriously. I don't want my dad's being away from home 24/7 to be a waste.

On another read "HEY BRO". Ugh. I love my brother. But he's gone, and I have to accept the fact that the empty bed beside mine is gonna be empty for the rest of my stay (well, except for irregular visits). And earlier today, I witnessed something my brother and I never had, the brotherhood of another brotherhood (Ok, zip it). My brotherhood with my biological brother was not the best you could ever had. But it was still a brotherhood. Ok, I'll shut up before anything odd happens.

On another lobe read "PISAY-UP". Uhuh. Uhuh. Uhuh-uhuh-uhuh. I am entering college but instead of the usual pack of lobes that think about college life, I'm gonna be stuck with one. Just one lobe. A lone lobe. The Pisay shooting will finally resume, after a three-week hiatus. *sigh* And to think, I achieved nothing. nil. zero. zilch. I hope UP would not be squeezing my only lobe left for it.

On another read "BUH-BYE. I WON'T BE SEEING YOU EVER AGAIN (exaggerated, or maybe not)." Buh-bye. To ones of people leaving the country. But it actually boils down to leaving me. First goes Joji. Anj. Then Jannel. Kuya Mike. Then someone-else-whose-name-I-must-not-mention-for-
reasons-I-know-not-of. You're all leaving. This lobe was reactivated when that someone-else-whose-name-I-must-not-mention-for-
reasons-I-know-not-of told me he/she'll be leaving tomorrow for somewhere-not-in-the-Philippines. Anyhow, my point is, although I wanna tell the world how I'll miss them, I can't compose myself for such things as these. Leaping to higher leaps, I'll be going to Africa with Joji come some time in the future. Hopefully, we are gonna hold medical missions, love the children, love Africa, and love the world. If you wanna join the fun/love/showcase of love/labor/whateber you wanna call it, then tell us.

On another read "INSOMNIA". During non-class days, I get insomniac. I try to sleep but it takes me about seven dozen methods to counteract insomnia before I get to sleep. Every night, I try the sheep-counting thing, the count-to-forever thing, the milk-before-bedtime thing, the yoga-meditation thing, the thing, you name it. I just can't and it breaks my heart because during those times, I never forget to remember every single person I miss. I miss you.

On another read "MY DEAR COUNTRY". I am saddened when I am reminded of how poorly informed I am about our country. The time will come when I'll show the Philippines my love and support and care.

On another read "ME, MYSELF, AND I". I am alone. period. That's the whole point of this post. And I've had enough with friends calling me "emo" and "drama". My hairstyle doesn't seem to agree with any of them. Anyway, I can't blame them, because I have to express how I feel--alone. Yes, I am alone. And, don't ever try to joke me or bitch me about this, because I'm serious. I don't want to be alone. That's why I spend trillions of centavos on gimmicks, libres, overtime, ym time, dates, and a whole lot more. Nobody wants to be alone. But I am. But you won't fully comprehend, so this is useless. Anyway, if ever you find me weird or over-the-top, it's because I'm alone. I really am, so don't piss me off about it.

So, as the ticktocks of my bedroom clock intensified with every tick, I am reminded of how alone I am. Lord, help.

six weird things / mahal ko ang UP

got tagged by tsitsil and raix. but the thing is, i wanna bend the rules a little. i'm taking the test but not following the directions. the only thing i hate about stuff like these is that the test becomes a virus, infecting more and more as each takes the test. so i'm gonna have to pass the test to these lucky people: ________________, ______________, ________________, ________________, ________________, and _______________. Hope you enjoy them mr. and mrs. blanks!!! because these are really really weird.

ONE
I loved Coke a long time ago! But now, I can't tolerate any softdrinks flooding my digestive tract. blech!! hate the taste.

DALAWA
Nagkaron ako ng nakakatakot na bangungot ngayong fourth year. Pero hindi to sa dorm. Sa bahay to sa Maynila. Ang kakaiba sa bangungot na ito ay parang gising ako. Kalahating gising, kalahating tulog. Alam kong natutulog ako, nakikita ko yung paligid. Nakikita ko yung kabinet sa tapat ng kama. Yung kisame ay kita ko rin. Pero hindi ako makagalaw. At parang hindi rin ako makahinga. Matagal-tagal ding ganito yung nangyari. Nakatingin lang ako sa paligid. Pero alam kong natutulog ako. At pinipilit kong galawin yung kamay ko. Yung ulo ko. Yung katawan ko. Pero ang bigat. Sobrang hindi ko siya magalaw. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko nun. Para akong tinali sa kama. Mabigat. Masikip. Tapos, muntik na akong maiyak. Sa totoo lang, sa loob-loob ko umiiyak na ako. Sumisigaw. Para ba naman akong nakulong diba? Tapos, sobrang desperado na ako at di ko malaman ang gagawin ko. Kaya sumisigaw na ako kay Jesus. Sinisigaw ko yung pangalan Niya. Maraming beses. Gising ako nun. Sigurado ako. Nararamdaman ko e. Pero di ko lang talaga magalaw yung katawan ko. Tapos sigaw ako nang sigaw. Hanggang dun lang yung maalala ko. Naiiyak na ako nun e. Pero pagkagising ko (kasi tulog dapat ako nun), naalala ko yung nangyari. At totoo yun alam ko. Nakarinig na rin ako ng mga kwentong katulad nito kina muy at pito. Pero nung third year pa yun. At noon natatakot talaga akong mangyari sakin yung mga nangyari na rin sa kanila. Pero nangyari rin sakin. Buti na lang, nalagpasan ko rin yun.

TULO
Ha Tacloban han bata pa ako, mahilig ako magkaturog ha kama hit akon nanay nan tatay.
Mayda passage ha butnga hit amon kwarto hit akon kuya nan hit kwarto han akon nanay ngan tatay. Kausa, ginbalhin daw ako balik ngadto hit akon tinuod na kama, matapos ako magkaturog ha ira. Pero, kinabuwasan, nakadto na liwat ako han ira kama. Hit akon paghinumdom, ginyaknan ak nira na naglalakat ako hin nakaturog. Amo, talagsa dire ko nasasabtan na naglilinakat na ngayan ako kay dire man ako nagmamata hit akon pagkiwa.

IKAUPAT
Dile ko kahibalo kun ano gyud ang akong isulat kay dile man gyud ko makahimo ug akong buot ipasabot amo iba-iba an mga yayaknon na nadinhe.

GOH
Tset nang sah sih goh lak tsit poy kaw tsap.


LIU
Ui ur san se wu liu tsih pah tsui shi. Wo te mingtzeh shi lee ming-an.

/

mahal ko ang up. sobra. basta. kung ngayon pa lang naeenjoy ko na siya e pano pa kaya sa parating na apat na taon. kaya melat sa mga hindi nag-up. MEH!! :)) juke. me pangit din sa up. sistema at organisasyon. hahaha. pero pake ko ba, kung iisipin mo rin naman na libu-libo hinahandle nila e mapagbibigyan mo na yung nakataas na kilay, yung "hindi ko alam," yung pasigaw na "That's life. I'm sorry, you have to go back at the end of the line!!!" yung pagpapatayo-upo-tayo-upo nila, at yung tanong ka nang tanong tas eventually di mo rin alam gagawin mo.

pero mahal ko ang up. ngayon pa lang, nararamdaman ko nang ang up ay ang aking tahanan. yeh

masaya ang up. meh Xp

U-Na-I-Ba-E-Ra-Sa-I-Da-A-Da-Na-Ga-Pa-I-La-I-Pa-I-Na-A-Sa

meh. Xp

***
excerpts from "Miss Airlines"

Suriname Airlines: "Here at Sooooooooooooooooooriname Airlines, we are very apologetic. Sooooooooooooooooripo. Sooooooooooooooooooooorilang. Sooooooooooooooooorinah-m."
"The Soooooooooooooriname Airlines know very well your identity. It is our specialty. We know your firstname. your middle name. your soooooooooooooooooooooooooriname."


Tokyo Airlines: "Gay kami, Gay sila, GAY-SIYA!!!"

Ethiopia: *screech*

Borat: "Here at Kazakhstan we value your health, kasi ayaw namin kayong MAZAKHTAN"

*tawatawatawa*

PAL: "MABUHAY!!" shucks. nakalimutan ko na
*babagsak na yung eroplano* "Happy fiesta!!"

ok. bano yung pagkakwento ko. pero magaling talaga yung masscomm. kung gano ako kabano magkwento ng jokes ganun sila kagaling magdeliver nito. ansakit na ng tiyan ko nun. hahahahaha. sobrang galing nila.

i am 93% boyie //very narcissistic

:)) at sino me sabing 1% ng pagiging babae ang bawat linya sa baba??
pathetic naman to. tagged by rob. tagging *dundundun*

Take this quiz and find out how girly you are. (GUYS TOO) Put x's beside each thing that's true. Each x that you put is one percent. Have fun!!

[ ] My fingernails/toenails are almost always done. //haha, ang galing. niremind mo ako.
[X] During the summer the only shoes i wear are flip flops //they're not even shoes. pero sige, dahil madalas naman ako sa bahay.
[ ] My favorite toys as a child were barbies //hahaha. guys should take this?
[ ] My favorite colour is pink or purple //whateber. pwede talaga to sa guys pramis. :))
[ ] I did Gymnastics. //kasama ba yung required nung first year? o gymnastics nga ba yun?
[ ] I love skirts. // oo, 1% ng pagkababae to. *sarcastic*
[ ] Hollister is one of my favorite places to shop //hollister? huwat?
[ ] Tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear. //tight? bakit?
[ ] I love chocolate //mahal ko ang nutella. pero hindi ko mahal ang chocolate in general.
[x] I've never had a real job. // ngek. :)) real job?? pag bata ka pa pala, madadagdagan ka ng pagkababae
TOTAL: 2
//at sino me sabing magcomment for every line? wag na nga

[ ] My hair is almost always straightened
[ ] I have at least 8 myspace pictures
[ ] I usually go shopping once a week
[X] I love to hang out at the mall with friends //duh. girly na ako. woohoo. pathetic test. gruff.
[ ] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace or earings.
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon.
[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan.
[ ] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes.
[ ] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach.
[ ] I change my icon weekly.
[ ] I wear a shower cap.
TOTAL: 1

[x] I dont shop at Hot Topic. // I don't shop at Hot Topic.
[ ] My cell phone might as well become a part of me.
[ ] I wear mascara everyday.
[ ] I've been or am on a diet. //siguro kelangan ko nun. para tumaba.
[ ] Bathing suits are adorable.
[ ] I dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat. // bwahahahaha. whateber.
[ ] Big sunglasses are hott. //walang temperature ang mga sunglasses samin.
[ ] I have gotten my nails done before.
[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels.

TOTAL: 1

[ ] All I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys! //hahahaha. whateber agen.
[ ] I love to have girls do my hair.
[ ] I give and recieve hugs from all my friends
[ ] I hate bugs.
[ ] Carnivals are so fun! //Carnivores are so fun!
[ ] Summer is THE best season. //THE ba talaga?
[ ] My swimsuit has 2 pieces //:)) isa para sa pwet at sa harap?! juke. =))
[ ] I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor. //yeah right. bwahahaha. ambanu nung test.
[ ] Musicians are so hot. //i agree. kaya nga musician na rin ako e. JUKE.
[ ] You write me a poem and tell me I'm beautiful and I'm all yours. //tell me I'm beautiful and i'll punch you right in the nose!
TOTAL: 0

[x] I am self-conscious. //dotdotdot
[ ] I cry often.
[ ] My car smells like vanilla or cherry. //i don't have a car.
[ ] My dishes get washed more than once a week. //i don't have dishes.
[ ] I dont do sports. //I do sports. I just don't do them every so often.
[ ] I HATE to run.
[ ] I squeal when I am surprised or angry. //*squeak* *squeak*
[ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack. //I'll eat you as a snack.
[ ] I love romance novels. //I love you.
[ ] Drew Barrymore is so cute. //I am so cute.
TOTAL: 1

[ ] I dance a lot.// rhymes with sir lancelot
[ ] usually spend an hour or over to get ready to leave my house.
[ ] I only have like 5 billion hair products. //bwahahaha. i bet wala akong kilalang babae na may ganito.
[ ] I love to get dressed up. //di uso ang costume party samin, kahit halloween.
[ ] Every part of my outfit needs to match. //match what?
[ ] I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends. //I talk on the phone ...to ronald mcdonald.
[ ] I would love to have a photo shoot. //hahahaha. kahit vain ako, i wouldn't LOVE this.
[ ] I apply lip stuff 50 times a day. //50 times? seryoso ka? gano kakapal na mga labi niyo niyan?
[ ] I wish I were a model. //m m. model ng alipunga. hahahaha. juke.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I wish I could meet Paris Hilton. //diba mas gustong mameet ng guys si paris?
[ ] I have been something that was semi. //semi-kalbo hair? m m
[ ] I own Uggs. //Ughs
[ ] Hip Hop is the best music. //:)) pochero ka. whateber to you.
[ ] I pop my collar.
[ ] I like to be the center of attention.
[ ] Guys with Mohawks are crazy. //Craziness doesn't depend on hairdo
[ ] Horses are beautiful.
[ ] I'd rather not pay attention in school. // ngyengkngyengkngyengk
[ ] Cats are adorable. //for ma'am beltran.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I write my own music // ngek. 2 kanta pa lang nagagawa ko. nakakatamad e.
[ ] I would love to visit Hawaii. // i would love people to visit me.
[ ] Valentine's day is so cute! //yeh. i agree. NOT.
[ ] White is better than black.
[ ] I wouldn't be caught dead in all black. //dundundun
[ ] My closet is STOCK FULL of clothes.
[ ] Hate the grunge look.
[ ] I love to read magazines.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I love to gossip.
[ ] I had Lisa Frank folders/posters/notebooks as a kid. //hahahahahhaa..
[ ] I love Celine Dion. //I love myself
[ ] My bubble baths are 1-2hrs long. //my bubble baths are nonexistent
[ ] My wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned. //does that mean, it needs me? what?
[ ] My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other.
[ ] I like little kids. //I like myself
[ ] Diet drinks are the best. //I am the best.
[ ] I'm all about being vegetarian. //I'm all about being loved and idolized and supported.
[ ] I refuse to eat at McDonalds. //I refuse you to eat me.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] I check my myspace everyday.
[x] I love life! // especially MY life.
[ ] I have a lot of jewlery! //yeh. and i'm rich too. :)) so sucky.
[ ] My screen name(s) have x's in them. //yeh. xxsuperbenlo07xx
[ ] Either one of my myspace names has/had "<3"'s //i am not less than 3.
[x] I would never want to be the opposite sex. // :)) you suck.
[ ] It's not what he/she said it's the way he/she said it. //it's actually what I said.
[ ] I have more than 3 pillows on my bed.// I have pillows for a bed. hahaha. keddeng.
TOTAL: 2

Now, dahil walang kwenta tong survey na to. I'm tagging people na may kwenta. That would be VINNA, JAKI, MICH, SHAYNE, CECILE and LUIGI

pulitika pulitiko

Malapit na ang eleksyon. sa HEROES. hahahaha. kidding. Pero may aaminin ako sa inyo. Wala akong kilala sa mga tatakbong senatoriables bukod kay Pichay, Zubiri, Villar, Angara, Montano, at Gomez. Sa hindi naman senatoriables, tatatlo lang, at yun yung nakikita ko sa neighborhood namin. Si Cita Astals, si Ali Atienza, at si Fred Lim. Anyway, balik sa senatoriables. Astig diba? Isa-isahin natin. Si Pichay for obvious reasons. Si Zubiri, ayy oo, narinig kong siya yung may makapal na makeup sa mga posters. Si Villar, somehow naalala ko siya dahil may nakita akong poster niya. Si Angara naman, yun yung jingle na paulit-ulit na kinakanta ng kuya ko sa kotse. Yung kinanta ni Sarah Geronimo. Si Montano at si Gomez, nakita ko sa mga blog ng tao. Pero, sila lang ang kilala ko. Bakit?? Unang-una, wala kaming cable, so hindi ko talaga binubuksan ang tv namin dito sa Maynila unless magddbd. Pangalawa, buong araw akong nakaharap sa computer, online o kaya nanonood ng heroes, o kaya nagphophotoshop, o kaya nakikinig ng musika. Pangatlo, hindi ako lumalabas unless shooting, may kailangan bilhin, may kailangan gawin, UP purposes. Kapag shooting, madalas umagang-umaga (mga six) ang calltime so nagtataxi ako. At kapag nasa taxi either nakapikit mga mata ko o nakatutok sa metro. So basically di ko rin napapansin yung nasa labas ng kotse bukod sa kalsada. Kapag naman hindi shooting, either LRT, MRT at jeep ang sinasakyan ko. Sa LRT walang makikitang posters. Sa MRT naman, wala rin akong makita. Sa jeep, kinakausap ko lang yung kasama ko so oblivious sakin ang outside world ng jeep. So wala talaga akong alam sa mga pulitiko. Pang-apat, ang totoo'y hindi ko na inaalam. Bakit? Ayokong sabihin na wala akong pakialam sa bansa natin kasi meron. Pero kahit mahal ko ang bansa natin, di ko inaalam yung mga kandidato. Ni hindi nga ako nakanood ng Isang Tanong e. At isa pa, bobo rin pala ako sa geography. Akala ko nga magkalapit lang yung Batangas at Cabite e. :)) oo na, 2.5 hours pa raw ang distansya. whateber. Anyway, ang point ko tila'y wala akong pakialam sa bansa natin dahil hindi ko kilala ang mga kandidato. Pero isa pang rason kung bakit, e di naman ako boboto. Pero kung boboto ako, siguro pinakinggan ko na lahat ng sinasabi nila. Pero nagbibingibingihan talaga ako. Kasi wala namang diperensya sa kung aalamin ko yung kandidato o hindi e. Buti sana kung nakakaimpluwensya ako ng boto diba? Pero duh, sino namang makikinig sa menor de edad na ang best friend ay laptop? Sino naman ang makikinig sa taganood lang ng HEROES, sino namang makikinig sa hindi nanonood ng news? Sino ang makikinig sa katulad kong nagrereklamo, hindi sa pulitika o sa sistema, kundi sa paghihiwalay samin ng kuya ko. Diba? Pero maraming tao diyan na katulad ko. Siguro may mga iilan ding boboto na katulad ko. Na walang pake. Na walang alam sa geography. Na walang alam sa mga balita. Na naiirita sa mga lintik na jingle ng mga kandidatong hindi nilulugar at isinasaoras yung pagtugtog. Isipin mo, natutulog ka, tas ang alarm clock mo ay ang nakaloop na jingle ng mga dumadaan na mga sasakyan dahil malapit sa highway yung tinitirhan mo. At, ang mas nakakairita ay kapag nasa simbahan ka tapos nagmimisa, tapos hindi sila titigil kahit yung mga nasa labas na ng simbahan ay nakatitig sa kanila. Pero hanggang dun lang ang alam ko, siguro kayo, mas may alam. Wala kasi akong pake e. Pero mahal ko ang bansa. Maniniwala ba kayo dun?! Mahal daw ang Pilipinas pero walang pake. :))

Kaya eto, dahil alam kong maraming tao ang nagrereklamo sa mga pulitiko nowadays, ipropromote ko na ang aking sarili. VOTE BEN, dahil wala akong pake. pero dahil mahal ko ang Pilipinas. hahahaa. lahat naman tayo mahal ang bansa diba? Pati mga pulitiko. Lahat sila mahal ang bansa. Duh. Ako rin. mahal ko rin ang Pilipinas. Kaya iboto niyo rin ako. Woohoo.

extro:

wala talaga akong alam sa mga pulitiko. partly dahil hindi ako boboto. partly dahil choice kong wag alamin. doingks. sayang lang sa GB ng utak ko yan. partly dahil hindi naman ako makakatulong.
sana maintindihan niyong wala rin akong napapanood sa tv namin. kaya wala talaga akong alam.
pero eto seryoso, mahal ko ang Pilipinas. duh. lahat naman e. well, except sa mga iilan na talagang nag-iisip na hindi na uunlad pa ang bansa. at siyempre, may pake ako. duh. pano ko mamahalin ang bansa kung wala akong pake.

i <3 musika

ang nasa kanan ng pahinang ito na napailalim sa salitang "musika" ay resulta ng pagmamatiyaga ng alipin kong si andrew. siya ang nakahanap niyan sa pahina rin ng isa pang kaibigan niyang nagngangalang jaja. lubos kong pinasasalamatan ang aking masipag at masunuring alipin na si andrew torres. salamat alipin. =)) just keddeng. :)) juke. anubanamanyan. salamat andrew dahil ipinakilala mo sakin ang imeem. pinagpaguran ko yung pag-uupload dahil hindi talaga siya user-friendly. ok. :)) at nagpapasalamat din ako ke jaja, na hindi nakakakilala sakin pero kilala ko. :))

at ang pinakamamahal kong mga panatiko. oo, alam ko, di niyo ako matiis. ((: kaya kung gusto niyong manggaya saming mga kewl ex-kalbew dewdes, just click over the address bar and key in "panatiko ako ni ben" then press Shift+HOME then press backspace. then key in http://imeem.com and yehbah enter.

just don't forget to give credit to my trustworthy alipin andrew paner torres. thankyou. thankyou fans. salamat nang marami. for upcoming gigs, just tag sa tagboard sa baba o kaya comment by clicking the "# blacked out" at the end of the post.

and don't forget to tell your poor friends how unfortunate they are to have not visited my site and not have known the fame and greatness of the IDOL BEN. bwahahahahaha. juke.

-_-

sometimes, the effort really matters.

wake up. reality to.

isang araw sa alabang. hahahhahhaha. juke

isang araw. kanina. nagpunta ako sa alabang. birthday kasi ng kuya ko kahapon e. e kaso ngayon yung celebration niya. kaya ayun. nagpunta ako dun. at andami kong nagawa ulit.

ngayon lang uli ako nakapanood ng boxing. actually, ngayon lang uli ako nag-tv nang lampas isang oras. mayweather vs. de la hoya. whateber. hindi ako agree sa fraction ng panel of judges. split desish daw e. pangit. akala ko talaga mananalo si de la hoya. whateber to them. panalo siya para sakin tsaka sa isang part ng panel. maganda pa naman asawa niya. hahahah. juke lang. pero seryoso, dapat siya yung nanalo.

ngayon lang uli ako nakapaglaro ng playstation. hahahahaha. ngayon ko lang uli nalaro yung tony hawk. at oo, bano na ako. hahahaha. talo pa ako ng bro-in-law ko. hahaha. e 10 years old pa lang yun. pero anyway, magaling ako dun dati. kaya magaling pa rin ako. hahahhaa. juke. anlabu.

binilhan ko ngapala ng regalo yung kuya ko. shirt. at di kasya. kaya akin na lang. hahahaha. juke.. pero totoo, binilhan ko siya. kaso di kasya. hahahaha

eto pa, nasira yung lalagyan ng sigarilyo ng kuya ko. buti nga. hahahaha. juke.

eto pa, sa simbahan malapit sa alabang town center ako nagsimba. hahaha. nakatulog ako bago nagstart. hahaha. buti na lang, nagising ako nung magstastart na yung misa.
hahahhaha. juke

eto pa, hahahahahhaa. juke.

thisisme

my mind is crumpled
my eyes ruptured
my ears are deafened
my nose smells rotten
my lips are drooling

my neck is tingling
my arms are squished
my chest is pressed
my back is scratched
my tummy flattened

my thighs are clipped
my knees are bent
my legs are pinching
my feet are tense
my toes are wringing

my hands are spoiled
my fingers crossed
my palms slapped
my wrists pained
my arms crabbed

my heart is scorched
my heart is scorched
yet my heart is burning
a little burn is what matters
my heart is burning

para sa mga bugwit na nakatira sa bubong namin/ breaking news/ super astig/ Na

*squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak*

*squeak**squeak**squeak*

*squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak**squeak*


in laymen's terms:

wag naman kayong magwrestling!! nakakatakot minsan e. alam niyo yun, lagpas semento yung soundwaves. aba'y nakakagulat naman ata yun. pero dahil mabait kami't walang kasya saming housemates sa bubong, iniaalay na namin ang bubong. para sa mga bugwit na katulad niyo. hahahahahahahahaha.


***

breaking news: i feel so alone. lalu na't matagal ding nawala yung shooting. at di ko na nakakasalamuha ang 10+ people.

***

super astig yung kantang layag ng up dharma down. wala lang. super astig din pala ng heroes. kaso pangit pag nahuhuli ka. hindi astig yung pang-uuto. pramis.

***

SODIUM ANNOUNCEMENT:

psst. sodium. sodium. sodium. me naisip na reunion. out-of-town ata. hihihi. sana matuloy kasi namimiss ko na kayo. yihee. kilig. hahahahaha.

fact

premise: maniwala ka, hindi ko talaga ginusto na magpost ng ganyang title. pero yan kasi pinakaapt. alam mo yun, ayoko ng opposites kasi di ko naman iniintend. pero apt nga kasi. :))


facts:

1. may pamangkin na ako
2. ikakasal na kuya ko
3. mamumulubi na kami uli
4. lalaki kuya ko, so kami gagastos sa panganganak at pagpapakasal
5. may bahay na ang kuya ko sa alabang
6. lumipat na ng bahay yung kuya ko
7. mag-isa na lang ako dito sa bahay
8. mga magulang ko rin pala gagastos sa bills ng bahay nila sa alabang
9. walang ref sa alabang
10.kakabili lang ng kama para sa alabang
11.may posibilidad na maging caesarian yung magiging asawa ng kuya ko
12.mahal yun
13.hindi ko kinuha yung DOST. sayang, panagdag din pala dapat yun sa panggastos.
14.baka (still hoping) hindi ko maranasan yung naranasan ng kuya ko nung freshman siya. yung bibilhan ng damit dahil walang uniform.
15.baka (still hoping din) hindi na rin ako mabigyan ng bagong phone kahit pinagtiisan ko ng apat na taon tong phone ko.
16.hindi ko alam kung maiinis ako o matutuwa dahil sa kuya ko. ewan ko. sabay-sabay kasi e. nakakainis na nakakatuwa.
17.nagtatampo ako. lahat na lang sa kuya ko. lahat ng attention, gastos, etc. parang di na ako pamilya. gerr. exaggerated i think. pero that's how i feel.

fiction

the story does not start with a spark. it starts with a snap. but the story does not start up until the end. but i guess i shouldn't have spoiled it for you. poor you. i bet YOU won't be reading this yourself. because that's who you are. someone who doesn't read stuff from my hands. you don't receive stuff i give. but i shouldn't care. you don't care about me. you don't. you're so busy holding stuff from someone else. someONE. but i guess that's your curse. not to be dealt with by shallow minds like mine. i bet you don't even type my url in the address bar. i don't care. i know for a fact that you don't have a single ounce of concern for me. the thing is, i don't just give a bit. i give a lot. but heck, you care not. so should i care not too?? can't you see me? you know what, you fail to notice what i do because you are so self-centered. strike that through. it should be someone-else-centered. you know what?? you care so much about that someone else that you forget to care for yourself (and add me on the list). am i just a stranger to you? someone you just pass by and forget at the end of the day? you're such a hypocrite. putting on the fake smiles? the pinching thoughts hidden beneath your face? why can't you show some heart? have i been that unworthy? because i don't think so. you haven't even written my name on a sheet of paper, have you? i don't care. i know that that someONE is the ONE who deserves. no, really i don't. i would care more about you destroying me behind my back. am i that unimportant? can't you just throw them straight at my face? you know what, you are so detestable. but what's more detestable about you is that you are indifferent. indifferent about being detestable. indifferent when it comes to stuff about me.

congrats. to me. not to you. i have gotten this far, and you haven't. i bet you don't even spend a single neuron to think about how i've been. what more for material things. like a peso. am i not even worth a single peso? who do you think you are? your orbit clashes mine but you don't notice. you are always busy reflecting the sun's rays. should i stop caring now? should i? tell me! oh yeah, i forgot, you won't read this. so who's to tell me? gack.

so it ends with this. it ends with a start. the start of indifference. okay. in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, *snap*

WTF NA LANG PALA AKO

ano ako?? porn?? thanksalot

sigarilyo ule

NAKAKAINIS. SOBRA!!!! nakakainis ang sigarilyo
nakakairita. ano ba kasi nagagawa nito??
inis na inis na inis ako sa sigarilyo. bakit ba nag-gaganun ang mga tao?? kelangan ba??

ano makukuha niyo?? putek, tas pag kakausapin mo yung mga taong naninigarilyo ipapagtanggol pa nila yung sigarilyo. the heck with cigarettes. nakakainis. ano gagawin ko?? mismong kuya at tatay at lolo at mga pinsan ko naninigarilyo. badtrip.

sobrang nakakairita, nakakairita. alam naman ng mga taong pinapatay nila yung mga sarili nila pag naninigarilyo sila diba?? nakakainis. sinasabi ko sa inyong KASALANAN ang manigarilyo. ang point nito, sinisira niya ang katawan mo. at, ang katawan mo ay temple ng HOLY SPIRIT kaya masamang sinisira mo ito. pangalawa, parang long-term suicide na rin siya. cigarette = suicide. suicide = murder. murder = sin. by transitivity, CIGARETTE = SIN. mahirap bang maintindihan to?? nakakainis kayo. nakakainis. LECHE YANG NAKADISKUBRE NG SIGARILYO NA YAN. oo, LECHE KA!!!

kaya, WAG NA WAG KAYONG MAGPAKITA SAKING NANINIGARILYO, or better yet, WAG KAYONG MANIGARILYO!!! pag talaga. grrrr. sasapakin ko kayo, pag nakita ko kayong nanigarilyo. seryoso ako. grrrr.

naniniwala ako

pero naniniwala ako sa mga panaginip. naniniwala akong may ibig sabihin ang mga panaginip. kaninang umaga, bago ako nagising, nanaginip ako. sobrang vivid:

may suot akong sapatos. kaso, yung sapatos sa kana't kaliwa ay hindi magkapair. hindi ko maalala kung aling sapatos ang nasa aling paa. pero sure akong magkaiba sila. parehong black. pero, yung isa umiilaw ng pulang ilaw. yung isa naman, umiilaw ng bluish white na ilaw. mas kapansin-pansin yung may pulang ilaw. tapos, hinanap ko yung mga kapares ng dalawang magkaibang sapatos na suot ko. nanghalungkat ako ng mga boxes. search search. kakaiba yung mga shoeboxes sa panaginip ko. hindi sila yung regular na rectangular prisms. may medyo irregular na cylinder na kahong hindi naman talaga oval yung base. bukas. walang laman. basta, ayun. ang nakakatawa ay converse yung brand ng box. e wala naman talaga akong converse na sapatos sa totoong buhay. tapos, isa pang box. hindi rin rectangular. pagkabukas ko, waw, board game. :)) ang galeng. may deck of cards sa taas. tapos, sa wakas, nagising na rin ako.

ang unang pumasok sa utak ko pagkagising ko for some reason ay COMPATIBILITY. ang sapatos na iyon ay magkaiba. naisip kong iapply sa friendship. :)) kasi naman. basta. ang magkaibigan--hindi kailangang magkapareho ng interests, ng ayaw, ng outlook sa buhay, ng perception. pwedeng tahakin ng kanang sapatos ang ibang daan kesa sa kaliwang sapatos. pero, ang mangyayari, hindi sila pwedeng magkahiwalay nang sobra-sobra. merong limits, unless napakagaling magsplit ng paa yung taga-suot; unless si mr. fantastic ang may suot ng sapatos. iimpluwensyahan ng isa ang isa pa. maaari silang magtalo ukol sa kung aling direksyon ang tatahakin. pero, hindi tatagal ay magiging isa lang ang direksyon nila. sabay silang tutungo sa isang direksyon. ang dalawang sapatos ay di kinakailangang magkapareho. ang silbi ng sapatos ay ang pagdala tungo sa isang path. dadalhin ng isang sapatos ang kabilang sapatos. magsasama sila. sa putik, sa semento, sa ulan, sa ice-skating rink, sa sand, sa tae, sa gravel, at sa kung anu-ano pang textures na maiisip mo. one after another, o pwede ring sabay (sa piko). hahaha. ang sapatos, kahit magkaiba, pag iisa ang direksyon, COMPATIBLE pa rin. diba?? agree ka ba? oo, IKAW!!! bwahahahahaha.

ayun, naniniwala ako. naniniwala akong may ibig sabihin ang mga panaginip. naniniwala akong kahit magkaiba ang ating hilig, COMPATIBLE tayo, kaibigan, yeh. bow.

hindi ako naniniwala

hindi ako naniniwala sa mga psych tests na mga yan. hindi ako naniniwala sa numerology, o sa mga tickle tests, o kaya yung mga personality tests. naiirita lang ako lalu pag lumalabas na yung results tas tunog-nagmamarunong yung resulta. tulad na lamang ng "what your name means". ang pointless pointless nun. kasi, ang gagawin mo, itytype mo yung full name mo, tapos, may lalabas na results based dun sa name mo (sa number of letters, vowels, etc.).

inuulit ko, hindi ako naniniwala sa mga ganito. hullo?? papaniwalaan mo ba yung irrational conclusions na ginagawa ng mga astrologists, numerologists, o kaya palm readers?? e san ba nila binase yung conclusions nila?? sa pangalan?? sa mga linya ng kamay?? sa mga tala?!! ang stupid nun. so presumptuous. haha. duh!! bakit mo mas papaniwalaan yung mga test-test na mga yan kesa sa sarili mo? diba? e ni hindi mo nga pinili yung pangalan mo, yung kamay mo!! siyempre yung personality mo, in a sense, di mo rin pinili. parang preset na yun e. pero, still, hindi magdedepend sa kamay mo, o sa mga letra ng pangalan mo, yung personality mo.

duh!! kaya naman, di rin ako naniniwala sa FLAMES o kaya sa love compatibility tests. huh?? ang galing talaga no?? pati chemistry namemeasure na sa pangalan? hullo?? bakit?? siguro naman alam nating lahat na ambabaw babaw ng basis. pangalan?? o kaya naman birthdate? angkorni. tas natatawa akong andaming paniwalang-paniwala sa mga ganun. siguro, ginagawa lang natin siya for fun. oo, kasama yun. pero, huh?? anong makukuha natin. ang sinasabi ko lang, hindi dapat mas paniwalaan yung mga tests na yan. dapat, mas paniwalaan niyo yung mga sarili niyo. hindi por que't yun na yung result e gagayahin mo na. huh? mas malabo to. ano yun? para mag-fit in sa pangalan mo?? hahaha. walang ibang mas nakakaalam ng kung ano ka. duhuh. kaya, hindi ako naniniwala sa mga psych test psych test. bow.

maraming bagay ang nangyayari

oo na, naisip kong magsulat tungkol sa grad, o sa pisay, o sa grad ball, o sa 07, o sa clearance, o sa str, atbp., pero hindi niyo mababasa rito yun. nakakatamad e. besides, ano pa ba ang pwedeng maisulat?? mga "mamimiss ko kayo"? o kaya mga "sa wakas wala nang econ"?!

ngek. eto na lang.
maraming bagay ang nangyayari ngayon.
tulad na lamang ng hostage taking ng kabataan, o kaya naman yung sabay-sabay na pagbagsak ng pickup-sticks sa isang kindergarten, o kaya naman yung mabilis na metastasis sa mga may lung cancer, o kaya naman yung paninigarilyo ng kuya ko.
e pake ko ba? hindi ko pasan ang mundo. kaya naman, magkwekwento na lang ako sa kung ano ang meron sa akin.

edi ayun. masasabi kong nabawasan yung OP'ing. wala lang. pero di pa rin mamamatay yang mga sabi-sabi nila. mas kilala natin ang sarili natin kesa sa pagkakakilala ng ibang tao. kaya itigil na ang siraan ng phone. oo, alam natin na di tayo kuntento sa mga selepono natin, pero sana pahalagaan din natin sila. ano ba? cheap na nga sila, sisirain pa. :))

at eto pa. grad gift?? dad, sana nababasa mo to. :)) gusto ko nun. pramis.

eto pa. mundo. tumigil ka na nga sa kaka-impress sakin. alam kong ginagawa mo yan sa lahat. pero mas may impressive pa sayo, tanggapin mo na yun. :))

ayoko na nga. currently feeling excited for college. and the shooting. :))

tungkol naman sa aprika. sana less hunger para sa mga gutom.
at sa pilipinas. sana tamang daan ang tahakin mo.
at sa djibouti. sana mas maraming tao ang makaalam na may ganun pala sa mundo.

PRAISEFEST

PRAISEFEST 2007

THIRST QUENCHER:

is He in you??

march.22.2007.thurs.4-8pm.pshs.open.field.

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

- John 4:23-24

unti-unti

unti-unti nang naglalaho ang mga salita
unti-unti nang namamatay ang blog na ito
di ko akalain na hanggang 506 lang ang kaya nito sa sitemeter (as of now)
unti-unti nang nawawalan ng saysay ang existence nito
unti-unti nang nakakatamad magtype nang magtype
di ko akalain na 19 days nang walang nagtatag
at yung huling tag pa ay "dumaan ako"
e kung patayin ko na kaya to nang tuluyan
wala naman masyadong nagtatag e
yung mga mismong ineexpect kong magtatag, yun pa yung hindi

unti-unti akong nalulumbay sa palapit na katapusan
unti-unti akong mabubuhay nang panibago
nananawagan ako sa mga matapat na mga bisita ng site na ito, magtag naman kayo
nananawagan ako sa mga hindi tapat, maging tapat naman kayo, at magtag na rin kayo
hahahah. pathetic. konti na lang. patapos na. ayan. hahaha. mabuhay ka nga.

to someones

be glad that i don't miss you

it means that i'm always with you

be glad that i often fight with you

it means that i still spend time with you

be glad that i don't appreciate you

it means that i'm used to what you do

be glad that at times, i want you to shoo

it means that i want you not to follow the bad i do

be glad that i move away from you

it means that i want to save hurt from you

be glad that i don't sing with you

it means that i'm listening to you

be glad that i sometimes give you a boo

it means that i like fixing you

be glad that i am possessive too

it means that i fail not to see your value

be glad that i treat you the way i do

it means that i care for you

creepy

this is weird. i sang a song for whatever unknown reason, and as i finished, the radio played the same old song. it could not have been classified weird had the radio played novelty songs that are constantly repeated 70254 times each day. but lo and behold, the song i sang was a has-been famous only a million days ago. and no, it was never called a classic. in fact, i never questioned myself why i sang that stupid song, when i rarely sing boy-band songs. (yeah, this is one reason why i don't want to mention the title of the song. the other is i totally forgot the song as i typed).

believe me, it was weird. for one, i never really liked the long-dead song. and two, it played on the radio as soon as i finished. of all the thousands of song-choices, i sang the song right before the radio played it. of all the thousands of song-choices, the radio played it right after i sang it. and, it may not have been coincidental, just like what you would have thought if Boom Tarat-Tarat was the song, but it came to me as a sign.

recently, i felt that my voice decayed (yeahba, earthened). my fingers land on other keys when playing the piano. the bongos hate my hands. i'm not as good with doing second voice as i used to be. i can't reach the high note of MARIA. and i rarely remember the proper breathing when singing. and now, i suck with the piano. i feel more sucky-sucky with music. music, be with me again. argh.

this recently was actually just today. and as i flew down the stairs after practicing for himig and the west side story, i sang this boy-band song. this boy-band song, which i never really liked. but sang it, inserting yaddahs and blahs in between lines of unknown lyrics. but, i sang it, never liked it (and never will). but, after i sang, the radio played it for me, as if telling me either of the following: that music will never leave me, or that the radio played the song better than my rendition (having the in-your-face attitude).

with crossed fingers, i take the former. gack, music, be with me.

117

I
there are more than a thousand ways to strip the heading
but only two matter to me--

one is the general telephony
wherein help begets help
one is the more general history
wherein words conspire for a lot:

II
soloes and fleeing--
three

that's how it feels when the world commended
a man hid under the tree
a fish carved into the heart
a song left undone

III
soloes and fleeing--
three
three
two made it so

117
one hundred and seventeen
odd? prime?
one hundred and seventeen